₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
They will answer you in future

cococandy:
I disagree with you on this one.

It's like people aren't seeing the reason behind the the action.
They are not saying everyone should dress indecently. They are saying anyone should be able to dress how they want without being harassed for it.

Hence the walk. And anyone is free to dressed anyway they chose to, to emphasize their point.
For the purpose of the walk of course.

These kinds of walks aren't new and are mostly done to show how strongly the participants feel about what they are protesting.
Whatever injustice of the day that they are against.

Timbuktou:
1. You said that a husband could be giving what his wife doesn't want, that's why I said she should reject the gifts if she doesn't want them. Rejecting a gift isn't the same as not showing appreciation. A "no, thank you, but I'd rather have xyz" is a good way to reject something, show appreciation for the the rejected gift and ask for what she'd rather have instead.

2. Not being grateful isn't the same as not showing appreciation. One could say thank you without being grateful. Saying thank you could be a show of gratitude but it isn't gratitude in itself . The woman in the OP for example must have said thank you when receiving those gifts from her husband, but her latter utterances prove just how ungrateful she was. You didn't need to go there, the implication of your comments already did.

Adaobi12:
Ma, i love your post.

raumdeuter:
While the criminal is at fault in all cases but individuals too should try their best to not put themselves in bad situations

While its not right for a cop to shoot you, I wont advise you to fight a cop,

WHile its wrong for you to be robbed, I would also warn you from certain areas of the city at certain times

While a drug user is bad, I would also tell my kids to avoid friends who are drug users as they can be unstable

While the rapi1st is at fault, I would tell my daughter dont follow any stranger home

Dont put yourself in bad situations

sureboy4eva:
It only takes divine intervention to stop a woman from prostituting or doing runs. Women see it as their last hope for survival. So if any man decides to turn a woman from this he should have a better offer for her that wld totally change her orientation and image. What is damages is damaged it would only tk a few years to redeem back a good image if truly she sincerely wants to stop. Then help change her environment. Get her a stuff that fetches daily income at least to get her clothes, food on her table. Etc. If not the moment she lacks any she is going to retrace her steps. She will still keep the contacts of her clients. Women really need jesus. God really made aa mistake not putting a central lock on their private parts.private part should be for jst one man, And to be a passage for ur off-springs and not a business tool.

otunsman:
When it comes to sharing top job position,they will say"what a man can do a woman can do more better.But when it comes to paying bills,it's always the man's responsibility.

softandmoist:
Bro leave out the percentage. African mothers are not the only ones who struggle to send their kids to school. The major cause is that DILs do not take time to study their MILs.

Here's an angle I view things from.
First, the holy book says a man will leave his family and cleave. As soon as you desire in your heart to marry that woman, your mom becomes secondary, even if she trekked from Golgotha to Calvary to make your education possible.
Second, people say blood is thicker than water. I totally agree. Your wife is your flesh, says the book. You have become one flesh. Flesh is thicker than blood. There are medical alternatives for blood products, but not flesh. Your wife is you, you're one. Your mom is your idol, so you both will respect her accordingly.
I am a mother, and in some years my son will get married. There are boundaries, and I don't plan to cross them.
If I sow any bad seed into the life of my MIL, may I harvest it bountifully when my son gets married. God forbid that any woman will not enjoy her son because of me, but then again, respect the boundaries!

sunnyt1:
There is this general knowledge that women hate each other, i dont know how true that is.

The truth is the issue comes from the DIL most times, 80% of the times. Its good to put yourselves in the MIL's shoe. Most modern day ladies expect their husbands to face them 100% without caring about how he takes care of his family.

Let me use myself as a case study: i am the 1st born, the only son, i have 6 sisters, my mum gave me a life, she gave me education, for my own sake she gave up her convinience, now i am fairly comfortable, i gave a sweet job. Now imagine how much i am indepted to my mum and sisters.

If i get married and my wife expects me to face her alone, isnt she asking for trouble?

And for those ladies who pray their MIL is dead before they even meet the man, You are inviting curse on yourself, do you kow what it means to eat the fruit of ones labour.

In a nut shell, its always about the MIL thinking the DIL is not making them enjoy their son or the DIL thinking the MIL is not making her enjoy the husband.

The guy should pray and learn how to balance the metre rule anyway

abe4kom:
Someone will also pray that you die before she meets your son.
And pray your son is not the randy type that wants to marry at 18.

sinaj:
Most MIL think d DIL has come to steal her son's love nd attention from her


D jealousy is a natural thing though, coz I also get jealous whenever my broda uses his gf pic for d d.p





Buh Itz nt something dat should result to fight or quarrel

DesChyko:
Husbands are very much around. Most males are fishermen and aren't usually at home till late.

