₦airaland Forum

Halllos people...

Bebe2 pls I need to get in contact with you.can you pls send me a PM thank you.

olu4life:
Thanks so much sis. We will be awaiting ur response. Pls forward it to babyosisi and TEHN

Speaking to one of TEHN organisers will get back to him as soon as I have concrete details.

chaircover:
Urgently Calling on Volunteers to work with babyosisi on Team B . . please please please!

Team B will be responsible for all travel arrangements for DJ

This will include
1. Finding a good hospital in India
2. Arraging admsission
3. Collating test results & medical records
4. Finding out the cost
5. Working with the family to find a donor & keeping them imformed of descsions.
6. Arranging passports for DJ & Donor and DJ's brother
7. Arranging visas
8. Arranging flights
9. Keeping in touch with DJ when he is undergoing treatment in India
10. Liasing with the hospital all throughout.
11. Reporting back to the house on progress.

Please we need some volunteers who live in Lagos & who can run around for passports/visa/flights etc
babyosisi cant do all this alone. She also does not live in Nigeria. We need people on ground

Thank you all.

I know someone who owns a travel agency will talk to her to see if some kind of help can be rendered in the form of travel costs.

Idowuogbo:
My fashion crew!! Girlies come in here ooo....stop eyeing that new shade of lipstick eee....come and support ya famzie..

Cc
kandiikane
Onila
fairygeh
lepasharon
AmberQueen
texanomaly
damiso
bibol
omolola1

Here Hun....God bless you all immensely.

Stillfire:
But Damiso do African men practice the attributes of Jesus Christ? That is the koko.
Was Jesus a walking bag of ego? Or a symbol of humility and grace?
Let's be honest, is the African man a symbol of humility and grace?
Was Jesus going about seeking for whom to kiss his black yansh and ego?
Omotola Jalade Ekeinde's husband cannot say sorry to her, is that Christ-like? She cited ego as the problem, lol.
At this rate, African men will not make heaven, lol.

I can't speak for All african men naa That's why I said its individual family individual thing.


I try not to stereotype though(its hard sha I won't lie) but there are african men who are not egocentric.

Besides not all African Men are Christians.I see it from the Christian view but not only Christians see men as the head of the family.

In a way its that pervasive culture of Authority meaning subjugation and this is not just husband wife relationship. Its madam- house help or driver, its teacher- student boss- subordinate even elected official feels he can subjugate those he is elected to serve.Some pastors sef


If we imbibe that thought that when I lead or hold authority its not an avenue to lord it over people I think things might be a bit better.

Aluta nothing wrong with extra tutoring but a 3 year old

Freshdude nailed with his answers.

Funny but true

I want my son to be a geek Hubby says abeg I want him to be a cross (street smart plus brainy you don't want a socially awkward child) but I really don't mind him being a geek.My daughter is already over social .

carefreewannabe:
It would be interesting if you answered my questions.

1 .the head of the family is the one who charts the course and vision for the family.i see it more as s duty and responsiblity rather than an automatic lordship title. I choose it see again from the Christian view as a sacrificial giving role and not necessary a 'lord of the manor' thing.Christ was a servant leader and that what is the head of the home should be.again I acknowledge not everyone is going to tow that school of thought so each to his own

2. I don't get the context of different in this question. Function? Again its fluid and varies from person to person or family to family.

3.Situations again depends on parties involved and the issues being discussed. If we have differing opinions on an issue sometimes I just go with his view and sometimes he says let's do it your way.e.g I used to go for midweek services with the kids on weeknights and he never liked the idea.He has now decided that I should stop taking the kids with me as he does not like the idea of my daughter going to bed late on a schoolnight.I was initially miffed but thinking about it i realised that this was not to spite my Bible study cell group but really a practical decision based on our daughters wellbeing.On days he gets home early I leave him to sort bedtime and go for my bible study . Unfortunately on days he gets back late it means I don't go. My pastor is always on my case that I don't come for bible study every week but I don't mind anymore as I am ready to stand by His decision on not compromising his child's sleep.

