₦airaland Forum

thorpido:
Except for a few men, men generally step back when their children marry. It's the women who want to get involved. I guess it's the attachment they have towards their sons and the feeling that one small girl has now taken his attention.

I think it is because they were miserable in their marriages and took their sons as their second husbands

Believe me when I say 99% of these terrible MILs would expect their daughters' husbands to do the very same things they are not happy their sons are doing

If it is not wickedness at worst or hypocrisy at best, I do not know what it is.

chaircover:
Good Morning House. Love you all

Osisi thanks for sharing your inlaw story. We will be MIL's too one day and Ive learnt from this.


I want to encourage someone this morning

Good Strong Marriages do not immediately start that way. Its takes time, It takes commitment, It takes sweat and tears, It takes you sometimes being right but having to choose to just let it go for peace and sanity at that point.

It takes you having to leave your comfort zone and even leaving behind some of your ideas, attitude and outlook towards certain things.

Sometimes you have to prove yourself over and over to him before it finally clicks and this is the bit where people find the hardest

The first year we got married. Mothers day came and went and not even a happy mothers day greeting from him. I spoke to him about it and he replied without catching breath that I wasnt his mother. The thing really pained me that day.

It took time for him to realise that I was not just a wife but also a mother, friend, sister and everything else too to him. I had to prove it to him. Now you wont beleive that its the same mouth that uttered those words years ago

You also have to prove that you are mature, and that he can confide in you his weaknesses and you wont throw it in his face in an argument

You have to prove it to him that you are wise and not just a beautiful face

You have to prove it to him that he can trust you to hold the fort in his absence or when he needs your support.

You have to prove it to him that you wont hurt him

All this can take years and a simple statement said in anger can jeopadise the hard work and push him back into hs shell

Genrally speaking, men are not "talkers" especially about their innermost feelings

Men have ego and that ego can be very fragile too.

The best thing that a woman can do for herself is to get her man to totally trust her with his heart and to have his listening ear . . . Its not easy, but once you secure that position the rest of the ride is much easier.

It takes time and if you are not quite there, dont worry. Keep on working at it and you will get there and you will see a man who totally strives towards making you happy, because you make him happy too.

It goes both ways else the marriage would be a burden on the wife

On a second thought, why should people marry those they do not intend to listen to

E don happen!

Interesting topic:

Male education is better than female education because...

1. Males have two heads
2 . Males have two brains
3. Loading...

OP develop these two points while I get more

thorpido:
You know sometimes when I see it,I often wonder how I would cope with it if I were a woman.
Walk,u no walk well
Laugh,your laugh no sound well
Cook,e too get salt,put small the thing no sweet
E fit make woman enter menopause quick!

When we had our baby and my mum came to bathe the baby,she will wail so loud.My wife couldn't say anything,I was the one who had to say,Mummy the water is too hot na.She said yes,it's good for the baby's body.I said nooo,it should be lukewarm.If it was my wife that complained,mother could misinterpret that.
It's good when the husband is on the wife's side.

It is nice you appreciate the shoes Some ladies walk in

Why it is majorly MILs that are terrible is unfathomable to me.

The stuff she complains her son does, she would be very glad a man did same for her daughter

May God grant you and family the fortitude to bear the loss

RIP

thorpido:
Physiotherapist
Thanks 4 d compliments.

That's nice

Are you in Nigeria?

ozzugworlee:
which key leads to the padlock?

Key 1

moca:
Some have been complaining bitterly.
Some men have taken their wives spending habit to the kinsmen,to tell u how serious it is.
Some women spend the monthly feeding allowance on asoebi and jewerlies.

Some homes have dissolved because of the way women spend money lavishly.

At a time,the catholic women's organisation brought out a uniform for all cos wives makes hubby's wanna steal for august meeting,s wears.
Yes,all these makes a hard working man to go to one joint and cool his head sometimes after work. The rest they say is history.

Nigerians r very if not the most flashy and materialistic set of people in this planet earth.
We love to show a lot.
And guess what? It's our men that suffer for that. This is fact.
If it's ur own money,i wouldn't mind but u sit at home and spend as if ur hubby is related to dangote,haba!

