₦airaland Forum

Why does your wife want a five year gap?

Flytefalls:
Feel free to laugh but it doesn't change a thing. When you choose to marry, you accept the fact your wife now holds importance, do not brush her aside because your mother, or father, tells you to do so. Did your parents intentionally plan to raise a robot? I doubt it.

Your mother is someone's daughter, who became a wife, then a mother. Don't get emotional about it, this is the way things are. If you call all DIL's manipulative, then your mother is not exempt from that judgement. When you speak of wives, you are speaking of your own mother. When you speak of mothers, you are speaking of your own wife. Don't marry unless u understand that we are all prone to misjudgment and mistakes. No one is exempt, not even any mother, not even any wife.

Well all DILs are manipulative apart from the MIL and her daughter

VickJames:
First of, you didn't meet the man as an island and you can't come and claim him as if he is all yours. He has a family and has a responsibility to them and the family has a responsibility to him. If her mother sees something wrong in his son's life, she'll say it because you don't expect a mother to see something wrong and keep her mouth shut. No way!

DILs hate to be corrected and the MILs will correct you whenever you're wrong. Some DILs will cook meals for their husbands late and expect the mother not to be angry. She'll talk.

Some DILs will tell their husbands to stop some thing he is doing for his family and when the MIL finds out she'll talk. How do expect a mother a keep quiet when her son stops caring for him just because he has a fat woman at home he calls his wife. No way! Mother will talk.

Some DILs have seen the bound in the family of the husband. She is afraid that the man will be that close to her like he is to the family, she'll start poisoning the man's heart. Trust mothers, they'll talk!

Yes, her daughter has gotten enough teachings from the mother. Mother has taught daughter to know the MIL well enough to be able to avoid problems with the MIL.

The main reasons why most ladies have problems with MILs is that they don't take their time to get to know the MILs before running into marriage. Thinking marriage is all about me and my husband alone. Madam, you are on your own when u think like that.

Lols

The MIL described is not ready to have a smooth relationship with her DIL

Serious Lol @ she has taught her daughter like her DIL was not taught.

Such a MIL has failed If she could not select a well bred DIL for her son.

I also hope that the wife's father can also correct the husband

HML OP

Your joy shines through the pictures

Your joy will never cease, Amen

tchiwinnie:
@ Herz, i m thru o.Bt it didnt come out soo wonderfl . I think d qlty of my crayfish wasnt d best, dunno. And anoda thing, d upper part didnt 'cake ' well. its kind of soft, dont kno y cos i cooked it for more dan 1hr. Well, i ll do anoda one nxt wk. They say practice mks for perfection.

Mix for a long time and mix when putting it inside the nylons I.e. wrapped two pieces and stir for a while.

@softness: depends on the thickness of the paste. Also when it is hot, it is usually soft and hardens as it cools.

VickJames:
Be calm please, my mum had the best relationship with my dad his family. To the extent that whenever my dad travels to the village, they all ask of her as if she's the one they're missing.

These mothers you girls are crying hell about were once good when you were dating the man. Or you girls didn't take time to know them when you were dating the man?

You girls want to be the all and all in a man's life when you know he came from a family.

When your son gets married, leave him to his fate.

I am calm mister

Who should be the all in all in a man's life if not his wife and vice versa

Would you be happy your wife has placed her father or mother above you?

Why should the mother wait till after marriage before she starts her saviourship skills? What was she looking at before the marriage? Or she was not There when the officiating minister said everyone should talk now or forever hold their peace?

And I hope the salvation extends to her daughter or does she want to leave the daughter to her fate?

Kudos to you OP

adedoyin2015:
Hello house, pls do u tink about this?

Please I woke 5 days ago and heard my neighbour quarelling. the wife took their two daughter to her mother without the consent of the husband after collecting school fees for the kids from her husband. She went and registered the kids in a new school and in custody of her mother.
she said she was tied of the marriage because the man could not provide all her needs.
Now the man is so angry and he asked the wife to go bring his children and that the mother cannot raise his kids for him while he is still alive.
the husband has since stop to give them upkeep money and the wife has moved out of the house.

How was their marriage before now? Was the husband abusive?

What is the mother saying?

