₦airaland Forum

Y do u want to knw? Do u wanna influence ur posting there?

Diz batch mobilization is fuckingly strenous, esp wit diz dia jamb or no jamb reg no. Anyway, its a good devt just 2 ensure dt some unscruplous element who are nt qualified 4 d programme won't be squeezed in.

coolestboy: Pls fill in those gaps. Ignore the fact that it's for the girls, you guys can also fill in the space and write your answer. Good luck. Each gaps carries the same mark}
SEXUAL MEMORANDUM OF
UNDERSTANDING AGREEMENT FORM.
I ............... ­............... ­...... the undersigned female partner {herein referred to as the"screwee"}, about to enjoy sexual intercourse with............... ­............... ­.. {hereafter referred to as the "screwer"}, certify as follows:
1. THAT I am above the lawfull age of consent.
2. THAT I am not under the influence of any narcotic substance(s).
3. THAT the aforementioned screwer did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me.
4. THAT I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever.
5. THAT I do not expect or wish to marry .him.
6. THAT I do not know if he is married or not and i don't care.
7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk.
8. THAT I am entering this relationship with him because i love it and want it has much has he does.
9. THAT in the event that i receive full and "delicious" satisfaction, which i expect, declare in advance, the capacity and willingness for futher participation as soon as time permits.
10. THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will file charges against him in the event that:
10.1 - I contract a sexually disease
10.2 - I fall pregnant
10.3 - I feel that he is violating any legislation; moral, legal or otherwise..

SIGNED BEFORE JUMPING INTO BED THIS ............. DAY OF THE (MONTH) ............... ­ (YEAR) ............. AT ............... ­............... ­. LOCATION

Am suggesting this MOU to d everybody so as to av safe intimate life, or wat do u think?

Pls fill in those gaps. Ignore the fact that it's for the girls, you guys can also fill in the space and write your answer. Good luck. Each gaps carries the same mark}
SEXUAL MEMORANDUM OF
UNDERSTANDING AGREEMENT FORM.
I ............... ­............... ­...... the undersigned female partner {herein referred to as the"screwee"}, about to enjoy sexual intercourse with............... ­............... ­.. {hereafter referred to as the "screwer"}, certify as follows:
1. THAT I am above the lawfull age of consent.
2. THAT I am not under the influence of any narcotic substance(s).
3. THAT the aforementioned screwer did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me.
4. THAT I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever.
5. THAT I do not expect or wish to marry .him.
6. THAT I do not know if he is married or not and i don't care.
7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk.
8. THAT I am entering this relationship with him because i love it and want it has much has he does.
9. THAT in the event that i receive full and "delicious" satisfaction, which i expect, declare in advance, the capacity and willingness for futher participation as soon as time permits.
10. THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will file charges against him in the event that:
10.1 - I contract a sexually disease
10.2 - I fall pregnant
10.3 - I feel that he is violating any legislation; moral, legal or otherwise..

SIGNED BEFORE JUMPING INTO BED THIS ............. DAY OF THE (MONTH) ............... ­ (YEAR) ............. AT ............... ­............... ­. LOCATION

Pls fill in those gaps. Ignore the fact that it's for the girls, you guys can also fill in the space and write your answer. Good luck. Each gaps carries the same mark}
SEXUAL MEMORANDUM OF
UNDERSTANDING AGREEMENT FORM.
I ............... ­............... ­...... the undersigned female partner {herein referred to as the"screwee"}, about to enjoy sexual intercourse with............... ­............... ­.. {hereafter referred to as the "screwer"}, certify as follows:
1. THAT I am above the lawfull age of consent.
2. THAT I am not under the influence of any narcotic substance(s).
3. THAT the aforementioned screwer did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me.
4. THAT I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever.
5. THAT I do not expect or wish to marry .him.
6. THAT I do not know if he is married or not and i don't care.
7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk.
8. THAT I am entering this relationship with him because i love it and want it has much has he does.
9. THAT in the event that i receive full and "delicious" satisfaction, which i expect, declare in advance, the capacity and willingness for futher participation as soon as time permits.
10. THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will file charges against him in the event that:
10.1 - I contract a sexually disease
10.2 - I fall pregnant
10.3 - I feel that he is violating any legislation; moral, legal or otherwise..

