₦airaland Forum

You didn't do wrong. However, if you are disturbed about the issue; call hin, engage him in a discussion that has to do with stuffs that happned while you guys were in contact. If he's real then open up and tell him you would prefer he sent an account that bears his real name as that will make satisfied that you are dealing with the right person. By the way what of his voice, did you notice similarities?
Talking about relatives it's possible he must have pestered them so much that they avoid his call.He may really be in need but again con men are begining to outnumber the good guys.
Whatever you do, follow your instincts because there are times you really want to give but your instincts could say otherwise.in such situations, i dismiss that pricking of the conscience with a hunch of the shoulders afterall you can't help every needy person you come accross.

Mimiflourish:
WOMAN. . . . . When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day...

An angel came by and asked." Why spend so much time on her ?".

The lord answered. " Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?".....

she must function on all kinds of situations....,

she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time,

give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart

she must do all this with only two hands,.."

She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day".... ...

THE ANGEL was impressed. .." Just two hands.....impossible !" ..

And this is the standard model ? ! ...."

The Angel came closer and touched the woman"...... ..

." But you have made her so soft, Lord".....

" She is soft", said the Lord,

" But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome "...

."Can she think?" The Angel asked...

The Lord answered. " Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate" ...

The Angel touched her cheeks.....

" Lord, it seems this creation is leaking ! You have put too many burdens on her. " ...

"She is not leaking...it is a tear" The Lord corrected the Angel...

" What's it for?" Asked the Angel..... .

The Lord said. " Tears are her way of expressing her grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering and her pride."...

THIS made a big impression on the Angel,

" Lord, you are genius. You thought of everything.

A woman is indeed marvellous !".... ...
Lord said." Indeed she is.

She has strength that amazes a man. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.

She holds happiness, love and opinions.
She smiles when she feels like screaming.

She sings when she feels like crying, cries when happy and laughs when afraid.

She fights for what she believes in.
Her love is unconditional.

Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies

but she finds strength to get on with life." ..

The Angel asked : So she is perfect ?
The lord replied : No. She has just one drawback

" She often forgets what she is worth."

awwwwwwww! glad i'm a woman...

Wow!! thanks a million times!

Yes make her pray too.i know someone who had her second child while the first one is about 12. hold on it will come.you can even adopt one now if you want up to three children and still hope for the third to come through you.who knows , that act of love( adoption) may bring you favor.

Ibiblaze:
it could b prophet or others as the name sugest.. but our neigbour met her pastor and he said the same thing

From tha submissions of the person below me, i think this is a serious matter.you guys especially her mum and siblings should really get on your knees.there is nothing difficult for God. Let there be genuine repentance in the family then pray hard.also give thanks to God for her release.That's if you guys are Christians
By the way there is nothing wrong with her dtessing.the colour of her nails may not appeal to me but she is well dressed.
**Note: I know her mum is desperate to have her back so you guys should be on the watch.many con men will surface in the likeness of wise men just to dupe you guys.Focus on God alone.He's all knowing.He made her, loves her, can save her. Plead the blood of Jesus Christ over her and seek the mercies of God.don't forget sincere and heartfelt thanksgiving, it's verry effective. Shalom!

what sort of a silly househelp is this?? so selfish.what stopped her from taking the baby along.infact the topic should have been:" Beware of silly househelps"

Ibiblaze:
yea three diffrent ones.... and they said she is alive but we're she is right now was not her choice to be there... that's all they said

Ah!! You guys should keep praying to God.keep the hope alive.
but who are these 'wise ones'?

GHoJes:
I'm glad you are not mad at it, i did the checking well again, there are similarities but its different. I apologise on behalf of myself and byvan.

Accepted.God bless...

byvan03,GHojes, i just got to understand what you guys were sniffing about.pls stop sniffinf before you inhale some dangerous substances.i wanted to ignore your insinuations afterall we don't know ourselves but i think i should set the records straight though i shall do it just this once.i am me not someone else.i don't have an alternate moniker.
i got busy when GHojes started sniffing, i just got to understand the sniffing was about me. i had always believed that '...' is a sign of continuity used to express thing you'd rather not say thus i use it except for today when i was multitasking and was rathwr fast.5minutes is right, my phone also contributes to some of my mistakes...
hahaha did i just do that? ...

GHoJes:
Sorry if what i said pained you, i hate to deliberately make one feel bad. You know the man here dosen't seem remorseful, will most likely not be unless caught and there is a high probability that if he is not caught early enough he will never be remorseful.
Did you explain your stance to missB exactly the way you just did to me, i mean not just saying the mind your business thing because she may never know unless you tell her. Like i hinted before, that's where i faulted her, if you were my friend all these years i would have realise you dont do close friends and not be stupid to come to you with a thing like this. If you are certain, she knows your stance, and still came to you, then she need to grow up.

