₦airaland Forum

Nonso23:
I tell you!
It's now on an all time high with no signs of letting up any time soon.
Too many unrealistic expectations.

What is wrong with 'Telemundo syndrome?'

freecocoa:
Even if OP is the one with all the faults, why did this man have to accept it all those years only to cry divorce now? People just like putting themselves in trouble sha, mschew.

Honestly, I do not get 'courtship is different'; 'boyfriend takes nonsense hubby is showing up' mentality. And sadly, this does not affect the male folk alone. You will see a lady who has no intention of reckoning with MIL after marriage going to wash her clothes during courtship.

Why can't people be real? If you do not like A, state it and either be patient for your partner to change and move on...

That's why a lot of ladies feel marriage is a bondage... you are smiling with bros, you do not know what he will manifest to after marriage.

crowns2:
@OP very sorry for what you are going through. They say marriage is very different from courtship. Now you have entered the blending stage. Its not time to relax now is the time for you to listen to him more do what he likes. When he is talking harsh don't talk back. Be quiet. Do your duties as a wife. Even when he goes out angry still make sure to keep his food when he gets back home. Now you are pregnant shouldn't be an excuse to deny him sex. Give it to him the way you used to. Also still dress appealing make the home neat. Above all never ever bring your parents or his into it. Solve your problems by yourself. Good luck.

What is the difference?

harrysterol:
[size=15pt]Cool Facts[/size]

**Money isn't made out of paper but linen


**Smiling releases endorphins in the body, which makes people feel better

**India has over 50 million monkeys

**Real Madrid was invincible at Santiago Bernabeu, 122 matches without a loss between 1957-1965

Qn;
What was the main reason for the influx of immigrants from India into South Africa?

Diamonds

VickyyB:
Lol. He's not a sex freak while you are...
Thank your stars, that he's not a cheat.

Don't cheat on him. HIV is real!

A wife wants sex more than twice in a month and she is a sex freak

@OP:

What brought about the change? What changed? His reaction to your actions? His actions?etc.

He might be the type of man who sees courtship as different from marriage so he is now treating you as a 'wife'.

Discuss to find out his expectations are. Are you also sure your hormones are not playing tricks on you?

What circumstances surrounded the wedding ceremony? Too high a BP? Too expensive? Major disagreement between families?

It is well

ileobatojo:
I thought I was the only one o.

I am sure someone will come to explain to us

@OP:

What is the 'this' you are referring to?

I can't see anything extraordinary

davidylan:
Agree with everything on list except highlighted. No slim girls for me.

Lol! @ no slim girls for me

You want to be like your namey; heavily proportioned in the right places

You are extremely scarce these days

Happy new year

Herzumpther:
Lol good evening ma'am.

Emmmm I'm not slim or fat, I'm just there so ma'am I don't fit into manny4life's list lol. Manny4life's list I possess all but I'm not slim so I don't fit in.

My own list...... well man proposes and God disposes so I'm hoping for the best. Marriage in as much as I love it scares me each time I see see my neighbor beat his wife.

Don't take our jokes here serious lol. BTW I miss your meals o.

@manny4life don't forget you promised to teach me how to write Igbo. Lol

Lol @jokes

Don't worry, not All men are like your neighbor

It's good to have a picture of What you want (not tall dark handsome rich type) and work towards becoming the woman your type of man would be interested in

Manny might change his mind

Thanks @ the cooking. I have not done any serious cooking since then joor. Made vegetable yam yesterday but did not snap it.

cococandy:
i do

Lols

Ipledge:
i don't want a wife am too young to have a wife,but I wanna have a baby

How old are you?

If you are too young to have a wife, you are too young to have a baby

Ex and intimate chats are two deadly combo.

That said, he might not be intimate else the question who bleeped me ain't necessary

However, it is very very irresponsible to have intimate chats with someone you are not in a relationship with. If he knew such rapport could exist between him and ex, why did they break up?

