₦airaland Forum

Abujabir24:
Most of them, wearing long faces, lamented that men who have dated prospective brides for years have abandoned them for others in the IDP camps, who accept impromptu marriage proposals from men they do not know very well, for the promise of a life away from the camps
A man who would leave his city girl for an IDP so easily doesn't sound like a husband material

Most of the ‘city girls’ told Daily Trust that they will not crash the prices of their dowry from the usual N150,000 on the average to the N10,000 being paid for brides at the IDP camps, maintaining that they are refined, polished and have qualities that the girls in the IDP do not.
Falmata Bashir Modu, 23, is awaiting admission into the University said the girls in the IDP camps are actually a threat to single girls in the city, because most men want low-cost marriages are finding comfort there, adding, “When someone whispered to me that the guy proposing to marry my childhood friend is abandoning her for an IDP bride, I could not believe it. But, just because he could not afford N500,000 to N1 million. He went for a rustic bride who I’m sure cannot even cook well.”
This girl does not sound bright and is proud. Could it not be a case of lack of funds for the husband? What makes her better than an IDP? Or does Boko Haram plunging a town suddenly make the indigenes 'rustic'? 23yrs still looking for admission should concentrate in that.

But Aisha Mustafa, 22, and a student of University of Maiduguri said if it is just the cost of dowry that will make her miss her suitor for another girl, she is ready to convince her parents to reduce the money to a bearable amount. “I cannot afford to miss someone I love because of bride price. I’m not for sale. There is a minimum amount fixed by Islam as dowry and I do not mind asking for that, once the love and understanding is there. What I want is to enjoy my marriage with a man I love,” she said.
Wise girl . Perhaps you could teach Fatima a thing or two.

Maimuna, a student of Sir Kashim Ibrahim College of Education, Maiduguri, said she will not reduce her dowry. “It is a matter of sitting him down and telling him the advantages of going for the best. I am sure he will understand,” she said.
Maimuna’s friend, also a student of the same College of Education, who declined to identify herself, said: “I’m aware that some men went to IDP camps and paid N5,000 or N10,000 and got brides. They rush for the IDPs because they do not have to buy clothes and other traditional requirements. It’s disturbing and something needs to be done immediately.”
what special advantage is an indigene bringing that a man will pay #150k instead of #10k for an IDP? That advantage better be *15.

But 40-year-old widow Inna Usman said the IDP girls are only a threat to other girls who are desperate to marry. “Since my husband died, I have not been keen on remarriage. I am facing my business now. The IDP girls are posing a challenge to ‘city girls’ and the men are not willing to budge.”
True

Fatima Musa a SS student in Gwoza who escaped to Maiduguri with her family, said the issue of bride price is a matter that only parents can address and that IDPs are entitled to marry. “I don’t see any reason why men should not ask for their hands in marriage.”
I agree with you. The only problem I see is a man leaving his indigene for an IDP because the former's bride price is higher


18-year-old Zainab Adamu of the University of Maiduguri said she blames the men for the situation. “Any man who abandons the girl he has proposed to for one with supposedly less economical cost does not know what he wants,” she said.
She added that the rate at which men troop to IDP camps in a rush to secure brides is alarming. “I think it is time for government to relocate them back to their various communities so that everybody will rest,” she said.
True at first paragraph. Unfortunately for you, the safety of the IDPs is much more important than your desire to secure your ideal spouse

Zainab Auwal, 27, said she is not afraid of the IDP girls taking over her suitor because she is educated and her suitor is only interested in educated fine girl like her and not a girl that is willing to give out herself in marriage so cheap.
Dream on. I wish the longetiivity of a marriage is determined by the amount of BP paid


Miss Grace, a student of the University of Maiduguri, told Daily Trust that there are educated and non-educated girls both in the IDP camps and among the so-called city girls. “The fact is, the IDPs are less-demanding because they’re eager for new lives away from the camps. And the demands of the city girls are crazy, as far as asking for N500,000 and above.”
Hmmm. So the city girls have no edge after all

Asma’u Suleiman, a student of Sir Kashim Ibrahim College of Education, Maiduguri, said her friend who is also a student of the same institution lost her suitor to an IDP girl after four years courtship. “I know my friend does not pay much attention to him whenever he raised the issue of marriage, but it was too harsh of him to have abandoned her for the IDP. I was told that the IDP girl used to visit him on campus, cook for him and wash his clothes. The next thing we heard was that they got married,” she said.
I see no problem here. Your friend was not ready for marriage and her guy moved on. How long should he have waited? Would you have encouraged your friend to stick with him if he was still dragging his feet after 4yrs?

