₦airaland Forum

justwise:
The wife is ready to apologise but the gangster MIL is not having it...she wants a replacement, a doormat to walk all over

I would like to know the reaction of the married men if their MIL or FIL slaps them.

meimoks:
Why can't your wife do her chores herself? Your wife brought her to help and that's part of the job

Did you read the OP?

Luckily you are a Lady too.

5minsmadness:
Loooooooooooooooool
Av asked her before oh! The way she faces matters like this y wonder what kind of guy will be good enof for her

A man interested in keeping his vows

Not everyman lacks integrity and self control.

pretydiva:
Send d wunmi of a gal packing. She's a goat in sheep clothing. Dont allow her destroy ur biuriful home. After dat, discuss wif ur mother in law n hear wat she has 2 say b4 u later confess 2 ur wife 4 peace 2 reign.

You are kidding right?

Wumi is the goat?

Closetoheart:
Thank you all. As for d car, i put our names: adekunle and ciroma nwachukwu.

As for my MIL...Case continues

You be WAEC official ? Lol!

@MIL calling your child her last born: I don't know where you are from but my mum used to say that one's first born is like her sister

By that logic, your MIL is 'right'

She might mean no harm and understand that your MIL will probably be less boundary conscious than your mom.

@car: good one
Not a fan of single ownership in marriage.

okotv:
that's a new one. Thought you were a feminist. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

What has feminism got to do with it?

jaybee3:
You are hyperventilating over nothing
Your MIL will not always be around so why make an issue out of nothing?

Yes in an ideal world she would give you guys space but she hasn't so you just have to deal with it diplomatically. Just say you've heard and do whatever pleases you and your hubby shikenna

With reference to the car, talk to your husband first and ask for his preference with the registeration.

Mr and Mrs is probably the best way to go about it

How will you feel if your MIL behaves in the same way?

honeychild:
I think the cause of the problem is this:
A lot of women endure very painful and bitter marriages. They go through life depressed and oppressed by selfish husbands.
They live solely for their children, sacrifice everything for them and hardly do anything for themselves. (As I am typing this I am wondering if I am not falling into that trap myself lol) And they console themselves that 'when my son grows up he will be do everything his father did not do for me'. When the son gets married, and she sees the daughter in law enjoying a life style she never had, of course she gets bitter and jealous.

I always remind myself and my friends - whatever lace or George or gold you want to wear, please buy it for yourself now and enjoy it. whatever car you want to drive, please buy it for yourself now and drive it - don't wait for Emeka to buy you 'jeep' when he grows up. He will not.

This is a major reason

If they don't live for themselves, they should not disrupt the life of their sons.

freecocoa:
Now I see why you are sounding this way, if you can't take the woman who contributed to the DNA of your wife and children like your mum, you will never be able to give her the respect she deserves.

The rule that you treat your MIL like your mom is political.

It rarely plays that way in real life.

Rarely is the operative word

babyosisi:
And you will never know the degree until marriage
Didn't someone share how they hide their laces and wrappers when their MIL come visiting
Imagine

God help us

Spouses must learn to place boundaries though

freecocoa:
Did you not read that they were okay as that the time of this incident? What other issue needs resolving na?

Seriously you are asking if I want to compare? Any sane person knows where to draw the line, but being married doesn't mean your family become strangers, mama did no wrong wanting pics, people who love each other take things from themselves all the time, there is no boundary with pictures you can always get back with family, unless someone is very malicious, in which case, the DIL is the culprit, unless you believe mama wan jazz her grandchildren.

Then, I must say, your family isn't close knit if they can live like this.

Except you are living with the OP, I will believe his interpretation of events.

He clearly said that Wife and Mama are not in good terms

And this is not about my family's closeness... It is about us understanding the fact that my brother is now married and there are new rules to play by.

If we doing that and maintaining peace means we are not close knit, we wear that badge with pride.

Thanks

crackhaus:
Telling a woman not to marry a man whose mother she doesn't get along with is the best preventive and pro-active (in retrospect) step to avoiding situations like that in the OP.

Why dive into murky waters with both eyes open and not expect to run into problems?
Unless the woman is really desperate for marriage, which is a point I made in my original comment.

It will depend on the degree of not getting along.

freecocoa:
I'm terrified at how you think it is very easy/okay that a mother should avoid her son's house and her grandchildren, because she and DIL can't get along? It's quite shocking.

Her son can come to her house and take stuff and she can't do the same in his, because he's married? Is he married to the devil? I'm sorry, I can't relate to the example you used, how does cousin and mother compare?

Please don't be

If they do not get along, she should seat her butt in her home till the issues are resolved.

