₦airaland Forum

defemidefemi:
the topic ought to b "how to pretend b4 ur guy".

Lols

Like the wife would not do these things when they are married.

Pretenders be like 'she has changed after marriage'

Timbuktou:
don't mind my numbering. It helps keep me on the striaght-and-narrow.

1. . Call the cops.

2. Our fore-mothers submitted before christianity got to these shores. Be careful what you peddle.

5. Alright, then.

2. Did they submit? Looking at Biblical definitions here. Did their husbands love unconditionally? I am thinking they were more of 'subservient'

How about the accident? Sorted it all out?

Lovely thread

aisha2:
Here we go again trying to force me to believe that your world view is the ultimate. I wasn't raised to kiss ar-se and it works perfectly for me. If I am uncomfortable with a situation i don't get into it.




I wrote earlier that I broke up with a man with that kind of mother if a man had a mother who must have her way I wouldn't be marrying him because life is too short to spend it unhappy and pretending

@bold, strange

Was trying to point out that there are different POVs

My MIL is late and I don't kneel down (just courtesy) for my SIL when she visits.

Not talking solely from my experience

babyosisi:
You only say so because of the type of man you married and the liberal minded mother he has
If yours was the very traditional type,you will have no choice but kneel if you want to be at peace with them
I like the fact that you didn't kneel from day one and established that understanding
Problem comes when you kneel at courtship and after the wedding,you start greeting them in your two feet

True

babyosisi:
Yes her husband kneels for his momma so she does also
One time we went for her MIL's birthday and right there in front of everyone she knelt before the woman and they were reciting some things in Yoruba
It took so long and we were just looking with amazement
After the ceremony I said jokingly ,nne you are strong o
See as you just dey serve punishment in full regalia,she said my dear na so o
Marry a man,marry his culture for peace sake and she added," I can't wait for her to return to ibadan,my knees are paining me"

LOL @ last statement

The MIL might be a traditional ruler or from a royal family

There is a difference between a MIL demanding for what her kids don't give her and what clearly her kids give her.

Your friend will be courting serious trouble if she said 'I don't feel like kneeling for MIL and I will not'

aisha2:
If she wanted kneeling down and I don't want to I would politely and respectful tell her so. I do what is right for me, I wont kneel down and be resentful because I knoe I would, I don't pretend, anyone who wants a kneeling daughter in law should get one. Me I dont and I wont simple. Its not a master slave relationship WIVES HAVE A SAY.

Wives have a say and MILs have a say too

There is always a middle point somewhere

aisha2:
If you were not comfortable with it you should have simply said so. If you dont like something say it, life is not that hard.

Life is not black and white either...

Who would I complain to? My cousin?

Better still, if I was not comfortable, I would have left

babyosisi:
CHineke mee!!!
She is good o
My friend here kneels till she is sire on the knees

If her kids kneels for her, she might have to.

When I first went to visit a cousin, I just curtseyed to greet her MIL; she sharperly told me to kneel full for her FIL which I did. I later noticed that all their kids kneel fully and prostrate fully to greet their parents and my cousin and everyone else had to adapt to it too.

Some MILs are crazy; some DILs probably did all sorts while courting.

aisha2:
Am sure she will be adviced to pretend and kneel down here even when its not her culture setting herself up for failure.
My mother in law is from the south west I have never knelt down and she has never asked me to.

Your MIL doesnot like you kneeling doesn't mean another MIL would not want such esp. south west

When we were younger, we never knelt for our parents and as such, I was not used to it.

Strangely enough, my mom started complaining few years back that we do not kneel for her; I had to learn how to do so because I hate it .

My point, if you had a MIL like her, she would like you kneel while greeting.

It is not all good or bad.