But mine and chilli's esponses were similar naa i.e drawn from personal experiences how come you asked me to answer another set of question naa

iyabodeh:
I know better than to mind them. Esp when they are in the realm, whichever realm.

ShahzadNonso:
Hi joor. Dnt mind dem, dey are busy talkin bout pommo dem no fit respond 2 your greeting

Helloooooooooo
Oya no vex

Have you people introduced yaselves? For you to join in the pomo talk you have to introduce yourselves then register . registration fees are £3, 000 only.Payable to damiso we accept all cards,visa Amex etc and PayPal. See me in camera for payment details

I believe the head of our household is my husband because I am a Christian and that belief is an offshoot of my faith.

That said its not something that we constantly have to talk about or dwell on or that he has to keep shouting 'I am the head'.It also does not mean he gets to take all decisions unilaterally.We just get on with family life and work as a team to get stuff done.

We both have our strengths and weaknesses and we complement each other to work for the good of the family and home we are building.You will often hear him say 'I need to ask my wife as she is better than me when it comes to that' I think he even says it more than I do sef.He trusts my judgement (intially I used to say I told you so ALOT but I think I have matured abit now) and even though sometimes he does not agree with my POV alot of times I find out we tend to do things by compromising.I will give an example I am the one who is more hung up on the kids doing certain activities and I tend to drive my daughter alot.He used to leave me to it as he feels I have a better grasp of the educational system but he had to step in tell me off about me constantly being on the poor girl's case.He was the one who cancelled out my 1hr compulsory school work everyday after school (after swimming, kumon, ballet and soon drama school) we are even still arguing on whether to cut back on extra curricular she is not enjoying e.g Kumon (trust her to not enjoy the educational one ).He did not decree No more kumon as the head we just talk about it and both marshall our points and even I realised I had to chill as I guess the kind of family I come from makes me kinda hung up on educational achievements.

naijababe:
In my Mushin market woman voice Please move forward madam abeg, you be alaroro, e no gree that price

Loool

I learnt alaroroism from the best my grandma. I used to pity meat sellers back then gosh but I am still good my grandma would have said 10 for the £10.

Good advice you have gotten plus alot of great practical action points and steps..

Good luck

Chaircover I be naija woman so make I price 5 for £10 nko..

naijababe:
Mr naijababe: naijababe, jump right now!

Me: As my lord husband, how high should I jump.

But to be honest I truly don't know alot of people (and I rolled with alot of guys) who really wants that kinda wife.

I do know however that in marriage not everything has to be always slugged out and overanalysed like its potrayed on NL (and this is for both genders).

I personally don't (personally) don't think all this strong man strong woman ish is necessary when you marry someone who understands and complements you.

Hallo my peoples..

Naijababe abeg define 'yes women'?

Alutacontinua I agreee with you carrie is sick I think I might stop watching

There is a Miss Virginity contest

Pray tell how will the virginity claim be verified? If I enter a beauty contest and say I am 5ft 9 size 6 those are easily verififiable.So how will the virginty be confirmed?


Also what is the basis of the contest will it be who is more' virginous' or what (note I am not knocking virgins o ) just wondering aloud.

Really strange...even a friend might be awkward.

Explain all you have explained here to her.

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aisha2:
Every good parent should be honored abeg.
Only God knows how many fathers have died from the pressure of trying to provide shelter, housing and education for their kids. You think some of our fathers wore worn out suits and just.2 shirts because they loved it? No it was because they put you first, your school fees was much more important than a new shoe for him.

Granted some fathers were not there to pet, kiss and pet but they made sure that you went to bed with something to eat even if it meant them having nothing that night.

So please no role is less worthy of honor, every good parent should be honored.

While she carried you for nine months he was there to ensure she was healthy, fed ans disnt have swollen feet.

While she labored to bring you out he was praying, crying and having the highest blood pressure because for that day in his life he felt totally helpless, he couldnt take away her pain, he couldn't do some magic and make it all go away. He had no assurance that all will be fine
So when he held you he swore to protect you, hence in the sun, in the rain, in the wind he would go out not because he wanted to but because he needed to so you wouldnt have to beg, starve or lack anything.

