₦airaland Forum

Why would you want to treat someone as a substitute boyfriend/girlfriend? It is demeaning to to say the least. If you would not want to be someone's back up plan then you should not treat your neighbour as such. If your present relationship is not all you expect it to be then let it go and move on with your life instead of having back up plan A-Z.

I am marrying the individual not the position. Status is just a factor of opportunity and many are not where they dreamed of being because they were not given the same chances as others due to no fault of theirs. So if i am to choose between happiness and public scrutiny i definitely will choose happiness. Besides the purpose i am in a relationship is to add value to the person i am with, therefore if she does not have the so called status then it is my duty to ensure that she is statusfied

Firstly never marry anyone you do not love it will only cause you heartache. Secondly never marry because of pressure you will always regret it. Now you have to sit Mr A down and get him to give you a time frame of when he is ready to settle down, the excuse that he wants to settle his family is not a strong enough reason, he can be married and still settle his family all it takes is balance.

Imagine a scenerio where you make an error at work which makes your Boss scold you, you close work for the day still upset about the comments your boss made, you had earlier arranged to see her niece which you do. She notices how upset you are and after some prodding she discovers why you are upset. Because of her feelings for you she assumes that her aunty was just being irrational, she decides to call her aunty without your knowledge, she expresses her reservation about the way you were treated, the aunty takes offence at being reprimanded by her niece all because of a staff who is under her. She does not take kindly to your discussing office issues with any member of her family, and she feels slighted. She then feels she cannot rebuke you because it might cause a crack in her relationship with her niece and sister.

So how can she be fair in her treatment of you alongside her other staff? Will she be preferential towards you and be firm with your other colleagues. Will her shielding you not bring resentment amongst her staff thereby affecting the work you are all suppossed to be doing?

Its difficult for this to be a win-win situation. You need to understand her position. She might not have anything against your dating her niece but working with her and going out with her niece might undermine her authority over you and this she will not tolerate. Talk with your boss but be ready to compromise.

@Mrs Eve
If a man want you, nothing can keep him away.  If he doesn't want you nothing will make him stay.

If having a man is what TRULY MAKE YOU HAPPY then ask your self would you be happy if he leaves you? If you break up with your boyfriend because he mistreats you then you shouldn't be friends with him.  What make you think that he would treat you any better being your friend if he didn't respect you as your man?

One last thing, remember that you are important and worth every thing that is offered in this world.

Be willing to say good riddance to bad rubbish when you have people willing to walk away from your life because you do not meet up to there so called ideal or needs. Never subscribe to half measures in life when you can have the best that life offers. Because you so want to please you allow everything and anything to violate the beauty you carry within you. You deserve the best as a woman.Treat yourself with dignity in all forms and every man will treat you in the same way.

A girl can kiss you and have intimacy from dusk to dawn with you and still break every part of your heart. A girl can hold back from kissing and sex with you and still break every part of your heart. There are no certainties in life.

Why are you interested in this lady? Is it for the physical aspect or because you really want to marry her. A woman takes her time because she wants to be very sure she is not being taken for a ride. She needs the assurance that you care about her and do not want to take advantage of her.

When it comes to women you have to be extremely patient with them. Men are always in a haste and get easily bored but a woman is different. Therefore you have to approach her from her own angle. Keep showing her you care without putting her under unnecessary pressure and do not dwell on the physical for now there is still so much to build with her.

As Humans we tend to drift towards the things that satisfy our longing. At the time you met the second guy i want to assume that you were longing for satisfaction for a particular area in your life which the first guy could not meet at the moment. Therein lies your dilemma. No man or woman can ever satisfy your longings 100%, you just have to learn to thrive in the absence of certain things or else you will find yourself drifting from men to men and wounding hearts along the way.

You cannot love two people at once. My advise is for you to focus on the first person and let go of the second. Understand your longings and discuss it with the first guy to see how he can meet those longings. Where he cannot you must learn to thrive inspite of the things absent. Besides if reverse is the case will you be estatic about the whole issue.

No i do not have a limit. But if my better half has limitations i try to adjust.

For a relationship to work both parties must be present. The reason is so that you could take the time to ask those questions that elicit the responses that the other party might not be prepared for. (In this instance the relationship is lacking this ingredent). Though i am not one to question the ways of Love i still wonder why you will fall for "another country distance relationship" when there are guys around you who will treat you right? Or is there something else to this story?

My dear sister be very very careful. You do not know the guy well enough, what he really does for a living, whether he is married or not, whether he is independent or still dependent, whether he beats women, whether he is hot tempered, what his spiritual views are, whether he really does have children or likes children, whether he is still with his wife and whether he likes women or not or he is out to take advantage. Gosh!!! There are so many red flags ariound you. My dear sister let this one go it does not look like the real thing.