Thanks.this is a real life situation.me doing dinner, she calling.yes i asked her to mind her business but i sent a text.i even called the yesterday and she refused picking..it's true we have known for a long time but to me marriage is different..maybe i should have asked her to wait till when she bumps into them again then she could chip in something about madam..i think that's what i should tell her but telling is not in my place to do.i don't want to be involved in any matrimonial crisis.

@GHojes, i am not living in denial; not me i'm not.when i typed those words i was genuinely worried about Mrs C.i did't applaud myself, wasn't looking for more applauds.i don't believe in divorce.i believe it should be the last resort in any union thus i do all in my power not to make anyone divorce their spouces ad i'm not ready to divorce mine.
yes they were my secondary school mates.we each have our ways and styles but we get together as often as we can( which is rare) to catch up on things.i don't do bestfriends.my best friend is my husband.my closest friends are my kids.
my greatest problem is being sincere here.that hubby cheated, begged even with a new car then i forgave and moved on is not a crime.it doesn't mean i'm living in denial.i shared that to assurs youner women that it's possible to forgive if you can.
i decided not to discuss the matter with Miss B because it would profit me nothing to listen to how a man cheats his wife.i knew i would do nothing about it so why should i urge her to go on.it is not my business.ii have a lot on my plate that renders such idle gosdip inconsequential.why didn't she go ahead and call Mrs C? why must she rope me in? i make my stand known, they know it , i don't discuss people.it pained me that you said i'm living in denial.forgiving an erring partner is not that bad.he promised not to do it again and i believe him.i might have as well come here, beat my chest and decleare that he wouldn't dare try it or that i would divorce him if he tries it afterwards but it will not profit me a thing. i have love in my heart and that's all i'm capable of giving.we all must not be fighters.

Adaeze003:
She will find out eventually... When you sleep on the same bed with someone almost everyday, it's difficult to cover your tracks...

Hopefully he won't bring any STI home.

I personally hate to be the bearer of bad news so, if I were in your shoes, I'll probably say nothing DIRECTLY...

I'll go with you on this.

Phema:
MRBrownJ keeping it very real as always!

If I see my friend's husband frolicking, I'm sure telling, with proof though. Whatever she decides to do afterwards is up to her.

It will hunt me for the rest of my life if I think my friend could be in danger (STDs and the rest) and I'm doing nothing about it.

I've very few friends and they are very close and important to me. Won't be losing any one of them due to the actions of their frolicking husbands, all because I don't want their marriages to break up.

Life over marriage, anytime anyday.

It is not your place to tell MrsC what her husband is up to because you didn't see them yourself, but you are wrong for shutting Mrs B down. The least you could have done was listen to her. If in the end you think her suspicions are unfounded, then you could dismiss.

True friends are not only there to chit chat about fashion and whatnot. They tell one another the truth and stick out for one another. That you would prefer to live in denial doesn't mean your friend prefers that too.

Maybe i was wrong in cutting her short but i'm uncomfortable discussing others and she knows it. plus i was trying to fix dinner after a very busy day
maybe i should call my mum and ask her but this thing heavy for mouth abeg

Mindfulness:
@Chidoks

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

@MRBrownJ

I am totally with you on this. I share your views on friendship. What are friends for? I can't imagine not telling a good friend what I saw if I saw something like this. It is like keeping the truth from him and this is just another way to lie. Besides, I value truth and honesty far too much to remain silent. I can only be friends with people who share my attitude towards truth and honesty so I am sure they would tell me the truth, no matter how bitter, too.

I understand your position on truth and honesty.. i'm an honest person too.i'm a very strict person.u frown at immorality but see it from my point.this sort of issue is capable of tearing a home apart and i cannot get involved.i didn't do the seeing remember? i reserve the right not to hear what she saw too..i'm not sure of Mrs C's reaction thus i cannot lay such a sensitive accusation/ suggestion.what if it was a false alarm? even if the guy is cheating let her be the person to find out.
if you advice me to chip in something in that direction , it sounds better though i may not do so but telling her outrightly is huge to me.

MRBrownJ:
well said... yes we can!

