₦airaland Forum

Chillisauce:
Dat day will never come.

Babyosisi leave goat meat?
Apama. You will have to chain her in bed for 2 months

Thought goat meat was healthier than beef?

Not fried (I do not fry my meat)

Chillisauce:
Same here. I must heat the gaddam thing

Can eat a full full plate of raw tomatoes and onions.

Want to ask...

For We home based, is our afang, edikanekong, efo riro and normal food healthy eating with little oil and the right serving

Is additional like stock fish, smoked fish, ponmo, periwinkle, shaki etc. Healthy in itself?

Please don't say no

Nice thread Chilli

eyeview:
How would you feel if you saw your father carrying the bag and towing behind a woman who happens to his contemporary simply because her dad is chairman? Be sincere.

Will it be better If he was towing behind a man?

Besides the OP is not married
And the lady is his boss

It is about the confidence he possesses

kaboninc:
Yea....

Seeking redress....maybe lai lai

Make him talk to her personally

She will listen...

Amen!

Stillfire:
What a terrible, terrible mother-in-law with bad home training.

Hahahahahaha!

This is surely another angle!

With a diabolic DIL.

Lol!

damiso:
Wisdom is needed,fighting elders is not always the wise choice.

Easier said than done If the person is pushed to the wall.

By fighting, I don't mean physical o!

More like Coco's tough love.

But a spouse setting boundaries for his/her parent is just the ideal situation always.

kaboninc:
No nau...

E never pass ni

Him still fit reason the boss...

She's a woman ni and she wants him to acknowledge that she's in charge.

I'll suggest he begs her or see her papa

That one go understand as him get experience

If na you, you no go mellow?

Would not even ask him to carry my bag in the first place.

In his boss shoes, I will mellow.

It would be better he apologizes to her personally.

There is something to learn from everyone esp bosses.

kaboninc:
Yeaaa... not a woman thing.

But come to think of it, imagine NOI asking her SA to Media to carry her hand bag while they 'work'?

Well I know its nothing but e get as e be......

Some will even dive at the request even when not called.....

All the same, he has learnt something...

But I know he will seek redress

Redress ke?

This one Don pass

damiso:
Taryour I love the spirit of the story you shared and I think it's a great one to emulate not just for MIL or DIL relationships but even life in general.When you take the decision to love and not hate life is more peaceful.thar said life is not really an ideal place and sometimes some people are just unloveable and it's just best to leave a distance.

Sorry for digressing Back to topic I really wish I had a mother in law because I feel sad my MIL never saw Her children grow up and she never got to see her grandchildren.

However in as much as I believe in treating your MIL well I kinda agree with those who say it's very easy to say but hardly realistic. My mother is my mother she has spent all her life with me she might never have met my husband if not for me. She loves my husband but I am not going to kid myself into thinking she loves my husband as much as she loves me.She could transfer the love she has for me to him but to say it's natural is not being realistic.you just love your child you TRY to love your SIL/MIL because of your child.


That's why I believe (and learnt from experience) that the best person to lay boundaries is the child of the parent involved. And by laying boundaries i don't mean seperstion or me and my husband/wife alone no relatives. I love my mum to bits I speak to her almost everyday but she knows that there are now some things she can't dictate in my life without me discussing with my husband.

For me, my mum is my mum and my husband is my husband.As much as my MIL is late I don't kid myself into thinking that I can take that place I am not his mother I am his wife and so if she was alive I would know and respect her place as his mother.But it would help if she too would not want to be mother and wife.Its however not my place to fight her or quarrel with hwe to fight for my 'space' it's left to my husband

Nicely put @ bold

As for not fighting, sometimes the person is forced to If the spouse who owns the parent is not responsibility.

It is well.

kaboninc:
Lol at head service.

Well, it could be a test but to me, a silly one oh. Carry her hand bag wey contain Mary K and mascara? Mbanu

Well, he pretended sha...

Maybe she felt threatened by his rising profile and wants to reiterate that she's the boss.

And now, na for the guy to go beg....chai

I think he'll go an beg sha....

Well like you said, humility somehow can take you places.

WOMEN sha.....

It is not a woman's thing

Just that it is now common place to see women lead.

We are used to sucking up to male bosses.

ItsAnderson:
please i need matured advice on
this: Am in love with a lady, we have been together
for like 9months now. The problem is that my
apartment is not presentable, i refuse her coming,
each time she wish to come.. I have occasionally
taken her to a guest house, and she do reject we
going there. I do really love her and will marry her..
This issue of her coming to my place is causing
quarrel, she feels i have things am trying to hide
from her apart from the the reason i put before her.
My plan has been to see how i could rent a new place
before letting her come, the plan is not swiftly
coming at the moment. She is telling that even
though i stay in hole, that i should take her there, that
she believes i will make it later in life. I don't feel
comfortable, advice pals...

