₦airaland Forum

babygirlfl:
Now this is what some women on this section do that is really annoying. Women who believe in a rigid role for men and women thinking every woman has to believe the same thing and disagreeing with them means there is something wrong with her or she was not well brought up. I don't have a problem in whatever you believe or if you want to be a superwoman, the problem is when they wIIIant to force that on every woman. Some of us have parents who have been happily (or contently :sagamite 2015) married for decades and are married ourselves without sticking to rigid societal roles. If you believe in that, fine but don't think every home will be run like that or that you are better than the other woman who does not believe in that. To these women, I am telling you all that you don't have to bring down other women to look good. Wise men will see through your pretense.

great2015:
Honestly, i don't know what some people think that marriage is all about. Marriage is for two mature minds. That girl (thats what she is) is not homely at all. Is too early to involve third party in their marriage. This is the time she has to draw her husband attention towards her alone, if she doesn't want him to start going outside. And the only way to do that is by being submissive, good food, caring etc. Hmmm, i know what i'm saying ooh, i mingle with married women; marriage is not friendship. Please do your duties, before you start saying had i know.

MEN, please there are some things you don't have to over do in courtship, do things out of love.

I believe that one of the reasons why she loves him, is because he can cook very well. And she got married to him with the mindset that he will be doing the cooking for her.
SINGLES, PLEASE LETS READ BOOKS AND ATTEND SEMINARS THAT WILL HELP US TO BUILD A HAPPY HOME.

ifyalways:
I agree.

Lovely for clowning around and family photoshopt.

Aikon:
...
What do you think?

martyns303:
One of my friend just got married four months ago and already there is fuss in his marriage. I have known both of the couple right from when their relationship was a hide and seek thing to when both families became involved, needless to say I know them very well and they are a perfect match. Let me start by introducing the guy, he used to be my roommate back in school, friends usually tease him calling him "100 yards husband material" for his attributes, this guy can keep the room sparkling clean all day and cooks better than some of our moms, not exaggerating.


He wedded his girlfriend just a month after her final exams, she is 24 (my friend is 27). 2 days ago he came to my place complaining that his wife seldom cooks and that he can count the number of times she had cooked. I told him maybe she is intimidated by his cooking, but he says he doesn't mind and just want her to do her wifey duties. I called his wife and asked her what's going on, and she said he had always cooked while they were dating and don't know why he his fussing now.


From what I can deduce, my guy is trying to be authoritative, he kept using the phrase "I am the man", he have the time as his job is flexible, so cooking shouldn't be a problem, at the same time the wife is failing to do her duties. I don't know how to advice them without taking sides. 


The wife is a registered NLer, so am sure she will see this and get the necessary advice.


Lalasticlala please help this young couple.

Ishilove do your thing.

tearoses:
Hmmmmmmmm

I domt know where to post this, but these are 3 very serious peices of advise


1. As soon as you start going out with someone please please pleaae determine their genotype and disclose yours. Dont wait until you are hopelessley in love before you establish this.
2. Introduce your partner to your parents and family ASAP, dont wait until its 3 weeks to the weddding. If ya'all dont get on, it will be easier to break it off sooner rather than later.
3. if your parents dont like your choice of partner, dont force your partner down their throats. . . .they may never like him/her and it will put imense stress on your marriage.

BRAVAGAD0O:
Hello friends, 1st of all, I don't want you to see me as a man that involves third party in his marrital life/affair, am not that kind of man, in fact a lot of things go on that I rather let it stay in my home for us to sort or face together than involving family or friends but this challenge is really heavy for me to bear.

I don't really know what else to preach to her that I don't like her behavior anytime am broke ,for me it's a total turn off because it always makes me feel like am not being appreciated even with all my efforts to make us happy.

My wife nag anytime am broke or notice my pay ain't coming soon, all she does is play blame game like telling me all sort of story, like she never eat since last year, like she's not happy, that the marriage is hell because of just few days broke, and the few days broke doesn't mean no food for us, the few days broke doesn't mean I won't raise money to fuel generator talk less of some more important bills. I am just 10 months old in this marriage, please, real men in the house kindly advice me on what to do, if am the one being wrong here because I don't understand why she's always like that.

Lalasticlala I wouldn't mind front page at all because I really want to learn from all other husbands out there... Thanks

PhillyBrav0:
Oh really he told u guys his part n u guys just concluded dat am d bad one right? Is not a problem. I am not a full house wife people, I work monday to friday n work extra just for us to be ok, yeah I said ok. He has not been working for over 6months n u ar here telling me dat I am nagging when a woman complain n try to make d family move forward so dat means she is nagging. Am sorry for dose people dat said am bad tank u so much. I love dis man my husband n nothing will make me leave my marriage. God bless n tank u all for ur time

cococandy:
If you people have divided roles that you must provide and she must face the home keeping, then don't complain that she's nagging.
Do your own part.
I'm sure you will nag her if she doesn't cook for 3days.

When they tell people to relax their rigid rules of who does what in the home, they will think someone wants to divide their home.

If she doesn't see you as sole provider, why would she have problem bringing her own money to supplement your income?

