₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
So that they'll come and force the new wife on the first wife and tell her to accept it or leave.

Don't be surprised this lady might have been a few weeks pregnant when she died.

This one is small. E for cripple the mama and brother too. So that next time they see a lady plotting the down fall of another,they'll use themselves as living examples to preach against such wickedness

Cococandy don vex

Later somr will say that polygamy is better than cheating

beeevan:
Cheating men be Like" cheating is not the cause of his death", bottom line is, he died in the line of duty, that's what the thread is all about.


Some people joysticks dey recoil back into there tummy once they sight threads like this, you catch dem reading but dem dey fear to comment. Abeg if e hit you, no be you I dey refer toooo .

Leave them alone

The cheating did not cause his death, the accident did

I dont know what the woman will mourn for sha

EfemenaXY:
Awful story.

But what I don't get is what the girlfriend's mother and brothers were doing in his car - especially the mother. Did she not know that her daughter's boyfriend was a married man?

They might have been prepping for marriage rites

kolamilan:
you go fear summary lol

Hahaha!

It's true na

naijaboiy:
Some one is dead and all you can do is to judge him

There must be something wrong with your emotional stability

And why are you generalising on all the men?

She is judging him when the facts are bare?

Is 'do not judge/judge' now the new cool?

crackhaus:
How did you come to this conclusion?

Take a look at these:

Note the emboldened bits.
They all say in summary that love should not be dependent on how well the person being loved treats the lover.

This is my point:
If you say submission is only dependent on love, are you not going against the scriptural characteristics of true love?

Yes, submission is also love...for a woman to submit, she must have loved first.
And since love is patient, kind, not irritable, keeps no record of being wronged, never gives up, never looses faith, and endures through every circumstance, the submission of a woman to her husband is not dependent on how much he loves her.
This is what I believe to be Christ's kind of love.

It will be hard, it will seem painful...but submitting to a husband who does not really love you is the true definition of Christ's love.

You are not really conversant with the Bible, are you?

I was describing the duty of the husband and somehow you quoted the husband's portion to talk about the wife

I really doubt you read the posts

crackhaus:
What's the difference between consent and permission?


Are you implying that if you don't win him over, you would disobey as long as he doesn't see it?

@ 2nd statement, you clearly did not read what I wrote

Go back and slowly read

@First statement: I think consent is wrong. I meant that the husband must know about it i.e. informing him

I will look for the right word and edit that post

MadCow1:
Even a homeless fellow can afford court wedding.

No mind them

Everybody must wedding alariwo or all weddings must cost millions

preay for favour and wonderful deals will be coming your way

Plan and know what you want and work towards it

The funny thing is that the glamour of wedding ceremony is not the money spent but the organization and effort put into it

jmoore:
Growing trend? I don't think so.

Anyway, my plan is to do my traditional and church wedding the same day.


The government needs to do something about our traditional marriage, so we can issue legal documents to back the traditional wedding.

That is the way to go bro

However, be prepared for stress unlimited and hopping from one place to another

100Cents:
I am appalled she used Peter Okoye who did only traditional wedding out of choice.

What of most Nigerian men who cannot raise good money to cover both traditional and church weddings ?

@bolded:

'Poor' people have been marrying (doing white, Trad and court depending on the church) for ages.

Trad: Invite the two families alone, drop engagement stuffs and gbam! wedding don stand

White: Buy/Rent a gown (some sew china white; wear white skirt suit etc.) and be joined in church in the presence of ministers, parents & extremely close friends if desired.

Reception can be done aoutside the church; take away packs can be shared in church to cancel reception.

When there is a will, there is a way

paradoxqueen:
But why would i follow his desires? He is not my maker.

What kind of desires are you talking about?

Please give examples

You can also go through this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/1933513/love-submission

edwife:
So let me also sit down and watch


Sorry bucky,gif removed.

Lol @ bucky!

