₦airaland Forum

If it’s not working, then don’t force it.

bryanarchie:
We used to do that and everything was fine, no issues at all but he changed and started bringing in what he felt like.

Yesterday, I reminded him of back then that we should go back to that way but he said no way...
He has refused to let us budget but Im 100oercent open to him financially...

I've requested counseling and he rejected...

I can't talk to anybody about this...

I'm sincerely tired of all this...

Maybe you can still get along with the mom. Don’t give up on that end yet. Since she apologized for her actions at that time, maybe there’s a window open somewhere for more getting along.

bryanarchie:
I've tried his dad but to no avail, he is more of the mothers son and then I don't see eye to eye with the mother...

Our then house rent is 200k and I do support back then but I moved to a smaller house of 100k and all...

I can't tell anyone because he will be more angry so I decided to bring it here for unbiased opinion and I'll send him the link.

bryanarchie:
Please explain more on a family budget...

Yes, I should have stayed away...

Make a list of the monthly expenditure you make

Rent, food, healthcare, transportation, child’s needs, etc
on one side of a page, then your both incomes on another side of a page.

See where you’re both going wrong. You most likely will need to change some things to fit into your budget. Manage manage manage until you start making more money.

This will work if he’s willing to consider his income as part of the family income and work with you to make ends meet. If not, then he needs to take a hike. It’s either he’s a roommate or a husband. Even roommates do their part. Can’t work with anyone who doesn’t want to won’t with you. Don’t force it

bryanarchie:
but my issue is the division of our financial responsibility because I feel cheated and it will make me react to certain issues unnecessarily...

Who is to pay the rent when both earn equally and I'm taking up 80oercent of our family monthly expenses?

He is insisting on not contributing any dime at all..

Don’t accept that. If he wants to be with you guys, then he should be with you guys all the way.

when you’re the one carrying everything, you react out of proportion to simple things because of frustration. Thereby, painting yourself as the bad guy when there is underlying issue that needs to be resolved for the frustration to go away.

If he listens to his dad, maybe confide in the man. From your story earlier, he might be interested in things working out between you and his son. See if he can help

bryanarchie:
Thank you...

Yes, my character flaw is shouting and abusing when angry and I'm working on it and that's I have taken out the walking out mode...

He said he can do without a generator but me I sincerely can't because I hate candles and I talked to him about my plans.


He actually told me not to come to his parents house because he had no money but insisted because his dad has been sick all year and I had promised a visit.

He gives 10,000naira for his child's upkeep and I was asking for a raise by 5000naira because of the generator and transport fare back.

Well then you should try to live more within your means until you know you can afford certain things. Like save up for the generator before buying it so that you won’t use all your salary at once to buy it. Rechargeable lamps can serve when the power is out until you can afford a generator.

Also since said he could not afford to pay for your trip, if I were you, I would have just stayed home to avoid embarrassment. You already know how he is with money.

Some problems are really avoidable.

That being said, you guys still need a family budget. Financially, it won’t work until you do.

I don’t sense any team work here. You guys could benefit from a family budget. Stick to the budget and who brings what to the budget. Fair share.

Why was it on you to get your family a new generator?
Why do have to beg him for money after spending yours on the family’s need? Why was he recording your disputes to play for his family?

That’s not the action of someone who wants peace. He should know that will spook the flames all over again.

Seriously if you guys are going to stay together but he declines going to counseling , then you have to be the one who makes clear the things you can or cannot accept. you should also try to make your points without abusive words. When you do that, the abusive words are all they remember. Not the point you were trying to make.

His family should have tried to make peace between both of you instead of lashing out at you and your child. Nobody likes when others gang up on them. He made the video to show his parents so that they could turn on you and they did. I don’t see a better ending than you walking out at that moment. Walking out to avoid responding badly to his parents was a good choice. You might have said something you could NEVER take back. If you have apologized for walking out, free your mind. You have done your part. You also deserve to be respected. Your father in law seems to be the calmer of the two.

Your husband should be willing to contribute as much as you do to the family, both financially and otherwise.

bryanarchie:
It's not about this quarrel but I guess it was a trigger...