You want to compare her son coming to the home he grew up in to Mama visiting the son and wife in his home? Please please

My mother is like a MIL to my cousin's wife because my aunt is dead and she 'handed' over her kids to my mum.

Just see my cousin as my brother if it helps.

crackhaus:
I refuse to believe this, it is absolutely not true.

I never saw or heard of a mother who pretended to like the woman her son wants to marry only to show hatred for her after marriage without the wife first doing something serious that turned her MIL against her.

Emphasis on mother BTW, because I know that a man's sister(s)/brother(s) can pretend to like his intended wife, but never his mother - unless you have a personal real life example that you've witnessed, and even that will be the exception.

I have heard of cases where mothers 'pretend' to like their DILs and show their colors after marriage (However, I have not had the opportunity to observe maybe the hate was underneath)

Telling women not to marry men because they do not get along with the MIL to be seems quite extreme though there are some cases that the girl should run 4 40.

E.g: the crazy thread where the MIL to be wants to bath with her

freecocoa:
Story said they normally don't get along but they were alright the day this problem occurred, does the fact that they had issues before mean they can't be cool ever? It's obvious DIL hasn't forgiven mama hence the refusal.

What do you mean "someone's house"? This is her family for fecks's sakes, an extension of herself and you think being overly formal is the best way to relate?

Except you don't think there can be peace in extended family will you think like this, my family fight plenty but we don't do hate, there's no place for that. DIL did not behave like someone who loves her MIL, my mother shouldn't slap me but if she does for any reasons, I will walk away, she must feel bad about it.

Her family she has 'authority' over is her nuclear family... she can go grabbing stuffs there

I never said she should be overly formal but she must abide by their rules... Same thing I will tell DIL if she was to go to MIL's place.

My maternal extended family is very close knit; I know 99.9% of my family members so I know what close knit means.

One of my cousins married a wife who does not like extended family ish and we let her be (Woe betides anyone who would try any nonsense in-lawism with her anyways)

Things are so so that when we were prepping for an event, we had to take our toothpastes, soaps, some foodstuffs etc. Once there was no food, we went to the next available food joint and bought food there. When we did another event there, we brought the stuffs used to cook yet some of us did not get meat while she kept the rest inside her freezer (we ate the food with joy and forgot the whole stuff)

None of us faced her to say bla bla.... when we get to our homes, we behaved as we like and ate what we wanted.

It is her home, her rules.

It is how the husband carries his wife that they will carry her too

Same with the husband.

Like the pastor says during a Church wedding, make your objections now or forever hold your peace!

I will always place the blame on MILs and SILs in issues like this except in extreme cases...

If you don't like the way you are treated, leave! leave!! leave!!!

Double post

BABE3:
I was going to add that. You beat me to it.

All these drama between in-laws and wives can be avoided. I dunno how people gather strength to constantly deal with bad in-laws. Stay away from them in the first place; especially if the husband is #teamMum or #I'mNeutral.

I mean, there are too many families available to settle for a hostile one.

But some people love drama though. They love the constant power struggle.

Some in-laws pretend to accept the wife and show their colors after marriage

Some wives are terrible too. Heard of one who always complained hubby bought mama stuffs; she was working alright

And again, what a wife is expected to take will never be dished to the husband

Don't be surprised if this same MIL wanted to take some pictures from her daughter's home and her SIL stopped her, she would stop and even apologize

freecocoa:
The reason why I think the wife takes greater blame.

MIL might have gotten offended, thinking "how can this small girl be insulting me like this" and gave DIL a resounding slap, DIL being the " be you who, I no send" type showed mama say she doesn't give a hoot., this type of people are hardly innocent.

The truth is that, no matter how much one's parents respects them, there can and always is a time when they expect you to recognize authority, it is a very good quality everyone should have, DIL doesn't seem like someone to make excuses for in cases like this.

For MIL to go straight to take pictures doesn't mean she's bossy, my mum is one of the gentlest and most humble people I know, her kind of humility even pisses us off sometimes(no exaggeration) yet she will do something like take the pictures because she's genuinely happy, DIL could easily get those pictures back, she is not in any way supposed to fight because of it, an oppressed person doesn't behave this way.

You do not take the property of people you are not in good terms with.

MIL certainly knew that she and DIL were not good and still went to pick pictures

When you go to someone's house, you do things as they want you to do it.

The earlier inlaws realize that, the better for them.

I am talking as an inlaw and a wife (both sides)

MadCow1:
Me?

Suffered abuse?

From my mother?

Or whose mother abused me?