Ewuro4:
People should please please speak for themselves alone ..

aisha2:
Truth is eye service kills us, before we marry we will even offer to carry her on our backs so she wont walk just so we can be termed " good wives" after we marry we start seeing her as a human with faults which we gladly ignored because we desperately wanted to enter.
Women are different sha, some mother in laws hold on to the old ways of doing things while some are progressive. God knows the kind of person I am and so blessed me with a mother in law who am so similar too in a lot of ways. I never had to pretend and never will, when I cant do something I say sorry mummy I don't like this idea, matter ends.
Long and short if you love your husband then realise that this is where he came from and she is a part of your family now. Smiling to her face and wishing her death is witchcraft nothing more nothing less. I had a suitor whose mother screamed at me for something minor and as far as that relationship went I broke it off because I wasn't ready to live with that especially because he didn't caution his mom but even stylishly defended her. So now imagine that because I wanted to just marry I married him and become a prisoner in my home I will be saying Mama and be praying she dies each day God forbid

I am not speaking for 'everyone' ( It would be silly to do that )

We have customs guiding relationships which we can decide to ignore depending on our personality and upbringing (Lord knows I do not give a damn about most of them )

I have 4 SILs and relate quite often with you. One of them very 'modern' and quite free... I remember once I made little food for her (unfortunately she had not eaten all day unknown to me), she just swapped with my hubby's own and ate while hubby had to eat her small portion . When I do not call for a while(very lacking in that dept) she calls and says long time. The second one has reported me to hubby and others that I do not call her often; her mom's remembrance was on a weekday and she expected me to come and fry akara etc.

My point, MILs and SILs are different and we would study them to know the kind of relationship we can have with them.

I do not need to study my mom to see if she is the kind of mother that would mind helping me cook or clean or loosen my braids... she would offer to help if I do not ask.

Relationships with inlaws are tricky and while we make the first step of sincerity, they make the first step of openness and acceptance

The fact I did not cook or wash for my inlaws before marriage does not mean I would ever have a relationship they can cook or clean for me. The fact they cannot cook or clean does not mean I have a bad relationship with them either.

babyosisi:
You got that right

I just told someone that same line
Your mother in law can never be like your mother
Cut out the cliche
Your mother is your mother your MIL is your MIL,make no mistake about it

I could be driving back from work tired and very hungry and call my mom on the phone to please cook me some yam and she will gladly do
Can I ask same of my MIL?
My mother sees me struggling with the kids,she will go make her own food,an MIL will wait for you to serve her food no matter how exhausted you are.
Mom can say something and I totally disagree and tell her mom,I don't agree with you or she asks me to do something and I say mom please I am very tired can it wait till an hour or even next day and it is totally oK with her
Will an MIL understand that?
Your mom sees your husband cooking or cleaning,she is ecstatic she has a son in law that is so sweet and understanding and helps around the house,MIL sees your husband cleaning,she will yell and hate you for turning her beloved son into your maid

Ladies, love your MIL and treat her right but she is not your mother, make no mistake about it

True

The bolded is classic!

Funny enough, your mum would complain if she sees her son doing that for his wife

Hilarious!

Timbuktou:
Oh, better. I'm working on making you first lady of the ministry. Smile, sis, Jesus loves you.

PS: was involved in a car crash, an okada man felt I didn't need a door and side mirror. Will get back to your other points.

Sorry and thank God for his safety

Hope you were not hurt

Please rest, ndo

mutter:
or possibly the wife was shoving it down his throat.

Why should anyone ask her son to divorce because there is more money?
How would the mother in law even know who earns what. That is only possible if someone has been singing real loud.

Perhaps we have not heard everything. It is possible that the girl was very rude. Comments like I pay the bills here etc...

Besides you owe your mother in law the same respect you have for your mother and even more. No matter what she says, no need to be rude.

@last paragraph, the ideal not necessarily the norm. MILs do not treat their DILs as daughters.

If my mom doesn't hear from me for a while , she picks up the phone and call me. If I do not call my MIL., it might be a problem

If my mom comes to say hi, I can say 'mom please prepare rice' and she will. If I did not ask, avenue might even call to ask.

If I try that with my MIL

Mmadukaku:
Olodo who brought you here?
Guess you came to fight for your arrogant friend.

Do you know the meaning of olodo?

I did not come to fight for anyone; your assertion that you were too busy to cook interested me.

And honestly, I think you should really follow your signature; you need it.

