₦airaland Forum

Ewuro4:
Uglybetty and Palacious .. You're da bomb

Rice, plantain, Asian stir fry chicken.

See colours. Unfortunately I cant eat the dodo but I can imagine eating the rest.

EfemenaXY:
Pele oh, Dami.

The exhaustion you felt was nothing other than tiredness. Getting a goodnight's rest (7 hours) is just as important as exercising because our bodies do need to recover. Lack of proper sleep can even contribute to weight gain. I know it's tough being able to get that much sleep at night when one's got to combine working, with running a family, household chores of cooking, cleaning, kids, and so on, but it's got to be done sister. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I fall in front of the telly on the sofa while trying to watch at least just one of my pre-recorded programs! Friday's Eastenders was tough. Na so I go watch 5 mins, doze off, wake up 20 minutes later, rewind the thing, watch 3 mins, doze off for another 20 minutes again...and repeating the cycle. I nor gree give hubby remote control even though I was fighting to stay awake!

Re: the hey fever thingy, I take all three jor. The once a day tablet, the eye drops twice a day and the nasal spray. That's the only way I've been able to cope with the high pollen count of recent. Try taking your eye drops and nasal spray with you to work - that should help.

I too wish I could but I can't do the crash diet of a thing. One, because I'll feel dizzy and I do need energy to function. Two, the knowledge that if I miss a meal, my body would simply go into "starvation mode" is deterrent enough. The thought of losing quickly is tempting, but I don't want the repercussions that go with it - i.e: piling on the weight when the crash dieting is over...

Thank you dear.. I have bought the eye drops and nasal spray and today has not been that bad.

You are right about the needing a good nights rest I am going to start going to bed latest by 10pm this week . I can soo fell you on the falling asleep watching pre recorded programmes same thing happened to me on Friday when I was trying to catch up on Criminal minds. I just gave up switched off the TV and went to bed.

There are characters on this NL aswear

Good tips .

That leaving the debit and credit cards at home is such an effective one for me. I find that when I have just an exact amount of cash on me when I go grocery shopping I tend to buy less rubbish that is on 'sale'. I will even be praying at the till that the cash I have on me can cover all I have picked

I am meant to be on my way out for my early Saturday run but the kain tiredness that is hammering me this morning my whole body is sore,my eyes are red and itchy , my nose dripping (am I the only my hay fever medication is not working I even upped my clarityn to 2 a day yesterday cos I felt horrible ).naijababe,efemenaxy

God help me I need to burn this Eba and egusi soup

Lost 2kg in the last week but still far from my desired goal.

I wish I could do the crash diet thing but my workload is so much these days that I must eat (healthy stuff in small portions though)to keep going. I used to be able to do it but I don't know what's wrong with me these days even fasting sef na war Jesus help me.


*modified* excuses don't burn calories off I go.

babyosisi:
Is this for a bird or a fellow woman like me?

its kuku for a woman like you.

Halloha

Lunch going going down ;Wholemeal cous cous smoked turkey and as usual my veggies

I ate my mama's egusi ijebu yesterday I can only eat Egusi Ijebu with proper eba made with Ijebu garri.

Yesterday was when I really knew that I have changed for the better cos the wracking up of the amount of cholesterol/calories in my brain shaki,ponmo,cow leg,palm oil garri etc just ruined my whole meal and I woke up 30 minutes earlier to skip this morning. Me that I don't joke with my beauty sleep.

Don't blame me, don't get to see my mother very often make she con dey go her house on Friday joor that woman wants to destroy my 'eating clean' runs joor.

She keeps saying 'why are you eating leaves when everybody is eating food' its not her fault I don't think she has ever gained an extra kilo in her whole life.

Hows everyone?

Happy happy birthday Edwife hope you have a lovely day babes..

Gods blessings now and always.

SAMBARRY:
is nairaland part of ya work description

yes na.. I use NL to research and analyse equality issues

SAMBARRY:
My point is that he should make attempt and let the wife see that at least he's making attempt. Not the one that he will wake up in the morning and be watching super sport in the afternoon go and drink beer in the beer parlour and be arguing about arsenal and man United like an un serious fool then in the evening come back and be asking for amala ewedu pomo bokoto and fresh fish yet he's not willing to try

Sambarry you got all this from the original post

SAMBARRY:
I'm a patriotic and true nigerian



I love my country and my country loves me



ok o.continue making excuses for him and be tifin Oyinbo megabytes. You will soon pay for the one you didn't use sef

I am trying to maintain a work/life balance

SAMBARRY:
ok so they don't do masters in Nigeria




continue making excuses for him

I am not making excuses for him o I am just saying I don't know what advise to give as I don't know what the actual complaint is.

