₦airaland Forum

tpia1:
^^your post reeks of low self esteem and a deadbeat.

you do not know the lady and neither is she asking you to date her, so why not give the matter a rest.

when you meet a highly educated lady who is begging you for a relationship, then roll out your prejudices and bigotry, but not before then.

btw, I didnt address you. You chose to address me so stop whining after receiving a reply.

if she dates outside her race what's it to you.

You apparently have no clue about the meaning of half of the words you used up there 'cos they don't even come close to describing me. Give your advice to the poster and just me leave me the Bleep alone already!

tpia1:
you and the others here are projecting your own inadequacies.

the op stated men have a problem with her ambition.

he said nothing about her character.

so kindly let her be, and yes, she should date outside her race if she cant find someone who will accept her as she is, within it.


abeg its her life- why are you taking panadol on her behalf.

should she cancel all her qualifications or what's she expected to do.

Well, the truth hurts, you know it, everyone knows it and this thread happened because someone could not face the truth. No need to fight or attack someone with so called "inadequacies" 'cos some of us have enough qualifications to share to 3 or 4 people if you must know. Nonetheless, I have ZERO interest in all the self-inflicted affliction so count me out of your offensive verbiage, give your advice to the poster not to me.

^^^ It doesn't matter what RACE she dates. The education is NOT the problem. Read some posts up here and see what men see in women like this so you understand the REAL issue. Why leave a problem and chase shadows??

@Poster. . .some post already answered your question and Tboy actually nailed it! Look, the problem is NOT any silly qualifications and blaming that is still not honestly solving the REAL problem! Most guys do not care at all about all the qualifications, money, property and all that bullshit! Personally, I could never care 'cos I already have more than sufficient education and very capable of acquiring all the qualifications in this world if that is what I want.

Knowledge puffs up! Ever heard that before? This 36 year old overqualified mama must be one with a big FAT attitude and most guys can smell that a thousand miles away! But that is only the beginning because she must be so arrogant, (not the same as being confident), talk about how she is a strong woman, independent, educated, money, and all the BS that means nothing to a man who wants to marry a woman. That kind of information is only useful for a guy who just wants to bang her brains out and move on and it works 'cos the guy feels good and thinks "on top of all the education, shakara, etc, see how I dey make the naughty woman shout with hard banging, makes her suck my dick like a LovePeddler, etc" and he is laughing himself to stupor and telling his friends about it and they just line-up to bleep her even more! This is why some of this women get bleeped extra harder and treated like bitches and if there was a video of how they are treated in the bedroom, most of you women will decide never to get so educated.

In a nutshell, this is all about her attitude: arrogant pride, condescending, haughty looks with elongated neck, looking down on people while gazing upwards, twitching her nose at humble (and no less or even more accomplished men), and so on. All these play her until she gets older and at 36, she's noticeably fatter, not so good looking again, make-up doesn't cover her deficiencies like when she was younger and on top of all this, "the force of her useless habit" will compound this problem like a recurring decimal. The only thing to hook a man now is her demeanor which will be putrid at best! Well, this gotta suck but until she gets off her high horse and be a normal human being, she can marry her degrees. How does a 1000 degrees contribute to a happy relationship? Tell her that her ancestors did not have all these useless papers she's carrying and bragging about but at 36, they were already grandmothers!

Men haters? You can smell them from a mile! No surprise they cannot be married to any man! Enjoy your permanent spinsterhood! 

@Olusola. . .are you really serious or just kidding? You're in SA and in that line of business/work, there would be too many??

Abeg. . .if I write my own here una go fear o! But respect to some of these "crazy" people! Ife is the BEST! Abeg, wey the woman pickins of this kind people? If any of una know one, I go like born the combination of Einstein, Bill Gates + the combined brain power of all the people una list for here! Na my own achievement go plenty pass!

googles:
Not like I'm a narcissist _{yea ryt like i would confess to it if i was} am only playing devil's advocate here


Wat do you mean normal humans have these traits in the right size ? who defines the right size ? wat looks the right size to me might be extreme size to

my neighbor. . then who has the final say on wat the right size is ? Considering again the fact that we all have different temperaments which

makes us all act individually different and makes us react to things differently. would you consider yourself that is moved by tears normal and consider me

who isn't moved by tears abnormal or a narcissist ? or because I love to stare at my mirror all day and fish for compliments and admiration am suffering

from something ? its called self-appreciation in some books y'know?

