₦airaland Forum

coogar:
don't quote me next time if you cannot type.

cococandy:
Truth is female sole bread winners will never be able to get away with half of what male some bread winners get away with.
If he says something and she asks why,it is interpreted as pride because she's the one making the money.
No one will think it out of place if a working man comes home and gets upset because the wife was home all day and didn't make dinner for him.
Make a female sole bread winner try that one na.
All hell will be let loose.
She's controling him and turning him into a houseboy because he's not making money.
So basically if in naija, a female breadwinner has to take on 90percent of the family responsibilities and must remember to smile,grind and bear so that she won't be labeled proud and arrogant.
I mean seriously. Do you get to work in the morning,come back late and have the nerves to ask him why there are dirty dishes everywhere?
Also make sure to tell people he's the one that bought your car for you so that you won't be the bad wife that's taking the 'glory' for being financially responsible.

Chillisauce:
The husband should make sure her bath is ready, dinner ready, bath the kids and put them in bed . do the laundry, clean the floor, dishes. Serve her food fresh and hot etc.

After eating she will just sit on sofa and watch Kim Kardashian, episode 19.

Then, wake up tired husband up from sleep for a good jigijigi.

coogar:
o FCCit's a traditional & God-given role to the men. many men have been taking care of their girlfriends even before marriage - why would he see it as a burden to provide for his family after marriage?

it's a new experience for most ladies. if you add in the natural penny-pinching attitude of women to the equation, it's not hard to see the reason women mostly misbehave when the responsibility falls on their shoulders.

coogar:
why are most men always happy even when they have liability for a wife? why should the roles change just because a woman becomes the breadwinner? the truth is most women cannot handle success without being arrogant & disrespectful.

the money he makes is their money.
the money she makes is her money.

Princecalm:
it is just natural among Nigerians.

Daninya11:
To be honest with you op, the issue of birth control - use of contraceptives, condom and withdrawal is a major concern in the Christiandom..
The Roman Catholic are at the pivot of the matter but the debate still rages on with the pentecostal and evangelical with divergent view..
Sex is for procreation and intimacy (soul tie). Some scholars point to the fact that because God slayed Onan because he spilled his seed on the ground (withdrawal method) any form of birth control is wrong..
I know of a MOG who told me that before he got married, He told God that he wanted 3 children - 2 boys and a girl.. God answer his prayers oo, the man in question is almost 90 years.. Do you expect such a man to use birth control method when he has a God that answer prayer?
I will rather opine that, a man should ask God for counsel, pray and then act accordingly.
Next to God's word, there is no more precious treasure than holy matrimony..
Enjoy your marital life according to God's will

Princecalm:
Romantic gestures automatically end.

Pamcrest:
Lool Op, then we are all abusers. Though I agree with some points, I think some are just sometimes reactions to an unpleasant situation. Take myself for e.g, when he hurts me, my initial reaction is a loaded silence. And it will persist till he realizes his mistake. That's not emotional abuse naa
My humble submission

nutigal:
Brides, I will be getting married in May. My mom was like since I am getting married in the church, i would only go to the court for swearing of oath. She said that was how it was in their time. lol. But I see that people who go to the registry do a kind of wedding. please can someone explain the real process to me.

