Character character character.
Main defining factor... not profession!!!

Can marry a pharmacist who could slowly poison you...
Or an accountant who cleans you out systematically with no recourse to legal aid
Or an engineer who can stage lethal "home accidents"....
Or a mechanic who messes up your brakes


Need I go on!!!

Character character character!!

Nextworldnx: I know I'm gonna be insulted here, but no problem, as I am seriously in dire need of a solution to my predicament.
I used a be in a relationship with a very sweet lady until I broke up with her. She is wonderful, sexy, loving, crazy, fun to be with, and our Sex was great! But I broke up with her 'cos of some few natural things that I will not be able to tolerate for one minute if I'd get married to her.

But the thing is, there is this weird attraction I still have towards her. I still want her friendship and including the Sex; But can't marry her!
I apologized to her a year after the break-up, telling her that I want her back in my life as a friend.

The problem now is she is back, not as a friend but as a Lover (actually, she has always loved me).

Please guys, how do I make her understand that the best we can be is friends with benefit and not a relationship without breaking her heart the second time.?

Your genuine response is needed to help me out, 'cos I'm in a mess right now.

Simply show her this thread......

Hopefully she realizes that she's been played and shouldn't waste her time servicing your canal desires only to be invited to your wedding as a guest!!!

Silliness at its peak.
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deshclones:
[/b]






She will be the first woman to feel the glorious sensation of having my full optioned hybrid fertile and healthy seed inside of her...the seeds that will produce my lovely kids...that my future wife go lucky sha...cos i have deliberately refused to pour into all these flings and greedy gals...desh always use pullout method...no damn gf or ho is worthy of my healthy semen.

Thanks for not spreading any disease!!!!

What utter nonsense!!!!
No one....
He owns himself.....

Before wifey starts to shoot her mouth off, your bosoms aren't the only ones he may have laid claim to exclusively in those years.
And if you cared to know, you may be one of several women carrying his weight regularly.
And other things you may wish to add on a later date...

So GET a life and stop WHINING!!!!




For Mama, its a case of .... once upon a time.....
Yes you provided, guided, taught,....... most times selflessly.....
It's time to focus on other projects and give him space to prove that the training you put in place has borne fruit. Support can still be offered, only if requested!!


Answer again:
No one but himself


Geeeez

freecocoa: I think you should tell them important things.
How many men she's been with in the past doesn't count as important to me.
Her family background, where's she's from, what religion she practices etc should be made known to family members.
My people have a saying that translates to "what an elder sees sitting down, a child will not see even if he climbs an iroko tree"
You need their advice and guidance on some issues but the final decision should be made by you.
I learnt that it pays to take advice from someone who has more experience than you do, the hard way.

I agree with you on the above points, a few nuggets are outlined below.

Maturity has to be displayed by both parties. Some things are best left within the relationship, however news still have a way of getting round.
Mistakes in the past nonetheless can be used against one, sometimes leading to blackmail.

A multifaceted analysis is needed.
Assessing the family and what can be tolerated.
Degree of closeness and inter relationship will help in information dissemination
True portrayal of a change from previous deviant ways, for those with a PAST.
Self reliance, financially, definitely is a must.


For most things hidden from the family, there are tell tale signs evident prior to the presence of talebearers....
It becomes baffling and appears deceitful to onlookers when you want to hide things away. These are the cases where in the event of the relationship falling apart, family members are very antagonistic to remediation efforts, leaving scars on future generations.

There has to be a commitment to the relationship even in the face of opposition.... this only comes from being convinced about it...... not in the early stage of lust.


Family involvement is useful, when done on the portals of equity and justice not out of personal bias or vendettas. This is where self awareness comes in before dishing out information.

claremont:
I don't know of other cultures, but in Africa, I strongly think it does. Everyone would agree that our African culture covertly stipulates that a man should be the bread-winner of the home, this basically implies that the woman should be subservient to the man. This doesn't translate to the woman being a slave, what it means is that the woman recognizes that there are specific gender roles dictated by the culture we live in. There is a strong argument that the inability of the modern-day African woman to accept this fact is the reason why we have a high rate of marital failures today as compared to the days of our fore-fathers.