Kachisbarbie:
hehehe. Very yeye question

I will stay and be a sex and HIV partner. #Iranu


he won't list that one...rather he listed this

^^^, forget the IF there_that's just an easy way out, trying to make the statement conditional while subliminally implying that all men cheat. That's the lie they use to encourage women to stay in bondage How are you sure the next man would be better?
*how are you sure he won't beat you too?
*or be a worst cheat.

And a younglady would take it as her destiny to perpetually endure. When my name isn't ndidi...

Timbuktou:
Really! It does? Please point out areas where this assumption presents itself.

Timbuktou:
1. Perhaps, she should reject the unnecessary gifts and tell what exactly it is she wants?

2. Not saying thank you is not the same as being ungrateful. One can say thank you and still be ungrateful and vice versa. Therefore, and according to the OP, the equivalent behaviour from the man would be telling the wife that she hasn't done enough despite providing good meals, keeping a clean home, and tending to the kids ; these activities which she herself directly benefits from. In his case, OP says he has; (a) Sponsored a business for her; (b) Sponsored her on foreign trips; (c) Supports his in-laws financially; none of which is of direct benefit to him. Therefore, it is safe to say your response in Point 2 doesn't really correlate with the OP's second paragraph

3. Maybe.

jmoore:
"Would you divorce him and marry a faithful man?"

Why is this option not listed?

DesChyko:
(A personal experience. For confidentiality sake, the name of the town and some details were omitted)

tbaby123:
I wish someone wud love me like 2face love annie

chi4ik4:
tanx dear, I'm pleased with your advice

MarvellousGod:
@screenshots, The bobo isn't even polite

cococandy:
30?

Una welldone.

MarvellousGod:
So you're saying it ok she hides her major financial projects from her partner? As long as it doesn't endanger the family? Hmmmm, such a joke.. why are they married then?

Op, such things happen in loveless marriages or marriages already in crisis. .. the op's topic Is totally different from surprising your partner with a car or land. ..
I'm all for total disclosure in marriage. ...

guccidriver93k:
Now, I am a student, furthering my studies. And he is working, he has worked for sometime too.
Ok, so I have some money that I am saving to do something later next year, when I will be graduating. But my fear is that he doesn't sound like he will give me back this money. Two, I have a problem with him wearing a 93k shoe in this harsh economy knowing that the money can be saved and invested in something of worth. His choice at the end of the day sha.

Do you think I should buy it Opinions pls

chi4ik4:
I'm a victim of this. I'm 31 & my first ever girl friend is pushing me away & she doesn't know. d worst of it all is that she is selfish & I can't marry a selfish woman. I intend to marry her but I have great doubt. over one week now I have not called her & I won't; unlike me that do call her on daily basis. I'm tired of talking & complaining & I wanna really face my work & study now. I think I made a mistake in my relationship. I have not slept with her for 2 years half we have been in this relationship just because I wanna endure until I get married. d worst is that my female friends cares for me 70% more than my own girlfriend. I'm just tired.

Abujabir24:
Most of them, wearing long faces, lamented that men who have dated prospective brides for years have abandoned them for others in the IDP camps, who accept impromptu marriage proposals from men they do not know very well, for the promise of a life away from the camps
A man who would leave his city girl for an IDP so easily doesn't sound like a husband material

Most of the ‘city girls’ told Daily Trust that they will not crash the prices of their dowry from the usual N150,000 on the average to the N10,000 being paid for brides at the IDP camps, maintaining that they are refined, polished and have qualities that the girls in the IDP do not.
Falmata Bashir Modu, 23, is awaiting admission into the University said the girls in the IDP camps are actually a threat to single girls in the city, because most men want low-cost marriages are finding comfort there, adding, “When someone whispered to me that the guy proposing to marry my childhood friend is abandoning her for an IDP bride, I could not believe it. But, just because he could not afford N500,000 to N1 million. He went for a rustic bride who I’m sure cannot even cook well.”
This girl does not sound bright and is proud. Could it not be a case of lack of funds for the husband? What makes her better than an IDP? Or does Boko Haram plunging a town suddenly make the indigenes 'rustic'? 23yrs still looking for admission should concentrate in that.

But Aisha Mustafa, 22, and a student of University of Maiduguri said if it is just the cost of dowry that will make her miss her suitor for another girl, she is ready to convince her parents to reduce the money to a bearable amount. “I cannot afford to miss someone I love because of bride price. I’m not for sale. There is a minimum amount fixed by Islam as dowry and I do not mind asking for that, once the love and understanding is there. What I want is to enjoy my marriage with a man I love,” she said.
Wise girl . Perhaps you could teach Fatima a thing or two.