SIGNED BEFORE JUMPING INTO BED THIS ............. DAY OF THE (MONTH) ............... ­ (YEAR) ............. AT ............... ­............... ­. LOCATION

[quote author='mide eniafe]Lolz






But why would I need him to be my gynaecologist [/quote]he's d 1st person u complain 2 wen u av a health problem or disease, hoping he wil do something spontaneously

HOW TO MAKE A MAN
HAPPY:-
> 01. Feed him
> 02. Sleep with him
> 03. Leave him in peace
>04. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
>05. Don't bother him about
his movements
>06. Honor him
Whats so hard about
that.... ?
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN
HAPPY
It's really not difficult...To
make a
woman
happy; a man only needs to be:
> 01. a friend
> 02. a companion
> 03. a lover
> 04. a brother
> 05. a father
> 06. a master
> 07. a chef
> 08. an electrician
> 09. a carpenter
> 10. a plumber
> 11. a mechanic
> 12. a decorator
> 13. a stylist
> 14. a sexologist
> 15. a gynaecologist
> 16. a psychologist
> 17. a pest exterminator
> 18. a psychiatrist
> 19. a healer
> 20. a good listener
> 21. an organiser
> 22. a good father
> 23. very clean
> 24. sympathetic
> 25. athletic
> 26. warm
> 27. attentive
> 28. gallant
> 29. intelligent
> 30. funny
> 31. creative
> 32. tender
> 33. strong
> 34. understanding
> 35. tolerant
> 36. prudent
> 37. ambitious
> 38. capable
> 39. courageous
> 40. determined
> 41. true
> 42. dependable
> 43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
> 44. give her compliments
regularly
> 45. love shopping
> 46. be honest
> 47. be very rich
> 48. not stress her out
> 49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU
MUST ALSO:
> 50. give her lots of
attention,
> 51. give her lots of time,
especially time
for herself
> 52. give her lots of
space,never
worrying about where she
goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
> 53. Never to forget: > > * birthdays
> * anniversaries
> * arrangements she makes

WORST QUOTE EVER.
'I hope an african country wins AFCON this time' ~South Africa President. Was he drunk?

Pls op, i need 2 know d class he graduated wit and what's his discipline?

THINGS FACEBOOK NEVA HAD
(1) DISLIKE: A dislike link should b added 2 click on vicious n filthy posts.
(2) PHONE STATUS: Dis goes to those who borrow n steal fones 2 log in and stil pose wit a stolen or borrowed BB. Facebook should start revealin owner status.(diz wil reduce d rate at which ladiez uses thier guyz fone)
(3) Sequel to d no2, d status should go thus:
(a) Borrowed fones = D OWNER IS WAITIN
(b) Stolen fones= NA U GET AM?
(4) RESTRICTIONS: Facebook is d cheapest and strictfree site where a cobbler can woo a lady wit a 'lol' comment.
(5) D MORE U STUDY, D MORE U FACEBOOK: In addition to no4, students should stay online based on thier reading hours per day.


These are my observations and would like d management of diz noble site to look into.
Thanks
Ur frequent user

thisisayus: hearitherefirst
Great Tasudite!
Amosun nevar have a university education, how will he knw university settings?

Dis is wat dada442 said as regard ur spoken english, try to be a good ambassador to d skul. Ur spoken english and diction controls some respect 4 urself and tends 2 speak well of ur alma mater wen u leave d setting.

My alma mater stands gidigba
Longlive Tasued!
Longlive Tasuedites!!
Coolestboy talk am
Dsenator hear am

FMO32: i am at abeokuta still available

I dont knw d phone yet, can u upload d pics? Wat r its functns? Is it a java or symbiam fone? Cal me n letz talk 08070580555

Sulat9059: Fairly used and working perfectly... Call me on 08064499592 or 08188603816, if u re interested...

Can u upload d pics and d address? I need it, u can cal me on 08070580555

FMO32: i have nokia N80 for sale holla me 08065415796

Can u pls upload d pics and ur address, am interested. U can call me on 08070580555

ferhyntorlah: I'm also a very strong believer in the Law of Harvest, which some call Karma.

When I was a teenager, I used to hear ladies wish such for their would be MIL; such prayers used to shock and marvel me.

So I used to tell myself then that I, Ferhyntorlah will have a caring, loving, understanding and God fearing MIL who would take me as her daughter and not DIL.

If all people see/say are negativity, I for once wouldn't mind being the only one with the opposite thinking.

My prayer is that both my FIL & MIL be alive, hale and hearty to that their grandchildren can bond and play with them.

