Selfishness is the nature of the beast.

When we are in need, let us agree not to be taken advantage of and if we must succumb due to the circumstances, let us look into God.

I've been taken advantage of many times (not sexually) but I realised that it only happened when I depended on others. We must understand that we are responsible for our own happiness and everyone is entitled to request an exchange for a favour but it is oneself who can accept or reject it.

Grateful for not losing my job this year and not getting a reduction in salary despite the pandemic.

It is not your business to pay her shop rent. A business is a business and rent is part of the overhead costs. If she is not making enough profit to pay her rent then she should close the business.

If you use the money you have been paying for other projects, you would see your investment and use it as you please.

A man who provides for a woman totally is not helping her at all and it hardly turns out well. A woman who also expects her husband to provide everything is also not preparing herself for the day the man might leave or lose his job.

You can support her rent only if she is supportive and productive and maybe experienced a huge loss that requires a loan to cushion otherwise it is unreasonable to be imposed on you.

When i got married, it was for the colour that i did aso-ebi. So that my friends would stand out. Thwn, the number of friends that you had was noted on your wedding day to assess your social status.

I had also paid for aso-ebi for my friends wedding so when it was my turn why would I not share my own? But then, it wasn't about making money at all. It was for the colour.

Let me mention that my husband attempted to share ofi for caps but he was unable to sell a single one unlike me that could not meet demand. Looking back now, i know it was a sign that he was an evil person. How would a person not have a single colleague or friend or neighbour that would pay for the cap of their friend's wedding ? That's story for another day, though.

Each circumstance is unique. It's not the wisest thing to do but as some have taken the risk and it turned out well, others took the risk and still regret it.

There is no hard and fast rule about this issue.

Thanks for the write up.

Are you saying that dry cleaning does not involve water at all?

I've always heard this but I don't believe my suits would be so clean without ever having water touch them at the dry cleaners.

Is he in boarding school?

If he wears diapers, the friends would find out the same way that they found out that ha bedwets. It may not improve his confidence but it has other advantages. The room would stop drinking and he won't have to airdry his matress.

When my daughter was 4yrs, I wore diapers for her when visiting a relative. They thought it was strange but I explained that it was better than wetting their beds. They didn't accept my reason as rational.

All the best.

No pictures ?

What is meant by wedding ceremony here ?

Traditionally, the husband is meant to bring things to the wife's family requested from a list that would have been given to him by the bride's family. A man is free to receive support from his friends or family for such purpose but I don't subscribe to the wife contributing to this.

If you are talking about the reception for a societal wedding then both families should be involved according to the guests they invite. A couple is also supposed to work hand in hand financially for their own contribution to the wedding.

Any man that solely spends on his wedding no matter how rich I is , has been played and manipulated into doing such. A woman would have no financial contribution to get own wedding and feel comfortable with it ? The hall, the MC, the DO, the food, the souvenirs, the clothing, the decorators, invitations and programmes...e.t.c. all paid for by the man ? He must be under a spell and the marriage is not based on love.

Your parents may also be going through rough times and not be fully conscious that they are taking their frustrations out on you.

Speak to your mother about the way you feel. If she doesn't change , then we would take it from there.

Make sure as possible to focus on your academics so that all your mental lows can be behind you in the near future.

Why is Ned Nwoko on this list ? Doesn't fit the description at all.

December is a month when people spend a lot for several reasons. It is funny how January is generally the dryest month despite following the month where income is usually the highest.

Anyway, make sure you save this December to avoid calling innocent people wicked or stingy in January. May we all be happy and have plenty in the coming year. Amen.

Don't let anyone guilt trip you into marrying such selfish and unreasonqble mindset.

I'm surprsied that your mother supports her views. Many mother in laws are not like that.

She might have been afraid to commit herself and you didn't need to ask so directly. Your mind would tell you if you have a woman who would be there for you through it all.

Why is her father or her mother not investing in her instead? Is it a crime for her mother to buy her the machines since she is not yet married?

You don't sound reluctant enough at the idea of losing her. Do you not love her? You seem til comfortable discarding her for this reason. It is worth discarding her but I expect you to sound very unhappy to do so.