Try to find out why they broke up to help you put things in proper perspective so you do not become 2nd fiddle.

Forget the swearing on mama's grave; If he sees you as a keeper and wants to marry you, he will swear on sango's grave that he does not know her even If he just finished mess.ing her.

If he is sincere, let him know This is the first and last time you will entertain such disrespect; If he yearns for a tete a tete with ex, he can end your relationship and go back to her.

Cheating is a deal breaker depending in your values.

No matter How much you invest in a relationship, it is much better to let go than marry and patch up

Phema:
Enemy of progress

Thanks dear.

Me enemy

Why not do 4 at once and be done?

@OP:

I would advice you build up your self confidence and self esteem which rejecting or refusing certain chores would not do for you.

If Omotola or Jim Iyke pushes a wheel barrow for their mother today, NL and Linda Ikeji will front page it the next day. It is who they are/they have been themselves to.

A coursemate said you are always afraid; did you ask her What she meant? Even If she was putting you down, you will get one or two things from her.

And people see you the way you see and carry yourself. Till you die or are grown, you might still have to do chores you see 'demeaning' and If you attach your self worth to them, it keeps nosediving everything you do them.

There is a saying 'parents cage the firstborn, are indifferent to the second born and let the lastborn get away with murder' (paraphased). Are you sure that's not what is happening here or does your younger ones all see mummy in the same light'? I am the first and I experienced such. My parents said I am the candle of m m younger ones and drilled me so I turn out 'perfect'. Mon will say since I didn't get pregnant b/4 marriage; drop out of school la la, my younger ones will not tow that line and always use me as an example to them.

As to getting freedom from parents, the best way is to show that you are responsible enough to handle freedom with it's obligations and nobody is 100% free.

What's your dad's take in this?

Modified: The people who would 'degrade' you because you helped your mama push barrow are not worth 'mentoring' in my opinion. But again, you might misinterprete What they will do because of your low self esteem. Some of them might actually respect you more because as a graduate, you are still humble enough to help mama.

You never know.

cococandy:
Herzumpther your diary is

That your neighbor. Hmm. Stop feeling sorry for her if she doesn't love herself enough to take herself out of harm's way.

I didn't know you have talent like this

I have definitely missed a lot

Manny4life's list looks good and Herzumper looks like it (not sure , don't know her outside NL apart from slim (not sure the picture I saw of her is slim) but then Manny can review the slim part).

We don't know if Manny fits Herzumper's list.

Phema:
Sure thing. Thanks

Congratulations!

God be with you both

One, two or three/

I am yet to note the stinginess of the husband

Extreme.. maybe but then the wife must not have been accountable in the past.

That said, I do not understand the concept of 'making ,money' from buying "soup" stuffs

Ipledge:
no abuse me Oo,I cant. Cater for family no mean say i can't cater for chilf

You can't cater for a family (you, wifey & child) but you can cater for you and child?

That you saw a child saying daddy does not mean that you should/must a child today or next year; it is like an assurance that you will have kids when due.

That you can cater for a child suggests you are working... why don't you cultivate a relationship and get married? You must not have the whole world before you get married. Ensure you love the lady before you marry her so she doesnot become just a child making machine for you or you don't throw her out (if God forbid, there is a delay)

carefreewannabe:
I could say so much more now but I don't want to sound provocative today. Happy Sunday.

Same to you

MissMeiya:
OP, this is a great suggestion! There's no reason for you to do it alone. In fact, it would be a terrible idea to do it alone.

There's one TV series I love called "Shameless" (the US version), and it's about a group of siblings who have to fend for themselves because their mother abandoned them and their father is a drunk. The eldest sister gave up on going to university to take care of her younger siblings, but eventually she started to take her life back, because she started letting the next eldest siblings take some responsibility. She had to let go of the mentality that everything was on her head. She learned the lesson the hard way when the pressure finally got to her and she crumbled: she got arrested, she lost her job, her siblings were all taken into foster care because she was the only legal guardian... When everything settled down, she started doing things differently.