On their own part, the men who spoke to Daily Trust said moderate dowries are not the only factors causing them to go after the girls in the IDP camps. Alhaji Fannami Marte said he married his second wife from the IDP camp two months ago, not just because it was easy on his pockets. “Maiduguri girls have no time for their suitors during courtship and they tend to be full of themselves. It is either she is busy at home or attending to her parents. I need enough time with the girl I want to marry so that I can understand her very well. The single girls in the IDP camps give time and attention. Some of them are even more beautiful and intelligent than the so-called city girls,” he said
Bros, your excuse name wa. When did a girl attending to her oarents /chores at home become a bad thing? If the girl was never available as you put it, where did you meet her to toast her and start dating to the extent you decided to marry her? It did not occur to you that the IDPs have more time because they do not have a home to care for?


Kyari Modu, a civil servant, said he has witnessed the marriages of seven of his friends to IDPs in various camps in Maiduguri so far, but is yet to marry one. “Only two of the seven men paid a dowry of N10,000 each. All others paid N5,000 each and they are all living in peace. It’s love that matters.”
So it is even #5k? Oju Ogun le... It is true that it is love that matters sha



Maryam Isa Bulama is an IDP and she told Daily Trust that a date has been fixed for her wedding and does not care if her husband-to-be left any city girl for her. She said: “It is not right - and downright cruel - for anyone to say that IDPs are rustic or illiterates. I am a graduate of Sociology and there are girls here with Masters degrees. We are victims of insurgency, and it could happen to anyone. Going by the UN definition of a city, Maiduguri is not even qualified to be one, even if it is bigger than Bama where I come from.” She added that women are not for sale, “Whatever circumstance they may find themselves.”
You don't care your man left a city girl for you. Let's hope he doesn't leave you for someone else in future. I agree it is quite cruel and myopic to call you rustic and illiterates. @women not for sale; are you sure the girls where you are from are not also like these Maiduguri girls? If Fatima was an IDP in Go be, she might also be saying women are not for sale

I hope you and all IDPs find light in these dark moments. If it is marriage to the single and uncommitted indigene men, so be it.
http://www.dailytrust.com.ng/news/general/why-grooms-are-rushing-for-idp-brides/111479.html

okotv:
if I say I haven't missed you, I lie.

I would be away for three months from next Friday. Thanks for the heads up. Its really been a while.

justirich:
A Kenyan politician has advised men to marry more than one wife as one way of combating prostitution. David Gikaria, a Nakuru, Kenya Member of Parliament said that if men married more than one wife then prostitution would end because all single women will get husbands. Speaking on Monday, September 14 at a free medical camp he had organized in his constituency, Gikaria, who has three wives, said that prostitution is on the increase in Kenyan towns because women lack husbands.

"There are so many women in our towns who
don’t have husbands or men in their lives and this
forces them to resort to prostitution and this thing
can be solved if only men agree to marry more
than one wife," he said. "Why should we allow
these women to suffer cold at night when we can
take care of them in our homes." he added. Gikaria
gave his own example saying that he has three
wives and called on men to learn from him. "I think
those people who have money especially MPs are
well off should lead from the front by marrying
many wives," said Gikaria.

http://lindaikeji..com/2015/09/a-politicians-prostitution-solution-men.html?m=1

okotv:
Even one wife is already a problem. To have more than one is

DAVIYJONESS:
its not the same

hidee20:
See her mouth like like "I don't go to market my husband does" as if it wasn't the man decision,like she brought the idea or just told him she can't go because of her status (instead of going and staying in tinted glass cars).... I laugh in Chinese

And some women will be like "if omotola can tell her mana whole pilot to go market wetin catch this hustler wey him no fit go,at least omotola no get two heads"..

babygirlfl:
This problem plays itself out again and again. People using their definition or thought of something to attach people they think represent that. I am yet to see any modern woman that said she does not want a committed relationship because she is modern. There is a clear difference between " I don't want a committed relationship because I am modern" and " I am a modern woman and I also don't want a committed relationship." Someone having two attributes is different from saying people with one attribute must always have the other.

ideykwum:
Very practical advice!

cococandy:
This is the grandfather of bullshyt posts. With a fedora hat and a walking stick too.

DAVIYJONESS:
I see, its the world you love since you don't really need your wife to be a virgin. Its the world you join to create and its geting worse everyday.

Nuzo1:
It has little or nothing to do with virginity.

The excitement has more to do with the absence of guilt one feels after sex.

DAVIYJONESS:
the man doesn't have to be, male and female virginity are not the same.

Female virginity is more valuable.

ronald4lif:
What's the excitement of a wedding night when the husband is not a virgin

edwife:
I agree that the society has something to do with it,but the women themselves too.I know Nairaland is very fake with many pretentious folks who derive the pleasure of portraying something they are not.[/b]There is a site i visit,it is when i realise that things were not really what they seem to be, [b]this is not to mock women or those ladies writing there because i respect them for their honesty and courage but to just see the real situation and i honestly wish them well.
Now looking for serious relationship and the percentage of ladies to men is 90% to 10%.