I took a salary advance of 70,000naira with my husband s knowledge to get us a generator because ours was bad and then made a trio to see his dad and on getting there, I asked he please support us with our transport back home and he said because he said he never invited me there but I begged and he considered it.

With the salary advance I will be getting 25,000naira as my December salary and he still had his full salary of 95,000naira and I was asking for 15,000naira support...

Later, he came again to me and said no that he won't and then I got angry and we quarrelled.

He recorded our quarrel and played it for the family and his mom went all out on me saying a lot of things against me and my child.

My purpose of leaving was to avoid responding because I have that tendency to do that...

Note I said a lot of abusive words to him...

Cc: cococandy

No matter the quarrel and reconciliation, you shouldn’t be footing 80 percent of the bills and still have to pay for the house you guys live in.

Don’t be used. Insist on a fair division of responsibilities.
Couples who love each other should endeavor to make sure that one party is not carrying an unfair load. And you guys make equal money. Doesn’t seem like a balanced equation to me.

I don’t want to assume that he’s still with you now because he’s still in school and need the support to finish school.

What led to the quarrels?

The same way I’d feel if a straight person molests my child.

Elliot2:
Na u no get brain! how would u feel if a gay person molests ur child! The trauma can never be the same.

The most nonsensical post ever

famzynet:
Tonto,how would you feel if homosexual rape your son? If man allows homosexuality to be morally accepted and then man will have to deal with homosexuals raping none homosexuals.

You have issues. Take care of them and stop projecting it on OPs wife
She’s not the cause of your misery

jeff1607:
a girl child is taught to greet anyone ( bending the knee) no matter how little she is as long as she can talk.



soldiers who travel while their wives are pregnant still tell their kids about their father's return,



or she has a father figure elsewhere?

If you’re a married man who wants your wife to get slim after having kids, you can start by getting a vasectomy or wearing condoms. ALL FORMS OF FEMALE BIRTH CONTROL cause weight gain. 100%.
Pills, injections, hormone implants etc. all of them cause weight gain.

Now many guys are selfish and would rather die than get a vasectomy because to them it “makes them less men”. And too selfish to wear condoms because “how can I wear condoms with my wife”. Before you open your mouth to complain about your wife’s weight gain, examine your life, your choices and the demands you make of her to see how much of that is contributing to the increased weight.

It’s a fact that many women loose the weight when they aren’t with their men anymore.

At least one person here has some sense

pcguru1:
Lol the same man that will expect food 24-7, clean house, take care of kids, she has work and sex, then now add gym to it, plus Lagos traffic wahala and others. That's why the husband should ensure load is balanced so she can have time for that.

If you stayed up at night to breastfeed, maybe your wife will have time to take care of herself because she won’t be exhausted the next day. Insensitive j*rk

Darkseid:
Is that what you tell yourself to give yourself hope? I only mentioned celebrities so that people would be able to relate to what I'm talking about. The fact remains that most women stop taking care of themselves once they get married and at the end they'll complain about their husbands looking elsewhere.

Ignorant

Darkseid:
Stop giving lame excuses madam. Look at American models, Kim K., Beyonce etc. Shey na another kind of childbirth dem go through. Ladies should stop giving excuses and hit the gym after childbirth.

Stress causes a lot of weight gain. Your body releases loads of cortisol when it’s stressed in order to try and conserve energy (coping adaptations) add that to the slew of hormones that decrease metabolism, it’s a cascade of weight gain unless you’re super super stringent about.

It’s not a question of laziness or eating too much. The same woman can eat as little as she used to before birth and have the same lifestyle but will keep on gaining weight.

What helps is the reduction of stress. Will she get help with caring for the new kid/s? Does she still have to work in addition to being full time care giver to the kids? Is she still going to be the home keeper in addition to all that? If that’s the case, the weight is probably NOT going to go anywhere.

Some moms will tell you they have done everything (and they very well might have) but there’s no budge in their weight. They might not understand what their bodies are going through and the drastic changes they need to make to get the weight off.