Nah hommie.. My mother was the ultimate in women. Nobody comes close. A Lioness towards her kids, an eagle towards her husband. I grew up in the perfect home. Never once saw my father hit my mother, only once did I ever witness my father take sides with a Pastor against his wife and he saw the end result, made his peace with his wife and it has never repeated itself till tomorrow. My parents are the ideal model for what a good and sound marriage should be.

That said; My mother also taught me the importance of a wife to a man. She always taught me to treat my wife the same way I saw my father treat her. Though we are close, she knows that my wife comes first. My mother taught me to never place anybody including her above my wife. My mother taught me to love and cover my wife jealously like a mother would her child. My mother also taught me not to hit my wife.

Now if you are a mummy's boy, please be that as I am also a mummy's boy. But if you can't tell that your wife comes before your mother, then you may want to go ask your mother if her husband (your father) was her twin brother that she married.

I always dey gbadun your posts on 'some' issues

MadCow1:
My Father sent his mum packing from the house after she had blatantly refused to allow his new wife then (my mum) have any peace at home. Infact one day my grandma came from the village with a girl and started evicting my mum from the house. Needless to say my mum stood her ground and threw my grandma out of the house with the girl. When my dad returned from work and saw his mum outside, he found out what happened, gave her money to go find a hotel to stay the night and return to the village with an instruction not to return until she was ready to respect and accept his wife.

Needless to say, but after many years (over 6 years) of no communication, they reconciled and became the best of friends and became even closer than my Dad was to her.

I remember when I went through a serious fight with my mum and went to my Dad to mediate, he said something to me that I would never forget; He said I know your mum is wrong and I have told her in my own way, but if you expect me to take sides with you on this matter against my wife then you are stupider than I would have thought. My dad always made it clear that in every situation, his wife comes first even before us his kids.

That is the same mantra I hold till this day. Find a good woman and marry her and hold her close to your heart. Protect her with all you have against everyone and everything including yourself and even your kids. Never make your wife feel like she is an outsider, never take sides with anybody against her. Never reprimand her in the presence of a third party. Treat her like you would treat yourself as she is an extension of you not a third party.

Even my mother knows she can't touch my wife.

LOL! @ bolded

Must have inherited your dad's personality

MadCow1:
My take..

First and foremost Sir, you are a married man and your loyalty is to your wife and kids not your mother. This is the harsh and hard truth.

Secondly your mother has the least right when it comes to making demands in your matrimonial home. The mother of the baby refused to give her pictures of the baby and she has every right to do so because she is the mother. Remember that your mother's beef with your wife stems primarily from the fact that she is your mother so technically she is being served with her own medicine. The photographs are of your child and if your mother wanted any of them, she should have asked your wife or your permission first, not to proceed to take it without her consent.

And the fact that your mother threw the first slap is even most shocking to me. Some wives would have laid her out with one blow. Your wife has every right to protect herself in her house from anybody including you. Let me make it clear; The intruder here is your mum, the person who instigated the fight is your mum, the person who threw the first blow is your mum, the person who had the right to give out photos of the baby is your wife and if your mum got scratched in the process it was as a result of your mother's failure to act with maturity. She could have waited for your return to ask for the photos but rather she took it upon herself to assault your wife and got what she had coming.

Finally, if all efforts to genuinely broker peace fails, then in the interest of your immediate family, keep your mother in her home and keep your wife in hers. Nothing says they must be friends. But in all, your primary interest should be towards your wife not your mother.

Thank you!

All these things happen because of how the husband presents his wife to his family!

emmatok:
This is 2015 and divorce rate is on the high side.

The wife is behaving that way to separate t
he man from his mother.This woman will destroying the man, then ru away.Thats code of 2015 selfish wifey.

I won't sacrifice my happiness for any selfish woman.
Marriage is not a must.

That is a good conclusion my brother

Nobody wants a selfish man/husband too.

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

@OP:

Sad you are caught up in this mess

Your mom is very much at fault here. It is NOT her pictures (she has a right to have the pictures of her grandkids) however this is you & wife's copies. If she wanted some pictures, she could have asked you to reprint for her.

Assuming she asked wifey and wifey said NO, she should leave it at that (probably 'report' wifey to you later or ask you for it).

She also knew there was bad blood between them and as an elder, know that your wife will not be comfortable giving the pictures to her.

I also do not know what gave mama the guts to slap your wife. You need to look into at how you present her to your family.

Your wife should not have fought your mom (easy to say) and should apologize


YOU:
It is your duty to protect your wife from your family and vice versa. The moment you said I do, you left your parents/family and determined to build a new home with your wife which is controlled by the both of you.