"Normal" is subjective and you made good points!

I may be wrong but you mentioned some things that are familiar in some way. I suggest you check out this thread https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-566323.99999.html#bot. I created the thread to foster conversation about something I have personally experienced and seen people who are in the same situations but could never get the whole picture.

obowunmi:
Cyber G, my main man. Waadup

Hey. . .I am good man! How are you doing?

@Googles. . .yes, all humans have a lot of the traits that a narcissist has but it is very minute and "in the right size". I hope that phrase helps to communicate that because we are all humans, we share certain traits but there is a range where those things are "normal". Now, reading about N- is one thing but meeting and relating with is a totally different proposition. All those things you listed and more are traits exhibited by a narcissist only it goes beyond what a "normal" human being can understand and that is where the problem starts! I can tell you that being (very, very, very smart)! is not sufficient to never be wrong and not being able to admit wrong. . . and there are lots of very smart people who understand that true smartness is to be able to also learn from others and their mistakes. A n- cannot accept wrong, so he/she can never be smart (in the true sense). The only person who cannot be wrong will be God (or a supreme being), so it is very obvious why this feeds into the attributes of an n-.

Relating to an n- is the most frustrating thing you would ever do and clearly, most "normal" people are able to negotiate common grounds on most things, appreciate the human condition, empathize or love! Any manifestation of any of these things is superficial and for the wrong reasons. An n- cannot love or respond to love. . .yes, it sounds weird until you see people who are like this and you will really wonder how it is possible! These are things that cannot be observed by an n- but only the people around him/her who have a relationship with such people can know. All the friends who are around him/her for a few hours or days every now and then are totally blinded to these things. On one hand you feel sorry that an n- has their brains wired wrongly (which was not their personal fault 'cos it happened based on their early circumstances in life) but at the same time you can do anything about it when they get what they deserve in the end but it won't come until later in life. It is is sad but I hope people can learn about these things and make the best of a potentially bad situation!

@Violent, out of curiosity: have you ever actually met someone who is narcissistic before?

@Thread, at least one of the "non-" people on this thread is N-, no wonder they will do anything just to get some attention. Writings like these only expose their overly-used fowl yansh. . .LOL. . .hence, they will attempt anything to derail it. 

Most men haters are N-. . .it is always someone else's fault but never theirs!

^^^ Man hater?? LOL. Enjoy your permanent spinsterhood. It's not by force to say something when all you have to offer is "non-sense"! 

Well, some so called "partners" are so horrible and monstrous both in looks and attitudes that men have to find alternatives to enduring some women's face and (or) putrid attitude!  BTW, I have never had anything to with a peddler but inspect the people on this thread and if you were a guy, what would you do? Please be honest!

I am an Arsenal fan and I like the way they play their football. I believe most moderate Arsenal fans support them for this very reason: they are young and play impressive, breath-taking football that is really easy on the eyes! Today, they lost to ManU. . .a game they should not have lost. ManU did not play particularly great and most other average teams would have beaten this ManU team but this is a different debate.

Can someone tell me why AW did not field his best players? Is Van Persie still injured that he couldn't start? Why does he bring in Walcott with less than 15 minutes of regular time thereby reducing his chances of making an impact in the game? Why is Szczesny in goal in a very big match when he could have given him his trial in a match of less impact? Sometimes, AW decision's are really annoying! Why can't he field his best players first? Why go behind first only to then start chasing the game? Has anyone answers to some or all of these questions?

googles:
Hmmm nice read !

And true, alot of people have dat disorder but they claim its self-discipline or laid-down principles 

It is nice to see someone who gave a thoughtful and encouraging response to this issue. A lot of people who come here on NL describe partners who exhibit exactly or very closely the attributes of a partner or someone who has NPD. If I had more time, I would dig up some of those threads and I am quite certain that if you heard the person's story a year+ later, it was a failed relationship or one that could NOT be saved despite their best efforts or one that is totally on life support and its death is a question of "when" and not that of "if". I know at least two people who have been in these kind of relationships and I write about things I have seen.