If the husbands complain, then I support them 100%

Yea some wives can spend for Africa

chaircover:
Mu hubby was/is like that
It took him time
He still buys inapprropriate gifts but he is gradually getting there
I had to drop my expectations
I had to understand that we are different, from different backgrounds & 2 different people. He is not so much into presents and just buys the first thing he sees, whereby I will buy a gift tailored to you.
I had to tell myself that he doesnt mean any harm . . thats just him
Ive received all sorts of things
My 1st wedding anniversary present was a picnic basket

I have received unsigned cards and Ive received cards with scrawly writing that I cant even read (He is not a doctor)
He doesnt read the inside of cards, he just picks the first one that says "wife" and goes to pay for it.
Ive received gifts with prices still on

Once he ordered a orange and purple birthday cake for me . .I dont know who to blame, him or the baker

The day I start on a diet is the day he will buy a huge box of chocolates

I have a laptop, a notebook and an Ipad, but he still bought me another laptop for my birthday.
He waits till Xmas eve to buy Xmas presents and so can only enter the first shop in the shopping centre before rushing back home due to crowd.

. . . . . .But I know that he loves me and that is the most important thing and when you have that a the back of your mind. Everything else doesnt seem so "bad"

100% true

When you are assured of your spouses' love, it goes a long way in how issued are seen/handled.

moca:
There is one important aspect I want to touch.
Spending.
D truth is that some women spend money as if there is no tomorrow.
Haba. Brazillian,horse,peruvian,all join,they r competing at d detriment of their family.
Every owambe,they r there with d matching clothes.

Though ur hubby might not complain but majority don't like it. And the old saying that u judge a caring man by his wife's standard of living will make some to keep mute.

I was at d parking lot in shoprite when one man was complaining to another that wifey just went in to shop with 70k and at d end of the day,she will come out with nothing tangible. And truly she came out with nothing tangible.
She and her entourage.
As soon as they came out,hubby closed his mouth and pretended all is well. Guess he never knew I was nearby.

This drives a man into d hand of another woman.
Makes a man keep late night.
Or start bozzing.
Ladies,safeguard ur home.

Immediately after my wedding, a galfriend asked me "where is ur own car? If na me,i no go gree o. Or rather I will be going to work with his. U can't marry this type of man and u r not riding d latest car in town"
That was d beginning of the end of my friendship with her.

Be wise.

No body is a mind reader

If the hubby has issues with his wife's spending habits, he should say so to ensure resentments does not build up and both parties are aware of their spouses' expectations and strive to meet them.

Beverlyjean:
Good day nairalanders , am new on this forum and I actually registered here so that I can get a credible and mature solution to my lingering emotional and relationship problem.

It goes like this; I have a bf that I have been dating for a year now and he is a very wonderful Person, he is my first love and I really love him so much because he gives me a different kind of feeling that I have never felt before , but my dilemma is that I met another guy a month after I accepted to date my bf , we were normal friends for the first one month though I never told him I had a bf until he surprisingly made his intentions known to me . This other guy has been an angel in my life and we started hanging out frequently due to my bf not being around because he traveled out of the country , this other guy has been the most loving and caring guy that I have ever met, he is always there for me and showers me with so much care love and time . He then introduced me to my introduced me to his family ( his mum and dad inclusive) and they loved me at an instant and started welcoming me and calling me their daughter . Now this other guy is 30 while I turned 21 in December and my guy is 23 . This other guy has a great job and ready to settle but his not rushing me saying that he will wait till I am ready . The problem is that I don't have the type of love he wants me to have for him , the thing is that I love my bf so much and I am not ready to let him go . My bf missed my graduation , my birthday and Val's because he had some pressing issues though he sent me my gifts through mail but the other guy was there for me , came for my grad at gwagwalada, took me to a lovely restaurant on my bday and surprised me with a lovely gift and also spent time with me on Val's day and it was so lovely. My bf is around but I see him only 3 times a month and I don't complain but this other guy sees me like 4 times a week .

I have been in a romantic relationship with the new guy although we have done something's apart from direct sex because I am a virgin . This other guy has sacrificed a lot for me but I wanna let him go because he really want me to leave my bf and stay permanently with him , but I love my bf so much and my feeling for him is not strong . He said the reason why I don't love him is because my heart is somewhere else and the moment I leave my bf , I will start loving him as long as I concentrate solely with him.

He also said that even if I leave him and my bf should later find out what I did with him , that my bf will dump me , if not now but later and I will loose the opportunity of everlasting happiness with him ( the other guy)

I care a lot about the other guy and I have feelings for him but I love my bf a lot , even though he loves me more that my bf does.

The other guy also said my bf is still young and might disappoint me in the future . I believe my bf will not because I can guarantee that he is not cheating on me and will not .

