₦airaland Forum

2goodbobo: Even thou some of the things they say might be false, they say it to put one on the right track.

forgetting that liars wil perish in d lake of fire?

Rustic: to encourage you to be hardworking.

why not try other method to encourage than to keep lying. Afterall, they wil start clamouring that LIARS WILL GO TO HELL

A friend of mine stumbled on his dad secondary school result. If there is any other word i can use apart woeful, i'd have use it. But before d truth surface, his dad keep boasting of being d best student in his school dayz

Na all papa dey carry first in their skul dayz..... Every mum dey lose their virginity on thier weddin day......
Uncles wil say 'cocacola was my drink nt liquor'
Aunties claimin skirt n blouse was their fashion style.......
Grandpa n Grandma worsen it buy singin 'we hawk pap b4 goin 2 skul yet we do top d class'..............
Add wat ur elders claim dey did which was nothin but a falsehood alteration.
Please, why are they lying with all these things they never did or achieved?[b]Na all papa dey carry first in their skul dayz..... Every mum dey lose their virginity on thier weddin day......
Uncles wil say 'cocacola was my drink nt liquor'
Aunties claimin skirt n blouse was their fashion style.......
Grandpa n Grandma worsen it buy singin 'we hawk pap b4 goin 2 skul yet we do top d class'..............
Add wat ur elders claim dey did which was nothin but a falsehood alteration.
Please, why are they lying with all these things they never did or achieved?

Can't believe dis, where is top radio especially my area mama(TOSIN BUCKNOR)?

Wat an election

Chrisbenogor: Where is the romance in this? If its about being ungodly or not send it to the religion section jare.

cohabiting has to do with relationship and marriage, the topic has every right here in the romance section. You can as well post the SECOND HAND to religion section.

Is it morally justified for parents to practice different religion and what's your view on giving children freehand to choose their preferred religion?
Matured responses please.

booqee: guy cool down joor. This is jokes section..don't take everythin serious.

silence is d best answer 4 a fool, he only needs attention and u just gave him dat.

Akpors: I heard you failed in English!
Girlfriend: Nonsense! Who TELLED you?
Akpors: You see your life! Even simple English, you cannot spoke! Okay,
tell me whether the following adjectives are correct or not."Great Greater
Greatest
Sell Seller Sellest ,Help HelperHelpest"
Girlfriend: They're all correct of course!!!
Akpors: I thought u wont get it

25 Crazily Funny Facts AboutNigeria
1. Nigeria's president has the
highest vehicle convoy in
the world.
2. 90% of people who are
indigenes of Ibadan, the
capital of Oyo state
have gaps between their
teeth.
3. Adele @officialadele hails
from Ede, Osun State. Full
name Adeleye Adetokunbo.
4. Only 18 people out of
18000 who registered
passed NECO and WAEC in
Gombe State.
5. Females from Imo state
Nigeria have more hair on
their chest than their males.
6. The cost of living in Abuja,is
more expensive than the
cost of living
in London.
7. Nigeria has the highest
number of musicians in the
world.
8. Abuja girls are materialistic,
expensive but cheap.
9. Maiduguri girls have the
longest hair.
10. Fulani girls have the longest
tongue.
12. PH girls like it in the A*S
13. There's a place called Sabo
in every state in Nigeria.
14. Gwagwalada is the hottest
place in Nigeria.
15. Nigeria has the highest
number of police officers in
Africa.
16. 4 out of every 5 Edo girls
have a connect in Italy.
17. Calabar girls don't want
your money, all they need is
your energy.
18. Nigerians make up 1/8 of
the population of Malaysia.
19. China's best market is
Nigeria.
20. A man was recently
sentenced to death by
hanging for stealing a car
radio, while Cecilia Ibru was
sentenced to 6 months for
moving 150
billion.
21. An average Ibo man can
smell money 100 meters
away.
22. Nigerians are the highest
users of slangs in Africa, 2nd
only to USA
in the world.
23. The most spoken phrase in
Nigeria is "How far ?"
24. Its only in Naija that everybody expect the first lady to speak.
25. An Igbo man works Jan - Dec only to go and lavish it all at xmas and new year festival.
26. Meaningful posts like this can never be seen on Nairaland frontpage but the silly ones does.
Pls feel free to add urs.

