₦airaland Forum

5minsmadness:
Alright bae, alright.
I realise you've missed me, this one you've been following my ass up and down all day, but I've been real busy at work, no time to give u the attention you crave so much.

You sure have a strange way of showing ur love but I get it and I acknowledge your presence.


P.s its none of your business whether i sound like a broken record or jim carey's fart. Its a free forum, not your personal diary. If u don't like d comment, jump am pass.
Or better yet click 'like' instead of jealousying my posts.
Tanchu.

You must think you are in the romance section.

A mother comes here to say her body changes brought about by childbirth is affecting her sex life and you are posting trash.

If a thread is over your head/level, leave it to people who have advice to give the OP.

Not every thread is a joke.

5minsmadness:
Follow your own advice.


And kindly keep off my lane.

And who is on your lane?

Don't just go about sounding like a broken record on sensible threads.

5minsmadness:
You can't.

Don't worry. Your husband isn't shallow. He married you for more than your brea.sts.

Right?

It is not compulsory to comment on threads

If you do not have anything sensible to contribute, please waka pass

This is not the first thread

Yvonne Nelson and Bey looks better and classier

Some of them were probably chased by household enemies to their ruin

@OP:

Don't try it

Leave the evil girl to her devices and let her look for someone else to use

Timbuktou:
Hope you read the analogy of dog food as used by someone earlier. In this whole world, how many Shakespeare books would sell 100million if not for school curriculum. Then we have writers like Grisham, Collins, Sheldon, etc. Which of these people's books have sold up to 50million. In fact, I'm not sure many of them have sold 100million combined.

And it's not even about S&M per se, it's about women generally wanting/needing a stronger man than themselves. An alpha male, ya know?

Stronger physically because there is 98% chance a woman would marry a stronger man

Alpha male? Nonsense . All those shouting alpha are alpha in their pockets... Some women like disrespectful men anyways

I have finally watched the movie and

1. The babe knew what she was getting into.... She even had the opportunity to review the contracts and strike out unfriendly clauses . I see her as an adventurous woman (afterall she was burning with lust before the first sex scene)

2. The guy was extremely honest... He told her who he was from the beginning and showed her his lair forehand

3. Abuse? I doubt it. The lady seemed to enjoy it all through till the guy wire her bottom wella. Looking at the stuff sef, I doubt the leather strap and the featherlike stuff he used to beat her was painful. If na that my teachers and parents used to flog me while younger, I might not have felt it .

4. The guy changing her car? We do that for our lovers and friends generally. I don't like my husband's socks or shirts, I can toss them and change (especially if I have told him forehand that they are bad). Infact, if hubby or family decide to toss any of my stuff, change with a newer model biko (sha don't toss something of sentimental value)

5. The people pulling pants must have done so before the arse whooping. That was a terrible way to end the movie

The lesson of the movie? Yet to get it

And if Ana said she was not abused, activists should drop it.

Did not see the abuse anyways.

Fawklicant:
Milady, if you read my comment again, you'd understand that I wasn't in any way bashing anybody. Just read it again without bias.

Never said you were bashed anyone...

Just breaking down the effect of your words...

anthoniaz:
You are right.
Make up=60k
Hairdo =10k or even more than
Gown =70k and above.

Here is what I did during my wedding, I called a friend to help me style my hair that morning because my hair is my brazillian weavon I so love my hair that I can go a year without weavon or braids.The least amount I was told by people I contacted for make up, was 50k.I spent about 45k buying the things I need which will last me for more than a year and did my make up myself.I also did not buy my gown, I rented a gown.

Even if the money is there, sometimes it's wise to cut
cost.. I don't do what people say or think; I do what is best for me.Some them were like,"it's only one day"do this do that,"get a cheap brazillian weavon" and I said nooooooo.

Some people spend big money for make up and gown and end up with a ring of 5k which won't last a month before it changes colour.

You still look very beautiful with the cost cutting

Luckily for me, I went shopping with my mum and cous so I could rely on their experience of 'this is a waste', 'that has a substitute' etc. Looking back now, I might have still cut on little stuffs ....