The following are the questions that keep on giving me sleepless nights :

1. Will my bf dump me if he eventually finds out bout what I did with the other guy.
2 . Will my bf or me fall out of love as we grow due to the age
3. Am I sure that he is not cheating on me or later leave me for someone else
4. Should I loose my virginity to him to prove my love
5. Will I find another lovin guy like the other guy later in life if my guy leaves me
6 . Will I leave to regret leaving the other guy
7 . Should I follow my heart or head because my heart says my bf but my head says the other guy
8. Will I fall inlove with the other guy if I stop seeing my bf?

Please help me with very mature answers because this will play a vital role in my life in the future .

Ladies that have experienced this come forth and guys that understand the way guys reason should help out pleaseeeee , because am still a novice when it comes to relationship issues. Thank you

@OP:

Good day

Let me summarize the facts as I get them:

1. You have dated your 1st boyfriend for a year + and according to you, he is wonderful et al. He gives you a wonderful feeling you have not felt before (is it before you met guy number 2 or after)?

2. You met guy number 2 one month into the relationship with guy 1 i.e. you have been carrying both guys for 1 year.

3. Guy 2 is very caring because he showers you with gifts, take you out, meet up with important dates in your life etc. (i.e. the underlining is money)

4. Guy 1 is not readily available? Any reason why? Is he working? A student? What stage is he now?

5. You have a loveometer to measure who loves you more between them

6. Not once did you mention what you want to do e.g. job, service, masters etc. I take it you don't a plan for yourself?

7. The Guy 2 wants to blackmail you to leave guy 1 as he is ready (financial muscle? and availability) which the guy 1 does not have

My thoughts?

1. You do not love your first boyfriend.... if you did, you would not entertain a second man. He is your first and you ideally want the relationship to last.

2. You are easily swayed... in your words, you love 1 but care about 2 because he cares about you financially

3. Your relationship with one does not have a direction; you ought to know what guy 1 does and why he could not meet up with these events. (not blaming this on you alone)

4. Guy 2 might never never trust you. You managed to string him along for a year with guy 1. He is already telling you that you will learn to love him if you ditch guy 1 and concentrate on him solely..... He would want to track you to ensure that you concentrate on him solely and that's how abuse starts

5. Guy 1 might not be interested in the relationship either because of his unexplained aloofness.

6. You do not have a plan for your life; what do you want to do with your own life? You are 21yrs and not 31yrs so your sole goal should how to press forward in life and not boyfriend matter.

To the answers of your questions:

1. Will my bf dump me if he eventually finds out bout what I did with the other guy: Most likely

2 . Will my bf or me fall out of love as we grow due to the age: Only time and your commitments to making it blossom will tell. There are stories of people who married at 17 & 21 celebrating 84yrs of marriage in love and people married in their 30s divorce. I met my husband when I was 17 and he 21 and we married about 8yrs later waxing stronger

3. Am I sure that he is not cheating on me or later leave me for someone else: Oh well you are cheating so his cheating at worst is a revenge . Just as he is not available to meet some of your needs & wants, you are not available to meet some of his needs and wants also. As for leaving you for someone else, anything can happen tomorrow

4. Should I loose my virginity to him to prove my love: Loose your virginity to guy 1 or Guy 2? When did sex become a proof of love madam?

5. Will I find another loving guy like the other guy later in life if my guy leaves me: We are not God sister! you are already concluding guy 2 loves you more than guy 1... classic!

6 . Will I leave to regret leaving the other guy: see 3 above

7 . Should I follow my heart or head because my heart says my bf but my head says the other guy: This one is strong. I was thinking guy 2 would even be heart things

8. Will I fall inlove with the other guy if I stop seeing my bf?: You already 'love' guy 2, you are just using guilt to suppress the feelings so yes, you sure well

I would say you end the relationship with the both of them, take stock of both relationships/what you want out of love and know if it is going to be the either of them or a third party.

And babes, I do not think that Guy 2 loves you at all. He might marry you because you are young, a virgin and a graduate but love, I doubt it

Goodluck

kennygee:
So the bible says, there are no exemptions.

That would mean God was leading Saul to sin against Him

You go to war to fight aka kill

Soldiers are employed to go to war

A soldier killing in battle is only earning his salary

It is however wrong to kill/torture a prisoner of war or rape the women or plunder the cities.

Tallesty1:
Hian......


I am not ready for that debate but I can give you few places to read in the bible.