Unfortunately, everything in Nigeria is viewed from a religious point of view. Nigerians, and the black man generally, does not like to read or study. It has been said that if you wish to hide anything from the black man, write it in a book! Spouses who have NPD will be termed as "possessed" and the services of a pastor and unending pastoral counseling is the usual solution. It is usually never long before the narcissist charms the so-called pastor and before you know it, the "devil" has afflicted both the physician and the patient. Enough said, I will post real life stories of people who have been in this situations and maybe someday someone will read about this and be able to put on his thinking cap. Most Nigerians stupidly think and believe that it is God that will solve a problem that he has given you brains to solve? No wonder, we are where we are in the 21st century!

These stories were taken from: http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/narcissism/narcissistic-personality-disorder-how-to-recognize-a-narcissist.html


I thought it was me. My wife insulted me belittled me, even hit me on occassions.
I did everything i could to make our marriage work not it was not enough.
We split up on numerous occassions,always her making it impossible for me to stay.Everytime she had a new bloke within a matter of weeks.
We got back together at xmas and she told me she loved me and we would never part but once again made it impossible for me to stay and 2 days after i left she returned to her new bloke.
I dont know if she is narcissistic but reading your article has certainly given me food for thought! and some comfort. Thanks

===========

[b]same here, I can relate. No other choice, than to end it. But I havent yet. and not sure what will happen this time. He threatened recently to break up with me, and i said 'do what you gotta do'. he was very upset i was leaving for a last min trip to vegas. He tried everything to get me to stay, including saying hed get $100 so I can stay with him, and hed drop his friends for the weekend, so we could be alone. He begged to go with me (I was going with a girlfriend, honestly to get away from him!). He wants me with him ALL the time, but i live 50 miles away , and when id leave, hed be so sad, telling me to please come back and why am I leaving. I used to stay for a wk at a time, but he was draining me financially. He also is in debt over his head, 2 unpaid truck pymts, check bouncing fees, & he brand new cell phone got shut off after 2 mos of not paying the bill.

right now, my boyrfriend is givng me the silent treatment. we've been together for 3 yrs, off and on, hes broken up with me twice and always returns several wks later. this recent silent treatment has lasted one wk today. He is mad because I wasnt happy that he neglected to call me.Its all about him, and time will go by, even a whole night, without a call. Then he will call, and expect me to answer to call him or text him right back. If i dont, I can be sure to get another call or text that will say "hello. hello. where are you??" Just had to share a small portion of my story, but there is so much more to it.
[/b]
===========
[b]I was married for 26 years knew my wife for 32 had 3 kids,big house,finacial security,good health,vacations,I thought everything was great. our relationship was not easy at times but it was wonderful for 20 years then it fell apart I found my wife was cheating on me when I found out she never admitted who,why,and never commiktted to say it was over with her lover.I caught her in lies,2 phones,computer flirting it was one thing after another . She lied to me and my children I tried to work it out but she was coming home at 2 in the morning at least once a week along with secret phone calls. I stood around for my children and tried to keep things going for my kids to have that feeling of a family but I was living in hell everyday. I stood around until my daughter turned 13 my boys are in college now. I left my houise 14 months ago and now finalizing my divorce. Your site helped me come to terma with my decision I tried to stay but she never tried I could not figure out but she is a true narcissist everything that decribes a narcissist is her behavior she feels that she is entitled to everything.
My advice is never to change yourself for a narcissist you become someone you are not if you can not live your dreams with your spouse that includes love,honesty,going out of your way for the other ,being there when needed,having no secrets get out of the relationship the longer you stay the worse off you will be. Its hard because you feel betrayed but surround yourself with honest friends and family you will be so much better off. My new life is a adjustment but I feel so much better I look better, went back to school,enjoy my kids, I used to walk around mad everyday never able to enjoy anything but in time it will get better.[/b]

