₦airaland Forum

Funny enough I have observed that women are the ones who tend to pass the other woman is lazy judgement the most...

rebella:
Whaat?! You mean free mini vacay included, I need to change jobs

I don think am sef but the market is getting oversaturated

rebella:
Name? No thank you, na name I go chop. I heard BM pro charges around 1 mill for make up. I rather go to youtube and watch make up videos than spend that amount on just make up.
I was a BM for a friend and the make up artiste said 20k for each of the BM's. I just vexed and did my make up myself. Something that will wash off before the end of the day and clog my pores

Na so I hear o....if na destination wedding some even get their tickets paid for aside their fees..
Girls are making money o
There was a post on one of these wedding blogs on how much bridal make up should be come and see tearing from the makeup artists to those who think the prices are outrageous was so funny.

rebella:
800k for makeup !! Mehn that can buy plot of land in some areas, are you buying songs from the DJ, c'mon even if you bought the songs it won't be that pricey!! That's just daylight robbery .

You are paying for name naa

taryour:
1 - 2 months for wedding cakes. 1 week for other celebration cakes. Same goes for chops and cocktails ma.

Ok sis no problem will keep in my mind.

aisha2:
Reninds me of a friends sisters wedding. The brides family asked that they should all pull resources together and hire caterers the grooms family went bonkers screaming and questioning what lazy family their son was marrying into.

Wedding day came the brides family had made their arrangements and were looking great and rested whike grooms famiky members didnt make it to church barely made it to reception, tired and worn out, funny thing us that the members of the grooms family rejected their own home cooked meal and rushed the caterers well presented laid out dishes as opposed to the smoked filled one side cooked one side half done rice which they woke up at 3 am to make infact even the women who cooked were struggling to get to the caterers food thank God the brides family made extra arrangements, very funny. One of the bride sisters then insisted that the women wont eat their " lazy food" omo see begging.

at lazy family

One thing I will add though is it's easier to make life easier for the family when you also contribute to the family finances .If the family income can only afford the bare basics especially if you are not earning (due to choice or maybe inability to get a job/income)pls don't moan and compare yourself to another person or family where the woman probably bought the washing machine herself.I am a strong believer in making do with what's available while working towards the preferred.

I hear some girls say 'he must have this this and this in his apartment before we can think marriage' and I think that's just a bit rich especially as they might not have even contributed one bit to setting up of the said apartment.

taryour:
Sure sis,anytime. It will be my great pleasure being at your service. Thanks ma,my soldiers are doing great.

Will let you know nearer the time.what's your time frame for ordering

The epidural one is basically one fuelled by the fact that some women claim to start having persistent back aches after having it.


I remember my mum using heaven and earth to beg me not to have an epidural me wey I be pain phobe(even ordinary piercing second ear hole I no fit do) I sha wanted one until my midwife booked me in for hypno birthing classes as well giving me the option for water birth but unfortunately for me everything in my birth plan flew out of the window when the actual day came.With my second I no even get any plan just one word-EPIDURAL. ;DUnfortunately or fortunately baby had his own plans and was I was 10cm dilated by the time I got to the hospital (almost had him on the road sef).

Maybe because I was raised by a mother that did everything to make life easy for herself I don't think I have the 'suffering' gene in my DNA

My mum was the first wife in my dad's family who negated the whole wives must do the cooking at sallah and family parties ish. she told them cooking with wood gives her itchy eyes and She simply solved the problem by sending 4 agoin cooks to my grandparents on Sallah day.I heard she and my grandmother initially clashed but with time there was mutual respect as my dad too believed in contracting out mundane things.The agoin cooks food is even more delicious in my opinion so why must the 'wives' be the ones to slave all day when people can be paid to do it?

We need a rolling eye emoticon..mr seun abeg do the needful

taryour:
Hello sis good morning, so so sorry am replying late,just seeing this. Yes am in lagos and I do deliveries. Hope my reply isn't too late.
How are you and all yours.

Noted sis sorted out but other things are still coming up in the nearest future.

We are well o we thank God how are you and your soldiers

EfemenaXY:
That is eh! Same thing here.

At one point, I thought hubby had forgotten his keys or something. Anyway, did you cook any Halloween specials? I just did a google image search of Popular Halloween Foods and absolutely freaked myself out!

For where who get time

Friday is my non domestic day..kids had broiche and frankfurters for dinner I think hubby had garri with some left over roast chicken me I am on a diet make I go make my green tea sef

EfemenaXY:
@House:
I think I need ear-plugs. My front door has suffered a lot of heavy knocking and my doorbell is working overtime with kids trick or treating...
Arrrggghh! I hate Halloween. Anyone going through the same ordeal too? Jenny, una dey trick or treat for Aussie?