RACISM is when a white BB Bold 6
cost more than a
black BB Bold 6.
-NEMESIS is when you submityour
answer sheet
...
wit your expo inside.
-LONG THROAT is when you take a
girl out on a
sunny day & she orders for a hot
plate of pepper
soup.
-A WITCH is that girl that eats
nkwobi, fish pepper
soup, shawama, suya, chicken,
smirnoff, fayrous &
when you take her home she says
sorry I'm on my
period.
-OVERSABI is when you are eating
salad with a girl
& she says 'honey, this foodno
done'.
-OLODO is when you are in a plane
with a girl & she
says 'honey I'm hot, can you
please roll down the
glass'.
-A HUNGRY CHILD is that kid that
sees you eating &
says 'my mummy said I shouldn't
take food from
strangers'.
-A STUBBORN CHILD is that kid that
wakes up in the
middle of the night when daddy &
mummy are
having good time & says 'mummy
I want to piss'.
-STINGYNESS is when you finish
reading this and
you refuse to COMMENT!

Akpors Was walking down a Road, when he saw Something that Looked like Shit..
He Bend Down, looked at It Closely and Said,"This looks Like Shit.."
He then stretched His hand, touched It and Said, "This feels Like shit"
He then Decided to taste it and said, "Yuck, it Tastes Like Shit!
Thank goodness I Didn't stepon It..

Akpos gf invited him to her home, so that he could meet her parents. While they wereeating, it started raining heavily. D girl's mother said:"Akpos, I think u should sleep over here because thisrain shows no sign of stopping anytime soon." Aftereating d mom went to d toilet& d father went to sleep while d girl went to d kitchen to clear d dishes. When d girl& d mother returned, Akpos was no longer there. As they were busy wondering where he was, he came back really soaking wet! Mother:"Wherewe re u & why are u so wet?"
Akpos: "I went home to get my pyjamas

NEW ENGLISH WORD
"ALUU"
DEFINITION
Aluu can be defined as the act ofbrutalizing, burning, and murdering of innocent people gruesomely without any human feeling.
*AS NOUN
Aluu community in Omuokiri villageof Rivers State is known as aluu people
*AS VERB
-PRESENT-please , don't aluuanybody.
-PAST-Aluu people aluued 4 students.
-PAST PARTICIPLE-Aluu people have aluued 4UNIPORT students last friday.
PRESENT CONTINUOUS-They are aluuing innocent people.
*ADVERB
The people aluuly destroyed the hope

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM, ??
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on
it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start the car
16. Then Stop the car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car.

A cross section of the recipients of 2012 National Honours Award in Abuja.

FOR Nigerians, who made the National Honours’ list but with questionable character, the Federal Government will revisit their recognition.

President Goodluck Jonathan, who presented categories of the 2012 national awards to 155 recipients and the six 2012 London Paralympics gold medallists yesterday, said the last had not been heard on the issue.

The President therefore ordered the National Honours Award Committee (NHAC) to compile the list of honorees with the aim of stripping those with “questionable credibility.”

Jonathan said the move was to ensure that holders of the honours did not fall short of the expectations of Nigerians.

“We are convinced that the National Honours’ Award is a very important part of the symbols of the country’s values and pride.

“Whilst government is always pleased to admit deserving persons into the ranks of those honoured by Nigeria, all holders must not fall short of our collective expectations. The dignity, honour and respect of the National Honours must never be tarnished

“In the light of the foregoing, I have directed that the National Honours Committee should compile a list of persons conferred with the National Honours but found to be with questionable credibility,” he said.

The Paralympics gold medallists received the loudest ovation and praise from the President and Nigerians present at the International Conference Centre, Abuja, venue of the event.

Others, who received ovation include Mr. Jelani Aliyu, a United States (U.S.)-based World First Electrical Designer, a Level 10 Civil Servant in the office of the Accountant- General of the Federation, Mohammed Tahir, who returned over N6 million overpaid him in error and Lt.-Col. Mohammed Suleiman, who was honoured for his intelligence gathering and interpretation skills and Gobalcom Chairman, Chief Mike Adenuga.

Jonathan lauded the paralympians, who were conferred with Member of the Order of the Niger (MON) for doing the country proud at the global sports fiesta.

He said: “The six paralympians that are being recognised today (yesterday) worked hard and lifted the hope of our nation, competed with the best in the world and despite all odds brought back six gold medals from the recently concluded Paralympics. To achieve this is a clear demonstration that hardwork, determination and resilience are viaducts for victory. Your achievement is a clear demonstration that hardwork, determination, tenacity and resilience are building blocks for greatness.”