@5minsmadness @Ronald4lif

tell her friend what she saw... if there is no big deal about it then thats what the husband will confirm with his wife.
why should anyone care who the woman is or if it is his family member etc? the point is she saw him and since it is a "suspicious" place, she needs to make her friend aware of it. any husband who has nothing to reproach themselves will A) understand why the situation is suspicious to his partner's friends and B) explain the situation to his partner without a beef. only a foolish/cheating husband would think that the friends of his partner should have been quiet about it.

but here is a clue: if i happen to drive by and see my buddy coming out of hotel with a lady, then guess what?! the next time i see him, i am going to tell him" hey buddy, btw last time i saw you coming out of this hotel with a lady, what were you up to?! bad guy!!!" and there would be no big deal about it. if i see my friend's parents coming out of a hospital, then next time i see this friend, i will ask" hey, i saw your parents coming out of a hospital last time, i hope everything is ok with them?!" and there would be no big deal about it... now hypocrites here would want women to act differently because its there friends partner?!

one thing is certain, being a FRIEND is certainly not being quiet about issues that "may" be detrimental to that said friend.



you mean that the wifey possibly finds out when the husband will have infected her with whatever deadly disease he would have contracted from that possible mistress?! i guess thats when you will be a true friend and cry on her dead bed.... kai, friend indeed!

You just said if you see your buddy coming out of the hotel you would jokingly mention it right? why wouldn't you run to the wife.i honestly expected you to say you would tell the wife not your buddy.
Every woman has to device a means of knowing what their hubby is up to.i have my methods.i occassionally check his phone.i read his body language.i just know if he misbehaves.if she cannot do her homework, i will not do it for her.i don't do the best friend crap though.

MRBrownJ:
if your spouse cheats then you will unwillingly be entangle in it.



no, you should NOT tell her what to do, you should just let her know what time it is so she isnt taken for a fool.



friends have to answer to one another, thats what "real" friends do... they tell you the truth about everything, whether its positive or not!



as you havent seen anything, you cannot say anything BUT you should advise Mrs B properly so that she does what is RIGHT. Mrs C's private life is yours as well, dont get it twisted. finally, whether her husband lies about it or not is irrelevant, so long as you do what is RIGHT. if your husband is mad at you because you did what is RIGHT, then i suggest you re-evauate your position in this union (or his motives).

Hei Oga easy o.i have a dignified position in my home.i'm married to someone that doesn't entertain gossips and i'm extremely okay with it.i mind my business.i don't interfere in people's marriages and don't expect anyone to in my marriage.
In my opinion if they are close enough they she could politely tell the man but telling her outrightly may not be the best.sha she has refused to pick my calls.she's an adult and matured enough to make her decisions just that i don't want to be part of it.
this is one of the reasons why i don't do friendships sef!

MRBrownJ:
@Chidoks
i am sorry to say that Mrs B is RIGHT in how she views the case, and WRONG in how she acted when she saw the husband coming out of hotels etc

she is RIGHT in wanting to tell her friends (aka Mrs C and you) what she saw and her suspicions... i mean, what are friends for, right?!
she is WRONG because she should have gone straight to the guy and ask him what the hell he was doing with that lady in a hotel while is wife is at home bla bla bla. the fact that she "could" be a business associate is irrelevant here, and that man should know that anything suspicious will be reported to his wife.

now here is a question for you: what do you expect your friends to do if they see your future hubby coming out of a hotel with a lady?

Seriuosly if anyone catches my husband the need not tell me.if they are close enough, they can speak to him otherwise zip up their lips.

Dear Mr Brown, hmnn the issue to me is not right or wrong..i cannot afford to get entangled the any adultary issue.
okay most babes say they would end their marriages if their husbands cheat.what if i oblige miss b and tell mrs c , and mrs c eventually ends her marriage shebi they will always say that chidoks is instrumental in their break up abi.God forbid
Again Miss B can afford to run her mouth as she pleases, she has nothing to loose, no one to answer to but as for me, how will i explain to my husband when kasala bursts?
Finally dear me, i regard this kind of issue as an ugly gossip.no matter how close you are to anyone, their private lives especially their marriages are sacred and personal.imagine me telling what i did not see, she confronts her husband , he denies, to make her point she mentions miss b and i, her hubby will naturally report to my hubby and the ugliness of the situation will fully manifest abi? mbanu, i cannot be caught in that web mbok

hbpeze:
I think miss b is having an affair with miss c hubby and miss c hubby just called it quits with miss b




I dedicate my ftc to barcanista

eh! noooo! let it not be o .that wonan is the most comely person i have seen. God abeg o!

wow!
well, the society or the world systems seems to be the chief cause of complex issues and sense of unworthiness in people.
if only most folks can ignore such perceptions and focus on their inner beauties, abilities and capabilities...
a wise man once talked about the 'you' in 'you'

