₦airaland Forum

Foodqueen:
The girl isn't different from her family.

His statement was just an excuse. She never planned to marry him

You are naive but you describe yourself as kind. Maybe also, there are other reasons why you continue to give for nothing in return. Learn to set boundaries and know your worth. Stop looking for love in the wrong places. Planning to marry a 20 year old orphan who just finished secondary school is a red flag but you may not see through it now. Find a 28 year old who is from a good family and who is employed, court her for about a year. Make sure it’s not someone that you met online. Good girls are not that scarce. It is men that look for love with the wrong format.

Many men get it wrong. As long as you are the one paying the girl’s school fees, your wife should not have a say on the school the girl attends. She can put her own son in a bigger school if she can afford to but not withdrawing the girl to help with house chores at that young age. What hold does your wife have on you to even agree? It’s a different thing if you are arguing about taking the girl in or not. Your wife is selfish on this.

In the real sense of adoption, the adopted child has every right that the biological children have.
I don't understand why one child would try to inherit everything when he has other siblings and that is a big problem
The father also knowing that he has an adopted child, might have left a will
Sentiments apart, if you adopt a child then be ready to treat him or her wholeheartedly as a biological child.

MadamVanessa:



YUL informed his wife about his decision to take another wife, the wife is just a jealous person that doesn't want to share his man with any woman. For the fact that Yul wife commented in the post " God will judge you people" doesn't mean that the husband didn't informed him of his intention to take another, maybe she didn't agree, and majority of women wouldn't have subscribed to it.

What do you mean by saying the wife is just a jealous woman?
You are the type to be dreaming of making other people's husband's your own. Your life goal instead of focusing on your English. Might be you are from such background where sleeping with other people's husbands is condoned and sought after.

I don't blame Yul at all. I blame the hypocrites in our society. The so called second wife was having an affair with a married man and she has friends and relatives that were comfortable with it. I am sure there were women present when the bride price was paid. There would be friends who would continue to be her friends. None of the women in the above categories want such for themselves or their daughters. Even the thief called Mercy Aigbe made a pose that she would shoot whoever came for her husband.
It is this society that trivialises such vices. In the olden days, polygamy might have thrived but in modern society, it is betrayal and only condoned by shallow people.
The nature of man is so selfish. Even Yul would not allow his daughter to be a second wife if he had a daughter. He and Mercy Aigbe should be so cancelled, they would not come out of it.

I hope that you read every single reply to your post because they all have some truth in them.

I am not legally divorced but I have been separated for several years.

Some would say it is not easy being a single parent while others would paint it as rosy. No size fits all and every situation is unique and so also is every individual.

When i left my abusive spouse, I was the happiest that I have ever been at that time and I was not under any illusion that it would be easy but for me personally, it was the right and best option. I knew that I had to work harder than I had done previously because if I did not get financial support while together, how could I when we were separated?
I still wore my wedding ring 5 years after because I genuinely have no plans to re-marry anytime soon and to avoid feeling awkward in some situations. I only stopped because he had remarried.

It was easy because I had fallen out of love for him because till date, he is the most depraved person that i know personally.

As a married woman, intimacy was a nightmare and hence never really yearned for it or had much of it, which is why sexual gratification is not paramount for me as a person.

I have a wide network of good friends, family and acquaintances so I'm not usually lonely or bored. I have always had hobbies that can occupy me when I am not working even though I am more of an introvert.

I have the exact number of children that I planned to have and I focus my energy, love and productivity on them and feel no need to have more.

You may keep your mind open to re-marrying but it is more complicated in my opinion than embrassing the single life. Except you want to knowingly share someone else's man or contend with a new kind of in-laws and family friends. Or be with a man who assumes you need money or you are sex starved? And what if it doesn't work out? How many times would you want to date a new person at this point in your life? The dynamics is very different from when one was much younger and single. Would the person like your kids? Would they like him?

Do not expect financial assistance from your ex in raising your children. If he does this out of responsibility then accept it as a bonus but do not assume that it would come or it would come easily.

I can make any life decision without having to compromise with anyone and for me, It has been such a relief, because my ex made the worst decisions and coveted nearly all my earnings and still, gave me no regard or showed any gratitude.

Just visualise yourself as someone more fortunate than the one who lost a loving partner to the cold hands of death in a gruesome way. Would they not be forced to move on? Would their tears ever dry? Would sex be on their mind? Would they not embrace a new normal ?

Lastly, try to improve on yourself and make sure that you are doing better than you were generally. There would be days that you would be miserable for time wasted and how things might have been different but do not dwell on it. If you have a son, there are days that you would feel like an inadequate parent but just stay positive.

They can rent one room in town near their work places and be rest assured that they have built their own none the less.

If one suits their job, the dynamics would change drastically but then is there no job in the new site?

How bless the kind neighbour that watches the children till late at night. It is not fair to the neighbour regardless.

I am happy for you. If I speak about my own mother in law experience, you would think I made it up and where you believe, you would think I am exaggerating. Maybe one day, I would write about it.

Don't mind people avoiding the question

If you feel this bad, then it is worth calling your wife's attention to it. It may not matter to some people and it might matter to others. We are all different.

As long as it makes you uncomfortable, be open to get about it. There is no size that fits all.

Back in the day, when I was married...

He used to see his girlfriends every night

He did not like pre-intimacy

He would treat you as if it is a favour

The room had no door and there was another young man in the house and our young children that might come in any time

He did not provide for the family...

Too many reasons to mention

I lost all interest

Souvenirs? I see none here.

The shoes are fine. I wish you good sales.

The sister is a bully but you need to be more patient and tolerant. The relationship between you and your husband is faulty as well otherwise, you ought to have discussed this long before now.

