₦airaland Forum

Every single line in the OP was insulting to women. I picked the parts that were glaring to avoid redundancy and also not to enable anyone to pretend like they don’t see it.

Favfables1:
So the only thing you could pick out of the OP's very long write up is that?
You see why I say you feel attacked ...

As for men respecting women...
Well...
I can't speak for all men...
But I only respect people (male or female) who are worth respecting...

Mmm I see. Now that we’ve pointed out what’s problematic with the thread, you want to avoid the fact that it’s problematic and try to shift the focus onto me. Nothing new here.

“Maybe the OP post struck a chord?” Of course it did. Why do you think I’m commenting?

Seeing women hold their own EVERY SINGLE DAY in marriages only to come online and read thrash about how we are a burden and eternal adolescents and make life harder bla bla bla and then see y’all classify is interesting and logical conversation did indeed strike a chord. Was that supposed to make me defensive?

And look who’s worried about generalizations. You have no problem when the OP was generalizing. Hypocritical much?

Favfables1:
1. "Y'all"?? That generalization is off don't you think

2. Yes, he should...
But neither of us have the right to decide what he "should" do...

3. Chief...
I really like the way you present your argument...
However...
I don't see you taking the same stance in other post when it's the other way round...

4. Quite frankly, I didn't look at the "f" beside your name when I first came on your mention, honestly, I didn't pay any attention to the your user name sef

But now that I have...
I can conclude that you're taking this stance maybe because you feel attacked.... Maybe the OP's post struck a chord ...

Well...
What do I know ...

This man is nauseating

Joseph08:
No woman can tell me that when you aren't a virgin

Even if I want to play along then no spending or cash transfer of any sought until marriage.

Guy if you check well you're number 10 on her list of guys she's seeing.

Nyascobar1414:
If she is not a virgin, then why waiting?? Straff or another nigga go straff..

Na only if she is a virgin, that when I will say you should consider.be 100% sure she is a virgin oo

jackslow:
Confirm if she is a virgin ,if she is not reject that idea.

If she claims to be a virgin also give your own conditions that when ever both of you decide to consume your marriage and you realise she is not a virgin then she has a direct ticket to her father's house .


This is for your own good never let a second her product fool you,

SirLakes:
If she's intact no biggie if not

She's a retired oloshó who is probably tired of giving her pussycat freely to guys


Use your head!

DonAlexi:
If she’s still tear nylon I mean if them never penetrate then no problem you fit wait but if them don spoil market then she is getting it elsewhere shine ya eye

perambulator:
Firstly her stance is only credible if she is a virgin. Even then it is important to test the goods or else it could be a problem once you marry. any woman who isnt a virgin and tells you no sex before marraige...run away!!!! no matter how many boxes and circles she ticks!!!

Just because a woman had sex with another man before you doesn’t mean she owes you sex.
You guys over value yourselves and what you’re entitled to. If she doesn’t want to have sex with you or she wants to wait, that’s perfectly within her prerogative. Nobody owes you her body.

Front page is littered with comments from men who are concerned about body count but can’t understand no sex before marriage. It’s giving illogical.

OP there’s no big deal. Wait and get married if that’s what you guys have agreed to. Online people can’t really help you wait. Except to confuse you some more on your own decision that you’ve taken by yourself.

Favfables1:
So there's no point tryna start a gender war with your write up... This write up is not a man vs woman thread, so don't try to make it so... And what's with the bolded, mehnnnn that reasoning is just disgustingly shallow, yuccckk

And by the way, there's nothing misogynistic about this thread ...

I know casual misogyny is the bane of y’all’s existence. So you won’t see what’s wrong with likening a grown woman to be an eternal adolescent. Oh how unfortunate you are to be burdened with this female burden that’s eternally reliant on you.

It’s only a problem when someone points out what’s wrong with the conversation.
All you want is free rein to jump online and talk trash about the women who birthed yous .

Until you men are ready to respect women, don’t expect fruitful conversation

But given that man's burden is indeed the greatest, for he has not only the children, but the eternal adolescent, the woman to care for

Favfables1:
...

Oh but it’s not a gender war

one of the most unpopular truths that provokes ridiculous reactions even in men is to say that women drag you down more than they help you.

