₦airaland Forum

Prophecies tell us what would happen in the future.

If they are Bad, prayers can be used to avert them. E.g. Isaiah told King Hezekiah that he should arrange his house as he was about to die. Hezekiah prayed and God added 15yrs to his life. That did not make Isaiah a liar.

Not saying all the prophets truly heard from God

I hope Jimi wins

I am not too comfortable with Tinubu controlling the Federal and Lagos state

ferhyntorlah:
THAT'S RIGHT!!! Why oh! Are you guys saying the result was announced at 3am? If it is, I say WOW! This election is the MOTHER of all elections in Nigeria. I still can't believe an opposition will GREATLY unseat a ruling party that's being in power for 16 years! Power TRULY belongs to the people. Democracy is truly government of the PEOPLE, for the PEOPLE and by the PEOPLE. Congrats y'all.

Goodluck made it possible and his deeds will go down in history

Congrats to Buhari

He has not said in depth the reforms and restructuring he wants to carry out.

Till he does, let us wait.

Is There anything on This thread attracting all these spell invites?

EnlightenedSoul:
So let me get this straight, we're talking about married women who take care of their kids & home, clean + cook, work, and foot all of the bills? And when/if she ventures to ask for assistance (for school fees for the kids, was it?), she's refused?

She does realize she's essentially a single mother paying for a live-in sexmate at this point, no?

'Tis a scenario from the flaming butt-crack 'a hell

Laziness is truly a disease

Lol@ single mother

It is well

EfemenaXY:
Okay.

You've listed the things Mrs B would like to do, but you still haven't answered the question as to how she'll achieve that desire with three very young and needy kids in tow.

And as per your last statement, if you can't be alone with the pre-term child, who will? Will hubby have to find his way back home during his lunch break?

Sorry to ask but what's "baby friendly"?

Exclusive breastfeeding

I didn't mention anything about staying with the pre-term here.

I am assuming the wife is staying at home and she is doing things around that time.

Like you said earlier, a stay at home mom does not necessarily cater to the kids 2 4 7 and she can work stuffs around it.

And as I said, she doesn't plan to do it all concurrently and the kids grow as she does.

Each of us to our own.

Happy birthday Dino and God bless your home

Hyper confused OP:

The same pants that turns the husbands off turn other men on.

@pictures: gross and ugly

EfemenaXY:
Thanks for taking the time to give a detailed response to this Bukky - much appreciated.

Okay, you've mention 3-4 hefty things that Mrs B. would be doing. Each one on it's own is a massive task that will take a lot of dedication, hardwork, and commitment, in order for success to be achieved. I noticed however that there was no mention of the kids.

Who would be looking after all three of them while Mrs B. decides to tackle one or some of those listed tasks above simultaneously? Remember that Mr B. would hardly be around and when he does return home late at night, he would most likely be bone-tired and wouldn't appreciate having the 3 kids thrust on him.

Would Mrs B. be brreastfeeding the pre-term baby exclusively or not?

You asked about work and I answered based on that

I also have not said I will do all of them at once... It is not realistic.

@ I will do baby friendly for 6mths.

kaboninc:
When you become a teacher....

What do you want to teashh?

Mathematics

kaboninc:
OK...Mrs. Bukky.

Someday, you may teach meee.....

Teach you What?

Gobe

Instead of the mind games, why not draw the spouse's attention to What you want them to see?

And wifey dating brother is a fool!

What stopped you from working on your relationship with your husband or divorcing him

Yes

Sleekyshuga:
Awwww... I'll never forget you ...

Nice response.. Thanks dear..


Yea.. This is typical of an average Nigerian man, and maybe, that was why I got the negative responses...

*She may kill to inherit my wealth..
*She may seek a divorce, and get half of my properties, etc..

Lol!

Maybe they do not plan to live right

kaboninc:

I was not done jare, the thing just went on it's own

EfemenaXY:
I take it your argument is based on the Naija setting?

Okay, let's make some assumptions here. Bukky is a married post-graduate. Same as Mr Bukky. They've both got 3 kids, oldest nearly 5 years old. Mr & Mrs Bukky live in Naija (Lagos?) and Mr Bukky leaves home for work as early as 6 a.m to beat the traffic and doesn't get home till 8 or 9 p.m on a good day.

Their youngest child (who was pre-term at birth) is 6 months old and the second is 2 years old. Mrs Bukky however wants to return to work come what may, as she feels it's the only way she can add value to herself and those around her.

What advice would you give to Mrs Bukky in terms of getting back to work? How should she juggle things seeing as getting back to work seems to be her number one priority? Mind you, Mrs Bukky worked in a bank and her hours were similar to hubby's plus she's sometimes required to work on Saturdays and travel 20% of the time for days on end...

First and foremost, Mrs. Bukky detests working in a bank I see it as modern day slavery So it is actually out of it.

Since the last child is a pre-term, creche would not work for now and my mom is working.