I don't have the full picture so i don't know how to advise you.

Try to be a bit more tolerant with her since she would also be married one day. Some familes do not respect boundaries as lobg as they are related to the husband.

One day, i saw an okada man throwing money on the floor while riding. There were different denominations, one at a time.

For fear ofghe unknown, don't spend it. 1k can not solve yoyr life's problems. Just throw it away and do not bother giving it to church. Satan is very trickish.

I still remember that okada man qnd wonder why he did so. Maybe a sayer asked him to throw away all his earnings for that day. I dont believe much in voodoo but some.e people do.

I would never pick money from the ground. If it not even jazz, what if it is a hidden camera prank to be uploaded online?

Just forget her. These signs are red flags and should not be ignored

You have been targeted and manipulated. You ought to abandon her and only send upkeep for your kids but then, it sounds easy theoretically but practically, this woman knows your weaknesses too well and that irresponsible opportunistic father of hers would make your life a living hell with his character.

I know what exactly can work for you but I also know that you won’t be able to stick with the plan. All the best bro. We live with our mistakes. Some can be corrected and some keep haunting us.

I like that it is difficult. Many women are bearing names that they do not have any business bearing.

My estranged husband moved in with a married woman whose husband left her. The woman changed her name to my estranged husband’s surname. She is not divorced and neither is the demon. With the look of things, she would not be able to change her name officially. She must stick to her husband’s name on her documents or revert to her father’s name.

Pardon me for being petty but it is what it is. Imagine taking a man’s name because you feed him, house him and donate to his dysfunctional nuclear family.

Your choices in your past are very questionable
1. You got entangled with a woman who is capable of pinning another man's son in her husband.
2. You got entangled with a woman who is willing to leave her husband because he lost his job.
3. You got entangled with a woman who was sleeping with at leasr two men at once and still, you did not use protection?
4.You still don't realise that she only confessed because you're doing better than her husband.

I haven't read your post but I read the title.

Here is what I know for a fact...

Cheaters do not change. It is a mindset and it takes great conviction to stop.

If you have a bear death experience, you feel so grateful to be saved and think in that moment that you would worship God forever and never sin again but it is hormonal. After a while, despite coming face to face with death, you would still son and forget how you were saved maybe with just a little more conscience pricking than before.

What am I saying in essence? A cheater would only stop of they wanted to. If they encountered an evil spirit or scammer or ghost while cheating, they would be shocked but would soon get over it. It's like a bad habit.

I speak from a sociological stand point.

How can you think of forgiving a third or covering up for her?

Why would you use single motherhood as an excuse? Is it not because of her wickedness and selfishness that she might have found herself I such a situation?

A single mother should learn from her mistakes and chose to do better by making the right decisions going forward.

You must report her and she must be fired without pay. She must learn the habits of people who have their lives in order despite the chaos.

Your write up reminds me of my mother in law. She was so petty and troublesome. Curses and wishes every successful person evil.

I blame your father in all this. He has not handled the matter well at all. She won't change but figure out how to manipulate her into conformity.

I've thought about this before and know where it is coming from.

I'm a country where jobs are so scarce, it won't be a totally bad idea.

The problem here is that, not all men are ready to be responsible adults.

So many women work hard these days and in many cases, end up marrying men that are not doing nearly as well.

There are men who are responsible and ready to work but the jobs have been taken up by women, so to speak...

At the end of the day, equal opportunities is the way to go.

If the Muslim is saying you while you live with your baby daddy, I won't trust him one but.

Why did you have a child out of wedlock in the first place? I'm not judging you but I want you to reflect on how you make your decisions. You won't feel happy if you have two kids from two men and neither is doing right by you.

In reality, religion is not a huge barrier when you are not in Africa but this man might be playing down his dedication to his religion until he has you.

Parents know better and their love is almost always genuine. If your happiness is paramount, your mother won't stand in your way but be sure if your choice first. Your mom may throw a tantrum but may come around later.

You would see clearly only after you have broken up with your baby daddy that you once lived with your soul.

The behaviour of your babe is a big red flag. It is one thing to have fears and another to reject compromise outeightlu as she did by sleeping on the floor. That is a very manipulative act.

It is true that many mother's are the best to their children but don't act right with their daughter in laws.

She might have been exposed to circumstances that make her weary of being close with her in-laws but she can not write them off especially when her own partner doesn't plan to.

If she knows that she has a bad temper, she should work on herself instead of avoiding people.

You also need to know that because you are close to your family doesn't mean that they would be accepting of your babe after you marry her.

My greatest worry here is the attitude of your babe and not really the reservations that she put forward. One's attitude to life's issues is what would determine the bigger picture.

Did you go with her for the tests and if it is the do it yourself out, did you supervise it?

You must have done very bad things to her

Don't bother about if it is a taboo or not.

What do you stand to gain by telling him ?

Sentiments apart, why has your father neglected you? If there is no good reason then it is better to let him be.

The bible teaches us to forgive but if you are not a strong believer and practitioner there is no need for you to ridicule yourself with a man that doesn't care about your existence.

How did you plan to pay back? You say because of covid?

Share your problem otherwise you would not find the sleep

I did not click the link because it is double work however I know for a fact that it is a form of manipulation.

A woman with self worth would never tolerate such. Period

It doesn't make sense to me if the word "rape" is used btw legally married people living together as a normal couple.

It is such that one partner may not be in the mood and the other insists physically and both and up enjoying it.

I even think one can sue a partner or file for divorce on the grounds of refusal to engage in intercourse.

I think battery is so much different from forcing a lawfully wedded partner to have sex with you. Even if there is a video to prove that you asked the other to stop...except the person was very I'll when it happened or was beaten or tied up to engage in it...

Let lawyers speak. That's just my own understanding of it.