₦airaland Forum

Kachisbarbie: truetalk...I know that kind catwalk - they would think it's for attention whereas it comes naturally. To be a teacher isn't easy abeg, even as a corp member -I taught in a secondary school. When I give assignments, they would write the question on the 1st sheet, then when I turn over, na serious love letter...lol

Sometimes rubbish write-ups, 'madam, show me your bum-bum', 'madam pity me naa'
AkwaIbom children dey jonse sha...hahahaha

You served in AKS?

What year?

Taught there too during NYSC and it was fun

Agrika: If she provides money for all these Wetin come be ur work as hubby

Odilafta:
You are actually praying for a 'husband'

The OP is talking salt, maggi, pampers and you are saying husband? If a wife cannot provide these (exceptions to housewives due to mutual agreement or lack of a job) what really is her usefulness?

@OP:

gidjah: YOU ARE WHAT YOU will attract,justbe the kind of man you need a woman to have

jacabi: Are you ready to be a loving, caring, helping, listening and faithful husband? If yes, then I say amen to your prayer.

These posters have given you the key to get such a wife fast

I join ahnie to say...

ahnie: it's well@op

jaybee3: Commuting time seems to be the main problem so they should simply move closer to their jobs.
It's obvious neither will want to give up being employed without having a guaranteed alternative

Thank you!

Before I started working, I was like how can a, b come back late but now, my eye don clear

The average work place in Lagos closes by 5:00pm with most workers dashing out. Some will get home by 10pm due to traffic.

They should try to move closer to their workplace.

And if a party has to resign, he/she must do so willingly (either by reasoning, siking, selling the idea etc.) else the person will be so frustrated and hate the other party

Did a lot of cooking today

Okra

Egusi

Fish Stew

Nice thread

Sauce I made for boiled slightly ripe plantain yesterday

ayztech: OK. Just curious

Thanks & nice sunday

You are welcome

Happy Sunday to you too

EfemenaXY: Lol!

Na true na

Donfamous: sure, but not so fast on it.

And you expect women to work wonders on it?

ayztech: How did you hear that from God?

Through a dream

freshdude2: Well, I have used on numerous occasions. Stressful, I might add. But it does preserve the natural taste of the food. But you knew that. Right?

I don't know about preserving natural taste but I used it one in a while back then

Depending on what I wanted to cook, I would grate, slice, blend or stone grind my onions & pepper

greatgod2012: Hello lovely Nairalanders.
I'm gradually resuming back to NL after my unofficial vacation.
I want us to learn from one another as regards what affects every family, which is...............training of our children, whether biological, adopted or live-ins(i mean relative kids who are living with us temporarily, for one reason or the other), therefore, i will be coming up mostly on threads that have to do with child/ren upbringing and today, we want to start with "teaching our children to always be appreciative, no matter how small or little the favour shown by whoever, be it parents, relatives, friends, visitors, employees/employers, or even strangers.


First, what is gratitude?
Gratitude is the appreciation for a favour given or shown to someone. It is the act of thankfulness. It is being grateful for favour or kindness.



How can we show gratitude?

Personally, the best way to show appreciation is by saying it out............by saying thank you each and everytime a kind of favour is given or shown to someone, without saying it out, the person doing the favour may think his/her favour/kindness is not appreciated, so, the best way to let the person know that you appreciate is by telling the person that you appreciate his good gesture towards you.
Another way is by leading as example, what you don't have, you can't give, if you're the type that's always grateful, they will always copy you. For example, when any of my kids do something nice, i thank them. It means you're indirectly training them to be likewise.
Why showing appreciation?
A yoruba adage says "eni to ba dupe ore ana, a ri emii gba" i.e if you say thank you for a kindness, it is an avenue for you to get another one". However, personally, the reason for being appreciative is not basically to get another one but to show that YOU ARE WELL AND PROPERLY BROUGTH UP. I use to say this, there is no bad elder, it is a bad child that grows to become bad adult, if one does not know how to say thank you for a good deed, then such should not complain when wickedness is shown to him. If somene can go out of his way to assist in one way or the other and the mouth seems to be too heavy to utter just "thank you, such a person should not use the same heavy mouth to complain when a prospective helper refuses to help. This is in support of yoruba adage that says......."eni ti a ba se oore fun, ti ko ba dupe, ti a ba se ika fun, ko ma binu".