First, I want you to know that the popular concept of hell is a mixture of small bits of Bible truth combined with pagan ideas and human imagination.

That said, God is a God of love who does not want any to perish (2 Peter:3:9). He tells us to love our enemies (Matthew:5:44). "He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust alike"

In John 12:32 christ said And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.

Both the sinners and saints.

In Matt. 21:31 Jesus says: "Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you"

Luke 23:43 And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee today, thou shalt be with me in paradise.

I am not ready elaborate now maybe some other but we were told that "Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away" (Revelation:21:1).

The first heaven and earth passed away with both hell and wickedness.

Peter explained it a bit. "the heavens will pass away with a great noise, and the elements will melt with fervent heat; both the earth and the works that are in it will beburned up"(2 Peter:3:10). The implication is that the surface of the earth will become a molten mass, obliterating any evidence of human wickedness.

What is this second death that revelation is talking about

If you believe Peter, why not John in Revelations?

Even Jesus told stories about hell... E.g. the 3 servants who were given talents; the 10 virgins etc. etc.

If Nobody will go to hell, what is the motivation to live a righteous life?

If everyone is assured of a 1st class in the university, what is the motivation to read?

Modified:

The same God who is loving destroyed the first world by flood, destroyed Sodom & Gomorrhea

Remember... For our. GOD is a consuming fire...

OK let me ask, What is the punishment of sinners

The second death are for people whose name are not found in the book of life.

It is everlasting damnation in hell

It would also help reading a whole chapter or passage to understand a particular verse

Weah96:
The easiest way to get away with crime among black people is to attach a REV or APOSTLE or PASTOR in front of your father's name. Then it's free hunting season. People will even have the courage to give you their money to keep for them, without even asking for a receipt. Hahaha.

Then the person is foolish

Weah96:
Chai!! (Puts both hands on top of head). There is absolutely zero hope for Africans. You just pick a book and begin to conclude that you now know what happens after death. The same book that has ALREADY LIED finish. What is the point of having a brain if you're not going to use it?

Tallesty1:
What if I can prove to you that the idea of being put to hell was invented by humans?


I am a Christian and I don't believe in being to hell fire forever, the filthy ones will pass through fire for purification and refinement but it is temporal.

You can't win this ma.

There is hell and sinners will be there forever...

Revelations 20:10-15

10 And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever.

The Judgment of the Dead

11 Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them.

12 And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books.

13 The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done.

14 Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death.

15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.

What a story!

Would make a very good movie

Me thinks some top wigs killed/unkilled the Gloria babe to keep her silent.

IBB's coup 3mths after and Dele's death are suspect.

Even if Buhari comes in, the probability of finding out what actually happened after he left is slim. IBB and co had a long time to clean out all necessary evidence and traces back to the culprit.

Nollywood should pick it up.

Tallesty1:
I got her point quite alright but what she said bout Christians and Muslims is what riled me. It is not necessary at all.

What riling stuff did she say about Christians and Muslims?

Have you read Elnathan's satire on 'the Nigerian god'?

If both parties practice what is preached exclusively, our world would be a wonderful place

And what is wrong with the picture?

The Corpers seem to enjoy themselves and I am sure they will gist their friends how they hopped on a wood lorry to CDS.

These pictures would definitely be among the cherished ones of the service year.

Tallesty1:
This is a counter-thread sort of because I was compelled to write it after reading a thread on front page that was written by standd.
https://www.nairaland.com/2173143/how-love-god-hate-neighbours.

The title is How can you love God but hate your neighbor

I am going to use the bible to answer all her questions.

1 John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?.

It is unfortunate that Teachings of Jesus Christ have been altered terrible by men that use it for their own selfish gains.

Standd in the the beginning of her post joined herself with Muslims to safe herself from being bashed by them then she aligned herself with Christians in the later part of that same post to escape being bashed by Christians.
You are really smart but the truth is You neither a Muslim nor a Christian, you are an atheist. I don't care if you sleep in church, murderers go to church but no murderer is a Christian. Not one.

She also said something about the exemplary life an atheist which is likely to be true but she didn't write anything at all about good Christians or Muslim or the wicked atheist.

This is an excerpt from her post.



What did Jesus teach?

He didn't teach us to go to church every Sunday.

He didn't teach us to love Christians and hate Muslims

He didn't teach us to be violent, Rather he taught us To Love Our Neighbor As Ourselves. Have you not read about the good Samaritan?

Like I said earlier, it is unfortunate that majority have been led astray by the wolves in sheep's clothing simply because the pastors teach them exactly what they want to hear.

