₦airaland Forum

She sounds like an enemy of progress.
So if you get fired from that job now, what will she gain. Na wa.

oladiddy:
My wife and I have been married for over 3 years now with a beautiful daughter who is 2years plus but things are falling apart everyday.

Whenever we had arguments she will want to sabotage my job. Couple of months ago, we had an argument and I was to give update to my team via teams meeting (I work from home)..My wife keep raising her voice, I left the living room and went to bedroom lock the door behind to continue with my meeting but surprisingly to me, my wife went through the window and started the drama again.

Just yesterday there was another drama and she picked my phone unknowingly and call my overall boss.

Note: it is from this job am sponsoring her Masters in one of the centers in Uniport and also feeding the family. More than 70% of my monthly earnings goes to her. I am not a social person..I don't drink and either spend lavishly.

My wife is a very proud person and she has this obvious non challant attitude which are all seen by family members. Everybody keep talking about her but she's not changing. Although I have my own differences as well but she believe I can't control her. She's not submissive at all...I can say that over again and again.

Even while she's doing her masters, I was the one taking care of my daughter at home (thanks to covid)..in fact all my team members knows my daughter as my second colleague. I believe we all know how working from home with kids is like.

Please I need your advice. I am already thinking of divorce but the fear of loosing my daughter to her custody is my biggest challenge.

I am loosing my mind.

Please push to FP!

That’s a very tactless bridesmaid. No respect

Lmao

What kind of natural death?

Proudfather2022:
Yes I have surrendered it to them because she is their child and they are free to decide on anything concerning her and I am nothing to her. All I care for now is to look for a lawyer to help me out with the cancellation of the adoption ( I don't know if it does exist but i strongly believe the lawyer will be in the best position to help me with that) also how to remove my surname on her birth certificate.

Seems like you already wanted out to begin with.

You adopted the child. Legally you have more rights than the biological dad. Work with your wife. Do forgive her because she was wrong in the beginning to listen to anyone who advised her not to tell you.
But since it seems she realized her behavior was wrong, try to bury the hatchet and keep on being a dad to the kid you’ve been fathering for 8 years.

Ihuomanice1:
And this should be serve as a warning to all mother In-laws out there, that likes taking side to their sons without knowing their wife's feelings

Are you people for real?

VictorUSA:
Some troublesome mothers cannot mind themselves. Though I'm not in support of the man's action, but I admit that this will serve as detterence to mothers who poke their noses into their children's marital affairs.

you’re not in support but still found a way justify it. GTFOH

Putindbutt:
It's his choice. Just as you made a choice to leave Christianity and heaven hasn't fallen. I love Christianity, anyone could walk out freely, insult it & freely disregard it but end of the day, all eyes go clear.

If they leave you now you’ll start assuming you know me or what religion I practice/don’t practice.

Is that thinly veiled threat in your last sentence supposed to do what? I swear down some of you “godly people” are truly horrible people. Eww.

Eriokanmi:
You can't speak for him. His statement is loud and clear. How can you believe God if not through religion? Religion is a means or path through which you commune with God.

That’s not true

Aburada:
He is being real and courageous to have revealed his opinion. He didn’t say there is no God.

I have a very strong belief that many of our politicians don’t believe in neither religion nor God. Because how can you believe there’s a superior being up there and be that wicked

They don’t believe it: they just lie in order to keep their voters

They finna turn on you real quick

This. 100%

That’s the Nigerian way. The most important thing to them about a woman is who is in her vagina. Thoroughly disgusting

Kajaard:
Truth be told we still have some very good Nigerian ladies. My fiancee is one. I don't really need to write how she has surprised me so many times. That's why I took her to introduce to mama

love this for you

ivolt:
They are not lying.
Men with neither girlfriend nor wife can only speculate about the nature
of relationship.

Right.I guess being single is their problem.
They are speaking of things they don’t know

Keep lying

calmness0:
Baba congrats, you are blessed with such a good wife I must say, most Nigerian women only know how to collect and can hardly give back, I don't know if its in their DNA, collect! collect more!! Keep collecting!!! Until broda runs dry

That Suede though, I wish it can locate me. My feet are yearning for them.

James4358:
This kind of women are realy scarce to find... U've got to love & cherish her in return! What we have this days are liabilities in the name of wives... U also carry their family burden on ur shoulders, reason why most men die young.

Yet many men can attest to receiving lavish gifts from their wives.
But all you guys do is come to the internet and lie about how rare it is

How do I give this a few more likes?