Acidosis:
One fact has become clear to all though, more men will now continue to revolt against the idea of marriage. The few men that would be getting married in the next few decades would be doing so because of religious beliefs (This already is a norm in the developed world). Take religion out and see more men runaway from that institution.

More women in the developing world will troop to churches, which by then would have been deserted, in a bid to get potential suitors..

You’d think so. But they aren’t though.

It seems men can’t truly stand the idea of unmarried women. I’m hoping to see more men especially those who think marriage doesn’t benefit them stay single. Honestly many family problems can be avoided if men who think marriage isn’t for them chose not to go that route. But they will not and I wonder why. Maybe there’s a lie in there somewhere

Favfables1:
Biko why exactly are you pained?
The entire summary of OP's thread hinges on appreciating men more for the effort they're putting, simple!!

So there's no point tryna start a gender war with your write up... This write up is not a man vs woman thread, so don't try to make it so... And what's with the bolded, mehnnnn that reasoning is just disgustingly shallow, yuccckk

And by the way, there's nothing misogynistic about this thread, and if you see it as such, then I can conclude that it's either you didn't understand the OP's POV or you're too emotionally irrational to keep an open mind...

I love how y’all start with posts that insult women and then ask a women why she’s pained. Op could have asked women to be more appreciative of their husbands (as if they aren’t already) without being insulting to women.

“It’s not a gender war “ the perfect response whenever someone points house how insulting you’re being to the female gender. Oh and the most cliche one. A woman’s response is always emotional.

mk3jax:
Been married for 10 years. Have 2 maid in the house that do almost everything yet wife still complains like we all came into this world to perpetually enjoy. By the way 100% of my friends and colleagues have this same problem with their wife. What women say in the public is not what they do. Even when they work, their money belong to them 100% and they will still disrespect the man that is providing for the family.
A man is valued strictly on his ability to provide. They are never loved unconditionally.

This does not represent reality.

Kobojunkie:
That na rubbish talk abeg... not all women want kids. Instead, society, ruled by men, have women convinced there existence is worth nothing without the birthing of children particularly a male child. For this reason, your typical African woman believes she needs to have kids, even a male one, if her life is to count.

Ofcourse the mind fuckery does not end with women as their male counterparts operate on the delusion there their DNA is somehow unique and of value to this world and so they must procreate and ensure their line does not end with them.

The fact that they don’t see this as the root of that problem he mentioned is what befuddles me.
Like where’s his defense for women who are past a certain age without husband and children and are called derogatory names for it?
Or how the married ones with no children are unfortunate and barren. Mind you the man can never be barren.

“Women want children at all costs”.

Gee I wonder why such a mysterious phenomenon occurs.

It’s the casual misogyny for me.

And all this because men “provide”. Imagine if they had to provide in addition to all the other things that women do. We would need to stop existing in order to show appreciation

solja147:
Life doesn't get easier when you get a woman. It gets harder. Honest people know this.

Yet one of the most unpopular truths that provokes ridiculous reactions even in men is to say that women drag you down more than they help you.



In the hierarchy of neediness, men are least needy and children are most - with women in the middle.

Just realise every time you get with a woman or have an extra kid, you're increasing the difficulty level of your life.
Women are always the ones pushing for more. They want a baby. They want another baby. They want to get married. Why are the women always pushing for these things, rather than the men?

Because it's the men who bear the brunt of the increase in difficulty - not the women.
Don't get me wrong, a woman who's just had a child has certainly made her life harder. Before nobody relied on her. Now a child relies on her. But for the man, before it was just a woman relying on him, now it's a woman + a child relying on him. He has more people relying on him.


Jumping into the deep end is how you wreck yourself.
Bearing all this in mind, you would think the needier sex would be the more grateful one, right?

Wrong.

It is more common for a man to be deeply thankful just to have any woman, than it is for a woman to be profoundly grateful for the man who cares for her


Women are far less modest, yet men are more pathetic. For women are more desperate than men when single, yet less grateful than men when taken.


[b]But given that man's burden is indeed the greatest, for he has not only the children, but the eternal adolescent, the woman to care for - he deserves the deepest gratitude and greatest thanks. Men build great empires and move whole oceans for little more than profound gratitude.
In this sense women make men better, not because they are an asset, but because they are a challenge, and, when they are the right kind of challenge - they moralise rather than demoralise. They give him a sense of purpose, even if they slow him down by making his life harder.
So you can think of a good woman as a gracious cheerleader. Her beauty both inside and out inspires the man, irrespective of the imposition of her needs. The beauty of her loins and the modesty of her soul transcends the ugliness of her neediness to invigorate him.
That is a best case scenario.