VickJames:
I disagree with some of your points there. The mother knows the son more than the wife no matter how the wife is close to the husband. Most wives are manipulative and turn their husbands to their switch but the mothers see these things and call their sons to order. They even go as far as warning the women to stop manipulating their sons.

A guy who has a kind of principle of life which the parents have seen and cherished, the woman will come with their manipulative ways and make the man think another way. A man that takes care of his family will start ignoring his parents because she wants money to do some things.

Our mother loves us more than you women can ever do, don't hate, just live with it.

Don't forget, mother's love and prayers keeps us going.

A mother who has the time to 'save' her son from his wife's 'manipulations' all the time has a terrible relationship with her husband.

And I would believe the manipulation nonsense If the same mother can warn her daughter to stop manipulating her son in law

Pray your mother has a loving relationship with your dad and she has stuffs going for her and let's see If she has time for deliverance.

Your here is not personal.

Yadoctora:
Mothers-in-law are calm in their daughters' homes. In fact, they join her in 'worshipping' her husband because they want her to stay married.

In their sons' homes, some believe the house is theirs and are bosses in their own right. It is not the same o. at all.

Thanks

Exactly What I was trying to tell her.

Which mother will go to her daughter's house and bright complaining on how her husband sits in the living room or How he Changes TV stations or How he does not help in chores to his face

Which mother will tell her daughter's husband that 'This is her daughter's house?

How many mother's will complain that their SILs help in the home or join their daughters to cook in the kitchen?

How many mothers will be happy that their sons behave the same way as their SILs?

Funny world.

cococandy:
Hmm. Who asked you to lock out your mom?
You're only asked to work on boundaries. It is your responsibility as the child of your mom.

If your wife takes your mom as she takes her own mom, trust me your mom won't like it.
She won't tolerate your wife the way her own mom tolerates her because that familiarity is not there.

I for one would even be more careful and watch my words towards my mother-in-law than my own mom.

My mom can say something or suggest something I don't like and I can comfortable tell her "mommy pls leave me alone"

But can I try that with my MIL? No of course not. Nigeria will hear . This small girl is asking her MIL to leave her alone. How rude!
I won't try to play rough play with her Except I'm willing to go through the wahala that will arise from the Serious misinterpretations that will arise from that my statement.

Mind you my husband cannot say such to my mom without coming off as disrespectful Hence I'm in a better position than my husband to caution my mom if she begins to brew trouble in my own home.

So how hard can it be for you guys to nip trouble in the bud when you see it rearing its ugly head?
Especially since you know your wife can't freely address your mom as you can.

No one asked you to lock out your mom. She's impotant in your life too. Everybody needs a loving and supportive family aside from their immediate family (husband,wife and kids)

I believe we are all adults. Let's not be simplistic towards human relationships since we know it is not all black and white.

Very nicely put together

Treating your MIL as you treat your mother is a very wrong advice. It might work, but it is generally NOT advisable.

Mom & my sis came to spend a week with us. If I asked mom What she wanted to eat in the evening, I could ask her to prepare it herself.

I organized ladies day in (hubby was not around) and I made. Fruit salad and got suya. I did not know that the fruits would stay fresh overnight in the Fridge So I did not add hubby's own.

When mom told Me it would stay, I just arranged my sis' own into a bowl with cover and told her to eat from mom's own after I added mine to it.

Let me try that with a SIL same age with my sis or with my MIL.

My mom will cook beans, I will tell her it is not sweet like my own and she will laugh... let me try that with a MIL na

In-law relationship is quite dicey and tricky.

My SIL got me two dresses which are not my taste; na thank you, thank you I dey talk.

If my mom bought me those dresses, I would return them back or ask her to give me the money next time

TooNoisy:
May be you need to understand what forsake means. It means to abandon, denounce, desert, disown, discard.

So do you think God wants to man to desert his family or to desert all other babes out there. I will stop there.

So are you questioning the vows?

Because that's What is There

TooNoisy:
Amen o. May God bless you.

As I have asked before, how come it is only the husband's mother that is always bad. The wife's mother is an angel and will do no wrong. They set strict boundaries for the husband's mother but give their own mother free reign when she comes around.