Like I said I can bet that 80% of the complaint is cos madam is the breadwinner. Don't get me wrong I am not saying that its not a valid complaint especially if the other party is not pulling their own weight.

But the original post is too vague for us to conclude that the guy is a lazy loafer who allows his wife to pay all the bills and now wants to go abroad to become a gateman

SAMBARRY:
@damiso In Nigeria just doing one job, 9-5pm is enough for you to live a good life if you don't pass your boundaries . All the indiscipline that you can get away with as a nigerian staff e.g coming late to work, selling recharge card in the office, using office laptop and Internet to chat and Facebook during office hours you can't dare it there

aunty sambarry you def have loads of passion.

Are you now saying indiscipline should be encouraged? _{shhh I am actually replying from my office desktop and I am not in Nigeria} I say let me log on to ease off stress but walahi NL is reducing my productivity.

A good professional 9 to 5 job is also okay to live a good life anywhere in the west don't believe all the stereotypes not everyone is a janitor or gateman abroad.

Lets leave the reasons not to travel abroad illegally for another day and find out the real complaint of the woman in the original post.

SAMBARRY:
Oyinbo says the grass is always greener on the other side.



Some house boys, gate men, Gardner and restaurant cleaner will go and sidan inside one fancy restaurant or hotel con write eating the life of my head and put it on Facebook when he's doing 4 or 5 jobs to make a living. Tax don quench them. As they are collecting their salary, government is taking a larger percentage of their salary through orisirisi tax


here in Nigeria you can be a successful business man and evade tax conveniently and nobody will even notice or care about how much you earn but there they'll fling you into prison without batting an eyelid. These countries I'm talking about hate nigerians and assume they are opportunists and scoundrels.



So instead of subjecting yourself to voluntary slavery with the hope of seeing easy and free dollars on the streets that he can just pick up ..why doesn't he change his orientation and at least make an attempt to leave the labour market

But Sambaryy we don't know if this guy wants to go for masters naa?

at the exchanges between Kimoni and Coogar.

coogar its true o his money is our money, my money is my money.

But jokes apart it can work depending on both their mindsets going into the marriage. And if she is a cool girl, I think the guy needs more psyching up.

SAMBARRY:
I think it's a problem of LAZINESS and looking for QUICK EASY CASH

Might be might not be. I also agree that 'travel abroad' is definitely not the way to go with no concrete plans. As for the easy cash bit, thousands have been shocked by a rude wakening when they land.

The original post is a bit sketchy but sometimes one spouse ( most times this complaints surface when its the woman breadwinner ) paying all the bills does not mean the other is lazy in the general sense of it.

SAMBARRY:
Ok assuming his excuses are genuine, what is so special about going abroad that cannot be done in Nigeria. If he shines his eyes well he'll find opportunities abi its until you travel out that you'll make it. There are plenty people that bagged blbs boshey lo loshey bo.nothing to show for it whereas if he invests the money he wants to use in travelling out into any business of his choice he'll make it. Shioor



of which if he doesn't know anybody there and just assumes miraculously he'll come home a billionaire afaimo ko ma shey gateman ku and one white racist will shoot him for being black and then his corpse will be dumped back in Nigeria

My question was more about the complaints and which is which
that she is the breadwinner or is she complaining that he does not want to travel abroad?

Those two complaints are two diff things entirely.

I am the no 1 anti ' I want to travel with no plans' advocate.

My guess is she is complaining more about being the breadwinner. I doubt both complaints would have been jumbled up if the guy could have stumped the money for his ' I want to travel' plans by himself.

SAMBARRY:
of course I'm calm E just be like say the spirit of Stoopedity just possesses some women after marriage

I get you but we have just heard one side of the story. Sometimes( and I am not holding brief for lack of respect) we tend to project how we think our partners need to see things without seeing it from their own point of view. Its a bit harder if one is dealing with someone who clams up and does not want to talk. That however does not mean that she still cant handle the situation without being confrontational.

As for her not working , I don't know if it was something they spoke about before marriage but that is a very vital aspect that I expect all couples to talk about pre marriage

Is the issue her being the breadwinner or the fact that she does not know what he wants to go and do abroad?

Is the 'abroad' just vague or is he going for education, skill acquisition, hustle? Cos I don't really see why the issue of her being the breadwinner is just surfacing because he wants to go abroad?