Ladyhippolyta88:
I am not a radical,your friend on the other hand could be a Christian and her stance on submission is as a result of her religious beliefs and feminism doesn't necessarily stop a woman from submitting but then it should be her choice to make and not one of force.I understand and see feminism as a woman's right to choose what is best for her and not society's stereotypes on what she should be.

I personally cringe at submission and I don't consider myself Christian to be swayed into submission if I choose to submit to my man it is a choice I chose to make as a woman and not because Apostle Paul or anybody told me so.The English dictionary definition of submission doesn't sit well with me so I can't consider myself submissive to anybody but rather respectful and compromising which is something that should be reciprocal from both sides.

My view of marriage is one of an agreement between two persons who adopts what works for them I see it as a partnership between two friends who sacrifice, tolerate, understand and compromise where necessary.I am not a fan of gender stereotypes so that concept of man provides woman submits or help meets doesn't sit well with me.
I am still a feminist and nothing changes that for me

hammer567:
WE CAN NEVER SEE COCOCANDY ON THIS THREAD.


IN HER WORLD, NA ONLY MEN DEY CHEAT AND ENJOY SEX.



HOW DO WE THEN EXPLAIN THE BEHAVIOUR OF THIS MARRIED WOMAN?

Only men cheat and enjoy sex in my world?
I want what you are on.
You’ll say anything at this point

As if I don’t get insulted here for daring to say women are also sexual beings who want sex too. But you don’t pay attention. You just ramble whatever comes out of your mouth at any time.

Just leave children alone and stop insinuating that pedophilia is somehow okay . That’s the only problem you have with me. Stop making up things I didn’t say.

Biglittlelois:
Thank you, the misogyny is really becoming nerve racking, I expect changes from most men here this new year but it seems it will be same rants year in year out all the time.

Day in day out. They are relentless

data1980:
@cococandy - You are right that the lady does not owe the guy her body. But please note Likewise - the guy does not owe the lady any commitment either.

OP, if you are wise, feel free to find another lady who is willing to give you sex while you give commitment.

And stop trying to be committed to a lady who will not give you her body willingly (which is what you want) because that is a bad deal. i.e. She is getting something from the contract you are about to sign and you are getting nothing! She does not deserve your commitment either.

Yes he doesn’t owe her commitment.

But if her conditions are that he should commit before the mating, and he’s hell bent on being with her, then he had to meet her conditions.
It’s that simple

perambulator:
for the umpteenth time I never said A woman owes a man sex you dont seem to get it. I have never said a woman owes a man sex. i challenge you to bring out the post where I said so.


What i said is women who arent virgins who say such things tend to be manipulative women and a man would do well to run away....not because she denies a man sex but because of what that statement says about that woman's mindset.

I have never said a woman owes a man sex and can never say so.

You said a woman who isn’t a virgin shouldn’t say no sex before marriage. Tell me how else you want to phrase it to mean that she owes the man sex?
Because it seems you don’t understand what you’re saying

perambulator:
Firstly the guy is clearly a wimp. Only wimpish men ask advice on nairaland...real men know what to do. Secondly that section of my advice was in relation to if she isnt a virgin!! You clearly missed or ignored the part where i said if she is a virgin it is ok and that depends on him. Women who arent virgins who say no sex before marraige are the worst kind of women to marry. They are the ones trying to manipulate a weak man into marraige (yeah only weak men fall for it). That is a clear red flag that she will be manipulating you throughout your marraige.

I don’t know what part of my post made you think I missed or ignored the non-virgin part. I CLEARLY said, a woman who isn’t a virgin can decide to not have sex before marriage. It’s her right to do with her body as she pleases. Because she had sex before doesn’t mean she owes the next guy/s sex.
There’s nothing red flaggy about it.

The only reason that this is an issue of discussion is because majority of men are raised with a mindset of entitlement to women’s bodies. it’s very difficult for them to wrap their minds around the fact that she can say yes to someone else and no to them.

They may accept the virgin saying no to them (that’s when they even accept) because to them it doesn’t make them look like their game is weak since she said no to everyone. But the fact that this non-virgin is selective of who and when she mates with angers men. It shows the problem is them and not her.

It would actually be a problem if she said yes to everyone. But they don’t see it that way. Just focused on the part that they are the one/s who get a no. It’s an ego trip if anything.

perambulator:
Like i said womwn should stop seeing sex as a prize or a tool of manipulation. if you have given it out freely dont even try to tell any man to wait for marraige. Only a weak man will accept such conditions and You are actually creating problems for yourself because when his head clears, the man will eventually resent you.

For the umpteenth time, because someone had sex with someone before you doesn’t mean they owe it to you as well.