See me see trouble o.
I have these two secondary school mates; one is still single( let's call her Miss B) and the other is married( call her Mrs C)
We three live in the same town though Mrs C moved in like a year ago with her family.we make out to see ourslves.just yesterday evening Miss B called that she saw Mrs C's husband with a babe at a joint
" so ?" i replied
" he's cheating on her"
" how do you know, it could be a business meeting or something.the lady may even be a relative" i almost snapped, i hadn't served dinner.
"babes i know what i'm saying .this isn't the first time,i once saw them coming out of XYZ guest house and...
" hey hold on a second" i cut her short " how did you see them, have you been keeping tabs on another wonan's husband"
" see" her tone had changed." don't you understand, she thinks he's innocent meanwhile.."
" babes abeg abeg count me out .you didn't mention it,i didn't hear infact you didn't..." Na so the babe cut me short o and started vibrating. she said i wasn't a good friend otherwise i would have supported her in her quest of telling Mrs C.i dropped the line and after my night chores i sent an sms advicing her to drop it since it wasn't her home.her reply was worse than her outburst but could i be wrong.is it right to tell a person that their partners are unfaithful.

lol. nne dish food o.hian ! food wey don dey in front of him? abeg my sister it will cost you nothing to leave your chores and dish food o.after dishing his food linger on till he starts eating then rub his head and call him " your majesty" ( only if he's the playful type o because this your husband be like say na GOC)
but wait o are you a 24/7 house wife? i asked becausr as he was hurrying out you too should be hurrying out.

Phema:
I should be asking you that dear, since that is your story.

Haba mi darling, you first.
Honestly the issue of infidelity is cancerous.it's capable of so many disaster.if only men and women, especially the men can stay committed in marriage or even stay completely away from marriage; we would have less broken homes/ hearts.

jabojafa:
yeah most females may say end it bt dey arent married yet. For guys i tink if u r more on d spiritual side U wud forgiv. Having a broken home isnt one of d best tin to do. In our socieety, it hs mostly bn men cheating. As for me, if i cud accept my ex in sch bck den afta she cheatd den i dnt see i wudnt do dt to my wife.

Honestly, your reply reminded me of when i was growing up.as far back as when i was in secondary school i had the image of the man i would have loved to marry in mind.amongst other things i felt and decleared to all who would listen that i would divorce him if he 'tried' me, i never considered adultary because adultary did not exist in my innocent mind.as i grew older i became wiser and realised that divorce is much more than signing papers and moving out.most people don't know the effects of divorce/ broken home especially on the children.well sha, different strokes for different folks.may God help us all, bless our homes, grant us the ability to remain faithful to our vows/ partners, and give us the grace to make the best decisions( amen)

bukatyne:
See kwestion

Do you think all men cheat?

Are you saying you have never seen a faithful husband?

I believe that there a faithful husbands.no doubt there must be.
the question concentrates on unfaithfulness thus the question.again i say not all men cheat

Tashaamania:
The nonentity might turn out to be Mr. right. I'm just saying..
She shouldn't ignore any signs. Staying with someone for five years isn't a guarantee just as knowing someone couple of months back isn't. Anyone can pretend for any length of time.

OP weigh both options. if need be, take time off the wedding planning, postpone and figure out what you really want. Marriage no be beans especially when you're going into it with doubts, that's alot of pending trouble.

hmnnn...op is excited about mr nice guy whom she does not really know..mr nice guy may even be the cause of her doubts.granted there is always this premonition of the future when planning for marriage but one must think it out with clear head.there are always distractions in every step of progress so the best thing is to shake off these distractions.
but if you suggest she postpones the wedding, then she must date mr nice guy for 5 yrs in order to assertain if those doubts are real or not.it's after dating mr nice guy for 5 yrs that she is qualified to make any manner of comparism.

Cutehector:
If I see any girl and her pant is showing, if I correct her, slap me...

haba bros!
okay what will you rather do? stare or look the other way?

I must comnend your mum.she is a super hero.however advice her to remove her mind from him.it's possible she worries/ cares too much about your elder brother thus he misbehaves abd issues threat of moving out. moving out ? his mates have moved out already so let mamma concentrate on the younger ones.if he doesn't get much attention, he's bound to behave.
try talking to him but don't argue.be as respectful as you can, hit the points and wrap it up.God bless your ma!( amen)

Phema:
I do think we should remain within the context of the topic and not generalize or speak for others.

So the question remains; what will you do if your spouse cheats on you?

I do think you should read all i wrote before singling that out.what you quoted is the by-the-way conclusion of my opinion on the matter.thanks
what did you do when you found out he cheated?