Just a few...

NashvilleTN:
The person I blame here is your cousin. Seriously, I think she has low self esteem and she needs to work on herself. Don't get me wrong, the husband is clearly crossing the line here and for you cousin to even tolerate such and she is just becoming uncomfortable is quite surprising. And from what I can conclude, the ex is still single and your cousin's marriage seems to be a young marriage.

Please tell your cousin to speak to her husband and make it clear to him she is uncomfortable with their closeness. She has other friends she can take her relationship problems to and it is not nice for her to visit you. Like seriously? If he tries to explain, ask her to tell him if the roles were reversed how will he feel?

I am a married man myself and I cannot even imagine bring my ex to my house or my wife doing such. I am one of those that strongly feel that if you are married, you have no business being best friends with the opposite spouse - which kain bestie be that?

bushdoc9919:
Oh really? What about the man's inability to satisfy his wife?

And what happened to 'Let's discuss about it"?

You Nigerian men....at least for the sake of your kids...fight for your marriages. Don;t just give up.

kado:
Have come to realise that good,respectful ladies change in character after childbirth,becoming selfish and not wanting to see the same inlaws who gave their blessing and approval for her marriage to their son? It like hidding a devil within? Is this okay or someone has a better explanation? The 3rd incidence just happen recently in my family.

ismart:
between February and March

ismart:
Why are you women like this? Why make it seem like the girl is unjustly being attacked? I am getting the vibes from y'all on here and it's really pathetic.

You guys are women and remember you will eventually grow old. Would you be happy to see your son in the hands of a woman with bad manners? Is this the kind of woman you want for you son? A woman that can't love/respect your family? A woman that is only there because of money she is getting?

Nobody is asking her to come and become a slave but there are responsibilities expected of daughter in law.

At least when she delivered, responsibilities of mother in law was well taken by my aunt.

So many men are reading your comments here and I am sure they are taking notes.

Tufia!

MadCow1:
Dear Oduwa People's. .



Please take it easy on us.


Signed

Ohaneze..

MMotimo:
A joint account should be a joint decision. If one party has reservations about it, then why do it? There is a reason why you are not comfortable with the idea and if that can't be resolved in a satisfactory manner, you should go with your mind.

I have been married a long time and we have practised it from day 1. Till this day, there has been no whiff of suspicion nor accusation because of it, nobody is building anything anywhere without the other, nobody is sending money anywhere without the other's knowledge. I can tell you it works . . . . . .with the right couple that have the right mindset.

It may not work in a lot of cases but no time to go into examples

Lasgidy1:
I'm deeply in love with my orente. She means so much to me and I hold her in high esteem. I can't do without hearing from her at least 3 times daily despite my schedule at work on all days but I've come to realize that despite my unfailing love for her, I still cheat on her. Though, once she caught me cheating on her but she won't walk away. I believe she's forced to assume now that cheating is in the DNA of most men.

To the guys here, is it really possible to love your wife or babe so dearly and cheat on her? When you cheat on her, is it still fair to boast of your love for her? Also, why do most men cheat? Is it really true that cheating is in the DNA of men? Should we conclude its as a result of rampant moral decadence? Is there a way to stop it?
Cc: mods please do the needful

raumdeuter:
Are you game? If you are. Just let us know and I would alert the guy to contact you and he would give me updates

Modern woman wanted. That hasnt been brainwashed, no marriage intention Kindly signify

NashvilleTN:
Bukatyne, I do agree with you. Since the days of Adam, man has learned to blame everyone else but himself.

The OP's message is counter-intuitive. Women are desperate to get married, yet they are conned into marriage. I would have thought the desperate person should be conning the less desperate.

I have read all sorts of theories on this forum but it seems that people choose to argue whichever suits them at a point in time. Women generally marry older and richer guys; not 100% of the time but most times and I do not think that has changed. I am not sure who is conning who but men and women generally should not rush into marriage.

OP presents the case as if it's only women that are unhappy in their marriages. There are lots of unhappy men in their marriages too. In fact if one partner is extremely unhappy, there is no way the other can be very happy unless they truly hate each other.

And come to think of it, there is no marriage in this world where things were perfect from day 1 to year 60, go ask anyone. Life itself is full of challenges and how we react to them is what matters most. Settling and living with one person the rest of your life will always be challenging and there will always be some unhappy moments. The fact that a marriage is having problems today does not mean they were never happy or they would never be happy again. But marriage shouldn't be a nightmare though.

NashvilleTN:
Bros, everynight? Haba?

You sef pity her na!

I will advice you try every other night