₦airaland Forum

pickabeau1:
And so....

How does that link to women hating other kids by their hubby

Exactly How you linked it

dre11:
Are you saying you would be comfortable with a man who goes to the market to do the shopping all the time without putting you in the mix

Without putting me in the mix is where I would have problems

Besides This isn't about me. The OP raised a lot of issues

1. Her hubby is inconsiderate about her needs

2. It is not traditional for a hubby to be kitchen handy

3. He is usurping her authority as the head of the kitchen

4. He doesn't think she can bargain properly

So What again is her major problem?

Funny topic

The husband sees his money as payment for her se.x

LMAO

pickabeau1:
And what is the thrust of your post
We are saying women think men enjoy sex more yet youre talking of virginity

God will help you find the thrust.

pickabeau1:
Those are traditional marriages
I support traditional means of support

Not empowered working women still leeching off their husbands

The man should support the spouse

I also do not support employed women leeching off their hubbys or requesting for spousal support during divorce

glimpse33:
there is this girl named Anita that I was dating for two months, in may 2014. immediately she found out I was ibo, she said she hates my tribe with passion, that all we care about is money..money & said it was over. I begged her, that I 'm not like that, besides I was born in Edo state to Ibo parents. eventually she left

l began working hard, got employed at Hi tech construction company, worked there for six months and I finally hammered... got a new apartment, new car & I became the talk of the town.. *not proud*

One Saturday morning, I went to buy airtime, I saw Anita's parent crying and begging their landlord, I went closer , saw some boys throwing out their properties, I asked the landlord why, he said they can't pay their two years rent which was 160k, I rushed home signed a check gave it to the landlord, they returned back their loads and everybody was looking at me. since that day, Anita parents have been calling me their son, and Anita won't let me be. its either she's the one calling, knocking at the door begging me. I was like okay fine, I forgive you. But, she wants us to be together AGAIN...

All I want from you nairalanders is your Advice.. cos I am planning on getting married this year. I need the right woman. THANKS

@OP;

You know Anita doesn't dig you but dig your diamonds

I am sure she is beautiful

Keep asking If you should marry a snake

chiomzy25:
if you still love her forgive her

Abegi

He has shown his forgiveness by paying her rent (I don't know why he paid sef )

Blessed he has the money she hates, he suddenly stopped being Ibo abi?

Love ko, lust ni

pickabeau1:
I don't understand your point or post

Simple

Some wives behave like employees

Some husbands behave like employers

What really is the wife's issue with the man's actions?

pickabeau1:
Well i am impressed they called it

That means when they see it in themselves too they will be convicted

As crackhaus said this is the true mentality of the average nigerian woman who sees marriage as an office

Once they marry they see themselves as a employee who should be paid whether business is good or not and not a partner
When the transaction is over, they see the payday as settlement for all the effort they put in

Afterall they gave you their body and children


This lady yes she is honest but she has to move past that

Like the husbands don't behave like employers

donpeey22:
As far as I am concerned, the belief that children belong to the man is one of the so many erroneous believes held by the Nigerian society.

Children belong to both parents.

Thank God you ackowlegde that the standard Nigerian society believe that the kids belong to the husband

If a wife today holds that belief, What is wrong with that

The first step is complete reorientation of all parties involved.else women will keep seeing giving birth as doing something for the husband

In Yoruba....

A man says.. iyawo mi bimo fun mi

To English... my wife gave birth for me

Go figure

pickabeau1:
Some Of their own volition

Mostly a family decision

These guys work in remote places so someone has to be home

Some of them eventually open businesses

Others do courses and get qualifications

Others settle in well well

Thank God you said it is mostly a family decision.

If God forbid they divorce and they are to leave with What they brought; What are they leaving with?

pickabeau1:
Exactly just as sex is suuposed to be pleasurable to both parties not a service to be presented by the woman for money or marriage entrapment

The truth is that the natural person wants to eat their cake and have it

A lot of guys say they used and dump a girl when after sleeping with her and ending the relationship

Why didn't the guy think he and the girl enjoyed it?