For a relationship to work both parties must be present. The reason is so that you could take the time to ask those questions that elicit the responses that the other party might not be prepared for. (In this instance the relationship is lacking this ingredent). Though i am not one to question the ways of Love i still wonder why you will fall for "another country distance relationship" when there are guys around you who will treat you right? Or is there something else to this story?

My dear sister be very very careful. You do not know the guy well enough, what he really does for a living, whether he is married or not, whether he is independent or still dependent, whether he beats women, whether he is hot tempered, what his spiritual views are, whether he really does have children or likes children, whether he is still with his wife and whether he likes women or not or he is out to take advantage. Gosh!!! There are so many red flags ariound you. My dear sister let this one go it does not look like the real thing.

It is wrong to compare people because it does not allow you appreciate the qualities of the person you are with, if i find myself doing it i try to restrain myself. My mate may not have all the qualities i desire but i believe she does possess the qualities that made me want to be with her. I don't need to compare her with anything or anyone. She was not born perfect and neither am i.

A woman is more wired towards issues of relationships be it immediate family, spouse, children, God. They are inclined to seek out relationships because in them they find more meaning and fulfilment. This is why they are drawn to the spiritual. But men on the other hand resist God because its in their nature to be the domineering figure, it is hard for a man to allow his decisions to be subjected to another, they can't comprehend how they should allow the will of God when they can sort out the problems on their own.

Although a woman might be religiously inclined than man, they are not as deep in spirituality than their male counterparts. It is not suprising when the bible quotes in ecclesiastes that out of a thousand women the philosopher could not find a single good woman, because a woman may spend her whole lifetime in the church but her actions may not reflect the Godly lifestyle, the reason being that women want to be loved the way they are without the burden of having to change, and God does love them the way they are.

But a man whose heart has being broken by the power of the spirit will be much more committed to the cause of God and easy to be used as a vessel. You can see a man serving God his whole life but a woman might be easily swayed to soft pedal in her commitment because of the many distractions.

Now all the Barca haters will hold their peace after seeing Madrid and Jose eat the humble pie. If football is won by the number of comments, polls or the amount of boasting then Madrid would have carried the day. Barca has proven once again that our words are displayed on the pitch not in the media to attract attention. Barca is simply the best team in the world currently and Lionel Messi is better than Christano Ronaldo. Barca 5 - Madrid 0. Now that will always be a night to remember.

There are things you might not be able to observe if you sent her a text, you will not be able to see the expression on her face when you reveal your feelings, you will not be able to decipher her body language, you will not be able to determine the appropriate moment to state your intentions. Besides a woman would appreciate you being open with your feelings than you sending her a text, it smacks of immaturity and unseriousness. If she is that important to you look her in the eyes and say that which is in your heart.

Being hurt is a function of being human not a function of your character traits. Whether you are good or bad you will always find yourself being hurt.

I would encourage you to desist from the relationship for your own good. It is demeaning for any person male or female to be used as a substitute partner because you are not and may never be the real thing. Stop wishing for what you may never have and continue to give yourself heartaches. Love is not the exclusive right of one person, there are a lot of ladies whom you can love and have it returned to you instead of wasting time with a girl who only thinks of you when it suits her.

@Suzan But I often ask myself why will you keep calling your ex so often and expect the person you are with to be happy about that. Does it make sense?

No it does not make sense. People do things without putting themselves in the shoes of the other person and its only when we have the same deed done to us we begin to understand how the other person felt. I want to believe the calling is not the main issue though its a contributing factor but the level of intimacy the calls generate, old flames are ignited and previous passions are remembered and this can cloud any person's thinking. If he says you are jealous my dear you have a right to be.

Talk with him and if he does not see reason please move on with your life, he is not married to you and your are not married to him so none of you own each other. If he does not respect you enough to make the necessary compromise my dear do not break your heart over him.

My sister sit him down and let him see how much his actions is making you uncomfortable, if he cannot reason with you and make the necessary change then i advise you to let him go. I know you love him but this action of his is not sitting well with you, its best you let him be because your constant hammering on this issue will only make him start comparing you with his ex and may eventually make him return to her.

A lot of the not so attractive women know they lack the ability to cause a stare from the male folks so they focus on other qualities that make them more appealing to men in the long run unlike their exceedingly beautiful counterparts who think they are the next thing to aphrodite and become so obssessed with their beauty that they forget that a beautiful woman with a bad character is like a gold ring in a pigs snout.