Mathematical:
[b]first born are always given certain measure, line to cross, coz You're the eldest. Like the popular Yoruba adage (eshin iwaju ni teyin wo sare )meaning setting a perfect example for the siblings, that's a measure.am born into an average family circle where things aint that bouyant, its always like You're bn punished buh reverse is the case,
And I can’t let it be a negative impact. That’s enough reason to worry about what I’m doing, whether it’s the right thing or not, blah blah. Seriously speaking, I DISLIKE IT! As if I don’t have enough to worry about already! I can’t take a single decision without thinking more than twice about it. Yes, I don’t want to hurt my parents. But I wish they wouldn’t expect so much from me, that they would just let me explore life and live it, even if it means falling down or failing once in a while. With all these expectations, there’s too much on my mind. And there are times when I wish I could just do something to take it all off my head! I’m going through a similar phase right now. And it sucks,
In a hilarious twist of fate, you were taught at a very young age that you would have a great deal to do with your siblings’ upbringing, as those poor, poor children would look up to you as their greatest role models. Sigh..You were blamed for everything because even if you weren’t the one at fault, “you are older and you should know better.”You never know just how much to tell them and how much to hold back because in your eyes they are still these innocent little kids that don’t want to hear anything..
[/b]

Lol

I understand you totally

It was so annoying when my younger ones offend and I haveto over look because I am elder; I offended elder ones and it is why don't I have the sense to do better

Seriously? Aren't my elder ones supposed to overlook these stuffs also?

There is a serious call to duty My mom is happy I didn't get pregnant out of wedlock, finished school, got a good job (praying for better) married a loving hubby . It is an assurance that all will be well with my younger ones.

It is well


When one is from a poor family or a family the mother is lazy or parents think children are money making machines, then it is a call to duty and a burden

Lovely and sad

Mmadukaku:
I prefer to stay by the side and watch, yes some of us work soo hard to earn a living and hardly have time to cook. I live alone and work does not give me time to post pictures except I will post pictures of my cup of coffee.

By the way tell the she goat I liked the fact that she took corrections and stopped editing her pictures. I liked the pancakes already and I can now see pictures clearly.
When you tell children what to do, instead of taking corrections they attack you and expect you to keep quiet.

Lols @ working so had to earn a living and hardly having time to cook

Lols again

Dora Akunyili still had plenty time to cook

veave:
I tell you...

Try mixing the semo with water while a little water is boiling.

When the water is boiled, add the paste into it and stit till it's done.

Sometimes, I add a little water after mixing If I feel it's not cooked properly but it changes the colour and texture

@Breadplanets,

I wish you all the best and I am happy you opened up to bobo. You really need to heal before getting married else you are seeing yourself up for failure.

@Aisha2,

Weldone

eagleeye2:
Hello house,
I don't know if I am just lucky or something. I come here and read about marriage wahala. Offline people tell me stories that touch the heart about their relationships and marriages.
Yes, I had my fair share of heartbreaks as a bachelor. But in almost all my relationships, I never witnessed violence or a shouting match.
.
I have come to realize that when you put yourself in your partner's shoe you tend to understand your partner. You are then able to reason from her point of view.
.
Also when a partner tries to take me for a fool, I will allow her. But after it all, I will let her know that I know I have been taking for a fool.
.
Most times when things are about to heat up, I take a walk outside. If my partner wouldn't allow me to walk out on her (as one once did) I just switch off. No matter how loud her voice may be, I will no longer be able to hear her.
.
Why can't men understand that there wives and kids are their first responsibility?
Why can't they understand that they need to first make their homes conducive before thinking of pleasing outsiders (be it parents or inlaws)?
Why will they allow someone else to push them around or disrespect their wives?
.
I was made to understand that everybody in a man's family will not accept his wife, but the onus lies on the man to make these types to at least respect their wives. I can't think or a reason why anyone in my family will disrespect my wife so openly that she will have to come to me to vent her anger and frustration on me.
If that were to happen, such family member will be put on further notice. No communication. No visits. Nothing.
.
I really don't like reading these sob stories all over the internet.

A round of e-appaulse

Looking at tthings from your partner's POV helps a whole lot. Some things intepreted as being bossy, wicked or selfish mmight not always be so.

I honestly think some people work hard at making their marriages fail.

How difficult is it do the right thing or treat your partner How you want him or her to treat you?

aim5:
I meant figuratively..... Ozuo .

What I do not know, can't hurt me

[size=2pt]What does it mean[/size]

aim5:
It's more than a safe haven. That's one of the reasons why the USA is so backwards. Useless Feminist country. As for the guy, he's just a pathetic piece of shit, how do you let "your wife" slip into another man hands? Sigh..

