₦airaland Forum

snakebeat:
What a great shame....

So u want her aunt to raise a son dat will be cooking for his wife.

What is wrong with a husband cooking for his wife? Does it make him less of a man?

The moi moi I am having for lunch today was made by Hubby. The man had been hinting that he felt like eating moi moi but I have not had time to go the whole hog as does not like moi moi made with the already peeled beans. He closed earlier than I did some time this week and he had made the moi moi before I got home.

Now I do most of the cooking but my example up there is the reason why I feel everyone should know how to cook. He felt like having something and he made it instead of having to depend on his wife who was not there at the time to make it. I would have probably made it tomorrow(Saturday) but he probably would have lost the urge for it by then. My dad could not cook but he had no qualms having house helps, the kids in short anyone cooking or serving his food.

And for those who cant or wont cook you can always PAY to have it made. What I might not have been able to cope with is those men who insist they cant or wont cook but insist that they must eat ONLY their wives food. Its those types that also say they cant eat day old soup, cant serve themselves from the pot, cant eat microwave food and all sorts.

Each to his own sha but there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man cooking for his family. As long as there is sha food to eat what does it matter who cooked it.

tearoses:
The woman is a role model to me

When it comes to her children, she is very hands off & let them live and make their own descsions.

When one of her DIL was TTC, she knew the girl would be worried, so she called her and said "Dont panic and dont go and becasue of pressure start visiting places that you shouldnt be going. I am not chasing you to go anywhere. We are Christians. lets wait for Gods time. They have kids now.

Exactly the kind of mother in law I want to be. I am telling myself I am raising my children to be upstanding members of society not necessarily for myself(that's the mindset some mothers have I am training my children for my future all the things their dad didn't do they will do for me).Thats why some mother in laws say their sons wives is reaping the fruits of their labour(true in a way but not in a competitive manner like these ones mean).

My children are the first thing I will consider before I take any decision for now but that by His Grace has an expiry date. I will hope and pray that I have instilled the right values in them but will respect when they choose to make decisions I don't necessarily understand or agree with.As adults my role is to advise or guided not impose my beliefs or views on them.

5minsmadness:
Dey there dey blush. You don't recognize gay alert when u see one!

See dirty mind...

TooNoisy:
Only a very beautiful and intelligent woman could have typed this. You must be very intelligent, cool and calm.

Awww am blushing thank you.

Tvegas:
I love your opinion very balanced and objective. From my view Physical Abuse is the worst thing that a man or woman can endure in marriage. Beating your wife or husband or in laws is just unforgivable for me. People can easily stray into affairs and correct themselves but people dont just stray into wife beating or husband punching its innate.

I also think physical and emotional abuse is horrible and I cant condone it. That does not mean I will tolerate unrepentant chronic cheating.

Some women will endure abuse and say at least he does not cheat. Some will endure cheating and say at least he does not abuse me and is also a 'great provider'( reminds me of one old school Christian song ) Some cant endure a non provider( a lot Nigerian women cant deal with a NO earning man note I used NO not low) One of my colleagues quit his job to become a stay at home dad cos his wife earns more and they wanted at least one of the parents home at the early years stage, to alot of Nigerian women( maybe me sef so I am not an hypocrite ) that's madness. He is even south American sef so its not like most people will say he is oyinbo. I know people who divorced their husbands cos 'he is just a useless liability I pay all the bills'.

Like Stillwater said its down to the ideals and standards every individual has set for themselves.

The worst thing that can happen to a marriage depends on the two individuals in a marriage and what their ideals and values are

e.g. A runs girl who dated 15 married men as a young lady was hardly ever in school and sha graduated with a pass and no employable skills whatsoever.She was eventually able to snag an 'island' big boy who married her. They live on Bannana Island she drives the best cars, always decked in Louboutins and Ferragamo (y'all know the pic i am painting ) might feel the worst thing to happen to her marriage is if she has to move to Akute, jump Marwa and have to go to yaba to buy bend down select To her sef as she knows from experience her husband cheating is no biggie. As long as she is the 'wifey' with all the perks its all good.

I know people who believe that a man must cheat but its all good as long as he is a 'great provider'. To some women a faithful poor man is of no use to them .I am just being truthful and factual here.

On the other hand some other women believe cheating is a deal breaker and don't mind being the co/main breadwinner as long as he does not cheat.To some its their spouse not having their back with his/her family.

I personally know someone who divorced her husband after so many years without kids. She is now married to someone else and has kids. She told me the deal breaker was the fact that he was unable to give her children. Some other person might have stayed in that marriage. I equally know another couple married for over 20 years without children and they are ok with it.