rugged7:
Thanks for sharing your story.
I know a lot of men will abuse u and say men can't be abused/raped by a woman, but i understand where ur coming from.
My story is slightly different...
I was quite young, and in my case, i had a much older auntie who would lie face down and ask me to climb ontop of her nyash.
I have a mental block of what happened subsequently but i can't recall that it went beyond that.
However, it hyper-sensitized me to women quite early in my young age and i think it later made me become extremely promiscuous with women uptil recently.
Infact, one of my longest relationships- with my ex-girlfriend was subsequently quite skewed along these lines.
She herself was extremely attractive, almost quarter-cast with those kind of hour-glass shape and apple shaped nyash you would kill for.
#I kid u not.
I have had women walk upto her and "toast " her when i wasn't looking. But she would tell me anyway. Once it occurred when she went with me to a unisex hair salon where i cut my hair atimes.
It was that brazen atimes.
She would tell me quite early in our relationship that she was dis-virgined by her direct auntie at a very young age..
Who would tell her that she should stay away from boys. That once they touch her, she would get pregnant.
Thus she had an almost paranoid /morbid fear of men. In effect, this skewed her emotionally towards women.
Her auntie would continue this relationship with her until the auntie left for the United states.
Subsequently she became extremely promiscuous with women.
I met her at this stage in her life.
She subsequently started to date me after much pressure from my side, but made it clear that she was addicted to the lesbian aspect already and didn't think she could stop it.
At that time, i didn't really care if she stopped or not.
As 1. i wanted her as a trophy since she was extremely beautiful.
2. I didn't really care as long as it was with other women and not any man.
3. It actually gave me a kick to watch her with other women or join in.

And i must admit-as far as i knew- and i knew a lot- i was the only man she dated during that time. The other people she slept with were all women.
And i mean a lot of women over the years.
But i remained promiscuous and she would occasionally catch me with other women.
Initially she would get angry, but after sometime she stopped being angry- this scared me atimes.
And would just tell me not to get too attached to the girl and we would always use a condom- it was like a religion to her.
We slipped a couple of times but generally that was the norm.
It was a happy ending in the end for both of us.
BUT, it could so easily have ended disastrously either way....
Such is life.
C'est la vie...

Joy1706:
Men always say that a woman becomes disrespectful as soon as she becomes the breadwinner. But what you guys fail to ask is, how was the man treating her when he was the breadwinner. Was he constantly cheating on her, physically, emotionally and financially abusing her? If that's the case I wonder why she'd be expected to show such a person love when he is down. Secondly, you men always say that no man wants a liability, justifying the man's ill treatment of her. Why do you now expect the woman to be happy when he becomes a liability? #justaskingsha

MizMyColi:
That is some dicey situation to be in. Not fair, in my opinion.

deennest:
not fair at all

synergycom19:
where was it started in the Bible? You don't Divorce your wife except on condition of Adultery. This is definitely RCCG doctrines. Teaching as doctrines commandments of men.

CharlesNneji1:
I preach being yourself. But bro; when a girl treats you badly and you still struggle to impress her you are not being yourself - you are being used.

Being yourself doesn't mean being a slave to your emotions and to a girl who doesn't have regard for you.

Be yourself, but still, be a real man while at it. Never be afraid to put down your feet and say NO when you are been ride on - that is my message.

remsonik:
Thanks babyosisi and the rest who have made intelligent comments. Please how do you draw the line or find a balance between caring,loving,respecting a guy and worshiping him or making him walk all over you. How can you not be too much of everything?

tosyne2much:
wooooow I love intelligent ladies.. Please send me your bank account lemme roll in some money I'm impressed by your comment

Something happened to me when I just got admitted into the Polytechnic.. I did a late registration and on getting to the faculty, it was confirmed that registration had closed.. I was so devastated and felt my world had come crashing down

I took a step backward and was heading back. Lo and behold, a woman in the admin office who never knew me from Adam wailed at me. I went to her and she said volunteer to help me out because my responsible look caught her fancy. Can you just imagine ?

I also remember a scenerio when my friend was ordered out of the HOD's office during registration because he had his name customized as a haircut

My dear, this is Nigerian not United States. I pity people who draw thrash on their body and expect people never to judge a book by its cover
. Many people with this belief have lost great opportunities out of ignorance

My chief lecturer always said that some people would be offered jobs at the door step by the reason of their appearance. He however stated that not everybody is being offered a job by his accurate tenses and dictions

When you tattoo your body in Nigeria, the society frown against it and you are being pictured whatnot.

My dear like I once said, we shoudnt always live our life the way we want, in fact, I don't believe in the saying "I live my life the way I want"

There are certain things I would like to do, but when i look at the home I come from, the bad impression it would give those who trust in me, I refrain myself from doing it (this is not the matter of living your life to please people). Why? Your lifestyle must be appealing and people should see you as a role model. If I really want to live my life the way it pleases and suits me alone then I should be smoking Indian hemps by now "I don care what people say ?

