₦airaland Forum

Still a good sign in the right direction

tobodex:
Hello
I have a lady friend who got married to guy supposed to be her husband, they have been married for over 9 years now. The husband travelled out of the country after the court wedding. During these 9 years period he as only visited the wife like three to four times and those periods put together is not up to two months. While away he calls her like twice in two or three months, he sends money to her like once a month, but when ever my friend tries to call him on phone, his phone will ring without him answering the call, and when he eventually sees the missed call, he will and say “I will call you later” and that call later might be after three days. His excuse is that he is trying to work her visa to meet him where he is and he is very busy with work. They have 3 kids together and the oldest is about 11 years.
Now are they really married, is that what marriage is really about or what……..Now she considering divorce, but I told her to consider the aftermath well; she should think on the option of divorce VERY well before taking action.
Please any advice on what she can do please – to stay or break off. Please wise advice please.

She needs to apply for a visiting visa to go stay with him for a month. asap

shegsky:
If for d first time or a first few Meetings you visit a Guy, &while going back; You EXPECT him to give you a T- Fare/ Money or Spend large,
not to talk of even
Demanding for it, then its certain you didnt visit for a Relationship Foundation, rather, a Business Foundation..
Now! lets all judge this
through!,,
i. Were you forced to Visit him??
ii. Did you place an
agreement that your Coming &Going would be aided by him??
iii. Did you go for Money
Intention or for a
Relationship Foundation as Atleast, meeting each other is getting to Physically / Personally know one another??..
Your first meeting with a Guy, determines if he'd start caring right from there or at a later time, depending on how you Impress with your
Realness with him,, Or
Disappoint him with you
SelfCentered Disposition..
Look ladies! Dont put MONEY as your first interest in a Guy who wants to build a Relationship with you as you probably want too, thinking by giving you a T-Fare or a
Take Home Money or Spend Large on you, then proves he'd be Caring in d Relationship..
Nope! I will tell you bluntly, that "That's Total Rubbish!"..
So! Keep your Intent when visiting a Guy, Real / Genuine.. Not Expecting "FINANCIAL CARE" d first few
days.. True love isnt built that way...

.

While you do have some points hidden in your post, the way you say it will put some people off.
Yes any body going out should have her own tp. And food money. Vex money I think it is called.
But if you are dating a lady that can't afford a tp, and you want her to come, if you have the tp, then help out. No biggie.
If you don't have the tp, then you both stay in your place.
I find its the economic situation that makes bros worry and fight about pennies with ladies. Not worth it.

And yes, its gentlemanly to put a lady in a taxi. Chivalry isn't dead. Putting her in a taxi don't mean you have to pay for the taxi. Just make sure she has enough money to pay for the taxi.

One more thing OP, face your studies, or / and go get a job. And stop whining about transport fares.

cheers

her family should take care of her. Her (ex)husband is right to refuse. that bf sha!

stupidity:
How on earth did God create some ladies Vjays? My 7inch rod was nowhere to be found inside her. I had it in mind I was going to murder her kitty that night, Because she played too hard to get on me. Down to bedroom business, She kept asking if its in already, I was like "can't you feel it inside you"? She hissed, pushed me away, dressed up and left my erectical dicckk in a sorry state #weird

Confess its only 0.7inches. You forgot the 0

Now that's making money with your eggplant

CHESTER48:
UMMM..i met a lady today where i was working.i told her if she needed some blue films as she walked in front of me..she just laughed at ma jokes..lol.but it was funny though.later on after some few hours she came to ma office and sat down we talked..she stood up and started touching me at ma chest..in a romantic way..i hope you get what i mean..all she kept saying was i look sexy and very handsome..i never said nothing damn yet..the she tried touching ma dick..then i pushed her off and laughed over it.then we finished talking and i asked her what she give me as i am hungry..then she held ma dress pulled me towards her and almost..infarct kissed me.but i pushed her off again and was surprised she did such because some people where there..i was like how can you do that she said she doesn't care what anybody thinks..then later this night we had a chat on whats app.then i asked her if she can kiss some1 she doesn't like..which she said hell no.but i asked her why she kissed me.then she said that she is special.she also said that her lips is expensive that i should be lucky she kissed me..mehn am confused..first am scared of 2 things..she might have a disease and trying to pass me on..because i asked her and she said she had a boyfriend..and then the last one is..do she really like me..please does this mean she is trying to say she likes me..please reply me pleassssssssssseeeeee

Your hands must be sore by now. At least you have creative thoughts to go with it.

astrodome:
Help!! Friends, family, former school mates and others are killing me with financial demands. Everyday I receive facebook (fb) messages, phone calls, email messages and messages from other communication avenues from family members, friends close and distant, school mates I have not seen in 20 years but with whom I reconnected on fb, and even random fb friends (meaning I do not know them personally but somehow we managed to be friends on fb). They all have the same story: please send me money, anything.