In other words like most family issues diff strokes for diff folks.

Hard question but personally my moral standards are not to be measured by another persons actions. I wont steal because everyone else is stealing and getting rich while I am still poor so I wont let my husbands cheating make me cheat as well.

For the case of a truly unrepentant cheat, I would rather we separate than go down his route. But we are different individuals and as such our moral compasses are different.

KissesandWine even though there are parts of your mums advise that might seem like its condoning cheating I wholeheartedly agree that NO other human being should be the SOLE DETERMINANT of your happiness. I include children, siblings,family friends etc. in that list.

Your children will and should definitely make you happy but sad and cold as it seems they will hurt your feelings or emotions at one point or the other. The sooner that we realise that they are different individuals that might eventually grow up to have a different world view from you and might say/do/believe things that are different from what we perceive as right the better for us. Preparing oneself for it makes the hurt sting a little less and makes forgiving and sometimes having to accept their choices a little easier. So that face your children bit of it is also hinging your happiness on the poor children's shoulders.

naijababe:
I thought about you this morning o, wondering where you dey hide? Still in the box? Kai! This is procrastination 101

Don't mind me not hiding o just so busy these days ni ojare. I just cant be bothered to start assembling when my smoothie maker is just there ready to go ( you know am lazy naa ).

Besides Hayfever is showing me pepper thankfully no itchy eyes just this annoying sneezing and sniffling.

Hello hello everyone. .

Naijababe you won't believe that juicer is still in its box

Overbusy dey worry me these days but I am still sticking to my 'clean eating'(that phrase is beginning to annoy me on FB and instagram ).

Congrats Moca may God bless and keep the lil one. Well done hope you and the lil one are ok?

FrancisTony:
Lol, you've a point.

It's just like a randomn male saying Okonjo-Iweala or Folorunsho Alakija is beneath him which isn't true.

But in gender stereotype/chauvinism, Okonjo and Alakija would be discriminated hence gender inequality.

Yes naa abi you think that male driver who carries his madams bag and is summoned to come and load all the souvenirs into the car after her owambe runs is equal to the madam don't think so. He is probably sat in the car in the hot sun( woe betide him if he switch on the AC and waste her fuel ) while madam is chilling in her air conditioned hall

Stereotypes /chauvinism are not necessarily discrimination. They are attitudes and like has been said by some already is kinda cultural.

E.g. I think women should not contest for political office because they are weak and emotional. that is chauvinism and stereotypes. Discrimination is me intentionally not selling her a political nomination form because of her gender even though she meets the criteria or standards of all the other aspiring office holders. That is what is illegal.

We cant control people's attitudes and perceptions but we can legislate against discrimination.

I have lived in Nigeria and I can say that I was never discriminated against because of my gender. I can however say that I have encountered my own fair share of chauvinism and stereotyping.

Feminisim is to Nairaland what the Kardashians are to Social Media

I think my Dad was a feminist o. In short I think looking back now I think my mother who ironically is the female was the anti feminist

My dad used to get so pissed off at all 'just marry just marry' talk.He taught me how to play chess and would take me out with him to Country club when hanging with the boys.I remember watching football with him and mum would be vexing that I did not come and cook in the kitchen.'lets see if you will be watching football instead of feeding your children and husband' My dad would say 'you can always hire a cook cooking and chores are mundane things that can always be learnt at any time or paid for' Unlike most families we had to send emissaries to beg him to let me marry because he really wanted me to at least do my masters and get to a certain level in my career before marriage.The only thing he ever asked my hubby was to make sure that he never cut my academic or career dreams short as that was one of the things that he could never forgive as he had invested so much into his daughters for them not to fulfil their potential. Sorry for the epistle ojere.I just miss that man so much

I guess growing up around that kind of man as well growing up around women (not too sure if now I see it as an actual good thing) who were happy with or without men (check out the stereotypes for women of Lagos Island origin ) makes my experiences a bit different from those who might have been felt subjugated because of their gender.

I however feel that Nigeria's equality problems are multi faceted.Can a disabled person be said to have the same rights as an able bodied person? Is blatant age discrimination not practised is some Nigerian organisations? In a way sef I don't think extremely poor people are classed as humans that deserve dignity and respect in Nigeria (note I know there are poor people everywhere and being poor sucks anywhere but in Nigeria they are sub human)

Both. ..Every human needs discipline.

Very very wrong to slap his mum (but again I have seen enough drama from naija mums to know that simply holding her hand is a slap ).

He should have left before things escalated to that point.