Hello Everyone. . .this is yours truly, CyberG!  I promised a couple of days ago to introduce some "very serious" issue that will open your eyes on why you may be having such a hard time in your relationship with him or her. This is not some BS because if you have ever been in a relationship like this, it is something that can change your life for the worse forever. Hopefully these topic and ensuing conversation does help someone. I invite you to read further at the source links that may show-up on the thread from time to time as posting all the content here will inundate NL with too much text which a lot of people don't like to read anyway! I hope people feel free to discuss their own specific situations and I will be happy to provide some more insight and links for further reading. So here we go:

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is a term that refers to a certain kind of a personality disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD) and a narcissist is a person suffering of this disorder. As you continue reading, please keep in mind that the purpose of this website is not to mock or judge narcissists since they are considered to be mentally disturbed individuals. The purpose of this website is to help the victims of narcissists by providing information regarding this personality disorder along with support and individual feedback regarding one's situation.

There are countless of men and women in the world who are suffering in their relationship without understanding that they are involved with a mentally disturbed individual. These "victims of narcissists" are often depressed and anxious and they often blame themselves of the problems in their relationship. The aim of this website is to spread the information of this personality disorder that is affecting so many people around the planet. If you find this website to be helpful for you, please feel free to spread the word so that more people can find help from here.
Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?

In order to "qualify" as a narcissist, a person must meet some or all of the below criteria:

    * Inability to empathy
    * Expects special treatment
    * Feeling of entitlement
    * Inability to admit that he or she is wrong
    * Inability to receive criticism
    * Unexpected, strong bursts of rage in situations that would not trigger rage in normal people. There aggressive outbursts are referred to as narcissistic rage.
    * Does not react to tears. If other person starts crying due to the cruel behavior of a narcissist, that may even aggravate the rage of a narcissist
    * Perceives oneself as omnipotent, superior individual
    * Strong need for admiration. Admiration serves as a form of a narcissistic supply. Without sufficient amount of narcissistic supply a narcissist feels empty and unsatisfied. A narcissist is like a drug addict, and narcissistic supply in its different forms is the drug.
    * Is often envious and mocks other people (often behind their back)
    * In the beginning of the relationship idealizes one's partner and often talks about supreme, never-ending love. However as the relationship proceeds a narcissist often withdraws his or her attention and may become cold and uncaring, even cruel.
    * Is often untruthful and due to this often ends up cheating in a relationship. Cheating is often a consequence of other traits of a narcissist, such as the feeling of entitlement (it is impossible for a narcissist to do anything wrong and so a narcissist does not perceive cheating to be a huge "crime", inability to emphasize with the cheated partner and the need for admiration (narcissistic supply).
    * Double standards: A narcissist twists the rules so that they fit to the current needs of a narcissist. For example, if the spouse of a narcissist is cheating on a narcissist, the spouse is considered to be dishonest and bad person, whereas if a narcissist is cheating it is not wrong, because a narcissist simply "fell in love" and followed his or her heart. Double standards also apply to other areas in life.

In a relationship with a narcissist - The different phases. . .

Idealization. . .Devaluation. . .Discarding

Read more details here: http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/narcissism/narcissistic-personality-disorder-how-to-recognize-a-narcissist.html

Well, your guess is as good as mine! But they are the ones who abuse others the most and will most certainly get upset at this innocuous thread! 

Dan. . .I'm gonna come bust this girls BS maybe tomorrow and a lot of other girls on NL and hope you guys will learn some really useful lesson! The girl is MANIPULATIVE and you better cut her loose immediately!

Whatever happened to you that made you so philosophical and poetic??

Okay before I address the poster, why is someone's ^^^ space bar misbehaving by inserting a 1 mile distance between each word the unhappy keyboard manages to type?

Poster, I think you did well by seeking opinions of others here and I am confident you have enough views to dispatch with the issue and the lady. As for me, I have something in the offing for you and all the dutiful posters on this thread. My life is too busy at the momentum but am'a drop some heavy load for you guys soon! A lot of people will wise up faster than they have in a long time. It's an eye opener, so watch out!