When such beauty is absent, the partnership loses its wholesome spiritual component and becomes parasitic. The man is demoralised, drained, like an unappreciated slave. He grows resentful, so he begins to crave freedom. He is slowly checking out.
A truly wise woman then is not only modest enough to accept the burden she represents - but mindful enough to actively counterbalance it by showering her man in beauty. She realises she keeps a man by showering him in the beauty of gratitude from the depths of her soul.
Women who fail to do this & allow themselves to become resentful (whether rightfully or wrongfully) will fail to keep their man in the long run.

There has to be some advantage, some reward, some positive for the man. You can't just endlessly mount him with burden with no thanks.
This is why narcissism although a terrible ugliness in general, is particularly ugly in woman.

Because at least narcissistic men provide.

What does an immodest woman have to offer a man at all in any meaningful spiritual sense?

She will cause him nothing but pain and problems.
All a woman has is her gratitude. She lives + dies by it, because it defines her immaterial beauty.

And so modesty for that reason alone is the chief + primary attribute women should cultivate and men should covet.

For without it, there can be no permanence, only temporariness.
This is why it's important for a man to cultivate a culture of appreciation within his relationship, and to set the pace at which he adopts additional burden.

Don't let women pressure you into taking on burdens you're unsuited to, and yet at the same time, do not lead her on.
Women feel anxiety about their fleeting fertility, but Rome wasn't built in a day. As such, your timescales are at odds and one party is forced to compromise.

The only real solution is to ensure a wider age difference.

Older, more established men with younger, unanxious women.

#Copied from @tellyoursonthis.

mk3jax:
The incentives given in the west is only transient as the men will still get bleeped in the family court when the marriage ends. So the men will always loose anyway.
The major problem I see with modern family is that the men are expected to retain the 1900 status as provider and protector while the women have abandoned their 1900 roles. What are the incentives for a man to commit in todays world?

Don’t commit. Women don’t add anything to your life. It’s trap. You will loose. Women don’t work. They don’t bring any money to the family. They won’t even feed you. You will be the provider and “protector” and she will just sit on the couch all day and do nothing. Not even bringing up your children that’s if they even agree to have kids for you.

There’s nothing in it for you. Stay away

ReacherSaidNoth:
Marriage is thankless service to women. Even if they suddenly showed true gratitude what's that compared to a lifetime of self-sacrifice?

Don’t get married then

Says the people whose lives fall apart the moment there’s not a woman in the family to hold everything together. Now there’s no difference between women and children. I’ve heard it all.

Your children raise themselves?
They feed themselves and feed you?
They keep the home running?
They go to work and contribute financially to the home? What amazing competent and capable children y’all must have then.

Every single minute on this forum there’s no lack of misogynistic tripe aimed at minimizing the worth of women even though most of can’t survive without them. But interesting thread . Yay. Perfect.

SURElee:
He just dey born babies with different women up and down. Mschewwww!

brolosho vibes

She looks like mercy aigbe. Beautiful

You have a point here.
Patients can be notoriously noncompliant with food and medication regimens. Especially ones that too restrictive like those diabetic and cardiac diets.

Telling someone who’s been eating salt all their lives to stop is going to be hard for them to adhere to.

wirinet:
This is my reaction to Theonlysonofher's thread - https://www.nairaland.com/6919425/wife-poisoned-mother-salt

What motivated me to write this rejoinder is a discussion I had with my wife and few minutes ago about the topic. I showed her the thread and that the marriage is on the rocks with the husband and many nairalanders accusing the wife of murder or negligence. It was then she opened up (in fact confessed) about a similar situation in my own home.
Let me explain further...