Mrs. BUKKY wants to be a lecturer So would further her education (do a dull time masters + PhD at a stretch If possible )

Mrs. Bukky is also playing with catering So If her masters is not possible, she can start catering on a very small scale and grow.

Mrs. Bukky also likes to write So she will write for columns and finish up her book.

Mrs. Bukky also like to mentor youths especially girls and will organize programs around that (like to teach, really enjoyed teaching during service, even organized might classes)

I answered based on who I am really am.

I cannot stay with the pre-term alone at home all day. I will break down mentally.

That's me.

shrekandfiona:
Biko I'll pass on this. I don't get your argument. Au revoir

You accused me of something, I am asking you to explain and suddenly you do not get my argument.

Goodnight.

Court marriage also depends on the church you are getting wedded.

If your church is licenced to wed, then you can get a license from the court and get joined in the church.

Since the certificate is from the court, it is backed by legal jugunu same as doing court wedding.

Some people don't also believe in court wedding; worldly things and preparing for divorce.

edwife:
Linda ikeji is answerable to people who pay her for advertisements,that how a blog works.Stories alone won't pay her bills-she needs traffic to keep it going.She even said it herself that she does not have time for herself and planning on hiring people to write.
The more she writes,the more traffic she gets and the more investors are interested. She can never afford to be idle for 1 week....

All the above examples you gave need the work to pay their bills,that the point.

And SAHMs are not answerable to their husbands?

Not everyone do What they do because they need bills paid; Some people cannot stand doing something outside cleaning and cooking even If it has to be inside their room

And like Linda, Some people do not even want to be idle.

That said, it is my opinion

We are all different and different things makes us tick.

Until I start arresting SAHMs, nobody has anything to fear

damiso:
Bukatyne honestly you can't see taking care of children and running a home ALONE as a full time job

It actually is because the really high fees paid to nannies,nurseries child minders is actually payment for one half of what SAHM do. It changes a bit when the kids are older and in most cases like most people have said it get boring because they are now at school. Believe me as much as I would moan about workload I still get to have some me time.You don't want to home with a toddler as I type I just stepped on Lego after asking for it to be tidied up for the umpteenth time. when I was home sometimes i would even go to bed more tired than if I went to work.School run nko.


I was like you but now I am a bit different because I have seen a different side of the equation.I saw my mum and I would be like 'any woman who does nothing is lazy my mother combined kids,work,business education etc' .But you know what my mum had a superlative support network in her own mother and aunties plus domestic help.

Unfortunately she is not like her own mother who literarily gave up her own her stuff to help her daughter raise her kids.

I never said SAHM s are idle and never will

I believe a woman can combine staying at home with something else.

My opinion.

shrekandfiona:
You actually sound like the opposite of the bolded. Also a SAHM has no specific duration dear as long as there are kids to be taken care of. Just that for most SAHM, the house gets so boring when the kids are all grown and the urge to start or pursue a career is great with no hindrance.

Maybe I don't get your argument though but I don't think any woman will like to be idle throughout her life time

Can you state where I said career has a precedence?

Or is it only SAHM who care about their families?

Am I missing something here?

edwife:
Of course there is a difference,when you say working at home here you mean that you are registered as a salary earner,you pay your tax and have to deliver your work in a certain amount of time because without that you might be unable to pay your bills or take care of yourself.

Staying at home mum do not register as worker neither do they have a deadline .Let say i am doing business,there will be no interference between my income and my household expenditures.I am not relying on it 100%My husband has full control of the bill and i do the paying....

My business is a way to keep me active,be it school or writing which i can quit whenever i want because i first priority is my household.

Everybody's priority is their household (ideally)

It is about schematics really

Linda Ikeji is a work at home and answerable to nobody. I know a number of wives who have giant stores who are answerable to nobody.

I know Some men who trade forex professionally too from home.

Like Efe says, you can be creative enough to get something doing around the kids.

shrekandfiona:
Am sorry I just have to quote you dear. Do you have kid(s)? If you do you'll know looking after children is not an easy task. Stresses both mentally and physically. In other words, being a SAHM is a full time job on its own that is why crèches charge more fees than nursery/primary.

Having said that, yes I have stayed home before nursing my baby for almost a year currently expecting my 3rd and if I have to resign and exclusively nurse my child, will do so without blinking an eye. For me family 1st before Career

Ideally, it is family before career for every married person.

That side, Efemena has a post that captures This.

And. I never said taking care of kids is easy.

And staying at home for one year? You don't qualify the type of SAHMs' picture I have in my head.

That is ideally staying 9mths /8mths after your mat leave.

2CatWoman:
I got tired of "you can`t run my fingers through my hair...that will
mess it up".

How the hell do you run your fingers through black hair?

Anyway, I went ahead to read the whole article and it's just the usual list of black woman stereotypes that you see in all the movies

and there's no way a "fine and cultured black brother" would even engage in a conversation with such women let alone take them to "white

people" places.