Ginaz:
yea, beautiful love story but I wanna hear wonderful marriage life story cos love story and marriage story are different.


but women sha, I tire for we o

Sagamite:
I am afraid I am not the best person to ask that.

My answer would be of little value except you are married to me because I am quite different from most men, hence my expectations are different.

Most men either are confused about what they want or are "real men" that are well trained to sacrifice their happiness to please a woman and think that makes them "mature".

I don't fall into those categories. I am a Professor of Womantology and have different needs.

EfemenaXY:
It's relative.

I don't wait forever for them to be met. For example, why wait one week for something to get done if I can do it in one hour? D'you get me now?

lilmax:
So op think this is true ........but act different when it comes opposite.... Smh and she had to open the thread

NashvilleTN:
Sorry I needed a break. Was changing jobs, so I didn not need any distraction. We are all good. Gos is faithful. My my oga?

NashvilleTN:
Bukatyne,

It is me. How have you been my darling. Missed you a whole lot. U still dey here?

MMotimo:
Merci

EfemenaXY:
Interesting conversation and varied personal views so far. My two penny's worth:

I think there is a very fine line between responsibilities and expectations. Being a fiercely independent "go-getter" person, my expectations in life - of myself, and of the people closest to me are VERY HIGH.

When I want something, I don't sit around waiting for someone else to do it for me. Not even my spouse. I haven't got the patience for that. I'm more of a snap-snap-snap kind of person and I find time wasting really, really, annoying. I don't believe some things are un-achievable. When someone tells me I can't do something, I make it a point to prove them otherwise. I'm of the school of thought that if you want something really badly, you'll find a work-around to it. If you aren't mentally incapacitated, you'll find another route.

I teach my kids (sons) to grab every opportunity life presents them with as that chance might not be there tomorrow. I also drum into them "actions-and-consequences". I don't, balk at taking on responsibilities. In fact, I have very broad shoulders for these and pride myself on taking on a vast array of challenges - financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual. I have no qualms bending over backwards to provide for those dependent on me, but I do find it irritating if I'm taken for granted. I wouldn't do that to anyone and therefore wouldn't expect that to be done to me.

Do I come across as overbearing? perhaps. But do I get the job done? I sure do!

Sagamite:
As for with your kids, my philosophy is:

- Give your child everything they need but a little of of what they want. Most of what they want, they have to earn somehow.

- Let your kids know that despite the fact that you are friendly and can joke with them, you are their boss (if not even their God as long as they are young). I don't do all that Best Friend with your kids shyt. That said, give them the freedom to explore things that interest them that you might not particularly agree with (only if they show some level of proficiency in this thing). I can joke and laugh with my kids all day, but when I decide to be stern and serious, they have to know who the Boss is.

- Never rule out smacking and corporal punishment. It must be part of the repertoire of tools available if you need it. That said, it should be last or the most deserved resort. You might actually even have kids you never need to smack. Smacking kids most of the time is madness, saying you will never smack your kids is madness.

A lot of the modern, "progressive" child-rearing is pathetic.

onegig:
@hispinkolo
The least i would expect from a man is to protect his woman EVERYWHERE. I don't know how he goes on to say he is the head when he can't protect his wife from bullying from his own family members.


When she does wrong, he should correct her and when someone from his family does wrong to her he should learn to caution that person in a MATURED way and without bias.


I can't imagine someone from my family(that person wan enter my eternal blacklist) disrespecting her neither would i expect her to go on disrespecting someone also. The rules are always crystal clear.


Maybe if guys learn that an insult on her is an insult on your person. Just maybe they would be alive to their responsibility. Also an insult on any of your family members from anyone is an insult on you too. When you see things this way, it won't be hard making the right judgement.




....If i want to dissect your post well. I would say you share a big part of the blames you encountered here. But are we here to lay blames? No. We are here to learn but Please just note the following;

I suppose you guys don't live together. I mean all those extended family members.

If so... I am finding it hard how a birthday of your child which should be a PRIVATE affair turns out to be an avenue where you are expecting "big gifts" from people who have little or nothing to do with the event. Also when you give things out(gifts), do you do them to get a return favour? Why am i stressing this point? Remember when i said ladies should learn to be independent and avoid unnecessary activities and familiarity earlier? You sure don't need their gifts nor is their presence gonna add any spice to the program so why stress them?

Truth is the ladies/wives are the ones most of the time who go out of their ways to entice trouble. They then return home to "shout" blue murder. Just learn to limit unnecessary activities.


Also i don't understand the thinking of the average Nigerian lady who's about getting married. You don't need to compromise on your ideals while trying to fit in. When visiting your inlaws, act your normal self. You are the guest for goodness sake. No need to go overboard with your familiarity. I am ashamed to say that most lack self respect and when you lack that i don't see how you expect someone else to respect you. They are the ones to warm up to you and make you feel accepted not the other way round but i guess since MANY are desperate or maybe its due to their naivety they would do anything just to be accepted and fit in even if it means being rolled and butchered in the mud


Not saying ladies should turn out to be SAUCY and PROUD. You can be free with everyone. It however doesn't mean you are open to being rolled over and disrespected.