Thanks

pickabeau1:
I appreciate the passion putting it there but if one is book at it really its a narrow topic and family has different ideologies


Based on your submission you have done a yeoman job and your practical examples are splendid guides of considering the other before you make a family decision

What can the righteous do if the foundation is gone

The responsibility on the xtian is higher as he or she is called to ensure he is not yoked with anyone who does not share similar values.that is where it starts

All these helps in providing a base

Thanks

pickabeau1:
Next if values are congruent, the reality is that majority of decisions are non controversial as you are expected to see eye to eye on most of this issues.


The journey also calls for patience and seeking guidance on contentious issues which I feel should be less than 10 percent.

However we are also carnal creatures and this is where the adamic nature comes in.

Some of us don't take kindly to feedback no matter how gentle
Some are forgetful
Some see sex as unwholesome and purely from q functional idea of procreation within a marriage
Some have baggage from prior relationship
Unforgiving spirit etc

All these and more induce a dynamic even in a situqation which would have been easy

Example in your scenario

The man does not like something u need to do.you will have normally run it by him n time is of essence.
You do it and discuss later.


One should be able to trust his wife to handle issues in his absence. That's the point of marriage.

What if you depart suddenly.

That's what I can't think of now

@bolded, that's why I believe that a love & submission as discussed in the Bible is for only spirit-filled Christians that's why it is always emphasized that Christians are not unequally yoked

The first step for someone professing to be a Christian is to be born-again.

True, we all have baggage as a result of our upbringing and/or experiences however, when we come to Christ and lay all at his feet, He heals us. Salvation is not only from sin but from past baggage, evil ideologies et al as well

It is well

@bolded 2: I prefer discussing it first before doing even if it is a phone call on the go (maybe I have not encountered something I must do as an emergency). I remember when Konga was doing sales on their Tecno Phantom. I needed a phone then and we had decided I will get one. When the sales came on Friday, it was an opportunity but I did not get it that day because we were going to see at night and I felt no need to call him. When I was ready on Monday, the sales was closed and I had to pay twice of it. LOL (He was like why did I not just get it) no mind me, na lof

My reference to Nigerian bibles is when one party uses the Bible to support his/her stance without intending to do his or her own part.

Chillisauce:
Ok ma

Carefree come and remove your nakid man gif here.

Sorry buka, nothing to contribute. I no sabi bible.

Lol!

No probs

Happy Sunday

RoyalRoy:
?? Whatagwan ??

The audience is really family viewers

pickabeau1:
Bukatyne

What are your own thoughts... we've had several debates on this issue and you've always had a defensive outlook in my opinion

I believe you say something along the lines of "it is desired a man should love first and the woman will submit "

It goes back and forth and forth and forth then you say everyone else reads from the Nigerian bible

Tell us what you think from your own bible

That way no need for needless debates.

Also maybe this will be better in the religion section as not everyone is a christian and it will degenerate into the inevitable feminist debates

So now we are done, have all your questions be answered? Do you have more?

RoyalRoy:
Done!!

Thanks

But again

cococandy:
Well...
It may be.

But I feel religion isn't a very well visited section. The message may not get to those who need to see it.

But it's up to you and the MODS. Wherever it is,I'm following.

Cool thread.

True however, I do not want it to be messed up

@cool thread: thanks

cococandy:
@ topic.

Love and submission are meant to work hand in hand.there can't be submission without love.
If we follow Christ's example,it is plain he came to show us his love. the ultimate way .
Using the only thing he had. It can't get more selfless than that.
And in turn demanded our submission unto.

Even the most hardened of hearts will be touched abd softened by genuine experiance of love.

A home where the husband loves his wife selflessly and the wife submits to this wonderful loving is one destined to last.

True, True

cococandy:
Why religion? I like the post here.

@buky. You've dealt with love in a way some guys don't want to hear. Kudos.
It's a much needed message especially for impressionable young lads who haven't even an ounce of love to give but have already known that their future wives MUST submit come rain or shine.