Maimuna, a student of Sir Kashim Ibrahim College of Education, Maiduguri, said she will not reduce her dowry. “It is a matter of sitting him down and telling him the advantages of going for the best. I am sure he will understand,” she said.
Maimuna’s friend, also a student of the same College of Education, who declined to identify herself, said: “I’m aware that some men went to IDP camps and paid N5,000 or N10,000 and got brides. They rush for the IDPs because they do not have to buy clothes and other traditional requirements. It’s disturbing and something needs to be done immediately.”
what special advantage is an indigene bringing that a man will pay #150k instead of #10k for an IDP? That advantage better be *15.

But 40-year-old widow Inna Usman said the IDP girls are only a threat to other girls who are desperate to marry. “Since my husband died, I have not been keen on remarriage. I am facing my business now. The IDP girls are posing a challenge to ‘city girls’ and the men are not willing to budge.”
True

Fatima Musa a SS student in Gwoza who escaped to Maiduguri with her family, said the issue of bride price is a matter that only parents can address and that IDPs are entitled to marry. “I don’t see any reason why men should not ask for their hands in marriage.”
I agree with you. The only problem I see is a man leaving his indigene for an IDP because the former's bride price is higher


18-year-old Zainab Adamu of the University of Maiduguri said she blames the men for the situation. “Any man who abandons the girl he has proposed to for one with supposedly less economical cost does not know what he wants,” she said.
She added that the rate at which men troop to IDP camps in a rush to secure brides is alarming. “I think it is time for government to relocate them back to their various communities so that everybody will rest,” she said.
True at first paragraph. Unfortunately for you, the safety of the IDPs is much more important than your desire to secure your ideal spouse

Zainab Auwal, 27, said she is not afraid of the IDP girls taking over her suitor because she is educated and her suitor is only interested in educated fine girl like her and not a girl that is willing to give out herself in marriage so cheap.
Dream on. I wish the longetiivity of a marriage is determined by the amount of BP paid


Miss Grace, a student of the University of Maiduguri, told Daily Trust that there are educated and non-educated girls both in the IDP camps and among the so-called city girls. “The fact is, the IDPs are less-demanding because they’re eager for new lives away from the camps. And the demands of the city girls are crazy, as far as asking for N500,000 and above.”
Hmmm. So the city girls have no edge after all

Asma’u Suleiman, a student of Sir Kashim Ibrahim College of Education, Maiduguri, said her friend who is also a student of the same institution lost her suitor to an IDP girl after four years courtship. “I know my friend does not pay much attention to him whenever he raised the issue of marriage, but it was too harsh of him to have abandoned her for the IDP. I was told that the IDP girl used to visit him on campus, cook for him and wash his clothes. The next thing we heard was that they got married,” she said.
I see no problem here. Your friend was not ready for marriage and her guy moved on. How long should he have waited? Would you have encouraged your friend to stick with him if he was still dragging his feet after 4yrs?

On their own part, the men who spoke to Daily Trust said moderate dowries are not the only factors causing them to go after the girls in the IDP camps. Alhaji Fannami Marte said he married his second wife from the IDP camp two months ago, not just because it was easy on his pockets. “Maiduguri girls have no time for their suitors during courtship and they tend to be full of themselves. It is either she is busy at home or attending to her parents. I need enough time with the girl I want to marry so that I can understand her very well. The single girls in the IDP camps give time and attention. Some of them are even more beautiful and intelligent than the so-called city girls,” he said
Bros, your excuse name wa. When did a girl attending to her oarents /chores at home become a bad thing? If the girl was never available as you put it, where did you meet her to toast her and start dating to the extent you decided to marry her? It did not occur to you that the IDPs have more time because they do not have a home to care for?


Kyari Modu, a civil servant, said he has witnessed the marriages of seven of his friends to IDPs in various camps in Maiduguri so far, but is yet to marry one. “Only two of the seven men paid a dowry of N10,000 each. All others paid N5,000 each and they are all living in peace. It’s love that matters.”
So it is even #5k? Oju Ogun le... It is true that it is love that matters sha



Maryam Isa Bulama is an IDP and she told Daily Trust that a date has been fixed for her wedding and does not care if her husband-to-be left any city girl for her. She said: “It is not right - and downright cruel - for anyone to say that IDPs are rustic or illiterates. I am a graduate of Sociology and there are girls here with Masters degrees. We are victims of insurgency, and it could happen to anyone. Going by the UN definition of a city, Maiduguri is not even qualified to be one, even if it is bigger than Bama where I come from.” She added that women are not for sale, “Whatever circumstance they may find themselves.”
You don't care your man left a city girl for you. Let's hope he doesn't leave you for someone else in future. I agree it is quite cruel and myopic to call you rustic and illiterates. @women not for sale; are you sure the girls where you are from are not also like these Maiduguri girls? If Fatima was an IDP in Go be, she might also be saying women are not for sale

I hope you and all IDPs find light in these dark moments. If it is marriage to the single and uncommitted indigene men, so be it.
http://www.dailytrust.com.ng/news/general/why-grooms-are-rushing-for-idp-brides/111479.html