Glad to know you have learnt all those little things now.

Though i strongly believe family ties should be strenghtened always but please not at the cost of losing your sanity.

Aprime:
- ‘Tell the Ex to fúck off!’
- EX = an appearance of evil’

Some comments though... ◑▂◑
People tend to forget they are someone's EX too.

MarvellousGod:
Of course the wife should know and they can go visit the so called ex together since the man can't do without seeing her ....

Really, what's the visit all about? The ex came solely to see him and he even lodged her in a hotel? Some men eehhh...... Would have been a different thing if the ex came to town for some other business and decided to check up on old friends. ...
Wonder what level their discussion has reached for the man to invite and lodge her in a hotel......
Don't do stuffs you wouldn't love your wife doing. ...

He had better tell the wife before she finds out herself. They can all go out together. ...
You men eehh

EfemenaXY:
Their bööbs, for starters. C'mon, do those look real to you?

babygirlfl:
Ladies is a new school year now for kids. What would you/ do you /did you do for your kids and why.

Packed lunch or school lunch.

.

TV01:
You do not believe in biblical headship which denotes the husband as leader with overall authority inthe affairs of his household. Your belief is that the headship means "source" - therefore a woman must not pursue a man !


https://www.nairaland.com/2351801/feminism-joke-nigeriafor-now/6#34384171

The above, apart from deying clear biblical writ, is also odd and contradictory to your overall position. Why can't women be the source of the home. Your feminism and "equalist" position must demand that what a man can do/be, a woman is equally cpable of doing/being in this sense?


Nobody has accused me of lying or editing my posts because I simply don't do it. As ever you show how increasingly desperate and muddled you are.

You go through my old posts in order to find a contradiction or hypocrisy in my overall postion. You go to an old post and find it does not say what you thought it said, and your conclusion - I edited it .

Can you see how pauce your thinking is? Was I aware you'd be reviewing my old posts? Or did I know what points future discussion would raise, so as to know what and how to edit past submissions ?

No, what happened was you willfully or maliciously mis-read a previous post of mine, or ascribed something to me which is totally not true - like commmanding meaning "monstering" my wife and family - and then when you went digging to use it against me, couldn't find it, so the single-digit neurons firing in your head concluded I must have edited my post !

Bukatyne, you are not a deep thinker, you do not posses an ordered structured approach to discussions and you are struggling to do the impossible - reconcile Christianity and feminism. Truth is, I could monster any number of your submissions on the shoddy thinking alone - I just choose to spare you .

Please be more considered in future. And complete your homework - studying my past submissions !


TV

mutter:
Mostly parent beat children because they have no other means of asserting their authority over a child. However a child should acknowledge your authority without being in fear of a violent attack.
We often make mistakes by starting too late with discipline but by age three a child should clearly be able to identify that it better listen to mum and dad.
Many roads lead to rome but why choose the aggressive road! Growing up it seemed quite natural to beat children but later I came to realize that it was abuse and nothing else.
When my kids do something wrong they are really scared of me because my God I don't stop talking. I can go on for over an hour and might decide to repeat the lecture two times in a day going on for several days
That lecture will include God and man, Bible, proverbs, history and you can just see the agony on the teenagers face when I go on talking and talking and preaching. Especially as they have heard most of it before. It works miracles.
Also you need to give teenagers some amount of freedom and a healthy amount of thrust. We parents think it must always go our way! IT mustn't. Listen to their views and compromise with them. It works miracles. My kids know there are some topics I don't compromise about but i I ask you to clean your room and you tell me you are not in the mood , you want to do it later, then why not! Even adults are sometimes not in the mood. And when it comes to decisions about their future- it is their future and not yours so they also have a say.
Most time we have a problem reaching to our children because they don't thrust us.
I remember once my teenage son came up to me and told me he thought his girlfriend was pregnant!
Inside I was screaming loud!!!!! Oh God ! How could you! How dare you! Are you already intimate with a girl! I could just get up and shake you!
But I had to tie myself down.. keep calm! He confided in you! Don't betray the thrust! Well thank God it ended up being a false alarm but I sat two of them down and gave them a serious talk.
The same applies to girls. The best way to keep a girl decent is to boost her self esteem. Make her know she is a queen and worthy of love and respect. Cater for her financial needs to the best of your ability and show he love so she doesn't go out in search of it.
The greatest factor why children go astray is because they are unhappy at home. Then they go to the wrong friends and feel they have a family and are loved. That is why it is so important that children have a happy home, a home where there is peace and they always want to come back to.
Love your kids that is what they need above all else and express that love. Also learn to have fun with your kid`s, laugh crack jokes do things together. You looses some of the "respect" but you gain something special. A child that thrust you .
And most importantly, when a child has done something really wrong! When it has fallen into the well... then help the child out and give love , support and understanding they will respect you more for it.
Some parents really go crazy when the child has committed something serious. The child is in big problem and then you add to it. Where does the child find shelter. That is the time to show the child love and support it to stand up and walk proud.