Lols

What I think you should do is compare How a mother bahaves to Her daughter and her daughter in law.

toluleke:
so I should lock out my family because I am married..my mum is old enough to give birth to her so she has to take my mum behaviour like she is her mother..the main key in marriage is endurance, understanding and wisdom...if I know you don't like something I would endure,not do what you don't and mingle with you with wisdom..telling me to choose that an insult and I am not her property.God should just give one a good wife..that can take you as you are..

I hope you are ready to take your wife as she is too?

TONYE001:
Right from the second we exchanged our vows, my wife became the first in any set if options....

Our God is not an author of confusion; as taught by the Bible, married couples should see themselves as one..how possible is it then for a person to choose someone else over himself?

The above logic does not imply that I do not have good parents as stated by someone up there. My parents are fantastic; they did a very good job bringing me up but no one can come before my wife. Simple.

I think situations like the OP narrated should be handled with wisdom without compromising your stance by reason of your marital vows.

A good wife or husband would not let issues deteriorate to the point where a spouse would have to make a choice between him/her and a parent.

May God help us all...

Good one

Any body who is NOT ready to place his wife/ her husband above everyone/thing else be it children, parents, relatives etc. Should not bother with marriage.

Your mother 's rightful place is beside her husband.

voltron:
On the contrary.. No 6 is the most relevant in any relationship. Love, Romance, Trust etc are virtues that cannot be measured however their presence influences the mood of any marriage. belief na for your pocket and from history we know that love is not forever. searching your man's stuff? You will find what you suspect most times and if you find nothing, your suspicions only grow stronger. why not focus on the bigger picture and try to spice up your relationship. if your man is looking outside then something was wrong from.the beginning and you accepted and overlooked it or some woman is working hard and smart at her relationship than.you are. stop searching start working

Lol @ your post

I definitely do not reward bad behavior and my husband cheating is telling me that the marriage is over.

I am not saying a wife should snoop on her husband but they must have access to their phones and devices.

But again if the husband puts his mother first, who will put the wife first?

Her son?

And I also think it is quite unrealistic to compare the wife's mother to the husband's mother

greatgod2012:
Thank God i was able to resolve the issue, i followed her to the house and met the man, the man narrated his side, and he said what normally causes the rancor is that each time he buys something for his mother, the wife usually complain that he takes care of his mother more than her. For example, the last one that involved me was, they all had a family owanbe, the man said he could only afford a particular amount that the wife should assist with certain amount. And after the wife calculated everything, she concluded that her hubby wanted to sylishly demand for the money of her own asoebi, which she regarded as cheating on her own part, that the man is buying for all others except her own, which led to serious conflict to the extent the wife was telling the hubby to choose between her and his mother.
That same place, i pointed the man's fault, as well as the wife's fault. But one on one, i made her realise that asking a man to choose between you and his mother will surely lead to this type of things. There are more matured, wiser and better ways of handling issues.
It is well.






CC
babyosisi
beetle
ladygogo

In this story the wife is more @ fault.

Don't know the full story to exhonorate the husband

TooNoisy:
Let's just look at the reality. If your mother were treated the same way by your brother's wife, will you be happy? If you brother's wife keeps telling your brother to choose between her and your mother, will you say advice him to choose his wife? Such a foolish question I must say.

The husband's mother also has daughters who are also married. How come mama is only bad in her son's house but wonderful in her daughter's house? Is it not the same woman? Her own married daughters would always welcome her in their house but her daughters-in-law don't want to see her.

All I can say is treat your mother in law the way you will treat your mother.

Re your last statement, what a mother would be happy seeing her daughter's husband doing, she might not like her son doing it.

2. She cannot claim rights in her daughter's martial home

@OP: the question is crazy.

FOREXMARTS:
Ahhhh, i think know the problem. Na you find trouble, you begged him to START BATHING ur first son, START BATHING, you are now indirectly sharing chores. Honestly from a man's perspective you were delegating assignment. You should have done something like this, "honey please i need your help, with any of the chores if u don't mind". Don't expect him to accept immediately, personally my reply will either be no I can't right now or go ahead I will join you. A caring husband will respond shortly after u tell him and choose any of the chores to help u out with but once u get specific like "start doing this, that" most men will take it personal like "this woman wan order me". Just say you need help with any of the chores to speed up things. To me it ain't a big deal, communication and ur tone matters a lot.