Coccandy welcome to this thread

Thanks a lot

Pickabeau1 suggested I do so since the topic tilts toward it and I thought it was a good idea

The winning family

First, for a couple to be able to practice all these, they must have the spirit of GOD manifest as seen in Gal 5: 22 - 23

22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

i.e. a husband and wife must possess these characteristics (Advising women only to be patient etc. is extremely fallacious and unbiblical) before they can build their home on godly principles. A godly man will not cheat, slap, insult, shout on, demean, disrespect his wife and vice versa

Marriage is meant to build up both husbands and wives and make them reach their highest peak. It should not be show stopper or dream ender like we see around

Ecclesiastes 4: 9 - 12 New Living Translation
9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.

10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone?

12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Examples of beautiful relationships we can learn from are
1. David and Jonathan

2. Joseph and Mary

3. Joseph and Potiphar

Finally, let me leave us with this...

Like I always say, love is a pre-requisite for submission. Jesus Christ showed us bountiful love before demanding we submit to him and we will willingly submit to Him because we know he loves us, will continually do anything for us and puts us first in all His decisions.

Love here can be summarized as the husband putting the wife first while submission is wifey putting husband first so there is a sweet balance with each other backs covered.

Submission is NOT forced... God never twists our arms to do what we do not want to so please don't force your wives into submission; earn it by excellent leadership

Wives, do not take the love of your husbands for granted; he is no f.o.ol loving you sacrificially

Go into marriage with the aim of satisfying the other party always.



The love of a husband makes a wife blossom and the wife in turn makes her husband blossom... Bukatyne 2012

God bless

Practical examples of submission

Remember that submission is in all things (as far as they are not sinful) so we really do not have any 'private' business once we are married. For example, I think it is wrong to do the following:

1. Send money/stuffs to your family/friends/relatives without the consent of your husband (note I said consent and not permission) irrespective of the financial model run in your home (joint or separate accounts)

2. Do something hubby has said he doesn't like without trying him to win over (If it is important) E.g. if he has said he doesn't like fixing of nails and you want to, you must win him over. There might be a way to fix it without him knowing but even if he does not see or notice, God does

3. Buy things without informing him/ hiding what you bought/ investing without him been in the know etc. amongst others

pickabeau1:
Excellent posts so far

Bukatyne

I think you should request it be moved to religion

Thanks,

Will do just that

Thought it was family related and will be best here but again, it is based on Christian principles and more of religious

@RoyalRoy,

Once again, I need your help

Please help me move to religion

Wives are called to submit and a practical lifestyle is given in Prov 31: 10 -31 (Will advice all Christian wives to read it and cultivate the lifestyle).

What is submission:
Submission is basically what a husband terms it to be? Does it sound strange?

There is no definition of submission in the bible so a wife must study her husband to know what he likes and ensures she does it how he likes when he likes and every time he likes (As far as it is not a sin)

Characteristics of a virtuous wife are outlined in proverbs 31 quoted above which involves industriousness, kindness, resourcefulness, strength and dignity amongst others and we should endeavor to cultivate them.

Irrespective of age, status, social standing, financial status etc. we are called to submit to our husbands which is a balance to the sacrificial and selfless love our husbands have for us

2. Wives:

This is to wives and will be quoting Eph 5 and Proverbs 31: 10 - 31

Eph 5: 21 - 24; 31 - 33 (NLT)

Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.

24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”[c]

32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


Eph 5: 21 - 24; 31 - 33 (KJV)
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Wives are to submit to their husbands (This is really to balance up the love the husband has for his wife), in this way, they are both in sync and the needs of each other are met.

Let's go to Proverbs 31: 10 - 31

NLT

A Wife of Noble Character

10 Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.

11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.

14 She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.

18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.

19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.

20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.

21 She has no fear of winter for her household for everyone has warm[c] clothes.

22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.