Bibol:
Now that you explained I see where you are coming from. I think you feel caged, you've been used to a certain kind of lifestyle and being a stay at home mom is not your thing. Permit me to say you can never give your husband /wife too much attention. Since you said he is a quiet man by nature, you are the outgoing type, good. You can't force him to open up a business venture for you and I won't advise you to go ahead and start something on your own because he may see it as rebellion. You can choose to complain about him for the whole world to see, guess what, it may not change a thing!

Look past the difficulties of this marriage and look around you for activities you can engage in, it may be non profit organizations where you can volunteer and keep your mind busy. Let him know it won't negatively affect your kids and assure him that you will apply wisdom. You can make the transition gradual thing. Join a fellowship if you are the religious type. If not, the NGO or skill acquisition thing can be helpful. I have a childhood friend whose husband stopped banned her from working and she started writing. She now has two published books to her credit and another one in the pipeline. Maybe its time for you to also look inwards, it may not be something that'll fetch you money instantly but will definitely give you a sense of fulfilment. Every human being yearns for that feeling.

About him respecting you, respect is earned. I don't know how you both operate but I'll just advise that as much as possible give him his due respect, if he wants space, and for example, doesn't feel like talking, allow him. Your number one duty to yourself is to be happy and that is not tied to anyone or any material thing you possess.

I really wish you divine direction

I was going to type a long epistle but this post says all I have to say.

Aunty Sambarry e calm down ejoor

I

tearoses:
Big aunty mummy ke . . . . Thats so funny
maybe its me though. I just find many things funny rather than the other side

I think kids are the ones who make most sense. You see the way they roll their eyes when they get inroduced to their 356th cousin. (who is actually a family friends to the second generations son)

We were at an engagement 2 weeks ago and part of the eru iyawo was a box of plates
My daughter had been whinging all through the ceremony saying it was boring
Anyway there werent enough plates to serve food
My daughter said, why dont they just pick the plates from thr eru iyawo . . . its not as if the bride doesnt have plates at home and the plates are needed here to serve food.
I told her to shhhhhhhhhhhhh . . oya go and play with your friends

I love your daughter practical gal.

I meant big mummy/big aunty my sis in law is very laid back and even mandated no one calls her mummy anything that she is Aunty. My mums rationale is that she is really older than hubby and I so how can she be calling my younger sister 'Aunty' and then calling someone that is like the mother of the family on hubby's side 'Aunty' too? My mum can be very hilarious with customs ;Dshe is always calling my siblings rude as we still call each other by name.But these days sometimes our youngest says sis (sometimes).Funny enough even though they call me by name I know they hold me in such high regard.

fem29:
Hmm I would find it very hard to call someone I'm 20 years older than anty, OP I dunno what to tell you. In my family aunty and uncle is strictly by age, we are very easy going.

How can u feel comfortable with someone 10 years older than you calling you aunty, ridiculous

I don't get it either.. But diff strokes.

Me and my mum always argue about all the Aunty sister,mummy ish.Yesterday she still had a go at me for allowing my kids call them hubby's first born 'aunty' instead of 'big Aunty mummy' I told all my uncles,big cousins wives to call me by name.When I had my daughter some switched to calling me 'mummy n' but at that sef I actually don't mind them calling me my name.its sha my name.

I guess we are all diff sha.I sha know 'Aunty' 'uncle 'is not necessarily respect. One of my friends wanted to wash an older cousin and said 'Aunty se ori yin pe sha Eyin te dagba ti e danu yii' (can't translate someone help )

In my mind am thinking you should have kuku skipped the 'e' and gone straight to 'o'

*sighs* some people like wahala sha..I don't get if 'aunty' 'sister' was added to people's names at their christenings or naming ceremony. .



OP are you yoruba? If you are just, you can get round it by never actually calling her name just use e when referring to her.Or coin a pet name 'sisi b' or 'sisi ile iwe' etc

coogar:
christ!
so damiso get mouth like this? you publicly undressed a whole st finbarrs college like this? very unfair. to think this school was one of the best schools in nigeria back then when the catholics handled the administration makes it even more depressing that it has now become a mini-OPC recruitment agency.

I did not mean it as undressing I was just alluding to the 'packaging' that Bukatyne was talking about. I actually admitted that the St Finbarrs boys had a superior argument even if they did not speak 'foneh'.


I do know it was one of the best schools in Nigeria but their standards just went down after they became Jakande schools. Even with that I have older cousins, uncles and aunties who went to those schools in their 'Jakande' status and went on to do very well academically.

bukatyne:
For Nigeria Kay17,

I have never heard of any organization in Nigeria there is a wage gap due to gender.