Now fathers are more involved they also wake up and feed the baby, the only thing they dont do is carry a baby but believe me if they could they would because that is the love of the father, willing to lay down his life for his family without a second thought

This.

I can never forget that day it was Nov 4th and it was the day of the US presidential election.like my father I love politics so could not wait to get home so I could follow the results and then call to speak to him as I know how keenly he had followed that particular presidential race.I was on the train hubby called me 'where are you' I said 'I am on my way home.'my brother called asked where I was I said I was on the train on my way home.My uncle called and my mums friend in the Uk also called.About three of my friends called to ask where I was and I was even telling one to please put my dad in her prayers as he was ill and in hospital. All these people calling already knew.For some odd reason it never occurred to me why they were calling I just thought they were all calling to say hello.

I got home and hubby was not back.I heard the keys and he came in with his brother in law,his cousin and two of our friends.Funny me I was still chatting" uncle why did you not tell me you were coming today Haa we don't have food o" I just noticed hubby looked morose and was avoiding my eye.Apparently he called all the back up battalion cos he did not even know how to break the news to me His brother in law then told me to sit down and said 'daddy is gone' I said 'gone where' he said 'daddy has gone to be with God' the whole world stopped for like a second I said 'no that can't be possible I spoke to him yesterday mummy said he was responding to treatment' next thing I looked at hubby and I could see he had been crying.I just crumbled in his arms and sobbed my eyes out.We eventually did not sleep that night and he had to take the next two days off work as I was a complete mess.It hurt more that he was buried according to Islamic rights on the same day and I was not there to grieve with my family.It was horrible being apart from my mum and siblings and I truly did not face the full realisation that he was gone until I got to Nigeria.

I miss my dad alooot but I know he is resting.

I vote jenmima

Beautiful Couple..God bless your home..

cococandy:
you know most guys don't talk too much. So when the woman in the house is not bringing forth gist and spicy conversation,it is like there's this silent pressure for him to try pull me out of my shell thereby making him talk more than he normally would.
In a way,I feel a talkative wife better pass this one but I can't help myself. People who have known me from childhood are used to it.
I just feel like guys should stop complaining about nagging wives. They don't know what they have until they are with silent janes like us.

Nagging and talkative can be two different things. I know I rarely ever nag but I sometimes tend to be the one intiate conversations that hubby would rather not have e.g does pink go with this top which is often met with rolling eyes and 'yes' even though he is not seeing the top.

moca:
Excellently put!
But only in an ideal world. But we don't live in one,do we?
D world is d way it is bc some of us have refused to do the ideal and right thing hence the corner corner ways we see here and there.
Thanks sweetie.

I get you Hun which is why often on NL I try to understand that we are all different and as such different strokes for different folks.

I have a friend who has 3 girls and wants to try for another child even though her husband is adamant that he does not want anymore kids(in his 40s) cos he says he does not want to still be paying school fees at almost retirement another of his arguments is what if they have another girl and wifey is insisting there are ways that she is researching. :DThey agreed 3 children now she wants another one.She believes it's her call but he believes they are raising a family together and another chid is something that would impact their family overall especially financially.I won't be surprised if she has gone off birth control.If she does fall pregnant willl we sincerely back her husband to give an ultimatum for abortion or Insist that he won't help or contribute a penny to raising that child? of course we won't so that is why I think It's a good thing for it to be mutually agreed.I know they are not necessarily everyone's role models just wants to give an example I watched an episode of keeping up with the kardashians where Scott disick went behind kourtney back to see a doctor about getting a vasectomy as he was worried she wanted more children.She eventually found out and was upset that he went behind her back but really she acted like more kids was her prerogative when it's obvious this guy might not be mentally ready for more children(their own issue is not even finances).I hear she is even pregnant now sef.