MzWumi:
Men wonder why women only want them for their money reason is, You look like your face has been run down by an okada 12 consecutive times, yet you want to marry a woman looks like beyonce,

Hahaha. . .but, just on the face of it, what is wrong in wanting to marry someone like Beyonce? Jayz is not considered handsome by a number of people and if he had less money and success than he has now, he might not even look as handsome as he does now. But in the final analysis, MORE power to any guy who ups his game to the max to marry someone that is prettier than Beyonce. I will sure hope the guy is even richer than JayZ but he must absolutely get the so called "Ironclad" prenup before the marriage is contracted. After 70 years in marriage, and he has written his will, he can then relax the terms of the prenup. What do you ladies think??

Most decent and hardworking guys care more about truly loving a girl than spending money. That is one of the reasons a guy can spend any amount of money on any girl he wants and while the lady might see it as "big money", he cares much less about the sum. But MOST women, especially of the 20th and 21st, cannot contemplate love without money. Hence, this prenup thing is the master joker to checkmate the women folk. If you are a rich woman and think a man wants your money, also please get yourself a prenup and I'm sure no man worth his salt will ever complain about it.

Help me ask them ooo. . .especially the female species of mankind!

^^^ Tell them, tell them, please! It will be hard for me to do something like this when the time comes but this is one of the fruits of women liberation!

obowunmi:
If it was me, I won't pick my babe up. I will ask her to take okada or take a cabu cabu. No mixing work with pleasure. and if you don't have a job, the babe go leave, so she will certainly understand the choice.

Ol boy, did you read the original post 'cos I think you're answering the wrong post on this thread or am I the one missing something??

I think we should hear the opinions of people who went in with "I can hold it down on my own" before and see what they did after. People change and that is a constant in life. It is definitely a good idea to "bullet-proof" your 20+ years of hard work lest it be colonized by a lazy woman who cannot use the bottom of a beer bottle to write "O"! Sad but very true.

What if the MD is a woman??

Guys on this thread. . .be careful the kind of posts you pay attention to 'cos some are just poison to your entire system. I plan to make some major revelations about women shortly so you can identify the sad, men-hating banzatards from a mile away!

If any guys wanna jump in, have you heard of something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? Google is your friend but before I take the lid of this stinker, you may whet your appetite. For any lady who hates men, that is one less witch to worry about and guess what? They can not and will not be missed, the oyingbo market has no clue that someone (anyone) did not come to the market. Guys, hold on tight 'cos am gonna sweep them away with some revelations so we can unmask the hordes of masquerades called "single ladies" in this century!

Well, I tell you what: Do be damned, do it not be goddamned! You can hardly win in this business especially in this 21st century.

Look, if you meet a girl when she's young and take her V-license, you go ride am for a while but she will most definitely want to explore other rods. She may wanna come back later but you can bet your bottom dollar on any girl who loses her virginity in her young age to want more dicks in the next couple of years. This is one of the reasons why there are lot of unmarried girls with walking around without any V-license.

On the other hand, if you don't take it or meet someone whose V-license has been plundered before you met her, she might still want the guy who plucked it or another guy, and not you, and the saga continues. So, in the final analysis, it is a vicious cycle! Your best bet as a guy is to ALWAYS balance your "accounting" books in the relationship. This way, when she struts away like a heifer tomorrow, you can put on a big smile and say NEXT! I tell you if you balance your books, she can never think or call you a loser 'cos she knows you are not. In the meantime, up your game, keep your lips tight on any "important" things that may jeopardize your chances of dumping some akamu in her again because she most likely will be back in the circumstance, if you play your game right! In a relationship, it is supposed to be a win-win with the right partner, but a lot of women set-up the win-lose model so you can always take the short end of the stick. The counter? Setup a lose-lose model for her a long time before she's had the chance to even think about the whole thing and only change that model after you have been very convinced she's the real deal.

slap1:
Girls form some times, too. A girl was in a bus with her food flask, going to work. The bus conductor wanted to adjust the flask in order to close the door. The girl rebuked her severly, asking if he knew the amount/quality/price of food in that flask. The guy left the flask. The girl got to her bus-stop and came down from the bus. Just then she slipped and fell, the contents of the flask spilled out. And guess what it was?  . . . Tapioca and palm kernel !

LOL. . .which one is Tapioca again??

Idowuogbo:
cyber u d man , u wasup jare

I dey ooo. . .