You do not love her

You are not even open enough to her to show her who you are and wait to see If she will believe in you or not.

When is the better time than now to test the love you claim to have for each other?

Hope your marriage is not anytime soon.

kaboninc:
Hey Buky,

That's being not proud joor.

He did pretend not to listen and the boss could have also pretended that he pretended not to have heard her. Loll

But sacking him for that? Its best that way sef because I tell you, more is yet to come.

I am very jovial and command strong humor in the office. But eye service, I no dey do am. I could meet my boss in the elevator (even the Chairman) but all man must carry him load.

Some issues are really non-issues.

I hope you are not like that too....

I do not like eye service but once in a blue moon, I bend for my boss.

Since his boss asked, he should have helped.

Even people in position of power seemly wait on others for favors.

All these big people even do leg service more than then junior ones.

A little humility helps.

taryour:
Yes my sister, some older women are troublesome and we can not help that. My mum and I still had a little quarrel like 2 weeks back, yet I dint insult or talk back at her. What I did was avoid her calls and simply send her a text message stating were I feel she went wrong. Was I expecting her to apologize? NO.

But wetin I go do She is my mother, I was the one that later called her and went to visit her. 3 days ago she repeated the same thing I just overlooked it.

She is my mother and there is nothing I will do about it.

Mother inlaws come in different characters,ONLY a wise woman will act right and correctly. At the end of it all she remains your hubby mother and now your mother once you are married to her son.

The danger is that the DIL will suck up all the MILs nonsense and become a terrible MIL to her DIL afterall, she endured worse.

I remembered when We were in boarding house... What made the seniors ' torture bearable was that We would one day become seniors...

You know the rest of the story

Perhaps If MIL s are taught How time treat their DILs, There will be no bad MIL in future.

cococandy:
Seriously. You can't seem to have a different opinion without someone implying that your parents didn't raise you right or you're married to a wuss or you must be projecting your own personal experience or evil.

Well what if it was one's personal experience? It all the more lends credence to the topic doesn't it?

It would be so much fun if we could disagree respectfully.

Let me keep wishing.

If only wishes were horses...

cococandy:
he's fine. And yours?

Splendid

sparko1:
You went wrong when you got a free ride, if you want to be on your own you shouldn't have asked or agreed to a free ride. The moment you break the official distance be ready to pay.

Don't mind him

The free ride is part of the boss' JD

eyeview:
You weren't wrong. It was never stated in the offer letter that you job description included carrying her hand bag. She has inferiority complex and she could only overcome it by seeing you do attend to her domestic needs. She wanted to cross the line and you didn't let her. That's the same way some people get to start doing uncomplimentary things to keep their jobs. You were a man.
Don't feel bad,other jobs will turn up.

It is not everything done for your boss that is written in your offer letter neither is it everything your boss does for you that is his/her 'duty'

@OP: you were proud and pride they say goes before a fall.

Your boss carried her bag and you lost your job.

Goodluck in getting another one.

cococandy:
https://www.nairaland.com/2221772/pls-wife-fought-mother-following/14#32098730

Taryour
Greatgod
Everyone else

Try read this woman's story and give me your honest opinions.

It is all good to teach tolerance but someone learning from you guys would also love to hear what you have to say in such a situation.

For now Let's do away with taking gentle swipes at other posters and actually discuss.(I hope that is possible)

In my opinion, that woman handled her problem the way she thought was best at the moment.
I can't judge her even though if I was her,I don't think I'll even have the liver to send the MIL out to a homeless shelter.
Maybe I'll bear her for another day or two while I buy ticket for her to leave.

I can imagine if the man wasn't there that day, maybe they would have fought. Who wouldn't want to hit back after someone crouched from under you and pulled your both feet from beneath you making you land with force on the floor? The reason why I won't fight back in such a situation is because I'm afraid of getting beat up as I'm not strong. Not because I'm so good that I say thank you to every act of violence meted out on me.

Let us try to be fair. Thank you.

I don't think anyone whose head is correct will tell one to go and fight their MIL but acting like there are no bad MILs is like ignoring the problem.

some despite anything will hate you for not being the girl they wanted their son to marry, for not being her friends daughter she has been eyeing for her son,for not being from the area she wanted her son to marry from etc etc
It will only take time if that one is open minded for them to really see you for who you are and love you or accommodate you.

It Is unfair to make it out to be the girl's fault alone.
There are bad women everywhere. Do they suddenly become Angels when they become MILs? I guess not.
So every once in a while, a MIL will be to blame for an issue going on between her and her DIL. Let's not downplay it.
As in that woman's case above. She was even kinder to the MIL than her own son was. Meaning that the man knows his mom and didn't want that interference. But she was treating the woman like her own mother.