Even if one's flesh and blood invests, it is for a reason. To improve their family and have peace of mind.

You also contacted too many people on the issue. You didn't try to discuss further with your babe and be sure of her stand. You called both parents just like that. Please don't be so fast to do such after marriage.

Yoruba people take this respect thing seriously.

It might not be a big deal to you or your brother but I'm public, people would town at it

Try to find a nice nickname for her. Bye.

Everything in life is based on chance.

It looks easy on paper to marry a financially stable person that you don't love.

Also, marrying the one you love is the best decision for long term goals or better put, marrying the one that lives you.

The problem that I have in this scenario is the fact that he is 35 and has no tangible source of income. It is not even biblical for a woman finish her own bride price. It is okay for a woman to be richer than her partner but not that the partner can not afford basics at 35. If he was from a supportive family, it would be tolerable but everyone minding their business is a red flag.

How do we know for sure that this man loves you not for what you can provide for him? How character may change when he has money.

Where does he live? Does he not pay his own rent? Would his family not support him when he wants to get married?

From my experience, you can not undermine the importance of marrying the one who truly loves you. Money may come and go.life happens. The one who would stay through thick and thin is important. He may be rich tmrw and he may not. Marrying a rich man guarantees nothing. He can have the money and use it to frustrate you.

You might be fortunate to meet a better guy who loves you and has the means to cater as a family man as well. You might also be unlucky to leave this poor dude and regret it marry him and still regret. Only God knows. It is all based on chance.

Nigeria is hard but it is not an excuse for a man to be dating a successful lady and have no means of his own.

Something is wrong with this story. You don't sound the least heartbroken that your wife cheated on you or ran away. You don't sound disappointed enough that the mother of your child was unfaithful. Your focus is on the money that you have invested in her.
No matter the reason, your wife should never have cheated on you and much less in your matrimonial home.
Your explanation of depriving her sexually is quite lenient. It is not like you haven't touched her in one year, is it ?
In a real marriage, one year is not enough to cheat. Some partners are hospitalized for a year, some are apart in different continents. It may not be easy but cheating is not the right solution

It is not black and white. It depends on the parties involved. It also depends on the time frame. For those who are spiritually sound, it might be easier for them to distract themselves from it since they believe it has grave consequences.

For those who are wordly, it is the simplest way to spell distrust. A woman might feel she wants to keep herself but if she is genuinely in love, she would struggle with the temptation to give in at every opportunity. Those who do not struggle are simply not in love or do not trust their partners.
For a man who is genuinely in love but is worldly, he would be resentful at the lack of trust after a while. In the beginning, he might comply out of respect but as time goes by, it would be difficult. The solution is to get it elsewhere or continue to persuade.
It is a very natural phenomena and if one wants to truly abstain, one should not be involved in entanglements.
When I was younger, I thought I was disciplined but now I realize that my sex drive is unnaturally low.

I dont know the full story.

Are your siblings benefiting from the fish farm also?

Why did you not use your site only ?

You are a man and I don't think a step grandfather really has a say. Those old people sometimes have hidden agendas. They would force you to complete your mother's property then take over.

You may also chose to complete just one room and parlour to serve as a family house to unite you and your siblings otherwise it is only your siblings that really have a say. I know our culture gives room for interference from elders but many elders are shallow due to their illiteracy or selfish agenda.

He played it well. He knew what he was doing all along. The human nature is naturally selfish.

He has found another but he has a conscience and doesn't want you to hate him.

Never believe the story about his wife being bad or he wants to divorce her. She may not even be abroad.

It's nice that you let him go after finding out. Still, don't for a minute think that he didn't know what he was doing from the get to.

Don't waste your time and resources trying to divorve your husband. He would show you help in the process. You should not have paid your house rent but instead, moved to another house without this husband. Let the landlord evict him by himself. Now , he has continued eating free food.

I'm a more serious note, it is hard to make the best decisions under distress. This helper of yours is not all good though he glitters. There is no way that you can see clearly for now. Enjoy the sex while it lasts and enjoy the money that he willingly gives you but focus more on how to reinvent your career and raise your children. Don't think of marrying this new man until five years later when you have studied him well. He might be an opportunist and I won't want you to go from drying pan to fire. I don't believe he has this money and is as sex staffed as he claims to be despite all the runs girls in town who are single and fresh. Take his claims on marital status only with a pinch of salt.