Men in the long run look beyond the surface to the personality of the woman they would love to settle down with. We always ask ourselves if she is a wife material not whether she is a heart stopper.

True Love does exist but it is built over time through commitment by both parties towards each other. You have to work towards establishing real Love and this entails sacrifices, compromises and total dedication to translate the ideal of true love to reality in both parties lives.

That is why its important to focus on the personality of the person you are involved with, you think of ways to add value to that person, you try to be unselfish in your dealings and you do not go thinking how can i take advantage of this person.


A lot of people allow their past relationships affect their present ones, our negative baggage clouds our belief to the extent that we do not believe that we can find real love even when its staring us in the face.

Barca carries the day.

Nobody on Nairaland can take away your pain we can only offer advise and hope that you will pull yourself together and move on with your life. You do not have to go begging her to come back because it demeans you as a person, if she could not be sensitive enough to value her relationship with you when the so called best friend was making a pass at her, she definitely will not be sensitive now.

Sometimes you have to let the other person pursue that which holds their attention and hope for the best for them beacause as long as you have not put a ring on her finger she does not belong to you or to the best friend in question.

The days are going to be long and hard for you, but you have to start engaging yourself now in things that will distract you instead of brooding over your lost love, you need to keep away from things that remind you about her, music, books, films, romantic gatherings, romantic talks etc, you need to forgive her, do not give room for hate because if you hate her it will only give her power over you and make you fuel the hate more by brooding over her, thereby thinking so much of her and not healing as quickly as you want.

Life goes on my brother that is the truth, the world does not revolve around one individual and there is so much for all of us out there. You were heartbroken it happens, but you have to get on with your life. Be strong and give it time but most important do not give in to hate for her or any other woman. Learn from this and continually look out for quality relationships even as you try to give quality in your relationships. I wish you the best in the days ahead my brother.

1. Hey, are you busy?” or “Are you doing something?” ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone. (Not entirely true)

Only if it is a first time call or a moment to express his feelings


4. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile. (Not Completely True)

Only if the girl has a smile that stops a heartbeat.

5. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. (Not True)

We are not that deperate.


7. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. (Partly True)

At least you can mention them but not to give us the impression that they are the competition.

8. Guys get jealous easily.(Not True)

Only if it is boyish love will a guy get jealous easily.


11. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. (True)

I am a victim of this.

12. It’s good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don’t let him wait too long. (So very very true)

Patience is not one of our strongest virtues and we get bored easily.

13. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice. (Not True)

A lady wants you to listen and have empathy to her plightm, but a guy wants solutions to the problems before him.

15. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships. (Very Very True)

16. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot. (True)


20. Try to be as straightforward as possible. (God bless you).

22. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside. (Not True)

This is probably the way we are.

23. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. (True)

24. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.” (Not true)

We have the cave mentality, we like to brood and sort out our problems so its best you do leave us alone if we ask it.


29. Guys like femininity not feebleness. (Yes this is true)

30. A guy has more problems than you can see with your unclothed eyes. (True to the very last word)

31. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily. (True)

Not intimidated but pissed off.

33. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. (Not True)

34. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more. (Truth of the highest order)

Barca wins this tie.

Poster what you have written applies to the male folks as well in the way they allow themselves to be taken for granted by some females. We all deserve the best in life, it is not the perogative of certain individuals. It is necessary to always review your relationships and decide whether you are happy or just fooling yourself. If i give out my love i expect that it should be returned as well, maybe not in the same measure i give it out but at least in a measure that makes me say he/she does care about me. Never settle for anything less in life. We all deserve to be happy.

I am in total support all the way.

Communication is key in a relationship. The purpose of calling is to let the other party know that i'm still interested in you no matter how long we have known each other and  i still enjoy talking with you because you capture my interest even though i do not have any sensible thing to say at the moment.

A woman is very observant with changes in the pattern of whomever she is involved with. As much as its within your power  if you call her everyday try and keep up with that pattern you started with, but if you must change at least be kind enough to inform her so that she does not read meaning into your actions. She should also make effort to call, text or flash at least to show that you are also on her mind.

Stop generalising. You opinion is flawed because you are meeting the wrong set of individuals, not all women depend on money to love. Its like saying that all men depend on sex to love which is a flawed opinion as well. You need to shift your focus from the wrong set of ladies whom you seem to be meeting.

You probably have come across people who have reacted in the way you expect from them that it becomes difficult to understand why someone should have a cool disposition whenever you make effort to annoy them. People like your girl are rare, they may have the capacity to rant, but they choose a better option. Do not be in a haste to see trouble where there is none its better to be with someone who gives you peace than to be with a tyrant.