Most of those stuffs end up as waste and occupy space

The important that is the life afterwards which a lot of people don't care about

Onegai:
Lol. People are more scared of Tinubu being in power than Buhari being president. Even in the north, PDP is telling Northern leaders "this will be Yaradua part 2, only that Tinubu would be the kingmaker not OBJ". And it is working. If you're in the inside of politics in Nigeria, Tinubu is a kingmaker, who controls everything. Yet he's not planning on being president. I have met some wives whom when I spoke to their hubbys, I realised almost all his decisions were hers, but he didn't know he had being subtly led and their wives never gloated or acted like they were challenging the man (infact their saintly angelic-ness used to amaze me )

It's not about constantly begging a man, you don't go about constantly kissing your boss' behind, but you do it once in a while and perform your duties well and get commendations and rewards. Yet you come home and throw all your intelligence and people-managing skills out the door because you're a husband or a wife and start acting baffled when it blows up in your face.

You do petty things to your wife when you will be more patient if that was your work-colleague. You cheat on your wife when you have problems, though you have been practising long-suffering, patience and hardwork, working at your company that doesn't give you the job satisfaction and financial reward you think you deserve. You start insisting on sharing authority with your husband when you know your boss calls you into his office, gives you a project, you make suggestions and let him/her give you the go-ahead.

Seriously, detach yourself emotionally and view your marriage as a longterm working relationship with mutual benefits and make smart decisions (I know I'm no romantic). You wanna be in a team, well, someone's gotta lead, someone has to be 2nd in command and the rest are followers. Team leader listens to all and makes final decisions and takes the most responsibility, 2nd in command is loyal to team leader and does their best to smooth any issues out that team-leader misses out on, takes on some responsibility and their highest reward is to be the best 2nd in command. Followers do as they're told, chip in support, call out team leader and 2nd in command if something is going wrong and all of them pull together.

Now, change the names of team leader, 2nd in command and followers to either children, wife, hubby. Try different permutations. Let me know which makes the most sense.

I get the Tinubu/Buhari analog well

That's his specialty... Lagos State case in point

I also agree the marriage requires people management skills.

I remember a book where a pastor was nagging his wife on tithes (she did not believe and he wanted to use 'I am your husband, you must pay thingy') and God told him to relate with her how he would relate with the other sisters in the church

I think the challenge is to find out what really trills your spouse and go for it. We think some things are cast in stone and any deviation is met with rebuff.

Someone believed in helping his wife in the kitchen, fortunately/unfortunately, his wife thought it was unmanly and it caused quite a number of fracas before hubby backed out and left wifey alone...

Such stories abound daily; if the wife in the initial story knew her hubby has issues with her buying some stuffs on her own, she should have since learnt to manage the situation.

And I have a lot of issues with ladies interpreting feminism to mean been rude and unreasonable.

nannymcphee:
CC: cococandy
madam I respect ur difference in opinion

So what will you do if your husband is having an affair? Pack out of the house?

in the case of assault, should he slap you, will you pack out?

the wrestle mania in my home was a fair fight, my dad wasn't out to cause bodily harm, neither did it result to my mum bring hospitalized

Infact when the first slap is given, my mum retaliates & the fight begins, so its not as though bottle or knife or wood was employed. Neither did my dad use the whole of his might as a man to fight, I do know with this scenario a lot of things can still go wrong


If a man becomes abusive to the extent of bodily harm being done, then I can subscribe to separation or divorce!!

If a man hits a lady & she is pleading or crying & he doesn't stop, then the beast in him is at work, a sane man shouldn't use a combination of blows or slaps or anything on a woman!!

The next question is what triggers such reaction from him?

Everyone keep hammering on the man for using his God given natural strengt/might on a woman(not an excuse o) but everyone seems to turn a blind eye when the woman uses her God given natural ballistic tongue/mouth on a man (which sometimes is the cause of the beast rising up in the man)

As for cheating, my advice is look well before u leap & if after leaping, then pray to God for wisdom in handling the matter

Not that this is an excuse, some men were pushed into extramarital affairs cos of their wives(either they had to peace at home, so they found solace in the arms of another woman or they were being nagged to death or unskillful in bedmatics or the men were being emasculated etc the list goes on)

so sometimes plugging these holes might help & then a bachelor who partied & clubbed a lot or imbibed the act of one night standsl might find that habit difficult to break in marriage, so if u got into such union thinking you will change him, well sorry for you


PS:I sent you a PM, I don't know if you got it, how can I reach you, I need to discuss something with you

WrestleMania is 100% different from abuse (Yea, I have been named an enabler of abuse once )

A home where hubby slaps wifey who retaliates with two hot ones is not abusive; it is toxic and both of them learning to understand each other will solve it.