Christianity is the largest religion in the world with over 2.18 billion members so it is uncommon and easy to see the Judas among them. You will equally be disappointed in atheism if they should be given half of the population of Christians reason being that the heart of men are desperately wicked.

Now To Understand Christianity.

Going to church doesn't make one a Christian.

Carrying big bible doesn't make one a Christian.

Speaking in 60ml tongues doesn't make one a Christian.

A Christian is one who lives by the examples that were set by Jesus Christ.

Christ’s followers are to demonstrate love for others, that is one. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Mat- thew 5:38-39, 43-44).

A Christian doesn't need to tell people what s/he believe. Orthodox Christians must be a walking Gospel. Our actions should teach, inspire, and motivate as much as our words do.

Jesus Christ set a perfect example of kindness and love. Throughout His earthly ministry, Jesus showed His love for others by blessing and serving the poor, the sick, and the distressed. He told His disciples, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you” ( John 15:12)

Majority of Christians do not have the spirit of Christ in them.(Note That) so don't be discouraged or write off Christianity as evil or the architect of the problems on earth when you come across such people. Scripture says that These people worship me with their lips but their heart is far from me.

We need to love each other irrespective of our differences. That's what Christianity preaches although people do the opposite.

I honestly doubt you understood standd's thread

Infact, this post of yours with slight modifications would be a good addendum to hers

She did not join Muslims to avoid bashing; she was formerly a Muslim turned Christian.

The summary of your point was the point of hers.

okotv:
its because am really engaged now so I hardly confront people. Whenever I see justification for things religion condemns by adherents, I begin to wonder which way forward.

The way forward is to the front

okotv:
Thank you @ the last paragraph.

I teach and practice cause that makes me a better person.

By the way, what didn't you want to spill earlier

Living the life practically.

It is absurd you see Fire speaking Christians supporting adultery or other stuffs you know are clearly wrong.

I am sure 90% of the people on NL who believe all men cheat. are either Christians or Muslims which both detest adultery

One poster standd has a nice piece on FP

@standd,

Lovely piece

Religion is indeed touchy however Christians and Muslims do not serve the same God yet We are to love our neighbors as oirselves

You have just encountered the Nigerian god as described by Elnathan

We are living religion devoid of life coupled with our hypocrisy horrible combo

Interestingly, these little things are highlighted in the Bible

Study the Bible more

Take care

okotv:
Am not married so I don't give marital advice.

Sanctification was what Christ prayed for his disciples in John 17:17 even after they were born again. It makes you more like Christ and possess that silent attitude just before the Cross. You think a mere mortal can do that for others ? That's what it entails.

To the issue at hand. Household chores regardless of whom will be a walk in the park for both party instead of throwing it overboard if they are both sanctified and heaven conscious.

Hope you get it

I get it

Lol!

You know, If people applied their religious beliefs to their daily life, This world would be a better place.

donpeey22:
Personally I can't sit at home because that would not only render me penniless but it's also boring.

I can't imagine myself sitting one place and not going out to contribute my quota towards the making or destruction of the world.

Some people find themselves in such shoes suddenly

lilmax:
Only if men knew


Well when you allow your wife take up your responsibilities as the head,you make sure you take up her responsibilities as surbordinate


Only pu.ssie.s will watch their wives become head,GOD FORBID

Your attitude doesn't help matters

So caring for the home front is the work of a subordinate?

coogar:
seem? seem?
and not that they are actually bitter & arrogant?

i give up!

Some are, Some are not

Chillisauce:
Takes over weekend, after hustling all week.
What will the husband be doing ? Watching champions league and screaming sai buhari

Lol!

Except her schedule changes, she should function as she does weekends. Cooking in bulk, cleaning places oga's handmight not rreach reach etc.

Chillisauce:
, my sister.
If husband no fit make money, he can take over the house chores .

Abi him be handicapped ni

Funny

However in all honesty, all hands such be on deck to make the home run.

The hubby can do the day to day maintainance and wifey takes over weekends or during her spare time.

coogar:
how's that post relevant to my point?

Why female breadwinners seem 'bitter' or 'arrogant '

okotv:
this household chores is a worldwide debate not only in Nigeria whether the man works or not. With all this petty fights over what and who to what is becoming boring...

To each his own..

I believe that lack of sanctification is the cause of petty issues been thrown overboard.

Pastor pastor!

Sanctification How?

Something is on my mind but want you to spill first