You’re already blaming your wife

What a cute baby

It’s getting ridiculous

Daeylar:
This thread is a mess

Cococandy why? you just killed someone's hopes and dreams of starting a women bashing thread.

You’re correct

Elder0001:
Cococandy stop giving this kid the attention he seek.

If there’s anyone here who’s confused about my opinion on marriages, here it is.

I advocate and do my best to practice a marriage where both partners are fair and considerate to each other. Working together, each person contributing their equal best and respecting each other mutually.

No leaving all the finances to the man because that’s what men should do or leaving all the housework for the woman because that’s what women should do. Unless of course that’s what works best for you in which case everyone concerned should agree first before that model is implemented.

If you’re like the OP who seeks to deliberately misunderstand and antagonize, I implore you to change your ways. Your time could be used for so much more.
And everyone can see through it. Not worth it.

youngwifeinneed:
Do not make me laugh while in pains. I have scattered my once happy family because I was living on your opinion. Oh, had I know.

Whatever dude. I hope you fix your marriage with your imaginary husband.

Maybe this is a coming out of the closet thing for you. Who knows. So many weird characters on this forum.

Boy I wish you and your HUSBAND the best

I don’t think she’s your friend. Okay bye

IamPlato:
Hmmm... Thats A Hard Question... There Was A Time She Wanted My Dick but Failed To Get It. Now She Works In A Hotel somewhere In Lagos... I Weep For The Thing Under Her Pant, and The Last Time We Saw She Was Now A Member Of Small Girl With Big God (SGBG).


Hope She Is Nice Enough?

his agenda is unraveling

Is she nice

IamPlato:
Interestingly! You Look Like My Friend Florence...

Lmao.

Early morning comedy

youngwifeinneed:
Maybe you have been deceiving me all this while. I hope my husband will forgive me.

youngwifeinneed:
I will not insult you back. But if I am jobless for being here looking for advice after living on your opinion for many years, and you are also here with me now, it means you are jobless too like me. If you do not practice what you preach, it means you are hypocrite.

Lmao . Your real agenda will show in a minute.
You think everyone here is slow

If you really do follow cococandy’s advice, you will know that as an equal partner is the marriage, you should contribute financially to the marriage, everything should be done with equal respect and consideration for both parties (not leaving everything for one person to handle). You should be equally fair to the husband and wife.

But you’re just a little boy who gets your pant in a bunch when you see the moniker hence you never read to understand. Your post clearly shows you have never understood one thing I posted on this forum.

youngwifeinneed:
Thanks. But I do not want to have regret in the future. What is wrong in me using my money anyhow I want since I am not his slave? I am his equal and partner in the marriage.

Yea I’m pretty sure that no one including me on this forum has ever advised you ( your real or fake self) to be unfair to someone who has been fair to you. A 5 year old could have easily pulled this. so don’t insult decent people’s intelligence.

That’s what makes your post so dumb and easy to see through. You really need to get a job.
For you to sit down and cook up a story with specific monikers, looking for who will come yap with you about them, shows a deep seated bored feeling that needs to be replaced with something productive.

On the bright side, you’re using your time for fiction not doing drugs. I guess you might still be salvageable

youngwifeinneed:
No insult please. My story is 100% real. In fact, you are one of the people I have always live on their opinions here. How can I win back his heart? What did I do wrong?

You must need re-education If you think anyone with half a brain can’t see through your fiction and need to antagonize.
I’m sure a fast food around you needs a dishwasher or garbage disposal service. You should go ask them for a job

youngwifeinneed:
No insult please because I have fragile heart. Maybe I have been making mistake by living my life on the opinions of some of the people I mentioned. If I am wrong, I am ready to change my way.

Get out of here with your made up story.

Another jobless boy looking for talk

You sound really frustrated

Sorry

PearlStreet:
Bitter, frustrated feminists, pending when you go to Shiloh and start crying for miracle husband in 2055, I have a gift for you.


Take one and pass. No carry 2 o! Make thunder no go circumcise you.

My heart hurts for them