@ Cheating & abuse; I sure will.

@PM, will respond now

Thanks

Onegai:
This.

Mama Onegai just wanted to change a few pots. She could have bought them, he would have noticed eventually and kept quiet. But she wanted to reinforce that idea her hubby is to constantly care and provide for her. He ended up getting new expensive pots, fine China, silver dinnerware from Italy and all sorts.

Do you really wanna win the battle and lose the war?

After all, Esther in the bible could have confronted the king rightfully in his throne room with "please we need to talk. There's a plot afoot to commit genocide against my people and I have identified the people involved in it. Please fix this" or even better she could have had those men gotten rid of herself.

Instead, she threw her king a feast. And besought him in tears to do the needful.

You're going to submit to a man one day, better pick one worthy of your kneeling. The power is a woman's hand to pick a king, so choose wisely. Not every man deserves the honour of your company. And when you do give it to him, let him be your king.

I do not agree with nannymcphee..

My hubby likes to buy pots/cook meat himself/wants Egusi done in a special manner is different from cheating or abuse

I would encourage people to work out their marriage and adapt to meet your spouse's needs but I draw a line at cheating and abuse.

Onegai:
My dear, I am married. He made me breakfast in bed, I even have pictures. We're a mature couple.

A controlling man will slap his wife for buying that machine.

A regular guy will keep quiet and realise his wife likes to undermine his authority.

Let me know when your boss applauds you for doing something he had already told you he would take care of. Even my last female boss reamed my arse for doing that last year (and I was totally right).

I spent my 20s thinking feminism was fighting every man and be able to step on his toes confidently. On 3 different continents. In my 30s, I realised true power and equality came from being the Tinubu, not the Buhari.

This case was washing machine, me I did worse when it was my turn. He (a Ph. D from an ivy league who is very modern) loved my independence when he met me (i was a chick with an investor on standby to protect my financial assets 2 months before the Nig govt started announcing how oil prices were affecting the economy. I redefined the word Independent) but couldn't live with it when I constantly made him feel I didn't need him for Jack and could call all the shots (my territory was his whole life, not just the kitchen. And they were all great ideas!). We couldn't live with each other and called off our wedding when I was expecting (I honestly wish I could tell my story). Anyone who tried to control me would have died in the process.

I simply started letting him be my knight in shining armour. He's the one who always wants to wear his wedding ring now.

Men want to see your eyes light up happily when they provide for you. It grows their ego and they spend the rest of their lives trying to constantly please you. And they really hate you undermining their authority.

if that wife, in the few weeks she had after asking him again, had baffed up, fixed her nails, looked good and smelled nice, been wonderful in bed and On the appointed day, let that man come home to see her with her nails chipped, sweaty and tired my saying "I washed all the clothes I'm so exhausted".

She would have gotten a washer and dryer. A correct one, more expensive than what she budgeted.

You need to meet one of my older sisters. She's the worst bully in the world and yet has her hubby wrapped round her little finger. And he is happy being there.

Nice write up

@bold, I think that is where quite a number of people (feminists and anti-feminists) get it wrong!

Another thing is there is no fixed way of doing things... a couple should decide want works for them and stick with it.

Which one be Tinubu and Buhari again?

Misssessay:
We were living together when married... this long distance thing is quite recent :/

You speak allot of sense - I have no family but a few friends already in Nigeria.

Your right even if I didn't I wud still hav to move

Now - my hubby says that in Nigeria it is not typical to share accounts.... :/ and that if there is anything I need he will provide me.... so I guess that's out of the question.

Not exactly the way I'd like things to be - but just trying to save as much as I can before I go

@Bold:

What exactly is hubby's view towards finance?

Is your current earning something that can still make money remotely?

I believe This is where moca's bend theory comes into play

The wife should have known What ticks her hubby by now

One man/woman's food is another's poison

logica:
Psychotic females everywhere. I blame their fathers.

