₦airaland Forum

aisha2:
He does this because he knows he can get away with it. You will simply confront him make small trouble and am sure apologise later hence he can always eat his cake and have it. Till you stop being helpless and he knows cheating will have consequences he won't stop. No matter how we sugar coat it that's the truth, he does it because he can get away with it

@bold:

100% correct:

I had a facilitator who told us he will NOT cheat on his wife because he knows it is over...

She is sweet et al but will end it the moment he cheats

Funny, he said exactly what you quoted; a lot of men do what they do because they know they will get away with it

pickabeau1:
You r such a funny lady
What does that mean

You defined ambition as getting certificate and looking for promotion

Is that all there is to life

Some are not interested in that
Does it mean they r failures

There is no versus anywhere

Good day

Can you quote where I said ambition = getting certificates?

I gave an example of ambition between two colleagues and you turned that into bukatyne's definition of ambition.

I can decide to be the most popular runs girl in Lagos and strategically place myself where I can achieve that.

pickabeau1:
Until you realise that ambition is subjective, you never start

Our President was not an ambitious man yet he is where he is

Ok then

It seems you have gotten into us versus them mode

Morning

.

carefreewannabe:
I am not so sure. I believe they think the same way but are more careful to express such thoughts offline.

It is understandable. Bad education system coupled with hunger that deprives them of the necessary nutrients for a healthy development of their brains.

This is not meant to be an insult, this is an observation of the situation too many people face in this country.

Well, I meet terrible people offline so I agree with you

aisha2:
Thank you busybody you have said it all, you read and digested it well.
I really hope this man gets the help he needs. One key focus of an abuser is to alienate you from your family which she has done.

Am sure she wants him to sell off every bit of his inheritance, finish it and leave him koboless before she dumps him.

Just imagine how the response would have been if a woman said her husband shuts down all her business ideas, doesn't allow her plan with her family, beats her and her kids.

Men get abused too oh

Honestly,

She will be told to forget ambition and face her family squarely...

As for beating, she will be told to desist from doing what she does to provoke him while a minute will encourage divorce/separation

Men truly gets abused.

Why did the wife deny him sex?

Story made it look like a continuous occurrence...

carefreewannabe:
I really want to know, even though I think I already do.

I am starting to believe a lot of people here are not like this real life

carefreewannabe:
So now the woman is "an abusive beast" but the man who beat up his wife wasn't a "monster" but a beloved spouse?

What's wrong with you?

You have time

@OP:

Right move (though I do not read the whole thing... just saw the court part)

@OP,

Weldone

@ question, All things save those that are inbuilt can be learnt perfectly

pickabeau1:
So does that mean A will become CFO?

What if B ambition is to provide for his family and be a dancer or dramatist

Why judge another by your own standards

I blame our economy hat has led to monetisation of values and our quest for certificates

This is All you got from my post?

Good night.

pickabeau1:
What does ambition mean
How do you say a man has no ambition..

Because he does not hustle n bustle

Imagine Mr. A and Mr. B who entered an org at graduate trainee/entry level.

A aspires to be a CFO and does certifications, attend seminars, read wide, put his best in his job and always seek to improve on his deliverables

B is content with his level and drift from level to level as tbe compamy deems fit.

Both will be able to provide for their families.

@OP:

You have What an average Nigerian doesn't have available: Capital.

You know your wife is not supportive and seeK's to pull you down so I do not expect you to pay her mind anymore.

Just see it that her 10yr terror reign has ended.

That said, sit around and think of What you really want to do or where you really want to be. You have the luxury of traveling round the world to see How it is done (If it is not something common here) and do it.

Your wife is greedy and doesn't take account of previous help. Use that as a learning curve.

It is well

pickabeau1:
cococandy

what does lack of ambition mean

This man is a good provider yet he lacks ambition

Providing is on one end, ambitions is on another.

Not All men have ambitions even If they provide

She can decide to play along, go to his house and get someone to snap him in his boxers while she pretends to go the bathroom

She can report him to her parents and they come to confront him, This also works wonders


First thing to get rid of is fear. If the lecturer sees she is not affected, he would surely wonder What makes her bold.

Goodluck

The husband should run far away and not continue with the marriage until she explains why

1. She agreed for the man to 'help' even when her husband confided in her that the said helper set him up
2. Why she lied about the legal fees
3. Why she did not tell her husband that the man gave her money
4. What exactly she used the money for.

The answers would determine the way forward

kilokeys:
How can a lady find a truly faithful, rich, handsome Man.?

the op is tired of sleeping around ( a justifiable reason to get married?)

he is ageing (folks are complaining, i guess)

there is no magic button anywhere.. the guy sleeps around, and also flaunts his money.. no assurance he wouldn't continue when he gets married.

let him get his life together first.

Interesting

This is another angle you know...

The guy might not be a husband material himself...

Some folks think money is everything a guy needs to put on the table

ucheheart:
some boys think they are men because they look responsible but they don't have what it takes to have a family, so such are not real men.