When do you start teaching your kids the sense of gratitude?

As early as possible, teaching our kids to be appreciative should start from when they are toddlers, so that they will get used to it. Infact, all my children's first words are...."tan tu" (thank you). They are so used to it now that it makes people , almost everyone that come across them to fall in love with them instantly. They are taught to say "thank you Lord" first thing in the morning, and that also is already part of them that no one can take away from them. Saying thank you by kids make people to conclude that, such kid is well-mannered, even though as kids, they have their flaws, but the sense of gratitude they possess has so much covered their other areas of weakness to the people outside.



How do you instill sense of gratitude into your kids?
Very simple; instist that they say thank you for whatever you do for them at home, even though, it is our duty to take care of our kids, but it's also their right to appreciate it.

Let us learn from one another, if there is any other point to add or modify, please, let's do and learn from one another.
May God help us all parents.

greatgod2012,

This is a very beautiful and practical thread as always

I liken ungratefulness to lack of home training really. Some people find it so difficult saying 'please', 'thank you', 'sorry' and other normal greeting.

Thank you once again for opening that birthday thread for nashville and myself last year

Hope you are gearing to open another one this year (LOL!)

The talk 'children of nowadays' when made by parents disgust me. Same with telling him/her 'you lack home training' seriously? they failed in bringing up their kids and they can still say it

May God continue to crown our efforts on our kids

cococandy: He's leading by example.
Wifey is a good follower

Exactly

Donfamous: One of the oldest wasys of grinding pepper,
Its so cool and adds some flavour to ur stew, but it seems people are lazy to try this step now, and most of our new generation wife don't even know anything about this, or consider it rather stressful, and primitive.
So have u ever tried it, and when last was it?

Hardworking man,

Have you tried using it before?

Truckpusher: The topic didn't say she was harmed in any manner,it was a fight and it was a sports event and the he-she won not after pummeling her like a bag of garri

Like someone rightly said it was a lot easier when we had two genders yet some people will scream equality.
Equal rights,yes but equality no way.
The difference is clear.
Oya make una fight una fellow woman

Bros no vex

What has equality/inequality got to do with transgenders?

@OP:

A very lovely article

Thumbs up emma

Emmalot121: Are you fighting for equal rights or equality.If its the later, it is tantamount to man hating.
"I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High."

so God and man relationship is same as man to woman?

I give up

jpphilips: You obviously didn't read her post.

And you did?

KMTee: yes, he deflowered her on their wedding night, it was battle btw the both of them
due to pain she experienced, she bought books on how to enjoy marital intercourse
and den gave timetable on how it ought to be done according to the book.
FYI, the guy is no virgin

I think the husband is selfish and impatient.

He should have tried to ease her into it (long pre-intimacy for that day & do the do maybe next day). If her first experience is bad, she is not going to be excited about making love to hubby and it is hubby that can correct that

Since he knew the reason she bought the book (she buying the books shows she wants their sex.ual life to work out and is willing to learn), it is his duty to teach her it is fun gradually and forget what is in the book.

If you are close enough to the hubby, tell him he has to unlearn all he has learnt with previous women he bedded and learn what makes his wife tick. He should see himself as a vir.gin and be willing to explore with wifey till they come to the same level. It might take time but they will get there. The onus is on him because he is experienced in this field.

Who knows, when wifey becomes satisfied in the bedroom, conversing with her will be easier and reduce her frustration

P.S.: I though the reason ladies screamed for experienced guys is because they have the 'experience' and can do the do

KMTee: yes, he deflowered her on their wedding night, it was battle btw the both of them
due to pain she experienced, she bought books on how to enjoy marital intercourse
and den gave timetable on how it ought to be done according to the book.
FYI, the guy is no virgin

I think the husband is selfish and impatient.