Adenuga got the highest honour of the Grand Commander of the Order of Niger (GCON) for his contribution to the growth and development of the economy.

Jonathan said of him: “Mike Adenuga (Jnr) has contributed immensely as a businessman and entrepreneur to the growth and development of our economy. He worked hard to establish Globacom as an international communications company, which provides means of livelihood to over 100,000 Nigerians. Today, across Ghana and Benin Republic, he has built a formidable brand, and is expanding footholds in Cote d’Ivoire and Senegal. We will continue to honour our businessmen who do us proud in the world of international business, while creating jobs at home.”

There were 24 recipients of the Officer of the Order of the Federal Republic (OFR), 38 for Officer of the Order of the Niger (OON) and 38 also for Members of the Order of the Federal Republic (MFR). The awardees included Ambassador Patrick Dele-Cole, a female Vice Chancellor, Prof. Charity Angya (OON), Nollywood Director and Film Producer, Teco Benson (MFR).

Jonathan said: “We must always celebrate the achievers, who laboured tirelessly for the good of our nation. For example, Mohammed Tahir, an Information Officer on grade level 10 in the Office of the Accountant-General of the Federation, showed maximum honesty in returning an error payment to him of over N6 million. This is a commendable behaviour that should be emulated.”

The President said that any recipient of the national honour would have it withdrawn if he or she displays unwholesome character or questionable character.

He noted that holding the national honours is a privilege and not a right, charging the recipients to see it more as a responsibility to be role models to the younger generations.

Jonathan also said the figure of 4,430 honorees that have received the awards since its inception is “a small number compared to the country’s population. Many more deserve to receive the award.”

He thus charged the recipients to be beacons of hope to Nigerians and see the award as a privilege and not a right. Therefore, the need for value reorientation, attitudinal change and patriotism in the interest of the nation cannot be over-emphasised.

Justice Mary Odili, a CFR recipient, who spoke on behalf of the others, expressed their gratitude to the President and the organisers for considering them worthy of the awards. She said: “Whatever field of endeavour, which has caught the notice of those who found it necessary to put our names to be written on marble, we are grateful and cannot forget this moment.”

One of the paralympians, who spoke to The Guardian, Grace Anozie, said they initially were sceptical of the government fulfilling the promise to reward their patriotism, but “when they got the message from the President and eventually got into Abuja, the reception was heart-warming and all we have to say is that, we thank God.”

Retired Justices of the Supreme Court, Justices Kayode Eso and Andrew Obaseki, both conferred with CFR medals, were not present and did not send representatives to receive their awards. Both had in the past criticised the conferment of the national honours on some individuals. Their awards are being kept by the chairman of the Award Organising Committee, Justice Alfa Belgore.

Jonathan also directed the award committee to expand the scope of the search for recipients to include all strata of the society.

The President urged Nigerians to join hands with his government to transform the country by engaging in acts that will promote value re-orientation, confidence rebuilding and positive attitudinal change.

Earlier, the Secretary to the Government of the Federation, Anyim Pius Anyim, said the recipients were subjected to thorough scrutiny by the Award Committee before approval by the President.

Chairman of the committee and retired Chief Justice of Nigeria, Justice Alfa Belgore, said his committee set new standards in the nomination process and urged that the new order be sustained.

He challenged the recipients to see the awards as motivation to work harder in contributing to national development.

Among the recipients of CFR were the first governor of Lagos State retired Brig.-Gen. Mobolaji Johnson and businessman, Chief Gabriel Igbinedion.

Governors Gabriel Suswam (Benue), Emmanuel Uduaghan (Delta) and Martins Elechi ( Ebonyi), former Bauchi Governor, Adamu Muazu, six senators and five ministers were among the 25 decorated with CON.

In attendance at the event were Vice President Namadi Sambo, former Head of State, Gen. Yakubu Gowon, former Head of Interim Government, Chief Ernest Shonekan, and the Senate President, Sen. David Mark.

Others were the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Aminu Tambuwal, and the Chief Justice of Nigeria, Justice Aloma Mukhtar.
source: http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=99065:jonathan-vows-to-strip-discredited-awardees-of-national-honours&catid=1:national&Itemid=559

Easier said than done.

Watz so difficult in removing panties and inserting d drive into d port holes?

Dis is 1daful, his brother was my former vice chancellor, prof kayode oyesiku. Having elites and educated people as much as possible in a family is more than money. Train your children.