I have my 83 year old mum who come to spend extended periods of time with my family. She has her own place with her own care givers but prefers to spend time in my house because of the children.
She too just like Theonlysonofher's mother (may her soul rest in peace) has serious health challenges. She is diabetic and asthmatic apart from other old age illness. In fact her leg is swollen from the diabetes. Just like Theonlysonofher's mother the doctor placed her on a special diet. Her diet is to be saltless and with as little carbohydrate as possible. Sugar is completely forbidden. My wife used to prepare different meals for her and then different meal for the rest of us. But recently I notice my wife serves her the same food we all eat. When I asked my wife just tells me she just reduced the salt for the general food and anyone who require more salt can add it.

While discussing this issue with my wife early this morning, my wife said she wanted to report mama to me, because she does not want people accusing her murder if anything happens to mama. She said that on New year's day, she caught mama gulping a whole bottle sprite. She said she open her room door unexpectedly and caught mama hands down with a bottle of sprite in her mouth. She said mama begged her not to tell me because I would quarrel with her, and that it's new year and so don't want to start the new year with quarrel. She further add that she should be allowed to indulge and enjoy herself to celebrate seeing the new year.
She later learn from my son that he secretly buys minerals for mama often. But also told them not to tell me

That's what I call emotional blackmail. If my wife had reporter and I quarrel with my wife, she will be accused of trying to cause quarrel between son and mother.
I then asked why she stopped cooking her meals separately, she explained that when she was doing that mama was not eating the meals and that she will just pick the meat or fish and scatter the food on the plate.


What am I getting at? Theonlysonofher's wife is innocent. She too must have been caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. I am sure his mother had been eating salt all along. She probably had a pact with the house girl and later the wife not to tell her son of her real taste for salt. If she had not been eating salt for a long time, she would have not have been able to eat a salty meal without complaining at least. And lots of doctors have pointed out that a few days of eating regular food cannot have such a devastating health impact in such a short period of time.

And so unless an autopsy or toxicology report suggest poisoning, Theonlysonofher should go back to his wife.

When I saw this topic I just minded my business because I knew any comment I post on it would have been controversial for those who like to nitpick.

There are so many things that can cause Hypernatremia especially in older people. But salt of course can be a contributor just definitely no way to prove it unless they doctor was there for the preparation of every meal or the meals had nutritional labels for him to measure exactly how much salt intake she was having.

It was plain irresponsible for them to insinuate that to the family knowing the type of problems it would cause.

eyinjuege:
Sadly, the agenda that the wife killed Mama will be propagated.
We always want to hold someone responsible when we lose a loved one.
I remember almost 25 years ago when I lost an uncle.
Amazing man, in his early 60s.
He collapsed and went into a coma.
He was found to be in diabetic coma and BP was also very high.
They gave them the impression at the hospital that it was too much Maggi that caused this.
The whole family kept spreading the nonsense narrative. His children too believed the nonseýnse and even stopped using Maggi too- they were in their 20s, all in uni.
My aunt was a great cook, a full housewife who made fresh meals everyday and was very much into cooking
That's when people started remembering that she can cut a whole bulb of onion to fry 2 eggs and it's only onions you'll be eating. People will find serious fault in everything and start lashing out at others becasue of their own grief.
Imagine a new widow burdened with the accusation of killing her husband by cooking with too much maggi
My uncle was a tall huge big man whose BMI would definitely fall within the obese group, he didn't get any exercise, had a driver to go everywhere, lived a sedentary lifestyle and was at the pinnacle of his corporate career. He also loved good food, and never joked with his food.
The wife was supposed to force him to exercise or go to the gym, she was supposed to make him control his portions, supposed to do this and that.
Meanwhile, she was also ignorant of all these things too.
The medical professionals at the teaching hospital ignored all his risk factors of obesity, gender, age, and comorbidites and focused on the salt/maggi or maybe that's the only thing we the family chose to hear. As if its the Maggi that caused his diabetes
People tend to forget illnesses come on due to multiple factors, and not just one single one.
Another aunt died of cancer and till date her daughter will not use a microwave. Whoever told them about radiation as a risk factor for cancer obviously didn't know that radiation from microwave does not make the food radioactive and can't cause cancer.

jornwhite:
who is talking about counterfeit, why yu dey falls my hand ... i saw a travelling bag spelt MIkE with nike logo that is counterfeit while replica is alway an exact copy,
Here is what you need to know .... happy new year,

You’re not making any sense. Stop trying to save face while putting your foot deeper into your mouth.