This story also puts to rest the argument of treating one's MIL like one's mom, it may not work.
I love my mom to death but also very carefree and somewhat flippant around her. A MIL may misunderstand that. So what works for me is to act even more guarded and respectful towards my MIL Because she can't understand me like my mom can.
Just study the woman and follow her the way you see is better according to your own situation.

Hello friend

How is our oga doing?

End time advices?

LOL!

Evina:
WOW! What a thread!

I stumbled on this thread a week ago or thereabout, and haven't focused on any other thread since then. I have taken the time to read through ALL the pages. It is like reading a book to me, a practical guide to building and sustaining a successful marriage.

This thread has touched the very depths of my being. Reading people's personal experiences and comments have really broken me in some way.

I have yet again reached the conclusion that I will indeed be walking down the aisle in May, with a man who is God's PERFECT gift to me. This thread made me realise I need to CHERISH this gift more than ever before.

We have been through it ALL in nine long, wonderful years! God has helped us. There was even the challenge with MIL to be, but the way God arrested the woman's heart ehn, makes me so humbled that God carry this union for Him Almighty head.

I really don't know how to appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman who created this thread @Babyosisi, the contributors:

@Thorpido: I have deep respect for you. You are a great man with great wisdom.

@madam Chair cover: so sad to see you deactivated your account. You have this warm mature spirit. The effect of your post is calmness. You are indeed a blessing.

@ Bukatyne: I love you. Mature, funny, cool.

@ Floodgater: God bless you real good.

@ Ujujoan: what a great woman you are. Thank God for your home.

@ EfemenaXY: hmmm. Aunty, Migwo. you are too harsh oh. One can perceive you've got several shades of intelligence and wisdom but it's quite sad that we don't really get to benefit from you in totality, because the value of your message is lost in the brutality emanating from your post. I could tell you are not a patient person madam and you would often scare people, whom you can be a blessing to, away, with your hostile(for lack of a better word) demeanor. Please if it is tough love, it is too tough. Tone it down ma.

@ Cococandy: you are soooo sweet. Thank you for being here.

@Herzumpther: for real? Is Lakes the one you are picking the date with? I hope oh sis.

To all the other contributors, God bless you and reward you richly.

Finally and once again, madam Babyosisi, you are blessed. In fact I think we should draft a script based on your life experiences in love and marriage and then make a movie. seriously! Think aborit.

Thanks a lot

I like your views on the thread too

Tying the knot in May?

Yea! All the best dearie

Will be celebrating one year then.

God blessed your home.

fitzk:
APPRECIATION ROLL

...be grateful to people who make you happy; they are the charming gardeners who make your soul blossom.”
– Marcel Proust

This sum up my gratitude to everyone. I am in deed grateful. Words are not enough right now... (tears). You are all answers to my prayers. Thank you greatly. In no particular order I thank you all and especially, those i can't recall their moniker right now and those who didnt comment at all but got in touch with me. Thank you all

Thank God for His mercies

Your story will be like Job's at the end.

Happy Easter

keppyy:
I'm good dearieee...the pressures of life and my phone went bananas (crazy)...I lost your contact...

How are you dear

OK, will send you a PM

It is well

The truth is that There will always be bad DILs and bad MIL.

Isn't strange that the mom or aunt We all know is difficult to flow with is suddenly elevated to the status of a saint once a wife is married into the family?

Isn't it strange to expect a wife to get along with a MIL in a year or two when her family couldn't get along with her in 30, 40yrs?

The treat your MIL like your mother thingy rarely applies; you most likely treat her better than your mother to get the same kind of relationship you get with your mom.

And yes, an average MIL doesn't treat her daughter or SIL the way she treats her DIL. Obviously, she doesn't want her daughter's home to scatter! Lol!

The Bible is clear; the (wo)man leaves his parents and cleave to his wife/husband. If either party is not ready to stick to that, speak up on the wedding day or don't get married.

Liked my cousin's wedding vows; the church in their wisdom and experience put 'no MIL... mIsrael asunder What God has joined together'

A woman is only rightfully the Queen in one place... her marital home. Please when she is outside There, she should bend to the rules of wherever she is and If she is not comfortable, she can leave to her palace and continue her reign.

Loved Madcow's views on that other MIL tread.

I know There are Some DILs that are bad and want to alienate the husband from his family... that should be treated on a case by case basis

If We are to flow with treat your MIL like your mother, well my mother loved me from time and I don't have to do gymnastics to please her or swallow poo from her. The duty of maintaining Good DIL MIL lies on the both of them with the MIL taking the first step afteral, a mother loves the child first.