Father Lord help me from now to know when to start cutting the apron strings from my son . Let me know that my role is to guide, nurture, advise.

Me and the kiddos going on a day out .. I don pack all the healthy gbogbo e (ok I have 2 packs of crisps and 2 sweets hidden in case of emergency )

But my pikins believe a trip to MCdees or Burger King is the perfect end to a day of sight seeing it's all good though it's a once in a while thing. But not for me o so I better hoard the cucumbers so I can chew away while they tuck into their fish fingers or burgers

NaijaBabe. Hubby brought out the juicer the dust on it no get part 2 I sha can't say get it down and clean from me again. See how big and clumsy it looks sef

naijababe:
Ewuro only eats solids, no smoothies, no weird looking juices

I get her ojere those green looking gooey things take getting used to

debolly:
Yummy!!! What're the components of your smoothie.

Bananas,rasberries, I threw in some squishy clementines strawberries and coconut water.

cococandy:
Honestly it is dicey like you said and if you think about, who are we really to tell anyone how to raise their kids.

I'm just musing out aloud the things I wish someone told me when I was growing up.
I know I never heard the word orgasm from my mother's mouth before
Now that I'm married, she gives me bashful sex talk over the phone. #myribs

Too late mommy.


When I do have a daughter, I know the things I was taught that I won't teach her.

1) keeping yourself for a man will add value to you as a woman. That sex makes her dirty and stuff like that. Nope.

I'll teach her to take her time and do what she wants when she gets to adulthood without feeling judged for it. If she's in a relationship then and wants to hold on for marriage, let it be because that's what she wants and not something she's taught to do in order to be a prize for some man out there who didn't think she was worth keeping himself for.

2) I'll do my best not to be bashful with sex talk and private body part names. From the moment they begin to speak. There will be no euphemisms for intimate talk and body parts. It just helps create that shame related to sex as if there's something wrong with it.

I admit there may be things you probably can't say to your daughter especially if it will give them images of you and their daddy in a .....

But I'll do my best not to instill guilt in them as a precaution against teenage sex.(I know that is why our parents did it)
I'd rather they know it all word for word and act for act and also present the possible consequence of each choice.

Let making the right choice guide them instead of guilt.

I used to say a lot of similar things about not wanting to raise my children not to feel guilty about things but to rather not do them because it's the right thing to do.

Nowadays after becoming a parent I realise that having to help shape influence and bring up a child is such a huge task that a lot of parents just make it up as they go and everything that they did(ok most not all) came from a place of love and wanting to protect their kids from life.And like bellong alluded to it often has religious undertones which if being followed to the letter/spirit means both male &female (last I checked the two biggest religions in Nigeria think fornication is a sin for males and females).

I know it's a bit old fashioned but I would really wish my children(son& daughter) keep themselves chaste till marriage. Unfortunately it's not up to me but them. What I wouldn't do is tell them that se.x is bad or shameful but something best enjoyed in a marital bed.

As the daughter of Muslims who is now a Christian I am however realistic enough to know that not everything you wish or instill or inculcate into your child is the path they will follow sighs. I will do my best sha God help us.

That said orgasm abi is it organism comes from exploring with your partner I don't think momma coulda taught me that

Ewuro4:
Nice

No comment

Why no comment na

Bellong I thought you were a priest

This topic reminds me of an Episode of 'Desperate Housewives' when Bree went to see her doctor after she had an orgasm for the first time She actually thought she was having fits from a strange ailment

Cococandy .... What practical ways would parents be open(or like you said not made to feel shame at being a s.exual being) about their teenage daughters se.xuality without also being seen as encouraging teenage se.x? I know someone who took her 15 year old to get contraceptives and I know that I can never be that open because to me (note I am not condemning her ) that's saying I know you are having s.ex please just don't get pregnant. Believe me it's a dicey one for parents. I hated the restrictions as a child but now I soooo understand it.

I know our parents were a bit OTT but thinking about it now teenage pregnancy often tends to affect the girl more than the boy as she is often left with a child while the boy can just carry on like nothing happened.not fair I know but is the reality.

Dinner..

naijababe:
Lol.....get the juicer out and trust me you will not regret it. Juicing can be addictive and it is a good addiction to have. Smoothie makers just grinds everything to pulp and it can be hard to drink plus you are filled too quickly. If you have one of those tiny sieves you can strain after blending.