I see

@OP:

'Real man' sounds rather clichelike

I think a responsible man etc. would be better.

Happy Married life

Plenty of God's blessings in your home

Thank God.

standd:
I read your first post and I read this too. I understand exactly what you mean. To each his own. Thanks for your input

You are welcome

Happy Birthday. Many more of God's blessings!

Beautiful beautiful post

A husband is supposed to look out for his wife while the wife look out for her husband

When one looks out for himself/herself and still expect the other to look out for them, there is a terrible strain on the marriage.

That's why I detest all these mainstream advices

@OP:

Very nice and insightful tread

I am yet to understand why people do eye service in courtship or a marriage that is supposed to last forever...

standd:
IMO, a woman's independence is mental, financial, emotional and cuts across every sphere. But I saw a lot of things before I created this thread and I know that the women who are worst hit in terms of physical and emotional abuse are those who don't have a kobo to their names.

@bold, noted.

Funny enough, not all (wo)men think an ideal woman should earn; we have tons of housewives and the likes.

That's why I said it was multifaceted with that rude poster I quoted getting a glimpse of it.

I agree a woman should be independent or interdependent and be able to bring bread to the table...

More importantly, a woman should get a man that agrees with her definition of ideal; if my husband's definition of ideal was sitting at home playing housewife, I would definitely be frustrated...

If my definition of ideal is sitting at home and my hubby's ideal is a working wife, he would surely be frustrated.

At the end, each one of us know what is ideal to us and pursue after it.

ihedinobi2:
I don't mean the OP. I meant byvan. Give her the same advice you gave me. She needs it more than I do.

Happy new year, btw. I hope you're having a great year already. I'm sorry I vanished on you at Christmas. I was so mentally exhausted then that I could barely react in any sensible manner to the wicked dishes you tantalized me with. That dude you married is seeing something o. Did you have a good holiday?

Will do so when she starts hounding you and other's for your martial status.

Thanks. Holiday was not restful joor... did not close for the year. Dude married a gem and girl married a diamond

Happy new year to you too.

netizenbuzz:
Do you want your wife to respect you? Do you want her to fulfil her God-given role as a woman? Then you need to fulfil your part too. Male-mistreatment my foot!

First off, I don't need a wife to respect me; I am not interested in 14yrs behind bars.... thanks

Secondly, you indirectly go back to the crux of my post: doesa lady strive for this independence till marriage?

And third, no matter How you view it, a working wife would always want her husband to do his share of chores to keep her sane

And yes, the lady is my earlier post made her hubby join her in chores.

@OP:

NO!

The husband & family should source for that after re-negotiation of the items.

Wife & family can foot bulk of the wedding expenses

Lamborghini:
You women are jokes.
You want independence before marriage then after that what happens?
Will this independence plan extend to marriage or is it temporary? Will you always keep taking care of your needs yourselves and not ask your husbands for house money or shopping money after he pays your bride price like cattle and takes you under his name as his dependant?

Fish brained clowns with their on and off independence.

@standd,

Nice post

When I read, something was playing on my mind which I couldn't grasp till I read This poster's post.

Now I looked past the insults to the core message: hard, I tell ya

After I am an independent woman and I would not depend on my boyfriend, What happens after marriage? Does This woman carry her independent attitude there or does she dump it as she says I do?

I know a working wife who is proud of the fact she doesn't contribute financially @ home. She is the poster woman for independent woman yet she is still dependent on her hubby.

I am trying to view the issue of dependence...

Is getting a source of income the robust solution to the problem of dependence and 'male maltreatment'?

ihedinobi2:
As I said, I have. And you should give her the same advice.

I have given her my piece/asked some questions on first page.

ihedinobi2:
No, it does not do any of that to me. I have advised the OP. I am interested in you because marriage is a sensitive matter and bad advice regarding it can ruin the society as a whole.

Then give your sincere advice and leave her married status alone.

You cannot force everyone to give 'good' advice according to ihedinobi2's standard.

Good night

ihedinobi2:
No, disagreeing with a popular opinion does not classify as talking flippantly. What does is talk of ending marriages because people are treated badly for whatever reason. The first year thing is a reality some people face. In fact, a large number of people face it because many people today marry for all the wrong reasons. That is a fact. But to react to that with destroying the budding relationship is childish, to put it mildly.

All relationships have difficulties. All manners of people come with all kinds of baggage. The difference is only in degree. Marriage is no different. In fact, it is the one place where every effect is exaggerated because sensitivity is practically at its peak.

Again, does it really make sense to you that people make their marriages hell just to live up to some "popular" notion that the first year of marriage is hard? That's the sort of talk I call flippant - talking just because you can. What sane person would want to measure up to such an "ideal"?

Finally, like I said, the correct question really is, "is byvan married?"

Is byvan married?

Her marriage or lack of it affects your ability to advice the poster in a manner you think is godly and suitable for her ?

byvan 's marital status stops your connection from working?

Keeping drumming, would like to see people dance.

byvan:
Lol,howdy Maam?

I am good and family?

Nigerian Animal Husbandry

NAH