You dey mind am?

Let a woman decide to keep her hair natural, you cannot run your hands through it or even pour water on it.

And Besides, anyone is free to marry How they like So I am not understanding the sold out part.

thorpido:
From comments I have heard from guys who have dated white girls,I think this is true.
Black women are a lot more inhibited in bed.Black women started dropping the inhibition in just the last two decades.

We need to take it easy na

How is the typical black girl brought up sexually?

Besides guys would likely marry the Good ones and still mess around with the bad ones

The OP is just full of nonsense.

There are different cultures in black So which one is he exactly talking about? (The stuff sounds like AAs sef )

Is he also ready to listen to What the 'black' women have to say about the men?

And is he referring to the same white girl whose marriage is said not to work (at least on NL )?

EfemenaXY:
In other words, you mean you see SAHMs as bone-idle people?

Not bone idle but not doing anything else.

So I would not describe a writer/business woman/student/evangelist/tailor/Baker/etc. Has a SAHM.

As far as when I ask, you have an answer to give me.

I know photographers who work from home.

There is a difference between work at home and stay at home.

EfemenaXY:
Sorry this is coming a bit late but I do believe many ladies on here have thrown a lot of light on how being a Stay-at-home mum is not all doom and gloom, neither does it equate to being an open invitation for one's hubby to physically / emotionally abuse the SAHM.

And in response to your question, yes, I have had my fair share of being a Stay-at-home-mum. It was one of the best times in my life as it gave me the opportunity to not only spend time with my daughter and bond with her, but it also gave me the opportunity to indulge in a passion I've always secretly nursed but never had the time to indulge in - writing.

Yes, being a SAHM gave me that chance to write and publish my debut novel Mysterious Depths: An African Adventure.

And if I could do it all over again, I would. I've been at both ends of the spectrum - working part-time, studying for my masters, even while pregnant with my last son....and then many, many, many, years later, having the opportunity to save enough so when I went on maternity leave for over a year, I was able to effectively combine running the home, indulging in my passion, and helping my kids out with school work, etc whilst being a Stay-at-home-mum.

Life isn't all about working till you drop. You get to a point where you need to learn how to work "effectively". Work less for more, if you get what I mean.

You will pay for the late response

I am not Someone who thinks all There is to life is working till drop or being a 9 - 7 person.

The point I was trying to make is that most SAHMs used the opportunity of being at home to pursue other interests or resigned to actually pursue other interests.

See naw, you wrote a book during your one year mat leave. That's something.

Maybe I see it from my personality; I can't stay at home doing nothing apart from cleaning and caring for the kids. I stayed at home for a year plus after service and I knew I would die If I try it.

I picked up my project, my lesson note(taught during service), course notes etc. Severally. I was mentallydead and saw my life wasting away. My joy when I got a job?

And no, I was not bored because I cooked and cleaned for my family. I would with all sincerity say the meals were ready on time, the house sparkling; clothes well ironed; prayed and studied my Bible for hours; and did exercise keeping very fit. I had lots time for myself.

Did I mention I started writing a book?

However, it is not for me . Even If I am paid a Good income monthly, I must do something tangible. Might not even earn an income for me.

I will admit that This thread has helped me drill down and distinguish types of SAHMs and the types I have issues with are those who do not do anything at all or who do not have a timeline.

And If I get a part time job with same pay, off There unfortunately here There is really no part time stuff.

But again, it is our choices and What works best for us.

There is more to life than working koro koro however I believe everyone has a destiny and you sure must fulfill it. Even If it preaching around the world or helping the strays in your neighborhood; it must not earn an income.

EfemenaXY:
No she is not.

Not when she and her husband are on the same frequency and everything they have is shared / joint, including finances. Sometimes, the SAHM has even more financial freedom than the man himself, especially if she's in charge of running the family's accounts.

Mind you, this takes a lot of trust from both ends, and I'm sure you know that trust is earned.

Hi ma'am,

I see a SAHM as someone who does nothing else (no schooling, business, etc. etc.)

Lizabeth25:
LOL.....dream on...being single means, one remain childless and when he/she dies, nobody will bother him/herself to give him/her a proper burial.

Some married people died childless

Once you are dead, you are dead.

@OP:

Good that you are looking for a solution

Truth is that you guys are no longer the priority. It is a wife/husband, children, extended for a married person. You did not notice because your father's wife was your mom.

Since he has a new wife, avoid her stuffs. If possible, get new stove and pots.

If any of your siblings want to cook, call her to ask if she's around.

It is well

If the wife was not ready to accommodate the kids, she should have left him.

On the other hand, hope you guys didn't give her attitude when your dad just married her

Chillis:
You dey write textbook. Wetin you want use their reaction do? Thesis?

people are different so it's their reaction.

Yes o, thesis

Writing a book on in-law relationship. Only people like Okija will like it