The way the hubby presents his wife also matters. If you notice your family doesn't respect your wife, step fast into the situation.

I was taught taught you extend the respect of your relative to their spouse as they are one and it works alot. It is not your relative's spouse that would be jumping for acceptance.

The men here should fear God. I remember the FIL tread where the FIL gave the daughter a car because she has issues with her husband and he seized her car. I still remember. The uproar There.

Fear God. Remember the golden rule

Sorry for the long post.

Good Friday peeps.

bebe2:
Hahaha ur mouth sef,

It's all about being playful.

Some of them can be so unreasonable

Wen my husband took me to london without informing his family , his mum called and asked to speak with me, I was thinking she wants to congratulate me but wat I heard was " do u know I own dat peni*s that u ran to in London"?

I froze, I quickly apologised and made excuses for not informing her , after much petting she calmed down and started demanding for plenty grand kids

The thread will not achieve much If the OP will not acknowledge the bolded.

keppyy:
What exactly o you hate, SEX, LOVE or MARRIAGE

This was his confession...1.) He saw sex as Unclean (religion)...2.) He is a doctor and due to his vast knowledge of the woman's body, it disgusted him...3.) He got all his sexual satisfaction from masturbation..(He preferred masturbation to the real deal)...

How are you dear?

Didn't get any feedback

sprinkles14:
As I write you this letter, I'm not happy and not fulfilled. I'm getting married in less than one month to my boyfriend of 4years, but I must confess that nothing and I mean absolutely nothing interest and excites me about this guy. I don't feel complete with this guy at all..
I've been turning deaf ears to this inner voice but I kept pretending and forcing it on myself hoping I will get along sooner or later.
I must confess, this guy is a complete gentle man with a good paying job, full of ideas, loving and caring and everything about me is his priority. He's loved by all my family members and everybody around me. Calling of the wedding ceremony will be an outrageous thing to do because of the embarrassment to our families, friends and the guy in particular.
Have made a conclusion within me...after getting married, I will convince my the guy to allow me travel out of the country, maybe if I'm away, I can start a new life out of Nigeria chore and if this doesn't work, I will either file for a divorce after one year or cheat on my husband to make me happy.
Please a very constructive critics and advice will be highly appreciated.
Thank you.

unfulfilled bride to be.

The problem I have is your selfishness

You are thinking on moving with the motions and hurting him later.

That said, What kept you for 4yrs?

Would like an answer

kboycrew:
Listen and listen well. If the guy loves you, then you are making the best decision. I ve ignored reading other comments because they may change my mind on what to tell you.
I ve said it and I will say it again. Women are ment to respond 2 love and not to fall in love before marriage.
God created women to identify and respond to the man who loves them. In marriage you will gradually start falling in love with the man who treats you with respect, who is proud of you among friends, takes care of your children, parents. Who plans your future home with you, sets up a family business, workes hard to put your children in the best schools, stand by you against his family. ... when that time comes you will know and naturally fall in love with the man over and over again and forget this your childish excitement.
Look at it this other way. You are so excited today , love him die but he feels just excited about your body looks 2day. With time when these things fade away, he starts 2 cheat on you, irritated by your presence and disrespects you in public. That is when you will realise it is better to marry a man who loves you than the one you love.
Many married women 2day wish they were in your shoes to go back and marry that guy that loved them rather than the one they married who is presently dealing with them at home.
Unfortunately most of them don't ve the time to come this forum and offer that advice because they are too chocked taking care of the children all alone including the big baby thier husbands.

Only a lady who wants such a man would appreciate him.

pretydiva:
85% of girls don't no wat dey want. Break up wif him n c if u can find a guy as caring as d 1 u ve now..wish u all d best

And you are among the lucky 15% who knows?

I doubt There will be any consequence in the sense you refer.to

Technically the husband is dead and all ties cut off. She is free to mingle as she pleases.

What they committed was fornication.

Morally, they were wrong.

pickabeau1:
Story

Read the post by greatgod2012 and adjust your thinking accordingly this Easter

Toodles

I think you should adjust yours

Several threads have been opened on women This women that but you don't remember that irresponsibility is not gender neutral.

I opened a thread for ladies only a while back does not mean guys should not be well behaved.

Not everything shod result into a gender fight.

The OP even culled it from a blog sef

Perhaps the original writer is also into men bashing.

pickabeau1:
Now that Lent is over, it seems we are back to bashing men on NL

The OP is a guy who noticed Some stuffs married men do and highlight it.

He made it clear that it was not a bashing thread.

Or are men saints to you?

Goodnight

tolexy007:
God bless u bro....it will nt b okay if tinubu is controlling two country at a tym, cos I c lag as a country on hiz own

It is well

God's will be done