He should have tried to ease her into it (long pre-intimacy for that day & do the do maybe next day). If her first experience is bad, she is not going to be excited about making love to hubby and it is hubby that can correct that

Since he knew the reason she bought the book (she buying the books shows she wants their sex.ual life to work out and is willing to learn), it is his duty to teach her it is fun gradually and forget what is in the book.

If you are close enough to the hubby, tell him he has to unlearn all he has learnt with previous women he bedded and learn what makes his wife tick. He should see himself as a vir.gin and be willing to explore with wifey. It might take time but they will get there. The onus is on him because he is experienced in this field.

Who knows, when wifey becomes satisfied in the bedroom, conversing with her will be easier and reduce her frustration

P.S.: I though the reason ladies screamed for experienced guys is because they have the 'experience' and can do the do

KMTee: well, from the little i know
the MIL lives in another state, she has not even visited them since they got married, their communication has always been on fone. it was only the brother in law that had visited once and stayed for just weekend friday to monday,

the lady doesnt have a mother anymore, she grew up with her step mother who maltreated her, so the mil just wanted to be nice and be a mother to her.

the guy invited a marriage counsellor and the church pastor to the house to talk to them, after they left, it was battle galour, the wife warned him not to invite third party to their matter again.

they just got married, no kids yet, whats the service of househelp for when dey are just 2 and dey both hardly stay at home.

the lady works in a federal govt parastal, so she closes earlier dan d hubby

I am just seeing this.

I think the wifey is troublesome from this post

The weekend is not too much for a BIL to visit and I do not understand the protection she is screaming about since her in-laws neither live with her nor visit her regularly

What time does the wife get back home from work (since you say they hardly stay at home)

BABE3: yes, some are just here to mock. As humans, we have this need to make ourselves feel better by judging others. It's innate and if it's not checked, it becomes a part of you to constantly judge and castigate.

There's a difference between what edwife is doing (asking genuine questions and passing comments) and what some others are doing. What's the meaning of "tufikwa: I can't imagine sharing my own husband.. "? Is that supposed to make the OP cry harder or envy you? (not you in particular).

The most important thing is that she's trying to make the best out of the situation (as a christian); what most cannot even do.

I get people's reaction to it however I do not think the OP can be judged because she is not even at fault in this scenario.

@bolded, I thought you would have said 'as women' (sorry my eyes playing tricks)

aderonila18: It relates. The major reason why Africans today speak against polygamy is because of christianity, this is wat they are taught in church

But going by the examples laid by Bible characters Polygamy seems ok
So telling me Bible frowns at it is ridiculous

My dear, my post was in reply to the above post by someone who suggested that the Bible supports polygamy. I already noted people in the Bible weren't perfect and neither are we but no the Bible does not support polygamy. The same was a fornicator will know that the Bible doesn't support that. I don't Jude polygamous people, divorced , fornicator or lies etc just don't try and justify it with the Bible

100%

carefreewannabe: Because people forget this part and I am also guilty.

Are we really judging?

tbaba1234: A few months ago, a woman in a polygamous marriage was here, talking about how happy she was in her marriage.

That narrative did not go down well with some folks.

I posted a story earlier of a woman who was the second of three wives. She actually set out to look for a married man or a divorcee.

I have seen good examples of happy polygamous homes so I know, it is attainable.

I have also seen horrific tales of monogamous homes, so I understand it is not perfect.

You do not grasp what most posters are saying.