Each month I send nearly 3k to Nigeria and they keep asking for more.

Do they think I pluck money from trees in America?
Do they think every Nigerian in America is doing drugs or credit card fraud to make money?
Are they thinking that since Akin or Emeka made it in America (in many cases by selling drugs and doing credit card fraud), I should also make it and therefore be able to satisfy their unending demands?

How do I explain to them that I have bills (auto, mortgage, water-sewer, electricity, gas, phone, credit card) to pay. And then I have to run my family (of 4) and fuel 2 cars, and on top of that, I have to save also for the rainy day - for when kids get to college.

I am able to resist the random fb friends because I do not have any personal connection with them, but how do I scare the ones I know off without sounding rude and unhelping? I know that when you stop giving, you become an enemy.
Help! Before a fellow nairalander runs amock on the streets of America because of pressure from Nigeria

Just for disclosure: I am well-heeled in the US mid-upper middle class, earning a 6-figure pay, holds a PhD, and involved in R4D activities. But I live in a US city (name withheld) where mortgage payment alone takes 25% of my monthly income. So you can imagine that after paying all bills, I do not have tons of money left over to give out on frequent basis.

Please advise on how to handle this, Naija style . Thanks

6 figure , 3K ($20) lmaooo

That's probably what works with their budget. It costs a lot to travel back and forth. And who knows, it might be done for immigration purposes.

definitely the 70K. Think future career growth, despite sacrifices now.

Women with the 'right' qualities are tough to find.

Nigerians/NFF getting more worried about respect rather than NFF actually doing their jobs. Just to divert the discussion from the real issues.

People have taken religion too far!! Whats church got to do with when you do it?!

Sleeping with her boss or not should have been both their decisions to make, not just hers.
On the other hand, it absolves him of the feeling of guilt of selling us his woman for his success.

maxxy:
It took me 8yrs to get here. Recruited by then Intercontinental Bank straight from NYSC Camp Ede, Osun State, my story has been one of good progression over the years. Today am a Middle Mgt staff taking home almost half a million naira in monthly benefits, yet it is time to type that letter and sign myself into entrepreneurial freedom!!!

The above is not written to brag, but to maybe motivate others who may be in my shoes... having great entrepreneurial skills yet fearful of what lies on the other side. I have tasted both worlds and I choose to fly. Let me mention however that quitting this job did not happen overnight, but is rather the result of a journey embarked upon over the last one year: a journey to Build a plan B. Today, that Plan B is the only Plan, raking in better revenues than the initial Plan A, yet am barely scratching the surface.

The feeling is indescribable as I wait for Monday... for on that day I will be giving my current employer the mandatory 30 days notice. In the coming days, I look forward empowering others to do exactly what I am doing now so that together we can contribute to rebuilding Nigeria

Can you recommend me to your job when you are done? I might appreciate it better

OP is an expensive messenger.

Feranmicharles:
President Buhari is listening to the conversation betwenn himself and Ex-President Jonathan. When he conceded defeat

Jonathan be like: your excellency congrats
PMB be like: thank you o,even if u no congratulate me your wife don congratulate me

Dry. Try harder.

No I can never fit do am.

The street is very dirty.

If its okay to eat in a london train, then he hasn't done anything wrong. I hope he brought a bowl of water to wash his hands too. Or does he plan to wipe his hands on the seats or walk around with pounded yam and egusi on his hands?

socialmediaman:
Thanks bro. I just hope and believe the Buhari government enlists the help of goal-oriented "think thanks" and reformers because we have so much money leaking, so many professionals wasting, and so much impunity taking advantage of the system inadequacies

Lets hope so.
I do strongly believe that we Nigerians can eradicate corruption ourselves. We just need to fight and end corruption within ourselves, and also hold our leaders responsible to higher standards than we currently do. Our government can only put some checks in place.

As it stands, we only have to have one corrupt leader leave, just to fill the slot with just another corrupt one. If replace a good one with a corrupt leader. If we are the leaders of tomorrow, then we ourselves better be able to stand the test of time.

..

Ezenwammadu:
Since our judiciary is broken and will take years to amend l will simply build my own death squad to eliminate all corrupt morons then bully the hell out of the family to bring back the stolen money if they resist my men will take them out and bully the next of kin.

Be sure to start the killings with you and your family. Most nigerians are being hypocritical in thinking they are not corrupt in their every day lives. Quick to blame politicians and others as being corrupt. Dude, look at yourself and your family first.

slimfit1:
I will expand and secure the prisons first, then I will start with the police first train the once that need training and inform them of their duties and responsibilities as a police officer. I don't think Nigerian police know what they are doing. Create a department that will police the police themselves a watch dog.