He should have held the wife ba?

Enu

First woman: beautiful
Second: What the heck?
Third: Transgendered

White is a sign of purity

kayjasper:
Nice one Sis. Good points!!

Thanks a lot

Timbuktou:
1.

2. When you say husbands are to love their wives first, you put conditions on the commandment to submit. However, we know that both are commanded to play a role. Wives are to submit whether or not they have loving husbands.

3. In agreement.

4. Oui, madame. Tu es on point.

5. I wouldn't say same, I'd say sides of the same coin.

6. In agreement.

How was work today?

This your style of numbering posts na wire

1. Don't smile @ me; wait for your results

2. I am not putting conditions or saying a wife should not 'submit' if her hubby is not loving (She is to if she is a Christian). A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church etc. (which is loving her first). However if a man is not a Christian, then the woman is OYO. Besides, a woman is not expected to submit except she is a Christian. If they are both not Christians, they can do as they deem fit

3, 4, 6: (working smart and not 'hardwork')

5. They are same to me (let's disagree to agree)

Work was fine my broda and yours and family?

@ OP,

Tell your friend with style that you are no longer interested else she would think you can leak her secret and hunt you down

Never criticize how she relates with her husband; if possible, stop relating tales of your husband to her, apart from the jazz, it is not healthy.

If your marriage has gotten to the point you can consider love jazz, you can as well separate till you both come to a reasonable solution.

And yes, jazz works and it is way more common than we think.

obowunmi:
What if man violates the contract and the woman does not want to leave.

He won't change but you stay with a cheating husband, whose fault is it?

The wife's except she has a shotgun to her head

@OP: look for such a woman; she will meet your objectives perfectly

Timbuktou:
I'm working on this. my church will be super. Still doing research, keep your fingers crossed.

Please make me head usher, now I am begging

Timbuktou:
1. Cleaving to one woman is grossly overrated. There's no special derivable benefit to be gained from cleaving to one woman that one wouldn't get from cleaving to several.

2. Lol. Script ko, crypt ni. My point is monogamy doesn't preclude homes from disintegrating or being dysfunctional.

3. He should have sought redress. This brother held conji for seven years and you say he shouldn't pounce on Leah? Laban was lucky he didn't present his own wife, Jacob would have caned her. He was swindled virgin or no. Surely, in those days, there must have been laws against breaching contracts and agreements.

4. Hehehe. I guess he didn't get the memo.

5. The point is monogamy didn't save him from family issues. He had his own share of family dysfunction like every other person, monogamous or polygamous. Was his Uncle Abe polygamous? Didn't he have his own share of spousal abuse?

6. Your heaven wouldn't be fun anyway, you'd be singing and clapping all day everyday. I need a place where there's fun activities like chatting up numerous virgins. Now, that would be heaven.

1. Try cleaving to three and come to testify

2. Your point, very true though monogamy has an edge over polygamy when it comes to been peaceful

3. I am not blaming Jacob here, Laban's trickery was one of the consequences of deceiving his father and cheating his brother. As for law against such stuffs, it was until Moses' time and even at that, it was jungle justice kind of stuff

4. You would have served him

5. Who suffered spousal abuse? Lot or Jacob? Abraham was not polygamous but he slept with another woman outside marriage to give him a child (courtesy his wife)

6. Try

kayjasper:
I want to read from you Sis Bukky.

Do you believe majority of Naija xtians are becoming pastor worshippers instead of God worshippers?

What do u think Sis?

Lol @ Sis Bukky

Honestly We are a Very religious country without godliness and our leaders have zero accountability to the followers

The way an Oba rules absolutely is the way a pastor rules same as madam/oga, president, governor etc.

My pastor says... has become our slogan and a lot of people take the offence of insulting their pastors more seriously than insulting Jesus.

Sharp pastors are keying into this and fleecing their supposed flock.

When We learn to study our Bibles and stop looking for shortcuts and magic, things will change.

@OP: I do not know What to say...

The Bishop is an architect and should know the effect his structures would create. On the other hand, he might have seen it as fascinating and wanted to recreate.

Hmmmm

And thanks for seeking out my opinion on the subject matter

Interesting