You have a life to live. You are more than a caregiver. Make this a team effort.

You mentioned that your next two siblings are somewhat close to you in age? Confide in them, discuss, and plan. Maybe, depending on your family dynamic, the three of you can speak to your mother together?

Don't lose hope. This experience will surely forge you into a strong man.

Nice one MissMeiya

OP, please take this advice

God will be your strength

italo:
Tobechi20, what we should be working towards is good stable marriages.

It is God's plan for continuing the human race.

So it is beneficial to the society at large. It is good for the upbringing of good children. It is good for the wellbeing of the spouses too.

The approach you have taken is one aimed at watering down the inestimable importance of marriage.

That is the work of the devil. That's why he and his agents are trying to force the rest of us to accept gay unions as marriage, legalize and promote abortion, pornographyy, casual premarital sex etc. The devil knows that all these will weaken the institution of marriage. And when marriage is weakened, society will fall apart. Humanity will be destroyed.

Women were more loved and respected when society took marriage more importantly. Since society started promoting all those vices above, women have been terribly disrespected. Sometimes they're even treated like animals whose worth are only in servicing the pleasures of men.

If you doubt look at our music videos. You see women shaking their bum bums and guys pouring champagne all over them and slapping them.

I dont even want to talk about the humiliating dehumanization of women in pornography.

No woman or man was designed to raise children alone. 95% of those single mothers and divorcees will still be preyed upon and used as guinea pigs to satisfy the sexual urges of other people's husbands. Husbands who will fight tooth and nail to safeguard the unity of their own proper families.

Do you know that it is scientifically proven that a woman carries the DNA of any man she has unprotected sex with for the rest of her life?

Think about the mental and spiritual consequences of this.

*I strongly condemn violence and unjust manipulation from men and women alike.

What I advocate is good, loving, stable and holy marriages for men and women.

@bold: agreed

I doubt the OP has said people should not marry... he said people should not be manipulated or pressured to marry

I am yet to see the wrong in that.

Infact, if people are left to make their choices, we might have fewer families but definitely stronger and healthier ones. I deciding to marry means I have a vision of the home I like, will look for someone who fits in and be ready to build a home.

Marriage has not stopped people from doing what they will so why force them to add someone else to their misery? We have a lot of married bachelors and spinsters around ; why don't we let them be?

We have people who want kids and after the kids want out of the marriage; doesn't the other partner become an automatic single parent?

Compare the performance of students who pay for their education (esp. Primary and Secondary) with those who have free education scheme.

Are the divorce rates considerably higher today?

Nonso23:
The accuracy of the figure is questionable as is all forms of orally disseminated information but the point is: he can 'get back up' as many times as his body can tolerate it. Anything further than his natural limit can lead to loss of consciousness and possibly death.

It was in the news back then...

Three 16yr old QC students raped a gateman to death.

okotv:
www.redpepper.co.ug/african-businessman-dies-after-being-raped-by-his-5-wives/
maybe this might help. At least it happened

A man raped by his five wives?

LOL!

carefreewannabe:
Some people exaggerate, the West this and the West that, hostile to men etc.

I am not sure about the UK and the USA but in several other European countries, which I know quite well, white men don't complain like the men on NL. I work with white men only and I have many white friends, and they never complain. When I tell them what I read on NL, they laugh.

Interesting...

More amusing is guys are no longer interested in wedding/marriage and yet every Saturdays, multiple weddings are held everywhere.

And I know that lesbianism and gayism are still punishable by law in Nigeria

carefreewannabe:
Men Raped By Women
Can A Man Be Raped?
by Wendy Walsh

The headline jumped out at me from CNN.com, and I clicked through fast: “3 Women in Zimbabwe Charged in Series of Sex Attacks on Men.”
My impulse to click was exactly the reaction CNN’s web team had targeted. But I read the article for a reason other than sexual curiosity. It was more a medical question: Can a woman really rape a man? What if he ejaculates? Is this rape?