I think say na only me And very rude knocking at that..some were even lifting and banging the letter flap

My friend called me a spoil sport today cos I said was not taking my kids trick or treating .I told her I am a bush naija woman I don't understand Halloween. 2 I am very strict with sweets and candy.even my two yr old knows candy is a rare treat

CC where is kakanfo hotel? I stayed there sometime ago and it was not half bad(this was like 9 yrs ago) so not too sure if it still exists and if it's still ok.
Sambarry try kakanfo

Olivia Pope aint also helping side chics and mistresses..she been giving them hope they will eventually settle in Vermont

Stillfire there was also a case here where a man also sued a catholic priest and the catholic Church for having an affair with his wife and ruining his marriage

Kimoni:
Exactly Dami, but remember, from Nashville's classification, the bolded still falls under "confrontation". So once you help your husband by talking to the girl yourself, you have confronted the mistress-in-waiting. I guess the understanding of most on this thread is that confrontation=fighting which really doesn't have to be.

Not confrontational talking to her (leave my husband alone or else ish) per se but more like including your wife in your interactions with Said person.if she calls when you are together you can give the phone to your wife to say 'oh he is busy can i take a message' who is speaking oh Lara I have heard so much about you ' tell her you can't come to her house as you and your wife have an outing except she won't mind you bringing your wife with you things like that.try to limit your interaction with the person.flee from all appearances of evil.



But that said not everyone has that kain temperament.I can but I know loads of people who will go down the leave my husband alone route.

Nonso23:
Then it's obvious you are choosing to gamble on your marriage than let go of the ego and assist him. What is the point of giving him another chance. Isnt it better to leave than have to deal with the heartbreak of finding out he's still with her sometime in the future?

I modified my post and said after alot of introspection (I should have used we sef) I would try to forgive him (forgive not forget) and he at that point has alot to make up for than to be offloading his emotional baggage on me. That's unfair naa am hurting from betrayal and you want me to clean your mess again.i am not mellie grant

I would try for us to work on the marriage (between us as I am.not married to mistress)and this is not ego cos ego wont even forgive in the first instance. if he keeps going back to her then there is point. You can't force someone to love and respect you.

Just to add my forgiveness ultimatum threshold is very limited.

Nonso23:
Good. The ultimatum is just perfect. 'our marriage or your side chick'
If he requests you to meet with her to help cut the ties would you say no?
People don't just break bonds especially romantic bonds. If he's to stop seeing her he will need your help to fill in that vacuum as he struggles to keep to his words.
The question is would you assist him?

No.. why should I meet with her was I there when they started the relationship...I could fill the vacuum in our marriage (upon close introspection ) but not help him deal with his mess.

Nonso23:
Open up. What is the use? He opens up and then she says deal with the issue yourself, it's your mess.
At least you admit that you could help talk to the 'other woman' if he requests it.
For the other scenario i.e when he's been discovered. I maintain. What would you do.
1) walk out honorably
2) find a solution with your hubby.
3) sit down and wallow in self pity.
That is, if you want to keep the marriage.

Open up when the lady is chasing or after he has had the relationship?

As for the other scenario do you mean me discovering he has a mistress or is having a series of one night stands?

Nonso23:
Although i maintain that cheating is cheating, i'll agree with your post.
If a man keeps mistresses and is unrepentant about it, wifey should bail o!
If he's repentant and wants to save the marriage, more often than not the wife's assistance is needed to break away once and for all.
It's not competing, it's more like an ultimatum.

Bros but mistreses means a steady relationship na. meaning they have regular contact means he is calling her, seeing her, going out, sleeping with her on the steady..so the wife's ultimatum to him is stop seeing her or I am gone.i don't really see how wifey confronting her is necessary.

If he can't stop seeing her on his volition despite his wife threatening to leave he probably prefers her so as the wife I would probably accept that he is gone.

Nonso23:
I'm talking from a male's perspective here. It is more difficult to tell off females for men than it is for women to tell off men. We don't get to do that everyday. We are amateurs in that field. A woman's/wife's assistance is better than him walking that road alone.
This 'it's your mess, clean it up' is why men don't open up to their partners about the romantic pressures they face at work, church, e.t.c.
They bottle it up and deal with it and at th e end of the day some of them fall.
Wives should realize that that cool husband of hers is cool to every other person including those that want to sign-up as mistresses who wouldn't mind a bite or two of him. If he can't open up to her because she thinks it's his mess well... Na dem sabi

Which is why he should open up before he falls ..if a woman is making advances that he is not comfortable with he can open up to his wife and then try to avoid compromising situations with the said lady.If she calls all the time or is making advances you can use your wife to fend her off (with her knowledge of course) then they can both work out to tackle the problem.I can help my husband confront a woman who keeps chasing him despite him telling her he is not interested. But not a woman he is already having a romantic relationship with.

Why should I tackle mistress issues with him after 'deeds' have been done ?