I an sorry you are talking of delegating chores in a house you live?

If not Some mothers failed in their responsibility, shouldn't a husband know that when he wakes up, he does something in the house If necessary

If a husband loves his wife as he claims, wouldn't he do something when he sees that the woman's hands are full?

Must it even get to a stage of asking?

Ladies shinning their eyes during courtship cannot be overemphasized.

It is not the time to register in all the hotels and fast food joints. It is also not the time to jump from the kitchen to the bedroom while he looks on.

A man might not understand that you spending the weekend. Over to do chores once a month is 100% different from same routine everyday

babyosisi:
My best friend will say ada ,emeka will get angry when I do this but I have already decided that is what I will do,highest he will get angry for two days and we will get back to Normal and resume the marriage

Lol @ bolded

Yadoctora:
Women should stop tolerating bad behaviour. The more men get away with it, the more women suffer.

This is why I am always irritated with Some crazy advices I see on NL and hear in real life.

You hear Some and you be like really

moca:
Hmn,i just can't get my hand on this.
Why won't a man help in the house?
What is the meaning of traditional african man?
My daddy can outdo my mum in house chores.
My bro can outdo me too.

My hubby can bathe me and the kid if it's necessary and his balls r still hanging.

I blame parents and more especially mothers for not training their make child well.
Can we see the vicious cycle?

A man who thinks he is too big tto help in the house don't know what he is missing.
1. He has his wiffe's love tatooed in his heart permanently.
2. He is teaching his children the art and act of being responsible.
3.he is sending love message across his whole house. The kids especially boys will know that there is no male or female role when it comes to taking care of the house.
4.he is also called blessed by everybody. If I enter a house and see a man pounding yam while iyawo is preparing soup,children r doing one thing or the other,that is the kind of house I sit down to dine with.
I will extoll the man in the presence of his family let his head swell.
Oh,lots of men r really missing out a lot.
How do u show love if not tru all these?

Anytime we r in d village eg for xmas and I'm busy painting my nails with my galfriend,my bro will just enter kitchen and pound his foofoo(he loves that food well)
Mummy graded us one time and said he cooks better than me

All my male relatives cook.
It's a normal thing in my area.

U will see a US based big man early morning one xmas period with long broom sweeping compd. If u ask him what of the children either home or abroad,he will say they r still in bed. Harmattan ish. So he is indulging them.
That they were trained to sweep the compound very early in the morning.
This is a man that is financing almost 20 people and very influential yet sees nothing in sweeping his father's compound.

Common guys,enuff of this rubbish.
U want a happy and fulfilled family life,do the needful.
Remember ur wife is ur jewel.
She is ur queen. Treat her so and see chains of surprised reactions coming from her.
Also if u want ur daughter's husband to worship her,worship her mum.
So u will forever remain a proud husband and father.

How I wish u guys know the benefits and blessing that comes with bending low
That ur parents and uncle's didn't do that and u guessed their marriage was splendid is a big fat lie.
Society made women then not to complain.
Society dictated what happens in d family.
And guess what?
We can see the ripple effect.
Don't let society marry ur wife or father ur children for u.

See what society has gotten nigeria into.
Let's start making d diff from our various homes.
Marriage is sweet if those invoved play their parts well.

I wish I could like a 100times

If only men can bend and learn the art of persuasion.

Well well

craziebone:
i have seen and heard women say it loud and clear with a feminist undertone, that they are not going to tolerate their husband's family. Some even say the days are long gone.

But the bottom line is, i can't let another woman stand up to my mother that way. If she hadn't taken care of me to the point that i look attractive to you, you wouldn't have considered marriage with me.

To be honest, i have a strong and strange reaction to the sight of DILs put up an automatic reaction towards her in-laws.

Tolerating a husband's family have got nothing to do with feminism but again, whose definition are We working with?

The major person who decides that any woman (I guess you are referring to your wife) will not stand up to your mom. That way is your mother herself and you when your mother goes out of line.

Your matrimonial home belongs to you and your wife. All others are to abide by the rules and If they are not comfy, they disappear to where they can influence things as they want it.

