₦airaland Forum

Justfollowit:
Ermmm

The reality is most men are bound to cheat or marry more wives. We all agree with that it is unfair on us. Some women (feminist) would advocate that women are also susceptible to these vices therefore there is no problem if a woman behaves likewise. Sounds fair but it is extremely stupid.


it and it is going to create more problems and I doubt if the society at large will survive it.

I don't like it, most women don't. Until we come up with something practical, I guess we are stuck with cleaning up their mess.

That is why I tell any female who care to listen

Know thyself and Be Independent

I doubt feminism tells women it is ok to cheat because men do.

mollysteeze:
Over the years, in what is a total paradigm shift from the values a lot of our mothers had (well at least some), the "other woman" has now become tolerable. I am not sure when along the way it happened, and no one remembered to send me a memo but it appears to now be the norm.

I always have some nagging urge to blatantly say "No babe, it is downright unacceptable", when my friends broach me on this subject, but you end up being the friend who likes to break up homes because she's not married yet. People say if I was in those shoes I would feel differently.

Well Maybe.

However, no matter how much shame I would feel, I knew myself before I got married, my values remain my values, knowing my self-worth is what shapes every corner of my life and that is the core of me. To change now or later would be to deny who I have been for 26 years. While I am never an advocate for divorce, I have realized people do not change overnight.

A year back, my friend's boyfriend told her he was confused who to pick between her and two other girlfriends. Well she fought for "her man". Trouble is today they are married, and he's still seeing one of the other girls, who he has now rented an apartment for in Nigeria, and he's here half the year.

I've realised, the people who complain about there husbands or fiance throwing some other woman in their face mostly had an inkling they were cheats while they were dating. They were the ones who fought of five other girls to get their man. But the question is, if when you were dating there were five of you, why do you think today he would be satisfied with one. I have no doubt in my mind, everyone has an idea of things their partners are capable of in their subconscious, the trouble is a lot of us convince ourselves to believe some other truth that better suits our wants.

My mama has taught me, life is too short to jump into something you can't tolerate all your life, the sole reason for sharing your life with someone and giving up your freedom should be because they make you happier than anyone else in the world. Do not compromise your values or one day you would wish you had not.

But then, on the flip side, if you like smelling some other girls perfume on your man and having your kids run into daddy and "Aunty Bintan, the side chick" at the hotel near their school then go right ahead.

@OP:

I am sure We are not talking of the same Nigeria

There has always been side chicks, second wives and mistresses.

Infact, I would say that women are less tolerant of the other woman now.

How many women did you know left their husband's because of the other woman in the past?

yurubaajejiiyaw:
I am an african girl married to a Yoruba man in the Uk.
In my culture we have lots of respect for our parents and we are collectivist (relate closely to extended family) so I expected to relate easily to my inlaws and the rest of the family. I am a very easygoing person who hates to be in conflict with anyone.
I have a good relationship with my husband, he's a good and very hard-working man but when we are around his family its like our relationship changes.
when his parents came to visit us we started having arguments because he's always stressed and it looks like I become a child who people can talk to anyhow. he talks to me in ways that he's not used to and it looks like I don't have the right to contradict him.
even his mum talks to me in ways I don't understand if she hates me or its just their culture that allows disrespecting me. for example we were visiting some of his family members in London at very late hours and advised my husband not to eat amala at that time because of his indigestion problems, my mother-in-law asked me: is it your stomach? I felt verbally abused. how to react to this sort of situation?
also, I do not always agree with her in certain issues. is there any way, socially accepted and polite for me to contradict my mother in law without causing offense?
I'm getting frustrated and seeing myself accumulating negative feelings towards people . Please help with any tips and advises.

Dear OP,

Pele (sorry in Yoruba )

Forget about your MIL and face your husband squarely...

If he can't respect you outside, I don't see any reason why he should 'loff' you codedly...

Ask him why he behaves the way he does to you around his mother. That would help you understand the next steps to take.

Shollypopzz:
Did she say the MIL cooked the food?





I detest a bunch of things about the Yoruba culture and people (I'm Yoruba), so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut before this thread turns into a Yoruba bashing session.

@babyosisi, chilli, cococandy, bukatyne, edwife, freecocoa, mizmicolli, username792,..........over to you!

Lol @ over to us...