If I my friends hubby gets a vasectomy behind her back based on the protecting yourself point he is well within his rights but I still feel it's best they talk about it together and reach a mutual agreement.

moca:
M dear, maybe u r educated and live in a developed world. Most don't know what ovulation is. Most don't know fertile window(even d graduates here too)
Some guys can't perfect d act od withrawal.
Now d coco is this.
In muslim, I was told its sin to do family planning.
Some churches especially catholics r against family planning.
So the husband capitalize on that.
Some don born 5 to six gals and counting cos they r looking for male.
No be person body abi u still believe our mothers and grannies tales?
Go to hospitals and see that majority of d sick mamas there r bc of pregnancy child birth related issues.
Our health care system is even questionable.
Even us here in nairaland, let d ladies open up and tell us what they hv passed tru giving birth. Go to d epidural thread and see for urself.

Nigeria is very hard to survive in now.
How about quality life for d kids?

So if d man said no, I will simply agree when odds r against me?
O dikwa risky.
Anything to help a woman here must be met with outright rejection.
Primitive and achaic folks.

I guess my post should have started with 'ideally' so apologies for that as we dont live in an ideal world. And your scenarios have actually shown that we live in a varied world. Some women were even bethrothe to their husbands so there is even no courtship not to talk of how many kids will you like to have.I think the word consent or permission is the issue most people have I prefer the word 'mutual agreement' BUT I will concede that is own world view and experience speaking. I believe in openess in marriage and as soon as I need to start sneaking around on hubby for major issues there is no point.

I don't talk about every single mundane through with my husband but we tend to talk through ALLissues that would affect our family.We even researched birth control together and even agreed on child spacing.I believe marriage should be open and sincere and sneaking around should be non existent. That said that's my world view so I would not judge or blame a woman who wants to protect herself from a husband who probably does not look out for her.I have said on NL I will not not build a house behind my husband's back but I also will not judge a woman who has seen reasons she needs to.

If I was to advise such a woman I would advise her to use birth control but let him know but again that is me.I would rather fight a battle openly than on the sly.I wonder though at inconsiderate and unreasonable people who won't take their partners feelings and circumstances into consideration when making a decision that will affect the family (but in these cases I concede it affects women more as they are the ones that carry pregnancy).


I agree with so many other posters on courtship being so IMPORTANT. Ask questions or scenarios around that present itself to dig deep into the psyche of your spouse to be should be flagged up.. My brother inlaw has only girls and I remember asking my husband back when we were courting.then if they were not trying for a boy my husband's response was they have 3 children already and want no more besides what is wrong with having girls only are girls not human beings? He said as long as God gives him healthy children he is not fussed there are loads of people even begging God for one. That showed me his views on whether he cares about the gender of his kids.

I think 'Permission' is one word that gets most NL women backs up

I think child spacing/child rearing/family planning should a joint decision..Unlike this scenario I know more couples where the husband wants just one or two children and the wives want 3 or more..What happens is compromise and common sense prevailing based on the family's circumstances.

I don't get how a mutual agreement can't be reached based on what is best for the family at the time because a wife who feels she is not emotionally ready for another baby being forced to try is not good for the family so also is a man who feels his wife is on birth control (while she is not) and feeling resentment because another baby they can ill afford is also not good for the family.

Can I also ask does the woman need the husband's consent to go off birth control especially when she knows her hubby definitely wants no more children? I know cases where the woman wants another child and knows hubby wants no more she slyly goes off birth control gets pregnant and then the man is upset.In most cases the man is told to suck it up and just bear it (even on NL ).

2CatWoman:
I overheard some aunties discussing this years ago (can't remember who) but what they said sort of made sense. I remember in the old days when we used to go to 'Baba grinder' we had to aerate the mixture using the 'orogun' stick before frying. Once we bought a blender the aerating process became redundant but I never asked why. It's just like cake baking where you whip everything up to make it light and fluffy.

You could try it before throwing out the remaining flour and I think you need to let the mixture stand for 30mins or so before you start with the whisking. If it works, just think of all those emergency akara snacks you could be having

Will try it Hun the flour has been chucked in the bin though but will buy another to 'experiment' e no dey pass like £2 to £3 anyway.