And yes, the days of DIL s taking crap from their husband's family is over

Have you ever wondered why husbands have less issues with in-laws?

voltron:
1: Never put your Pastor, Prophet or Choirmaster's needs ahead of your Husband's

2: Never compare his level of success with that of his more successful friends. encourage him to build his dreams.

3: Never stand in support of your family's decisions over his especially in the area of Financial Assistance. God said make a new family not breast-feed yours

4: Never keep secrets about your personal projects such as land acquisition, buildings, shares, bonuses, charity works, business deals and winning lottery tickets

5: Never ask for more children male or female or gay because you feel like or your friends have more than you. consider the Financial prospects and Economic conditions of the present.

6: Never go through your husbands email, phones, diaries or office drawers with his knowledge. if you do it without his knowledge, do not get caught.

7: Never hurt his pride in front of his friends or your friends. always keep his image clean even if you detest it. otherwise file for a divorce

8: Never parcel old quarrelsome issues for years only to burst them open on his head without warning on a day peace has reigned on. that is a traitors character

9: Never deny your husband sex because you are trying to make a point. He can also make many points between the office and home and you will not be one of those points

10: Never miss every waking moment to pray for him and wish him long life and prosperity. because he won't pray often and when he does he only asks for money and contracts. you know God listens to women better.

Peace

@OP:

No 6 is out of it

tbaba1234:
Love
Beauty
Youth

We saw the same thing

Love
Beauty
Youth

If the events happened as recorded, the woman deserves a kudos

craziebone:
i am sure you know that Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law. That's to show you that that passage you quoted do not imply what you are talking about.

No, hubby's mother are not always the pain in the assss. Nollywood and feminism has brainwashed women to always interprete mother inlaws actions like you are doing.

No, wives parents and siblings don't stay away from their sister's matrimonial home. They are the most frequent around. Generally, women are not comfortable with her hubby's people but she will always bring all of her siblings to her matrimonial home. I have seen this with my eyes!

Nollywood, maybe.... feminism? I wonder How it concerns This issue

The story of people around must be drama then. In counselling, women's meeting, women symposium etc. In-laws especially MILs are treated meaning all these people are paranoid.

Are There Some troublesome wives? Yes

A wife's relative might come around more however I cannot fathom a wife's sister claiming that it's her sister's house to the husband etc.

I agree that marriage does not mean discarding your nuclear family, they become extended.

On another note, What does that verse mean?

craziebone:
we are not animals, we are humans who have gone to evolve culture and as a result of that, family. Family is characterized by blood relation and is also solidified by emotions which brings about unconditional solidarity. Animals do not have any of these, hence the "children "fly" away when they reach maturity.

Thanks to liberals the world over, we have come to accept it that marriages do not have to last forever. So tell me why i should forget about my mum, who was there with me from the very begining; who cleaned my mess when i messed up my diaper; who provided me provisions when i was going off to boarding school; who took me to hospital on her back when i was sick; why should i sever ties with such a woman just because i have found someone, with whom i claim to share some little emotion that are here today and tommorrow is gone,

Well well, Bible says a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife... Take that up with God.

That aside, nobody is saying forget your parents but they should know their boundaries and mind their business when necessary.

Afteral, your wife's parents also did the same for her yet you would not appreciate them interfering in your marriage because they changed her Pampers when she was a baby.

And yes, children fly out the nest of their parents that's why you don't call mom or dad for every problem encountered.

If you have not moved out of your parents' home, you are planning to Some day.

Isn't it interesting that on the average it is husband's mothers who are a pain in the neck?

@OP:

God bless your home

thorpido:
It is not always straight-forward as you said but one of the easiest ways is his phone habit.
Does he call at specific times?
Does he cut calls?Does he end conversations abruptly?
If you call late in the night,does he answer?e.t.c
Other signs are picked up when you are around him.A woman's instinct is strong so she needs to use it too.

What If he has a Good phone habit?

True Some ladies are blind but not Everyman looks marriaged.

Some I know married @23 and had about 3kids at 28.

If he removes his ring/doesn't wear one and toast a girl, she might not know.

I think it is easier to know for a middle aged man.

It is well