Will wait and try with the juicer then.

naijababe:
# Cococandy

Mean green juice - 4 Celery sticks, 2 cups each of kale and spinach, an inch of ginger, 1 peeled lemon and 2 apples. It is so yummy! I cannot wait to juice Ugwu leaves, some oranges and maybe some papaya

Will try this tomorrow I don't have a juicer though but a smoothie maker. Will that have the same effect? I hope it does cos I have never tried celery in it. Its not nurtri- bullet sha I don't know why I am doing ijebu instead of me to just buy the nutri bullet I will use the money for shoe or brazillian hair God help me o


Just joking though my smoothie maker is not that bad its a breville product called Blend Pro Active and it does its job well. Sometimes though it does not do too well with some some veggies. Will stop doing Ijebu and buy the nutri bullet joor.


Modified... You know I just remembered that we have a juicer in our loft. The thing is just too big and complicated which is why I think I put it away, will try and pscyche hubby to get it out for me.

Ameenaz too always use to give the I don't have time to go to the gym excuse. God knows how many gym membership I have paid and gone twice a month for 3 months and gave up. Chilli and edwife have given so many lovely tips

let me add mine

If you drive sometimes ditch the car and walk to some places.I know walking and jogging is a bit harder in Nigeria cos of the heat but some short distances will help I getting exercise into your everyday routine.If your hairdresser is like 5 streets away just walk down there briskly.I know Naija pal hate 'trekking' as it's called and even those who don't drive jump okada to to the shortest distances but walking/jogging/running is a free way to move around and get active.

If you work in a big office complex go to upstairs toilet.stair climbing is a good way to burn calories so instead of taking the lift take the stairs.any opportunity you find tale the stairs instead.

Tablet battery about to die will be back.

edwife:
My secret ,but i add one more thing to my water(cucumber,lime,mint leaves and .....not telling.... )
I hope you only use it for 24h and not beyond that.

Yeah I change the lemons mint and cucumbers every day.. Which other thing do you add?


Eeya efemenaxy but you are actually allowed a few treats once in a while so if Agege bread will be the treat go on soun

Today I made jollof rice for someone and the house as I was cooking I said to myself let me do an Efe that will cook better food and still eat cucumber, leaf and bland porridge

All I can say is the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak but I still tried to maintain the 50/20/30 ratio sha

tearoses:
Bro tearoses pls
I paid my re registration fees to chaircover . . .hope she didnt scam me o!

She did o if you paid by PayPal you better query the transaction sharply

EfemenaXY:
OMG, Smartmom, thank you soooo much for this suggestion!

D'you know that I've been squeezing a whole lime fruit into my drinking water in the mornings for the past two days? I've got to admit that initially, I wasn't too crazy about my lukewarm water turning cloudy with the squeezed lime in it. Infact, I was pulling faces (like Damiso does with her plain porridge ) before gulping it down...but then I went online to check the health benefits of lime and boy! That list is something else!! Amongst which are: it aids weight loss, make the skin look fresher just after two weeks, helps with clearing the bowel, and many, many, more.

So this is most definitely going to be my daily routine. Squeezing an entire lime fruit into my 500ml water (equivalent of two full glasses) with my breakfast. I even stopped by at the shops today and bought an additonal 8 more lime fruits.

Weight loss? Fine/clear skin? Omo, it's game on. Me and those lime fruits everyday from now on. At least one lime fruit a day. Thanks again jor.

@ the porridge iv had the bland oats twice this week and getting used to it. But have to overcompensate with rasberries,blueberries or bananas

Lemon in water is soo nice and like you said the health/detox benefits are double whammy benefits. That's the only way I can drink water straight from the mains. It kills that horrible 'hard water' taste that the water in the UK has.Had to improvise esp now that I rarely drink any other drink but water and green tea.

You can also add some slices of cucumbers and mint leaves. That's also good for detox. More uses for those zillions of cucumbers you buy.

People are their own worst enemies.. The worst manager I have ever had was male( remembering that Bully ) and the most inspiring one I had was a female.

I however do agree that women sometimes tend to have more drama and tend to notice lil and irrelevant things that other people(women inclusive ) do to them. e.g 'she eyed me', 'she did not greet me' 'she looked at me from head to toe' ' she did not respect that I am someone's wife( one of the most irritating moans I have heard in a while ) and just called me by name ' etc etc

tearoses:
To the glory of God, our sista Aisha was blessed with a very cute and gorgeous baby
Mum and baby doing well
May the shouts of joy never depart from our homes.

@Ewuro when you are naughty I tell you off. So it makes sense to commend you when you are a good girl
Well done
Its not everything you see that you fight or respond to.
Agba tin de niyen
Keep it up. Muah xx

Aww regards to her and the lil one.

So Aunty Tearoses( abi is it uncle) when are you paying your re-registration fees)

£500 pere either by Paypal or Debit/Credit Card.