Their father's (men ) must have been terrible

Well well terrible men = terrible daughters

When We tell you guys to be responsible and reasonable, you don't listen

GentleToks:
Pls and pls @all, don't ever believe that marriage should be managed like a secular companies. You all deserve the best after going thru that stressful primary education to tertiary institutions; searched for jobs in labour market for months and eventually got one. Pls don't entertain their idea of managing a wife, you all deserve the best and go for the best.

The least ting you deserve after stressful day at work is peaceful home but if you allow a bad lady to cajole u into marriage under d pretence of "Bride price", hmmm!!! I pity u and unborn children who ll grow up to see a miserable life.

Well Bro,

Women need This message more

They should not entertain the idea of managing a husband....

However hope you Don't mind divorce rates skyrocketing

Joel3:
no I will start with you.

You are a Joker

You have issues with women doing certain things; I Don't have an issue with it

Yeye

@OP:

I hear you

You can start from your daughters

Some things do not need opening a thread for

Next.

keppyy:
Too many disappointments...

I've beem crying all day and my Bp is high...

Like What?

care to share? PM is still an option

Hi Keppy,

What happened?

What made you the way you are?

You can send me a PM

Herzumpther:
He said he is just not comfortable with Yoruba people. He also said people especially from Lagos marry many wives and he doesn't want me to suffer at all.

I had a chat with him at midnight again today (3am today) and after talking he started asking me questions, he told me to be very honest with my answers and I did. After the whole questions and answers he said OK and left me. He was very particular about how well I've done my homework.

Thank God he is getting to accept gradually..

The talk of Lagosians marrying multiple wives holds no water except he is referring to muslims which is on religious grounds

If he is talking of cheating, it depends on personal principles and not tribe.

It is well

buggaboo:
Agreed, we all run our homes how we deem fit.
However most people have an irrational/emotional need to judge others. Although we shouldn't live our lives for others, wisdom is still required in order not to present our marriages in a manner for people to constantly judge us.

Constant judgement puts unnecessary pressure on marriages.
Celebrity and reality tv marriages suffer from this the most.
Even people with far worse marriages still judge.

It's possible that you will even end up judging your DIL because of the same rights you are fighting for today.

No I would not

Thanks

Herzumpther:
And finally he decided to talk after a long silence since Sunday. He is still saying No.

Cc: babyosisi
Bukatyne
Cococandy
Moca
Formarts...........

Hi Herz,

What exactly were his reasons apart from the Yoruba ish?

cococandy:


No kidding?

Nope

sholay2011:
Oh boy...these are the foods that make life worth living.

Thanks

cococandy:
Pressure cooker on my mind.

Hmm wipes sweat

Does anybody know how to get oxtail to cook faster without a pressure cooker?

I've been cooking this one for hours to make vegetable and okro soup.
No way. The thing still remain gidigba for pot.

And I even bought it smoked so I assumed to would be softer than the fresh ones issued to buy before.

My meat and stock fish don scatter for pot but the oxtail no gree. And I need to go out in an hour

#sorry for ranting

I throw a clean nail into the pot when I boil stockfish or cowleg....

You can try it

(Biko remove the nail when you are done )

Japhet04:
she is condemning a child that God gave her

she is condemning her own blood

it disheartens me to see or hear of this kind of act done by a mother

who knows this might just be a test from God

the child might be the one to wipe her tears away and reinforce all her days of labour

as a mother I thought she would understand

#Pathetic

Abeg!

No word of condemnation to the husband who ran away

At least, the wife is still with the baby asking for help/adoptive parents

Hello everyone..

Made yam chips and beef sauce on Saturday

Egg made with tomato paste sauce for yam

Chiefpriest1:
Happy birthday to you ma! Please,as you mark your day,reflect on your life,especially your marriage.

Find a place in your heart to forgive your husband,if indeed he offended you. There is no pride in divorce,especially for a role model like you.

Ponder on this. This would be the best gift you ll give your fans and lovers of your works

The issue is not forgiving her husband; it is him repenting (if he is the one at fault)

@babymama1,

Weldone for this beautiful thread

harveyspec:
thanks for all you wrote, but this one stands out & I'm sure this is why your husband continued to do them

If it were to be all this "equal right, 21st century feminist", it will be a different ball game

.