U people keep sayin students are nt dedicated and committed 2 there studies and so on. But, do u know dt most of these students are still in there adolescents/ teenage stage? They hardly know d importance of dis education at thier stage, and how do u xpect them 2 plan for wat is irrelevant to them at that stage they are?
80% of d blame goes to the teachers and 20% to the parents.
80% to the teachers because of d following reasons:
1. They are being paid 4 dis job and 99% of them hardly perform their functions.
2. The students spend d larger percent of their time in school. 7-5pm in skul, 5-8pm at home and d rest is meant 4 rest.
3. How do u xpect uneducated parents to teach wat they dont know, though, their part is needed but d teachers have been pedagogically trained to impact this knowledge, so y are they not performing up to task.
4. 80% of teachers have better businesses and shops dat they monitor and this has consequently declined their commitment as well.
Finally, we call teachers 'THE NATION BUILDER', are they really building the nation or destroying d nation just 4 their self interest?
TEACHERS, UR CONTRIBUTION AND TOTAL COMMITMENT IS NEEDED.

Hello, this is daddy.
Is mummy near the phone?. A voice on the
other end answered;
No daddy, she is upstairs
in the bedroom with Uncle Paulinus.
After a brief pause the Callersaid; but my daughter,
you don't have any Uncle called
Paulinus.
I do, he is upstairs in the bedroom with mummy right now.
The Man said; Uh okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock onthe bedroom
door and tell
mummy that daddy’s car
has just arrived at
the gate. The little girl replied; Okay daddy just a minute.
A while later the little girl
came back to the
phone and said; Daddy, i have done it. The Man asked; What happened?.
The little girl replied; Mummy got scared and jumped out of
the bed naked. She ran
round the room
screaming, tripped over and knocked her head on
the staircase, now she is notmoving anymore.
The Man asked; What about Uncle Paulinus?.
The little girl replied; He jumped
out through the window into the swimming pool.
I guess he did not
know that you had emptied the water last week. He hit the bottom and I think he is dead.
The Man said;
swimming pool, but we don’t have a swimming
pool o!.
Is this 08096944369?.
The girl replied; No, this is 07085037634.
The Man apologised and cutsthe call; Sorry, wrong number.

Y would i jail my father? An innocent soul will neva pay 4 what he has not bought. But i need to protect and fight for father an immediate family members irregardless of the offence. If i jail him my son will also jail me.

shadrach77: it is wrong. a man must be older than his woman so that the woman will respect and submit to him

Is it until u are older than ur woman before she can submit and respect u? am nt sure u are a man..........

Havilah93: bi isu eni ba ta.....

a maa nfi owo bo je ni, wat do u xpect from a shallow thinker

u'd better be careful with the prostitute u called ur wife, she will soon start dressing half naked.
Moreover,are there chidren between u people and she's of what age? No offense please!!!!!!!!

190 and pendo

lola, wen are u finishing ur story? pls make it snappy coz i'm getting tited. thanks

There is this babe in my hostel whom i never knew that she's been watching and stealing glances at me. She always want to help me in washing plates, clothes, sweep, even to grind pepper on several occassions, but i never allowed her because i always want to do things myself, why because, i will never feel pleased when u help me with all domestic works. In a nutshell, she came to me yesterday asking who was the babe who visited me some days back, and i told her that she's friend, then she started with 'a friend of her was interested in me and i asked her who that was, she went in to bring her pics. she asked many question on behalf of this friend of hers in picture and i was gobsmacked. I can't believe she's asking me out because (1) she,s older than me (2) within a compound(compound love) (3) i know her fiance.

PLEASE WHAT SHOULD I DO?[color=#000099][/color]

There is this babe in my hostel whom i never knew that she's been watching and stealing glances at me. She always want to help me in washing plates, clothes, sweep, even to grind pepper for me on several occassions, but i never allowed her because i always want to do my things myself, why because, i will never feel please when u help me with all domestic works. In a nutshell, she came to me yesterday asking who was the babe who visited me some days back, and i told her that she's friend, then she started with 'a friend of her was interested in me and i asked her that was, she went in to bring her pics. she asked many question on behalf of this friend of hers in picture and i was gobsmacked. I can't believe she's asking me out because (1) she,s older than me (2) within a compound(compound love) (3) i know her fiance.

PLEASE WHAT SHOULD I DO?[color=#000099][/color]

Nonybb: who cares, next topic pls mtcheww Yoruba

u dey vex? abeg, go die