Every 2nd, 3rd etc. wives are no reason to complain (except in cases of child brides); the only person short changed is the first wife and this thread was opened by one in pain. Read through her posts and tell me your cannot feel the pain she is going through

Interview first wives around and let us hear what they have to say

nwababy: @ Sofun, you have to be steadfast in prayers cos pastor ish is really a big problem in our house hold now. I guess everyone has a story to tell. I didn't want to share before but I guess I was been selfish reading others and not sharing mine. I dated my fiance for 11yrs now. Reason for the time wasted was he's inability to get a reasonable job(he was in Insurance coy) and it yield little or nothing. I was working but my work was able to sustain I and him when needed(he doesn't ask me for money I just knew he needed money and give him). I had wanted to get married twice in the first 7years of our R/ship but I couldn't leave him I love him so much and still in love with him; so, I decided that against all odds I will stick with him. He called me after 5yrs of our R/ship and told me that if am not willing to wait for him that I should marry that he couldn't bare to put my life on hold for him. I told him that am willing to wait (thinking that waiting is easy)5,6,7yrs nothing. I prayed, fasted and cried he reminded me that he told me that it wouldn't be easy journey but I was just myopic thinking love alone can lead us through not knowing love works hand in hand with patience. I decided that if am willing to wait for the one I love that I will sew a cloth like patience and wear it all the time. Sorry I got carried away hope am not boring people with my write up. Have decided to bore it out today. He did hse certification and went to many interview yet no out come. Then, 2yrs ago, he did another certification and God blessed him with a good job this year. In the first quarter of this year, we wanted to do my Introduction.We Went to his elder bro's house and talked about how and when to fix the date. The brother told the elder that's suppose to come with them about my fiance plans to get married and the date we fixed and he was like is it not Papababy that got a job barely 5months ago that wants to get married. When the immediate bro called us and told me that their uncle said I shld wait from now to dec haa. I cried and even unintentionally started shouting on the bro(if not cos I am now like a family, they will say am bad wife)My fiance was mad and stood up for us(he's the last born) I had to start calming him oh. It was chaotic that day. This an elder that doesn't know the genesis of how and when the job was gotten but, I believe that all things worketh together for those who trust in the lord. Though, some days am moody and all that seeing how my friends own goes smoothly without issue. But I guess this world is a personal thing( to each his or her own) Am been steadfast that I will share good news soonest. Wish me luck. N.B: I type with my phone pardon any grammatical error abeg

I wish something more than luck; God's favour

It is well with you. You will rejoice soon. I am happy you & your bobo is speaking in one voice

KMTee: A colleague got married 6 months ago to his woman who he had, roughly 4 years relationship with before proceeded to the alter. but after he resumed from honeymoon break and was asked how he is enjoying his new status..he cofided in few of us and complained bitterly about his wife's characters, of which some of us had warned him against this lady b4 he married her but he said she would change, marriage changes women.

this lady nags, complains about his friends, his colleagues, his in-law, she is too demanding...
After they got married and resumed back to their respective work: the wife laid down some rules indirectly
1. she won't be cooking during the week except on weekends, so they get what they would eat on their way from work:
Where does the wife work? Where do the hubby work? Who gets home first? If wifey has made soup in bulk during the weekend, the challenge is to make solids/rice that takes a little while to prepare. Can the first person to get home do that

2. no in-law should come stay more than a week and for the duration of their stay, they must cook and wash their plates themselves. This is not peculiar to wifey. Some people do like extended family for long period of time in their homes. The problem I will have is when the rule doesnot apply to her own family. If this is the case, hubby either extends the rule to her family or scrap it. Besides, it is not advisable for in-laws to stay for so long except there are pressing issues or small kids. @washing and cooking, how old are they? If they are younger, I do not see the big deal in that. I cannot go to my cousin's house and expect my cousin's wife to cook for me or wash my plate.

3. he must not report her to his mother, mother-in-law cannot advise her what to do, whenever she errs, he must be ready to protect her and he must not allow any member of his family to disrespect her.
When she errs, does it affect the extended family? If no, then it is none of their business or does she report him to her family when she errs? Does the hubby like the prospect of his MIL correcting him? Is it a good thing for his family to disrespect her?