How i wish our ladies of nowadayz could think 2wardz diz direction, marraige would have been a better place 4 dem to stay n enjoy without any hullabaloo wit dia MIL's. I wonda how a woman will get d best of her man wen she neva dreamt for d best 4 her MIL's

4 d ladiez.......................
I keep wondering why our ladies of nowadayz alwayz want a guy without a mum. There paramount prayer is that there mother - in- law should die before there wedlock.
Can anyone help me wit d reason why dis phenomenon become so rampant?

After blocking Akpors from sending friend request to Ekaitte, he wrote a letter to fb.
AM NOT JOKING
Dear Facebook,
It's with great pleasure that I write to you.
Firstly, allow me to express my sincere thanks to you for allowing me to be on youand indeed for giving me thousands of cyber friends.
Further thanks for allowing me to keep in touch with my loved ones.
But I have a few observations to make.
1. When a man updates theirstatus, they'll get 2 likes and 3 comments from their former classmates and 0 friend requests... but if the same status is updated by alady, they get 170 likes, 350comments and 470 friend requests... Why are you tolerating Gender Discrimination?
2. People who don't even have licence in real life have cars on fb... Why do you allow black mailing?
3. People who are kept and not working in real life are CEOs on fb... Why do you allow scams?
4. Everyone writes prayers on fb but in real life they never have time to kneel down and pray... Why don't you remind them that you are not God?
5. Everyone on fb likes to see a status pronouncing blessings on them but they never bless others in real life... Can't you stop that selfishness?
6. If facebook is about meeting and making new friends, why do you block me when I try doing so? Must I know everyone?
Please look into these issues.
Yours' concerned addict..
Akpors

odum desmond: Is Covenant University really expensive compared to quality of facilities and teaching going on there? Baze University , Abti American Uni Yola, etc charge excess of N1.5 million yet cannot compete with Covenant. Igbinedion University, Afe Babalola Uni etc charge way above btw 450-600k that Covenant charges, why are they not dishing similar quality as Covenant? See, University education is expensive, all Federal University students are subsidized annually by Fed Govt to the tune of about 300-400k in form grants and hundreds of millions of monthly subventions, they also get research grants, get ETF /TET fund interventions . Private unis get no dime, so how do they survive? Covenant is charging that low fee because according to Prof Obayan, the church stil gives it subvention for running. People shud stop complaining, how much does school fees even by local student in Ghana universities cost? What of Europe and America? Is Covenanat supposed to be because church has poor members? Well let them take opportunity of their brains and get scholarship, the school offers that too.

Is dt wat we are talking abt here? I wonda how people reason wit dia ass. We are talking about how he got his wealth, u are talkin about academic standard and qualities.
SMH.......... Mtcheeeeeeeew

critic: as an addendum to the above memo, girlfriends r expected to observe this break, with sober reflections, looking back into the year 2012 and evolving ways on how to improve the relationship in the new year, with respect to: 1. character 2. support 3. financial self reliance, etc. we duly crave for a better romantic experience with u as we r committed to the full realization of our objectives. we look forward to resume our full activities as from 1st February with respect to the valentine's celebrations that shall follow soon. we wish u d best of the yuletide season. on behalf of the boyfriends' association, we wish u a merry xmas and a happy new year in advance. signed: secretary.

D secretary has said it all, so, ladies takia

RudySmith: So u think that these women who would have missed out on the Xmas jackpot, would just smile and accept a box of chocolate on Val's?! LWKMD
They would unleash their fury on Val's, 2 get back at us, with insane demands.

U tink so? Anyway, itz now left 4 everyguyz 2 find a means 2 reduce there extortion durin val. But, d issue of date extention shall be discussed in d next meetin.
Gracias

RudySmith: Resuming 2 weeks b4 Valentine's day? Whoever is in charge of BAN should b fired on the spot for this grave mistake. The strike should stand until the week after Valentine's day.

Val wont cost us much now....

From The Boyfriend Association Of Nigeria (B.A.N)
To Girlfriends
With regards to the meeting held today, the Boyfriend Association of Nigeria(B.A.N) decided to go on a two months strike starting from 1st December, 2012.
This strike is not to cause mayhem, riot or any form of breakup with our beloveth girlfriends.
We plan to use this strike period as a time for appraisal and re-dedication in our supposed relationship.
During this period, all forms of communication (formal, sexual or otherwise) is allowed but all form of financial assistance will be put to rest.
We assure our girlfriend(s) that this supposed strike period, our commitment will be 100% and won't be questioned, also, this periodwill not, WE repeat, will not pose a threat to the relationship unless you the girlfriend(s) choose to.
Full boyfriend responsibility will resume on the 1st of February, 2013 to enable both parties plan for the upcoming valentine (14th February, 2013).
We thank our girlfriends for their anticipated 'Good Behavior' during this period.
Signed.
Coolestboy
CHAIRMAN (BAN

Will u share the same toothbrush with your spouse knowing fully well that is not adviseable enough healthwise?