If you make a product to pass it off as another brand, it’s counterfeit and it’s illegal. Call it whatever you like.

jornwhite:
thanks for spelling "this" out .. if all replicas are fake most of these stores that sell replica are known even abroad why are the authentic manufacturers not seeking legal actions that is what i need to comprehend, in what sense do you call a *legitimate copy*..... fake

That’s untrue. You can’t openly sell replica/fake/counterfeit products.
The stores will sue you. Those who sell it are seedy online stores that hide their identity so they don’t get caught. I’m not telling anyone what to spend their money on. But stop saying what you don’t know

Akposy:
Food everywhere! We wish to see more of this 2022.

Happy new year. Keep soaring

Jaqenhghar:
The homie back tracked with the quickness when shown the reciepts. LMAO

na oversabi he be

Dealing in counterfeit is a crime punishable by jail or fine or both in case you don’t know.
Just cause we don’t take crime seriously doesn’t mean it isn’t serious

jornwhite:
LOL ! why is anything that concerns footwear such a big debate for nigerians abroad, i wore a jordan foot to pick a friend @ the airport she no rest until she verify am like kilode
I said you can get a gucci of 25k and i made it clear is definitely of lower quality i.e fake ... buh it still a gucci @ least for majority who don't know.
Please i did not say original gucci cost 25k, my points are designers have replicas, and there are replicas that can match original up to 70% if not more, not surprise you misunderstood me nice one

Nice face saving

jornwhite:
LOL ! why is anything that concerns footwear such a big debate for nigerians abroad, i wore a jordan foot to pick a friend @ the airport she no rest until she verify am like kilode
I said you can get a gucci of 25k and i made it clear is definitely of lower quality i.e fake ... buh it still a gucci @ least for majority who don't know.
Please i did not say original gucci cost 25k, my points are designers have replicas, and there are replicas that can match original up to 70% if not more, not surprise you misunderstood me nice one

jornwhite:
Oga you were already making a point why mix it up with fallacy .... a corrolla 2005 toks cost between 2.3 to 2.5m, we know the children are wearing designers buh total of that cannt amount to 70% of 2005 corolla cost. between 25k or 30k you will get that gucci sneakers, no let online fool you

Gucci of 25k? That’s around $50. Please stick to topics you understand. Phew

And this one below is among the affordable ones. You don’t always have to contribute to every topic. Sometimes leave the ones you’re not familiar with alone.
Also if you’re buying any designer item from a anywhere that’s not the manufacturer’s store or online shop, high chances are that it’s very fake.
Unless you truly believe that someone traveled abroad to buy $750 Gucci sneakers, shipped them home, paid taxes both here and at home and then turned around to sell it to you for $50. You and that person must be on something that I’d like to have some of.

letitrainnow:
God's blessings makes rich

yea right

You’ll need to consult a lawyer to help you interpret the specific marital laws as it pertains to your case. Having no children between you makes it easier in a sense to split assets. You said the house was built during the marriage. It makes sense it’s considered communal property and subject to sharing. Which of course is only possible based on what laws are applicable where you are.

Other things they might consider is if she made income while you guys were married. If she did, what were her financial responsibilities? Did she pay for other things in the house while you used your income to build the house? A good lawyer can argue that you couldn’t have built the house if she was holding down the home on other fronts (even including financial) thus making the resources available for you to build. You would have to prove otherwise in order to keep it just for yourself. That’s why divorces where property sharing is involved can be messy and which is why a lawyer can better help you understand. Not nairalanders.

Like others said, this doesn’t seem like the full story.
I can see her leaving because you brought a relative that she didn’t agree to in the first place. But the way your mind jumped to divorce, it’s obvious you guys have been having issues before this and you already know it won’t last.

Good luck.

Na wa. New year new problem.

If you’re gonna burn the bones after all that, why not just cremate the whole body?

This method is pretty interesting though

Amen. Happy new year sis :-

starbuck:
My food family
Cococandy
Mariangele
Akpos
Ahni
Pocochanta
Presto




Thanks be to the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, who started and began year 2021 with us and has brought us to a glorious end of its calendar today. May the good Lord ushers us into a glorious new beginning of another New Year with grace, strength, power and peace in Jesus name�� Happy end of the year today and Congratulations for a blessed New Year ahead���

duchaB:
Ishilove
Cococandy

happy new year

The women around you aren’t safe