23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.

24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.

27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

28 Her children stand and bless her; Her husband praises her:

29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

31 Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

KJV
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

@ Efemena,

Thanks a lot

Practical examples of love:

First, a husband must study his wife to know what she wants (Even God/Jesus deals with us as individuals). The moment a man marries, it is no longer his concern what women want. When he knows what she wants, he must do all in his power to do what she wants how she wants it and when she wants it (as long as it is not a sin).

He must put his wife first in all his suggestions and work for her common good.

Like Proverbs says ... There are four things too mysterious to understand ... The way a man loves a woman (Proverbs 30: 19)

And in Songs of Solomon, SOS 8: 6 “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.”

Husbands are also to respect their wives

1 Pet 3:7 KJV: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I Pet 3: 7 NLT: In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

@ Efemena, Ileobatojo, chillisauce, carefreewannbe, edwife, coogar and all

Welcome to this thread

I will appreciate if all gifs and derailing comments are removed; it has no bearing to the topic

Thanks

The passage above tells us that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. The onus is now each man (intending) to be a loving husband to study how Christ loved the Church (us). We can see this love outlined in 1 Cor 13: 4 - 8

NLT:

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud

5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!


KJV:

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

This passage outlines how Christ loved the Church and how husbands are expected to love their wives. We can see that patience, politeness, selflessness, humility etc. are characteristics expected of a husband

What type of leader is Christ?

He sacrificed His life to die for our sins (He left his Glory above to this earth to die for us). He was a servant leader: always put the needs of His Church first, always served them, identified with the needs of His people, was a man of prayer and spiritual discernment (It is so sad more women are the prayer champions in their homes) amongst others

Mark 10:42-45 ESV
And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

John 13:12-15 ESV
When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.

Matthew 20:28 ESV / 20 helpful votes
Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

The Bible also equates the love God has for us to the one a husband has for his wife (Isn't it great)

Husbands are called to lead by example (not the do as I say and not do as I do type), love and serve their wives. Jesus wanted us to be baptized and was baptized first; He wanted us to serve and served us first; To emphasize the indispensability of the Holy Spirit in ministry, He was baptized with the Holy Spirit before His ministry started; To teach us prayer, He was a man of prayer; to teach us giving, He gave his life first; To teach us obedience, he obeyed God first etc. We can see that Jesus taught us what to do by doing it himself

Headship:
Yes, a husband is the head of his wife and by extension family. Head in this context means the source/origin i.e. a man typically decides to get married before a home can be built just how Christ is the source/origin of the Church (That's why I believe it is not right for a lady to propose outrightly to a guy {again, my opinion}. A husband to be must have a vision for how his home will be (Just as Christ had a vision for His Church and followed it through), work towards it and look for a woman who will key into that vision (having a similar vision) and build his home with her (I know this is different from the usual we hear about).

How to handle differences?
When there are difference in opinion (where it seems suggestions of husband and wife are 'equally good') the couple/husband should go to God in prayers, He is always ready to proffer the best way. We have an example in Abraham (Gen 21: 9 - 13); Joseph (Matthew 1: 18 - 21)

1. Husbands:

Husbands are called to love their wives and lead their homes (that's why we say husbands are the heads of their families) and not men are the head of women (two distinct things) JUST AS CHRIST IS THE HEAD OF THE CHURCH. In essence, for a husband to be able to function well as the head of the home, he must be Christlike (which really is the definition of a Christian) and study how Christ led the Church (collective body of Christ) {That is why I believe that love and submission talk is for only Christians. My opinion}. Let us look at Ephesians 5: 21, 25 - 30 (Will be using KJV and NLT all through. I love me my NLT however most Christians are comfortable with KJV)


NLT: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+5&version=NLT

Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

30 And we are members of his body.

KJV: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+5&version=KJV

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

While I am working on the subsequent posts, please enjoy this: Tonight's meal