There is wage gap, however it is due to

*Core business of the organization... (a company in telecoms will pay their IP Engineers and Solution Architects more than their financial staff; An IT person in KPMG would surely be miserable)

*God Fatherism: Who brought you in the organization? Head Hr etc.

*Packaging: How you package yourself... Ajebutter that does shait or Ajepako? Sha just be Ajebutter

*Previous Salary: Some yeye organizations have started asking for last pay slip to benchmark the new one

*Certifications: Some pay according to certifications

*Luck: Some people are just paid more by luck

*Starting: In some organizations, how you start determines your pay. If you start as an officer with N200K; you might grow through the ranks earning N600K as a manager. Someone employed as a manager straight up might earn N1m with same job and experience.

Spot on analysis on why there might be pay differences in Nigeria.

Not being able to speak English fluently sef can make people discriminate against you in Nigeria In secondary school I was on the debating team and I can never forget one debating competition that we attended. The final was between Vivian Fowler and St Finbarrs College. If you looked at the points marshalled in the debate,St Finbarrs College won hands down but guess who won the debate Vivian Fowler. I guess the judges could not get past the foneh and creamness of the Vivian Fowler girls as opposed to the pakoish look and English of the Finbarrs boys.

Apologies to any alumni of St Finbarrs College on here

troy20:
i think women making such claims are just trying to create and push any sort of complaints of discrimination farther beyond the wall to see what they can get and that is very manipulative which is not uncommon with women(damiso you are not in this category).often many cases of discrimination against women expecially in this 21st century is exagerated.

Discrimination is even largely an illegal activity .. though I agree that Nigeria not being a largely litigious society makes it difficult to pursue those cases. Even that can be changed by a willingness to follow due process but we are generally just lazy to go all the whole hog and people just say ' Wo just leave it and let God be the judge'. If one person can come out with proof that they were discriminated against because of their gender I know a lawyer who will make noise about it

As I said in my earlier post on this thread what people call discrimination is mostly prejudice that is perpetrated by stereotypes especially in Nigeria. Even the west where anti discrimination laws are in place ( I can speak about the Equality Act in the UK as I did academic study on it) you cant legislate against peoples opinions or control what they think.You can only try to educate them to see things differently.I know from experience and interaction that some white middle class men are as chauvinistic as hell. I had a colleague who once said Maternity Leave is a holiday and yeah he was white.

I would really like someone to name and shame companies in Nigeria that pay women less than men in the organised labour sector solely because they are women.

I never experienced it , my mother in her 60's did not as she joined a govt parastatal on Level 8 like all young graduates and earned the same as every other person .She and my dad were mates sef and I think she earned more than him at a time as parastatals paid more than the civil service. I know so many other women who have not experienced it but I keep hearing it exists so I cant say it does not if someone else has experienced it.

Happy birthday byvan hope you had a great day

Guilty as charged.. hubby is always saying 'madam they are called mobile phones for a reason ' you use your mobile like a landline.

coogar:
you guys have time arguing with these beings that have extreme difficulty with logic. bunch of hypocrites they are!

isn't this the same set of women that argued a man should never retaliate physical abuse against his wife or any woman as 2 wrongs don't make a right? or am i reading their comments wrongly?

now....they want to open their legs and fück another man because their husband cheated. for most women, logic isn't the strongest point. they would retaliate if it's sex but they don't want him to retaliate when they slap him in the face.

i implore you guys to set your standards sky high. if the wife cheats, that should be the end of the relationship or marriage. no ifs & buts. she shouldn't even be around to know if i would retaliate or not. she's going straight to her father's house!

if i cheat on her, i expect her to leave too. i won't even make any effort to stop her from leaving. if she's worth anything in the first place, i wouldn't have cheated on her. if she stays after my infidelity & thinks she shall be given the same grace if she cheats, then she's on a long thing!

coogar is it your church mind that typed the bolded?

If it is at least you are able to live with the consequences of your actions. Not those who expect her to not complain and grin & bear it ( I know someone who told his wife your kids go to the most expensive schools in Nigeria and you are complaining SMH )

I know all this your online bragging is just braggado you will surely make a fine husband for sister sarah Just stop abusing people sha.

I guess its worse in Nigeria cos some of my friends back home are very paranoid 'why are you letting your husband to come to Nigeria alone uhmmm Lagos Girls are not smiling o' I tell them 'if I can he can go to vegas alone why cant he go to his country alone' ' haa you are already thinking like oyinbo you are too naïve bla bla' . I tell them 'abeg I don't have time to be policing anybody like a bodyguard' .

me sef I wan go vegas with my girls when I am 40