Why do parents warn that their daughters should street clear of boys and not allowed themselves to be used by boys?

Why are female virgins celebrated when they marry as virgins?

We can't continue to shift grounds when it suits us.

We need to have a collective view towards sex...

mutter:
Indeed interesting . The man made the first baby and then the second baby and one asks what is in the woman's mind.
The two are building a family.
The first wife has tolorated it so far so why all the pretence and blame on the second "wife". I choose to call her wife because she virtually is.

Interesting again

pickabeau1:
I know a lot of people who had this before marriage

Most ladies leave their jobs to be housewives

Come to the Niger Delta and see women who have built office on top their marriages

And I know a number who did not

@bolded: Did they leave voluntarily or their husbands asked them to?

donpeey22:
Why do you make reference to standard Nigerian society only when it suits you?

Have you forgotten that standard Nigerian society also demands that you totally submit to your husband, including handing him your paycheck at the end of the month for him to decide what the money is used for? Would you do that because standard Nigerian society demands that from you?

Let's assume that the child ownership according to the Nigerian society is reversed, and we now 'pronounce' that the woman owns the child, would you be happy if almost all you have worked for in life is taken away from you and given to the man for the upkeep of those children of yours?
I put the word pronounce in quote to emphasize that though the Nigerian society says that the child belongs to the man, in reality it is the women that actually owns and benefit more from the children.
I will use my late dad as an example. While he was alive (may his soul continue to rest in perfect peace), he worked so hard to see us his children through schools. Took all manner of risks, toured from East, West, North and south to ensure that we had good education. Lo and behold, while he was getting old and about to retire to at least start receiving some cups of cold water from his children, death struck and took him away.
Now, my mom is the "mama engineer" , "mama Doc" and "mama everything" with the benefits of regular cash deposits to her bank account and regular change of wardrobe etc.

Note that I am not in any way against my beloved mom, of course she still remains closer to my heart than any other woman on earth, I just had to say all the above to make you see that the man does not actually own the children like the " standard Nigerian society" would want us to believe.

I asked a question which has not been answered and you have concluded that I am referencing standard Nigerian society

If interested, feel free to answer my question

rman:
He already has his house, car and job before you marry him right from under your parents in most cases with nothing. Yes, that is what is in the majority.


Most ladies are deliberately ignoring the age factor that gave men the advantage.

They marry men 5yrs,6yrs, 7yrs sometimes 15yrs older than them. Unless a man lacks ambition, that age difference would probably have given him an advantage from start in the relationship in terms of what each party brought to the table.

How many men have houses before they get married?

How many have cars

How many ladies marry without having a means of earning?

How many ladies who married without means of earning still stay after marriage without earnings (except hubby requests them to)?

jaybee3:
Plenty

LOLS!

The ones selling pepper or the ones that are on low level employees?

Where are the 'established' guys that all girls want to marry?

rman:
You can not use the exception as the norm.

The norm is girls always want to marry established guys. And that is a fact.

How many 'established' guys do we have around

What is your definition of 'established'?

pickabeau1:
it is your right to answer or not

My right to answer?

LOL!

Answer my question if you want to and if you don't want to, exercise your right to do so

Cheers

pickabeau1:
Should a woman be compensated for having a child, her own child

Answering my question with another question?

pickabeau1:
Madam

Make your point rather than asking roundabout questions

My question is very simple

Who owns the baby in standard Nigerian society?

pickabeau1:
I been reading u wella..Big bro

Statements like I gave u a kid, my body etc are manifestations of such

Is the sex pleasurable to one person only?

Is the child the responsibility of one person only?