Nonso23:
I asked 'who would be losing' because i assumed you would choose the docile, i-don't-give-a-damn, disposition in such a situation.
If you won't tolerate a cheating partner then obviously you won't have mistress problems nor have to meet with one.

You are right to an extent..a husband who cheated e.g one night stand at his friends stag do (not saying this is also right) and is truly repentant is different from a cheating husband who keeps mistresses..a mistress means steady means a relationship so why further make it seem like you and her are competing for his affections when he might keep returning to her. .

coogar:
men are wired differently to women.
do you agree to that or not? obviously - some men cheat cos they need to tick their bucket-list & some do cheat cos they are deprived in their marriage.
they cannot do it - it takes a lot for a woman to spread her legs for a random abeg. she musta thought about the risk & the reward and blah blah. a man, on the other hand, don't need 10 secs to smash a chic he never knew when he woke up on the day. men can easily adapt to the hi - bang - bye steps than women.
this bit that you termed self control is exactly my point. this your self control = risk assessment. you are thinking of the consequences and the rewards. it's not a spontaneous reaction. it must have taken you few days to arrive at the conclusion to cheat.
a man can see a babe for the first time at the bus-stop and shäg her senseless the next minute. he doesn't need romance, deep thoughts or weigh the consequences before doing it. to him, sėx is an itch that need to be scratched. he's not investing an iota of emotions on it. he just wants to get off

Coogar my point was more about a conversation we had earlier where you said cheating is a byproduct of something wrong with the wife and the cheated party is to blame for not putting it right eg by losing weight.

.you just said women tend to be the ones who cheat cos they are not getting something from their husbands.

coogar:
i am telling you of what generally obtains from both genders. obviously, there are few exceptions to the general rule.
we are talking marriage here, not relationships. what would make a married woman fly the coop & sleep with another man outside must be a cogent reason.
if [b]you ask any cheating married woman out there, she has 101 reasons she's doing it. if you ask any cheating married man, most of them don't have a tangible reason for sleeping around.
a woman can be 100% perfect & her husband will sleep around. if a husband is 100% perfect, it's hard to see his wife philandering, attraction or no attraction. that is the general rule.
that bit is your own interpretation - i n[/b]ever said that. all i said was a woman needs a reason to cheat, all a man needs to cheat is a room.

@bolded coogar I thought nigerian women put on 25kg and then turn frigid or have attitude problems. is why their husbands cheat .

So you agree some men cheat for absolutely no reason but just because they feel they can.

crackhaus:
I'm just saying, a confrontation doesn't have to be a physical fight.

What happens, or how the other woman reacts, or the efficacy of 'confrontations' in general, is not where I'm driving at…but I get your point though.

I get you and Nashville but someone who is dating your husband does not send you in the first place.if you abuse her she abuse you except we mean vicious attacks to teach her a lesson e.g acid baths, thugs beating her up kidnapping etc.Or the wife begging the woman to leave her husband alone which frankly is a bigger insult.

Stillfire:
Lol, they keep on downplaying the confrontation to mere phone call or reporting to 'her' parents. lol As if a manic lover has any decency to respect a wife's phone call.

Some girls don't send anybody you are talking parents or pastor I know a lot of people think most naija gals date married men alot don't. Most gals who date married men or don't mind being side chics don't send the wife or main chic in the first instance so why should her ranting get at them

Except we are talking more vicious attacks like getting thugs to beat her up , acid attacks, getting her kidnapped etc I don't think confrontation by mere verbal means can make much difference.

I never dated married men because I always put myself in the position of the wife always.As a typical naija wake up gal I had married men who wanted to date me and I always used to think of their wives as one of the reasons I could never date them.So to date them or like dating them the girl no send, you abuse she abuse you back.

crackhaus:
Actually I saw where you said that, I only reiterated it by asking again so the ladies commenting can see it and be sure - it was deliberate.

Going by the comments, the general perception is leaning towards 'a physical throw-down' as the only form of confrontation.

So what if the girl then tells you ' madam get off my phone where did you get my no are you ok do I know you what's my business with you ' amongst other tongue lashings.

How has that helped anything or helped the marriage.Not saying she will but she is well within her rights to cos you called her .

Nashville:
I said earlier, that confrontation does not necessarily mean physical fight. It could be a phone call. It could be calling her parents. It could be reporting in her office or pastor. Something to try to get back at her.
But the surprissing thing is that our Nairaland women sincerely think only the man is cheating. They want equality but not equal responsibility.

Nashville you really think some (don't want to say all) chics dating a married man think you are getting back at her by calling her parents? You don't know some parents indirectly encourage "runs".? Because if not why will a mother not ask her 21 yr old daughter who Is still a student and does not work or do business where she got a car and money to buy her a ticket to travel on holiday (I know personally where this scenario happened).

Not saying the chic too is not wrong BUT let whoever or whatever is her moral compass deal with her.As the wife don't just belittle yourself and face who you have business with which is your husband.