Let me read again

jaybee3:
Absolutely nothing to worry about. It's not uncommon to find mothers finding it hard to adjust to the situation where their opinion becomes secondary with respect to their son's immediate family.

I'm yoruba and the only son, my wife who is also yoruba struggles to cope whenever my mum comes visiting. My mum is used to having 3-4 maids at any given time so as expected she is stuck in that world and offcourse that's a potential problem since my wife can't possibly split herself into 4 places in order to carry out all requests at the same time.

She initially felt my mum didn't like her until i made her understand it's what she has been used to all her life and somewhat difficult for us to expect her to adjust.
We solved the conundrum by making sure her visits are extremely short as well as my wife being flexible with her approach whilst being understanding.

You just have to be diplomatic in dealing with her since you don't necessarily have to like her nor have to live with her permanently.
Express your feelings to your husband without making it seem you are consistently complaining about his mum.

Thanks for the sincerity

addictiv:
[size=14pt]So funny...father in law inspection That would be the most awkward experience in the history of awkward. [/size]

Oh well!

Na So We see am

ifeomaekol:
abi oooooooooo, I wonder if that was how they too were treated during their own time. Its terrible, no woman should agree to such expect she's desperate.

It is So unimaginable my sister

Edusouls:
sherap you girls, needs to be checked, so much secrets and issues with your dirty pasts relationships, dirty lifestyles, liees, deceits, who want his son to fall into the pit of despair you terrible nowadays girls dug and hid. if you have nothing to hide,then let her check,the truth always prevails..

Keep quiet and don't quote me with your senselessness again

Your mother can check your fiance and her family's bodies So that she can be certain What you are buying Sorry marrying

What you will will never take, you will encourage women to take it.

Hypocrites.

Atk1nson:
when u become a MIL urself u will understand better. Her method is quite crude, but I think it's with the best of intention for her son. She doesn't want a lady who has a 'past' (be it abortions, children or 'wasteful living') to marry her son.
However, there are more modern n coded ways to achieve such tins

I cannot understand such degradation

I am married and none of my SILs did such for me.

Did the MIL bath in front of anyone?

@OP:


It depends on If you are desperate or not.

Or your MIL to be inspects you and your father inspects yourguy.

I don't understand Some MILs sha.

If you think no woman is Good enough for your son, please marry him yourself.

All these irritating stories

moca:
I use LG turbo drum. Ok so far.
Go to LG shop specifically and check it out. if u like it,u can go for it.

Is that an alias for. It?

Want to check the qualities online first.

Thanks a lot

Modified; Thanks, it looks like something I love.

How much

Emdee590:
Which seed of love? But op said d boy dae troublesome naa

if him wake up , na to look for d next person trouble naa.

Anyway , me na last child so I gat plenty nieces and nephews , I don't take shit wit any if they should misbehav

The OP understood the seed of love

God might ordain a marriage, however the people in it have to build it.

egbedore:
Few days ago,I woke up and stepped to the sitting to watch CNN,few minutes latter.my little boy stepped out,sat on one of the couches and said "dad,change it to Disney Junior" without thinking twice,I picked the control and changed the station accordingly. Few seconds latter,he said "Dad,go and bring the fan,I'm hot! With no questioning,I stood up and obeyed. As I was doing this,God began to speak to my heart that if I can obey my son,and grant him his desires,without any questioning,he too is ready to grant me my desire if I can only be his true son and make my desires known to him!

Very funny

@moca:

Please I need a top loader high efficiency (automatic) washer, which would you recommend?

Thanks.

Madampinkolo:
i'll be back...
@babyosisi,it's not just a Nigerian thing
A bit busy but if you have time can you read this link?Quite interesting as per the house chores thing

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10621402/Why-are-women-still-doing-most-of-the-housework.html

Just read it.

The conclusion is that most of the women actually want to do those chores

See the casestudy of the author

babyosisi:
We are saying the same
If you went to visit them,the woman would probably be the one cooking and serving and taking care of the children so the role reversal is not complete.
It still leaves the woman with more work than usual.
That is why I made the initial statement

I get you perfectly.

Sweet story

And God bless you OP for sowing the seed of love into him.

I see him growing up into a fine young man

babyosisi:
I am just being curious,do you know any Nigerian stay at home dad that is doing what you know stay at home moms do ?

No I don't but never say never

If There is such arrangements, they might not be too open about it.