4. he must not give any female friend/colleague a ride even if they are staying in the same street, except she is in the car with him. Is this a rule for both of them or her alone? Some couples have this rule to guide them; some defriend all previous friends on FB, change numbers etc. when they are starting their marriage. Is she one of them? Does hubby have reservations on wifey giving male friends/colleagues rides?Has the guy given her reason to suspect his previously?

5. Sex should only happen according to how it's written and explained in one of her books, hubby can't just demand for sex anyhow, it must be according to timetable. Does she feel sex is dirty? Has hubby read the 'power book'? Is it a religious one?

Now, the guy complains bitterly, quarrel and nagging every now and then...he now closes late cos he is too scared of getting home early cos of complaints, nagging and fight..the last fight they had was that the mother called and started tutoring her on how to take care of her man, how to love him, how to adore him and how to be submissive to her man, the woman even shared some of her experience with the lady. she was so furious dat wen they got home, the wife started complaining and lamenting that he is not protecting him from his family, the mother is always on her neck telling her wat to do and not do bla bla bla. Was the issue that they could resolve themselves?

the guy came to us for advise..we told him he had it coming cos we warned him, the lady had come to office one time to cause drama and we told him categorically that she is not a wife material but cos he met her a virgin, he went ahead to marry him...
the hubby is really in a mess now and is affecting his performance at work..some of his femle friends advised him to divorce the lady, some advise him to find solace in another woman's arm. Some women are very foolish and these are typical examples. Does divorce or cheating solve this man's problems? but we, the female colleague advised him to take charge of his home, stand up as a man and set things straight.

your advise on this is needed please? should he follow his male colleague's advice or female's?

The wife sounds like a self-righteous person. What she is saying might be right but the issue is how she passes her messages across.

I get a feel that they did marriage counseling (hence the constant hammering on protection from family) but they did not really get the principles especially wifey. It is like a man yelling 'my wife must submit' without understanding the fundamentals.

The hubby seems not to be on same page with wifey especially spiritually. Do they go to the same church?

Dear OP, I will appreciate answers to my questions

Thanks

majekdom2: I wonder ooo ... I remember my bro was once tagged a yahoo boy simply because people see him home at noon.they couldn't tell where he was working .. he worked with NNPC and closes very early atimes.I know about three intelligent babes that made good grades without having to compromise. the thing is men are even always scared to harass a chic once they know she is intelligent and smart .

I have not read such in a very long while

yeyenatu: I'm not rooting for anything, just stating my opinion on the matter. If my insensibly stated opinion doesn't sit well with you, kindly jump and pass. Don't insult, two can play the game.

People fall in and out of love for whatever reasons. Why do people get divorce? Because they love each other so much that they want to continue hating each other everyday because they are now 'mr' and 'Mrs'. And live unhappily ever after!!!
No, I'm not a wife yet. But trust me, the little I know about openness, will make me a good wife and a better woman. Don't judge people's decisions because you don't want yours to be judged.

Can you define the insult?

You are not a wife and you have good advices on polygamy? Nice

Get married to a man you love so much and want to build happily after with and have him marry a second wife (because he loves her so much) then come back to read all your posts on this thread.

dotmanz: Men can be funny..

We want to settle with decent and beautiful girl,
At the same time, we want to be attributed with a well ambitious woman with all the degrees..
But does it actually occur to us what a lot of ladies holding a prestigious position in the society has been through?
Do we take our time to check possibilities of some rapid achievements that sets our women on that pace?
The same achievement that took a man over 6 years to achieve, a pretty lady would appear from no where and knock it silly in lightening speed.. Hahahaha..
My good friends, we really have a complicated situations at hand
If only one of those ladies we admire so desperately due to their position and achvmnets can give a sincere accounts of what they went through in terms of sexual abuses and molestation, and sometimes voluntary acts of immorality and blunder, we would know convincingly that they are of no good but cursed.

A lady confessed to have allowed a man abused her sexually just for promotion. Infact, she allowed him used objects on her just for the man to hear her *morn and scream out of her se*xual appealing pretty face of a goddess. She eventually got promoted, and that's the definition for our supposed ambitious women.