In a sane country, the police are the most feared, even soldiers can't try the police. The police can arrest anybody even in the barracks.

Soldier over reach in the powers and duties. This is exaggerated by the incompetence of the police.

Borrussia:
Peoples like temitemi1, Barcanista, ichidodo, mizmycoli, seun, truckpusher.

Your attention is needed

As for me, corruption is mostly based in the oil sector and that's what I'm gonna tackle, I might also find a way to get rid of peoples like obasanjo and Tinubu from all form of government.

Corruption is in every section of Nigeria. Not just oil sector. It's ingrained in our every day lives. You can point at politicians like Obasanjo or Tinubu, but you need to look at yourself too. How corrupt are you in your every day activities. I'm sure if we bring a microscope to your personal life, work etc we might need to get rid of you too.

Twaci:
Corruption can never be erased, neither by military rule nor democracy.

The realization and acceptance of this fact is a step forward for all of us.

IMO.

Kindly vote me for Miss. Nairaland 2015. Thanks .

Absolutely disagree. Corruption can be eradicated. The percentage of corrupt Nigerians is extraordinarily high. Thats why we have underachieved so far.

socialmediaman:
Tackling corruption is not a one man show, it needs policies, constitutional laws and reforms in various sectors. Here are some insights:

1. Reform The Judiciary: Carry out a serious judicial reform. First of all, get qualified people with exceptional records to lead the reforms. Laws don't make sense if they're not implemented. Find these patriots, they are there in our systems. Grant accelerated hearing on corruption cases and expand the courts. Part of these reforms will ensure civil matters do not bug the judicial system by getting as far as the supreme courts. Establish small courts for small offenses, if you've watched the popular "Judge Judy" you'll understand my point. In fact, a reform would be focused on accelerating speed of judgement delivery, fraud reduction to the barest minimum and elimination of bottlenecks...

2. Empower the EFCC: The EFCC should not be another government arm where Nigerians go to submit CVs and get recruited. These guys should have exceptional educational records and must be trained periodically. Train them on how to dig up evidence and prosecute offenders, and promote them based on how many cases they are able to dig up and prosecute successfully, not based on number of years put into idle service. Expand the EFCC into every state. Get the system interconnected with technology to ensure that all cases are properly documented

3. Reform The Police: Police officers should stop being promoted based on number of years in service but on merit. Based on number of high profile offenders and arrests you carry out and solve, you are promoted. If you like, stay idle while your mates are working, till you get disengaged for lack of performance. Ensure that every police station is connected to a central 911 system and all telephone lines must be active 24hrs with consequences of non-compliance, so that all calls made from the public are recorded and later cross checked by a central system to see if they were followed up by the police unit in charge. Strip the police of every power of brutality or torture and ensure they are trained on ways of digging up evidence and prosecuting crime. Ensure that every police unit records the thumbprint and image and record of every individual arrested for an offense connected to a central database and demand that every unit give a concrete explanation for an individual detained for more than 24hrs at the station - with consequences. Alert the public to write to a central system if any of their wards are detained for more than 24hrs and they are denied access to bail the person for any reason. Install communication and recording gadgets and communication equipment at all police stations.

4. Whistle blower act: this should in fact be at the top list of government priorities in fighting corruption. Enact that act and protect whistleblowers who can come up with evidence about any fraud cases at work, in the public, or even in suspected cases of bribery or fraud against their bosses, public officers etc. this includes whistleblowing against suspected cases of activities like job recruitments and contract awards

5. Technology: in this modern age, you cannot fight crime without technology. Ensure that all government projects and activities are no longer paper based. Build databases for all government agencies and employ database administrators, software developers and IT Professionals across the country to manage these systems. Train and retrain these professionals periodically abroad to meet international standards and practices.

6. Internal Audits: Employ internal auditors in all government institutions who are promoted based on successful whistleblowing of fraud and fraud cases, keep them renewable contracts instead of permanent employment, so that if they do not perform, you terminate their contracts. Agencies like NPA, NNPC, Customs will need many of these, not just 1. In fact, all government agencies. Transfer these auditors periodically. Someone will definitely blow the whistle for a probe or external audit.

So many more. I could give a lecture or offer consulting on this.

Excellent points.
EFCC and the police can be under one item but we need to promote based on merit in the entire civil service. Same should apply to hiring in the first place.
I found it crazy that people still push papers in the civil service in this day and age. We need to digitalize our civil service.

Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm.

NDLEA better let the man of God go!

ayusco85:
Clueless guy

I find that when people have no valid arguments, they resort to insults. Shows their mental capacity.