I'm not rich for now, in fact, I'm not running a 6 digit account balance but I can boldly say I'm a role model to many people. Many emulate my lifestyle because they think it will also do them good

Chillisauce:
Sure.
At least that will be his own sacrifice. Abi na only one person dey make sacrifice

edwife:
I was abroad and relocated in imo State after marriage,then back abroad after some years

edwife:
I did and I don't regret doing it I will post when I am less busy,but you can send me an email too if you want-I won't mind giving you a call

Chillisauce:
Giving up all you have to relocate in different countries have different advantages and disadvantages.

I can relocate from Nigeria to join my husband abroad knowing fully well no matter what happens, I will survive. Sane environment for the kids, job, law that favors all you put in the marriage,security, benefits etc.

Relocating from same country to jungle Nigeria, where you will struggle with 80% jobless individuals for 30,000naira job (a master's degree holder had this ).
If the man decides to misbehave, na only you go carry your loads Waka. They will even take the children from you. Pursue you from house.


Yes oh, I'm looking at the disadvantages, let others cover the advantage.


If you don't mind these, carry your loads enter plane go join yyour omalicha

MizMyColi:
What happened to the remaining Six wives?

Mintayo:
kiss of life?
kiss of death?
kiss of betrayal?

kilokeys:
kissed and pronounced healing

u are truly a miracle man..

u hv cured her from konji

5minsmadness:
OMG I just figured it out

[size=15pt]Bukatyne is the op!
[/size]
Damn ma'm you should av just said so from the beginning! So you are scared hubby is going to be lookin outside now that your br.eas.ts r looking like old unripe plantain
No wonder u were so pissed! Am sorry, am taking down that first post now!

But I didn't mean to offend ma'm seriously there is nothing u can do about it at this point. The only thing is to have faith that your husband loves more than just your bre.ast.s, he loves your whole person! You cant be young forever and neither can he! So when next u r having sex, remind him that you used to enjoy it when he sucked your brea..st like so and am sure he'll oblige u and do it again. Don't assume! Sex is not just about pleasing yourself, its about pleasing your partner! He'll be happy to suck it if he knows its what u like!


All the best hun!

cococandy:
You're right.
Those kind of people and the ones that will die in the marriage belong to the opposite extreme ends of the spectrum.

Those that will give their life to sustain an unsustainable marriage and those that won't even lift a finger to work on their marriage even when their problems areIII totally fixable.
I see both groups as extremely selfish.

The first group more concerned about keeping up an outside image of euphoria,more concerned about what people will say if they leave even when it hurts their kids and puts them in a position of being potentially motherless or fatherless.

The second group too insensitive and self centered to try make the little sacrifice it will take to restore harmony to the union and give their kids a more stable and balanced home.

I think Every couple should try to be inbetween these two extremities. Willing to work and sacrifice for the marriage and their kids while knowing when enough is enough so as to move on to avoid hurting themselves and their kids more than they already have.

babyosisi:
You are going in with a winning mindset
That will make you work and do anything ( within the confines of sanity) to make it work
I always add that portion in the parenthesis when I say things like this because there are things people may do and advocate to do that I will not do or advocate to do
All that fight for your marriage crap when your man is out there doing ikwokirikwo with other women,fathering children here and there or beating you black and blue and calling you ewu and Aturu in front of your own children and others
I am not about to fight for anyone nne
I wasn't created that way

On the flip side
Do you know people go into marriage with the mindset of

" if it works out good and well,if it doesn't we part ways"
Those ones will even file for divorce because he forgot their birthday till noon or didn't buy them a befitting gift at Christmas
Why should a Christmas gift be an issue when I can buy one for myself ?

5minsmadness:
That 'trash' just got 33likes. Now go and hang yourself

PilotOz:
i left her fast..