Come to the level of our University ladies, it is easier for them to pass any course than answering phone calls..
It is so bad that the ugly situation celebrates itself, it happens from time to time even at employment level, a man can afford to deny his company of a first class graduate than let a pretty but incompetent woman slip through his bosom.

This pose a huge disparity in considering the appropriate candidate for marriage. We have pretty, eloquent, matured but morally rottened, ambitious, 2.1 grade degree holders in our society.

On the other hand, we have ladies with little or average education, well reserved, not eloquent, perceived to be less ambitious, morally upright with fear of God in all they do..

The choice is ours. But only the men of wisdom know which is best for them.

Let's go back to the bases and retrace our steps..

So all women on top have been molested by men?
All 2.1 graduates slept their way through?
All girls with little or average education and ambitionless are decent?

I swear, you make me laugh!

You remind me of failures who blame everyone but themselves for their failures; Mr. A is rich because he did jazz; Mr. B is a swindler; A got A in the course because he/she sorted/slept/copied etc.

Abegi! If you want ambitionless women, please go for them and leave those who have ambition alone

You will not see women who worked hard and did well. There was no brilliant girl in your class abi or all of them right from primary school have been sleeping with men. All the women doing well in your place of work are sleeping with their bosses she? Even those that did well in UTME must have also slept with the registrar. Those that win scholarships must have slept with the bodies awarding the contract.

NL still talked of one kehinde girl that graduated with 1st class (I have forgotten the university) and people laughed at how she looked.

I wonder the university a lecturer will give an olodo girl first class or 2.1 by sleeping with her.

Education is clearly different from enlightenment

ayinba1: Please do not sell yourself short. I have not met you but "stupiditty" is not a word that applies to you.
You have displayed a lot of wisdom in your posts
May God strengthen you.

I want to point out some areas where you may feel some effects
When outsiders (some married women) learn of your situation, they might view you differently
They might behave to you differently
Some might want to cut off ties
Some will stay with you but their advice may be very contrary to what your mother advised.
But you will find friends that will respect you (regardless of their own marriage) and admire your strength.
They will provide you with tips on how to make things work
Don't lose sight of communication
And please stay with him if you still love each other and he treats you and your kids well.

What is this love you keep talking about?

A man loves his wife soooooooooooo much that he decides to marry a second wife? without her consent? Without informing her before their marriage that he will marry another at some point?

What love are you talking about?

yeyenatu: act? You made it sound like it's a vice. when did marrying someone you love become a vice?

Polygamy is better than marrying 5 times to different persons, and siblings won't even know who is who.

Labeled according to the duration.

"Which one is your own mum? 1988 to 1990? Isn't that Bisi?" Naaaa!

And it's not that horrible thing that you now blame the new 'lady' for. That's where most first wives miss it. That kind of mindset has already sowed something in you towards the lady. Even if she is the sweetest, you would always find fault in your heart towards her. Thus frustrating her effort, unconsciously. Which is wrong.


@OP: please, just expect a new person come to spend time with you in your home. And if you are muslim, you already know that the religion allows it.

"Mati ara eniyan mi se Olorun."

it is what It is. It happens. There are testimonies of people living as peaceful as their individualities can allow, that's the kind you should look out for.

After all, she IS coming in. Create a space in your heart to allow yourself be open-minded and still be your normal self. Don't judge yourself wrongly because he decided to have a second wife.

Don't start looking for what is not lost, you may find what you don't want to find.

All the best dear.

Are you serious?

A married man marrying another woman he loves?

What happened to the first wife?

I have no problems with you rooting for polygamy; just root in a sensible way

Afteral, you are not a first wife that her husband suddenly decided to marry 'a new wife he loves' after you

Keep rooting

tintingz: where in the bible did God frowns at polygamous men?

@topic I grew up in a well good polygamous home, there are challenges tho(ofcos every family face challenges).

My father did his best to keep us united, i never experience any conflict.

Are you a Christian?