Your family members are jokers and you need to address whatever gives them the guts to mess around in your home.

ANYBODY not comfortable with your rules should go elsewhere

I wonder why some in-laws do not know their place as in-laws.

@end of mother and son relationship: you can tell her that you cannot end the relationship with your wife also.

Goodluck.

TheFilmmaker:
The mother was in her son's house.

She should have stopped him from getting married so that she can exercise her rights wella

Godmystrength:
and why should your FIL believe his daughter? He needs to confirm himself o

Welcome back!

Happy new year

Where have you been? Good to have you back.

Woged2005:
Aaaaaahh! Abeg my other topic is gradually turning into a war of words between people who believe in Karma and those who don't. I'm creating another topic here so that both parties can fight it out and enlighten us more.

Here are my positions on Karma..

Karma simply means that the thoughts and actions you send into the universe attracts same back to you.

Even Christ was beaten and nailed on the cross under excruciating pain. His cry out to the father in heaven to let 'The cup pass' did not save him from his appointed destiny, because it's already written. Even the Bible made it clear in new testament that "Ye shall reap what you sow" . Even Paul was later killed by the Roman Govt. That's how Paul left the world. Before repentance, he was going about killing and persecuting Christians...u can call that Karma or 'ifa' that's ur biz. Karma is also know as the 'Law of Cause & Effect',, 'The law of boomerang', 'the law of Harvest' in the bible. It's also buttressed by Newton's 2nd law of motion (action and reaction are equal and opposite).

People who justify that there's no karma because Christ died on cross the and washed away their sins, so their past is gone forever (called t[b]he theology of eternal grace[/b]) are simply being naive and want to eat their cake and have it. Jesus gave you salvation on the cross as a certificate to go to haven never means that there are no more consequences for your actions. Moses never entered the promised land did not mean God did nor forgive him. King David committed adultery with Batsheba and went through a time of gloom in his life because of God's wrath does not mean he ceased to be the 'Man after God's heart'.


I want to add that those bank robbers who killed policemen, a little teenage girl at Lagos and probably the bank staff/ policemen who tipped them with information may have succeeded in getting money, they won't go scot-free even if they repent, sow seeds, pay tithes and give testimonies in church. No sin goes unpunished. You can call it karma or what ever you like. If it doesn't fall on them, it will fall on their children.

God made it clear "I will visit the iniquities of parents on their children and great grand children..."

So please live you life knowing that even without religion, Karma is one thing Religion, Aetheist, Science, Philosophy agree on. There are consequences for your every action.

Thanks

God also said the 'soul that sinneth shall die'

devour129:
there's nothing wrong with a man finding a lady that " compliments " his wife as long as the wife can find a guy to complete what is missing in the husband . Sometimes I wonder if it's the same mother that raised a woman raised the man .

It is really a reason to wonder.

And supporting such with the Bible is appalling

TheSonOfMark:
How about Jada_Pinkett who ruined her marriage with her infidelity to Will Smith?

I thought you just said will and Marc got down?

Or did Will get down in reaction to Jada's cheating?

It was just nice to know why their marriage split.

babyosisi:
I don't blame him completely o
These our relatives can make one live fake lives just so you don't hear their mouths
I shared earlier that my husband washes his hands in the sink to eat his poundo like most people here
But when my MIL came visiting,after I served the food,she asked me where his water for hand washing was
Me wey baba God create with beaucoup common sense
I rushed into the kitchen and quickly converted my mixing bowl into a wash hand basin
Imagine if I had said" he can wash in the sink"
Ha
It won't come out well nau
They will say that the Mbaise wife he married had no manners,talking to her husband anyhow

That's why I said she should ask him.

If the guy thinks it is best to pretend when mama is around, then she knows What to expect.

Which goes back to the question: why can't Some MIL s let their son's marriages be?

TheSonOfMark:
Yes missy, Pinkett and Anthony.


That act ruined Pinkett's marriage to Will and Marc's to J.Lo

Good to know that J-LO was not the cause of the break with Marc Anthony

chibic:
married men shoud write their letter to alll these gigolos used as toy-boys who sleep with their wives when they are away on a business trip...

I remember listening to chaz B(RIP) on a programm about people who sleeps with married men/women and some of these toy-boys where texting saying " we are just helping oga do his job when he's not around"..looool

Lol @.helping

Seems the singles are overwilling to help while the married do not appreciate it

Hahahaha!

Funny thread.

A woman cheats and the man faces the culprit; his wife

A man cheats and the woman blames everything and anything apart from the culprit; her husband.

When will the married men write their own letter?

So that it will be balanced and We have all the views?