Do not move into his house with your children but instead, let him give you money to rent a house of your choice. Invest and try to build your own house.

Don't make any trouble with your present husband because he won't leave you without a fight.

Take things very slowly and never think all that glitters is gold..Do not have unprotected sex with your new boyfriend. Don't be carried away by money from this timely giver.

So much dysfunction in your write up that I'm worried for you. What attracted you to the first girlfriend in the first place?

You need to change your circle of friends and improve on your standards in life choices.

All the best

What's it with you and these male friends that you speak of?
The guy is toxic, you ought to let him go but this doesn't mean that you would find a better person.
Focus on a steady and tangible source of income, cut distractions from male friends and don't expect anyone else to raise your son for you.

I'm a woman. Both women have their places in a man's life. It is true that if a man has not failed his wife, the son might not feel pressured to put her above everyone else. Men that put their mothers above their wives sometimes have good reasons to though. The problem starts from when the man marries the wrong wife in the first place. Some women don't deserve to be treated so much better than a mother. mothers would always have their child's back. A mother would willingly donate her kidney to her son if need be but many wives would contemplate this and offer insincere excuses.

I would pick my own father above the man that I married years ago. In response to your statement about women not feeling that way about their dads.

Its good to know you have kind words to say about your father. I also have kind words about my father as well but my children hardly remember their father. He has not looked back in 4 years. When he was still in touch, he never gave a fine to them. I sometimes wonder if he doesn't worry about the future at all.he has no other kids except his step kids.

Wrong is not the word. Is it appropriate? I'm out culture, the age gap seems a bit much but it is the intentions behind it that would determine the success of the marriage. Is the man in it for material gains? Is the last in it because she is desperate? 7 yrs sha gap means that he could not have been in the same school at the same time. One or two years might not raise eyebrows but I'm out culture where elders are reverred May make it uncomfortable. The age is also important. There is a difference btw 61 yr old female and 53 yr old man from 32yr old woman and 25 yr old man. 49 yr old woman and 42 yr old man

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This is not the time that people should be expanding their families. You have not two but there ! You have both sexes (male and female) The economy is so unpredictable. Even the world is unpredictable now with a second wave of the virus. This request seems so strange that I suspect that she is already pregnant... Is she an only child? The fact that you can be so confused as to how to handle this matter shows there is a big problem in your marriage. You may not realise it but your wife is on to something...

You are all still under the manipulation of the said woman. He does not need to divorce her at all. Is the house not truly his? Are the papers not in his name? I have so many ideas but too lazy to type. You should be more dramatic in your approach. It's such a simple matter but the woman has gotten into your systems. I understand the manipulation though.

It's as if you took the words out of my mouth. I've always pondered in this. Why don't poor people just use contraception? Sex would even be sweeter when there is no risk of pregnancy. Instead, they enjoy saying they have a certain number of children to feed probably to gain more sympathy. I'm not like the rest of you that give child beggars or adults money. When you do, they go ahead and procreate further. A man in wheelchair who can hardly feed was given some money from someone on this platform because of his four kids. How doesn't ha know that the money would bring forth more children?

There is a five year gap between my children and it was very deliberate. I didn't have a supportive husband and I didn't want to raise children that I couldn't cater for single handedly and I'm a financially above average Nigerian.

The stress of child birth and pregnancy is not even all rosy for rich people, so how much more for people who have no food to eat it where to sleep. Don't they get tired of owing or being dependent on the wicked people of the world?

Well, you've spoken well on this topic.

Don't bother going ahead with marriage plans. The family would run their dysfunctionality on you no matter how you avoid them. Bad in-laws is worse than a bad husband in our culture.

Do not believe that your husband does not like his family or would always protect you. I speak from experience.

If you are from a decent background, don't bother giving your future children bad relatives. Life is so unpredictable.

I wish I could elaborate on this topic but I can't type much now. Free this man now. Don't believe he is as separated from his family as he appears to be. It's a defense mechanism.