As for your nonsense about treating women like Human beings, well if you respect yourself as a woman, you will get respect from men.

I was expecting this line verbatim.
You guys are so lost in the sauce of toxic misogyny to the point that any woman who doesn’t serve a sexual purpose is not valuable. It’s disgusting honestly. You won’t respect a woman because she decided to engage in sexual pleasure for herself that didn’t serve you personally. Imagine if your own respect as a man is tied to your peniss? That’s the dysfunctional world you’ve created with the illogical sexual double standards

If sex is that valuable to you then dont give it out freely and if you have dont use it as a bargaining tool because that is adding insult to injury.

It her body. She can give it to whom and when she chooses. It’s not bargaining or manipulation. It’s literally her body.

perambulator:
I am not saying he has a right to demand sex or that she must give him sex, I am saying if she isnt a virgin he needs to run away just for the fact that she has the audacity to deny a man who wants to marry her sex when she has given it away freely to a man or men who clearly did not want to marry her. what is the prize worth waiting for marraige if it is something you have already given away cheaply? How is a man supposed to feel that he waited for marraige for something other(s) have chopped and cleaned mouth? it shows the mindset of a woman that will be a problem in a marraige.

Was it you in your other comment that said she should find someone who agrees to wait with her and now she found that person, you’re telling the person to run? Meaning you’re just typing words that you don’t even believe in.

As for marriage, has it occurred to you that other guys might have also come with the marriage angle? You weren’t there to know if they clearly did or did not want to marry her. You don’t know what was said and how it went down. The so called guys who “chopped and cleaned mouth” could have also pretended they wanted something serious. and she fell for it like you guys are obviously wishing she should this time. A marriage proposal is not marriage.

If he wants to set himself apart, he can commit.

And yes even if she changed her mind at a later time in her life to wait for marriage before further intimacy, she’s perfectly allowed to.
Because you had sex with someone doesn’t mean everyone else who comes along is entitled to it.

I keep repeating that but I don’t know what’s difficult to understand there.

He asked for advice to make it work Not whether he should agree or not.

If a woman has had sex before marriage, the leg she had to stand on is that it’s her humanity, body and you have no right to dictate what she can or cannot do with it. Whether a man has been there before you or not doesn’t get to determine your ability to be there as well. It solely lies on if she lets you. 100% her decision

Some of you don’t even see women as human beings because you have an astonishing lack of respect for women’s bodily autonomy. Almost like we are pieces of furniture to you guys and you can tell us where and when to be.

It’s would be amusing if it wasn’t horrifying.

perambulator:
he hasnt agreed, if he has he isnt comfortable with it. otherwise he wouldnt be here asking for advice.

Like i said if a woman has never had sex then it is ok saying no sex before marraige. it is then up to the man if he can wait but if it is a woman who has aleady had sex then she has no leg to stand on. Why didnt she wait for marraige before having sex? It is her body and she is free do do as she likes as you said. But knowing Nigerian women, a woman who is not a virgin saying no sex before marraige is a big red flag and a wise man would do well to run!!!!

Kajaard:
Likewise the guy can eat his cake and have it as well. Just as she says no sex, the guy can as well sleep with other girls according to that logic, right?

Happy new year Coco

Happy new year

I don’t know how this your logic works

If they agreed to wait until marriage, if he actually agrees and then goes out to sleep with other girls, tell me how it’s the same logic as her saying it’s her body and she wants to wait? No don’t tell me.. But I’ll tell you. The logical equivalent is for him to disagree with the arrangement if he doesn’t want it that way and go on his merry way

perambulator:
no one said she does. she should go and find a man who is prepared to wait for sex. Every relationship is about 2 parties being comfortable with the other's demands/position. A woman has a right to say no sex before marraige just as a man has a right to say he must have sex before marraige, if both parties cannot agree then they part ways...no fight there!!!!

She should find a man who agrees to that? Oh But she just did.
Op agreed and is asking for tips on how to succeed so instead of you guys to encourage him , you’re yarning nonsense.

You don’t even believe in what you’re saying

Nyascobar1414:
some women always wanna eat their cake and have it...
If she has eaten the forbidden fruit forget it she cant stay chaste again.

She can if she wants to. It’s her body and There’s nothing you can do about it.

What a gorgeous girl

Joseph08:
Then no spending or cash transfer of any sought until marriage then everybody will be fine.

“Of any sort”

But yea. The fact that you think spending money on someone entitles you to their private part shows you’re looking for a prostitute. Nothing wrong with prostitutes but please be upfront about your mindset.