Who owns the child in standard Nigerian culture?

mutter:
reply of a woman.
Husbands are not easy to come by- fact.
If a married man comes my way and shows intention to be serious, why not polygamy is allowed in Nigeria. It happens often that women first have children and later the man performs the marriage rites.
So what does this lady want- a husband and a father for her children. She wants her kids to grow up with their father. Now your brother has decided to be polygamous but his family is against it because it is a disgrace to them as a Christian family. You people are heartless throwing away your own kids to protect your image.
How can your father confront her.
I would advise you make the best of a bad situation. Try and look how you bring the family together so that both women learn to accommodate the situation. This lady is only trying to get rid of the first wife because she sees it as the only way to enter the home.
Now please tell me why do married men go dating single women? It is obvious that the woman needed financial help from your brother too, that is why she succumbed.

Interesting

2sExy1:
Mutter nailed it. The brother to my mother's friend is a cop in the US. He went there in the 80s and built himself from scratch. When it was time to marry, he came back to Nigeria to marry and took the woman there... the snake changed her skin. they divorced and she took more than half of his wealth. Dude had to start from scratch again and he had to rent an hotel and carried his mother along. From what I head, he took one car, his clothes, and mother from the house.

Several months later going to a year, he got another apartment and started all over again. I guess he has bought a new home now. He has even renovated the house in Nigeria.

My own uncle suffered same fate from when he married a woman and took her to the US. She got him into trouble which eventually led to her own deportation and my uncle fled to Canada. dude lost a lot and last time I saw him, he wasnt the same handsome tall wide chested dude I used to run to as kid with open arms....

@bold

DidN'T your uncle have any serious relationship when he was abroad?

Fhemmmy:
Yes oh, i have stayed away from family section for a while, but topics like this makes me wanna cry . . . but it is all well sha.

LOL

Please don't

Lordwize:
She came to the school with the groom, bridesmaid and best man. They all waited for her to finish her paper.

Good one

God bless their home

Fhemmmy:
Fresh in which one?

Lol!

family section...

I know you are an old member but rarely frequent FS.

Fhemmmy:
That is a lie, sir . . . Men competes more with their wife than the other way . . . Imagine, you have a wife that is making more money than you, and she makes a decision, would you see it as a darling thing or you would wanna compete? be honest oh, all lairs na hell fire oh

You are really fresh in This parts.

manny4life:
Believe me, there are divorces that have lasted years and years, in fact, the divorce started when they had small kids and lasted through when the kids become teens. Divorce is a painful experience and costs more than marriage itself, so the best way out of it is for the woman to WALK AWAY. As for asset sharing, that is the reason why we have experts in the field to do all that... No woman will share my assets.

Walk away with What?

satura:
Only reinforces what I've known for a long time. 99.9% of Nigerian men CANNOT live happily with a confident woman.

Lol!

99.9% is too much

Don't mind the braggado here

Most of them WILL NOT try these stuffs with their wives

soulglo:
As manipulative as this sounds, this is really what people should do. The other alternative is never marry or maintain the same household. The thing is most of these men have no significant assets to start with. They're are just angry people who cannot cope in a society that actually places value on things you earn. This is totally different from the society they come ftim where value is placed in them simply because they are male. This is why many times Nigeroan women come overseas and excel. They are raised from childhood to work and expect no reward. When they get here and work for a month and get even a measley paycheck but still have a male boss see th in the morning and say "good morning ma'am", put in all the overtime they reasonably can and get "employee of the month" but get home and get called useless wife, they start to see how there's such an imbalance in their life situation. They realize that they feel worthy with a career and that becomes a focus. My dads driver in Nigetia came up see us in the US. He is a successful business man in Spain now. I don't expect that the relationship they had them is the same one they have now. I remember looking at him and even the expression on his face and the way he carried himself was different. You cannot tell s man like that to show up at your house at 6am in the morning because your child has to get to school early for drama practice. He had tasted a different side of life. You either grow with him or remove yourself from his life. No one should kill someone unless in self defense. These men are weak. Taking s gun or a knife to attack someone is a weak ass move. Grow some balls, get a divorce and move on.

Very apt

Especially the driver's part