A jobless graduate who has gone through hardship for years called a radio station to report of a missing bag of about #5 million, 2 iphones, 1 laptop and 2 I.D cards. The presenter asked if he has returned the money or reported to the nearest police station. The poor graduate replied saying, return ke, i dey craze? I only called to dedicate a song to the owner. Please, play me 'MY HELPER OO, MY HELPER'.
Fellow Nlanders, is this a divine help from God or unfaithfulness, and if u were to be in this guys shoes, what will u do?

freestuffsonnet: I'm 29yrs now, and still stammering, i grow up with this challenge. My parents was expecting that as soon as i grow up, i will stop stammering. but see me , i still stutter even bad one now. it has really affected my life negatively.

Because of this challenge, i don't have job [no one want to employ a stammerer], No Phone Conversation [people are afraid of burning their air time, No Friend [How can i communicate with them] Killing My Dream [I planned to become a motivation and public speaker, but you see now], No Woman [My stammering pis ladies off] I CAN GO ON AND ON..on how this things has been affecting my life and future.


Now, i want to know how i can cure this stammering? DO I NEED A MIRACLE ANY MAN OF GOD here in Lagos that can help me get rid of this by God? PLS DOCTORS AND Follow Nigerian's [nairalnders] HELP ME WITH UNIQUE INFORMATION THAT CAN HELP ME REGARDING THIS PROBLEM.

dont knw how many stammerers we av on Nairaland.

Moderator front page

Logicboy03: Considering the discrimination that atheists receive in many countries, one would think that we are some kind of devilish cult that sacrifice babies to our demon overlord. However, we can see that it is not quite so as many atheists live their lives peacefully. Many religious people say that atheists are immoral and dont want to have any responsibility for their actions. But is it so? Let us review some certain facts in this current time we are living in;


a) Do unto others, as you would want to be done unto you;

Currently, atheists face discrimination by both christians and muslims in very religious countries. Take any sharia country where sharing atheism is met with either an arrest or death(http://www.aljazeera.com/news/asia-pacific/2012/06/20126146135415374.html). Take religious countries like the USA where the military has widespread discrimination against atheists (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/26/us/26atheist.html?pagewanted=all).

With all these cases of discrimination, do atheists retaliate? Lets look at Britain or many European countries that have a lot of atheists living with religious people. Do the atheists in these very secular countries discriminate in a widespread manner against the religious in general? No. You will be very hard pressed to find cases where a religious person was discriminated against by an atheist just for being a religious person.


b) Sancticty of Marriage/Family

-Atheists divorce less than christians in America
http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/religion/2011-03-14-divorce-christians_N.htm

-Honor killing of wives/daughters is not an atheist thing, it happens mostly in muslim and South Asian communities
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing

-First cousin marriage is not an atheist thing, rather it is more likely to happen in some Christain (LDS sects) and certain muslim societies




c) Equality of women

-Wife beating is permitted in some interpretations of the Quran and hadith (Christian and atheists generally condemn this act.....impossible to find a pastor or an atheist debater that condones wife beating unlike some clerics/imams)
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/damianthompson/3683071/Lessons_in_how_to_beat_your_wife/

-Positions in organisations; Christains and muslims are now changing to adopt women as imams or priests. However, there are till conservatives that feel that this should not. There is no reason why atheists/secular humanists should be against women in leadership positions in organisations.



d) Violence;

I dont even have to talk too much

-All I will say is that the most peaceful countries (top 10 on the peace index) have a high percentage of atheists and also have a falling number in church attendance. There is no muslim majority or sharia country in the top 10 peaceful countries.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Peace_Index#Global_Peace_Index_rankings

-Atheists dont blow up skyscrapers or abortion clinics or churches.


==================================================================================================
Have some pictures to peruse while thinking about the evidence ;


www.nairaland.com/attachments/871332_Peace_index_pnga459955cbaf71f0152698ecd07e19473


www.nairaland.com/attachments/733534_divorce_religion_png81c89aa5abf7c69de9d4543c55a864a0

Are u sayin itz d religion dt influence muslims n christains? U need deliverance

pDude: To start with, how many Nigerian families actually sit together on the dinning table at the same time and eat together at the same time?

You have been watching too much Nollywood

i wonda ooo