The news story was this: Three women in their 20s were charged with raping 17 men in Zimbabwe and keeping their sperm in condoms for some sort of health-related ritual. (That logic is reason enough for the world to step up efforts to educate girls.) The young women apparently used drugs and raped the men at gunpoint. In regard to men raped by women, this is where the medical question popped into my head.
Can Men Come In A Stressful Situation?
We all know that a woman can certainly be raped while drugged and full of terror, but a man, well, a man has to sort of function to complete the task. But can he function on drugs or at gunpoint? I know men who can’t even pee if someone is watching.
Not convinced that a Google search would yield my answer, I decided to go to a real authority: my predominantly male Facebook page. There is a nice cross section of the male body (pun intended) among my 5,000 friends, so I knew they would have the answers. Not surprisingly, the comment stream was long. At the beginning, my male friends were as confused as I. Some dismissed the whole notion that this was a rape.

“Unless you are a straight man with dudes forcing sex on you, you can’t be raped,” said one. “You can’t rape the willing,” said another. More than a couple said they couldn’t comment because they were busy booking a ticket to Africa.

So, I brought up the drug and gunpoint thing again. Was ejaculation possible under such circumstances? The answers were mixed.
What Guys Think About Men Raped By Women
“If you’re scared and drugged, you're not going to orgasm.”
“I don't agree. If a man is stimulated, he would ejaculate regardless of ‘willing’ or not.”

“It's not uncommon, since men produce sperm when intoxicated.”

Then came a true voice of wisdom. One of my Facebook friends teaches at a medical school and tells me this very question is sometimes on medical board exams. So here’s how the professor weighed in:

“Ejaculation is a spinal level reflex; it can happen. I have seen it happen in people having seizures or read documented evidence that it happens during hanging too. It's even a question asked on med boards often enough whether a tetraplegic can ejaculate. It's my understanding that as long as the sympathetic nervous arc is intact, one can come. For erection it's a parasympathetic one, and it's influenced by the higher centers, i.e. erotic thoughts, etc.”

Thanks, Doc. In household language, he’s basically saying that an erection isn’t necessary to produce sperm. Got it.

Of course, the much more important question here isn’t medical; it’s criminal. Can a woman rape a man? Yes. If someone does not agree to have sex with another and a sexual act is forced upon them, that is called rape. And it is clearly illegal, hopefully as much in Africa as in North America.

(...)

http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_3800/3838_men-raped-by-women.html


see bold

Kudos Babe

ileobatojo:
V

You're right Buka. Also possible if he's tied down/ restrained somehow.

I hear more of women gangraping men Than a single woman doing a man.

That QC story was horrible; the girls were 16

ileobatojo:
Lol @ Efe looking for trouble.

Well @ your question, once you understand that the pen*is has a mind of its own , you'll see how it is possible to rape a man. But on a serious note, the pen*is can respond even in a rape scenario and it doesn't mean the se*x was wanted. Just like the vajay can get lubricated during female rape. Some of these things are like reflexes. The body is a complex thing.

Reminds me of a story my cousin told me...

Armed robbers waylaid a night bus and wanted to rape the ladies. This lady's nipples were pointed before they got to her and the robbers were like 'it is not her turn and she was ready....

Unfortunately, they used cutlass to cut off the tips.

Heard about male ra.pe also though it still feels strange

Three Queen's college students raped a gateman to death. He was actually bleeding till he died.

I believe a d.ick will rise when the guy is manipulated whether he wants it or not and the lady sits on him. I doubt a single lady can rape a man unless she drugs him first.

Interesting Topic

We have our salary accounts where we are paid monthly so no physical joint account however we run 100% transpareny and joint accounrability and plan based on total income.




Savings: saving in an account seem not to work for us so we do monthly contribution with colleagues.

@Topic:

Yes