The modern-day African lady posits that in the days of yore, women were denied their rights by men. I would strongly argue that they were NOT denied their rights; but rather, they freely gave away their rights because firstly, it is a culturally acceptable practise, and secondly, they knew that giving away those rights is an ingredient necessary to have a stable home.

The African male is a chauvinistic bastard not because he wants to be so, but because culturally, chauvinism is a tried and tested strategy to maintain a relationship.

Reasonable argument.....
However, that may stand true in the yester-years.

Not so NOW, given recent changes in gender role in matrimony, African society as a whole, and the responsibilities therein.

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If you're so upset about her presumed 2-facedness,
You need to sit her down + discuss issues with her.

She's bankrolling the occasion n has chosen to settle down with you.....
That says a lot, ........ there's more in your favour.


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Me thinks beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Fading beauty only emphasizes one thing......
What's more important is not the physique .........
but the content therein.

No excuse to let go and look less charming but neither a reason to overdo things and look downright weird!!!

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Wetin Prince,

As long as its consensual.... no hala.

It's not everyday u wan do the do.... reasons being: fasting, finishing an assignment or completing a project and not wanting to disturb the partner.

So let her be....
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.... no be so.

@ tobechi74:

Even after 2-3, another man fit collect am for ur hand.
Basically, marriage n children are not strong reasons for a woman not to Walk, if the tendencies r present.

What u need is to shine ya eyes well... work at ur relationship n hope for the best.

Hmm

Yep... can have separate rooms.
Suppose if snoring was an issue, beats trying to grumble my way thru the night.

My room for the clothes, shoes, whatnots...
Closets aren't large enough. Trust me


Me a permanent resident of his bedroom. And occupier of his closet too.

Hmm.

Inspiring.....
Particularly at this present time.

Hmmmmmmmmmm.
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Hahaha!!

On point!!! Afam
Really on point!!

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You feel ........"at one" with the person.

Loyalty, trust, respect, commitment, forbearance, selflessness,
differing to the other are tools utilized at different times
along the way.

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Kudos to the present ? Management....

Despite corruption, poor infrastructure, limited funding....
Topping the list is a great achievement....

More vaseline to your elbows..

Pls keep the flag flying high, building on your strengths,
Whilst minimizing weaknesses.

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Thought they were siblings!!

Any news on the West African business sector??

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Thanks.
Sent u 1.

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Gdluck dear

@ Bennyraz.....
She-goat or She-sheep.....
That gives u no right to turn her into a punching bag.

If her wahala was too much, leave am je je: and face una corner.

Shikena.
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Im good, and you?

What u doing up .... NBA ??

Been awhile..
D proj... How is that panning out
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@ Bennyraz:

There are ways of dealing with difficult situations.... wacking her face is not an ideal one.
It shows an inherent lack of communication skills.
Throwing your fist is less cerebral than employing mental faculties to bring about desired change.

The essence here is not ..........
Accepting her disobedience (if that was the case) ......
but having an effective means of correcting it!!!!

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Have u relayed to her that her telephone "apathy" is affecting ur feelings?
Are there other reasons for these.... ie financial: as she is not asking for money??


She may simply be BUSY and just settling into the relationship.

Give her a little more time.

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Childluck has said it all.
@ Bennyraz: the definition of a true man is not the brute force he exhibits
either as a form of mental or physical abuse, but his ability to communicate effectively
without the use of force.

The only "Epic" thing re: this story is his "Epic" lack of respect for himself, womanhood, the families and friends present
on the day and the authority of the officiating religious organisation.

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Save the big heart theory.......
Soldiers are trained to kill. Finito.
For some or hopefully most, the job has its boundaries.....

for a few the killing spree continues...
See behaviour of soldiers with PTSD or psychopathic tendencies in the civilian arena.
It may initially start with an inert inability to empathize.
This will be new to those closest to them...

Ok, I'll stop the psycho-analyzing........


Btw, r u the person in question??
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Humanized by whose standards
A leopard cant change its spots.....

On a serious note, a lot of soldiers are in loving relationships..
Yes, they may need to work harder at it due to long periods of separation and traumas from war.
Are there concerns re: Post traumatic stress disorder and other "deeper" concerns here?

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Hmm *clears the throat*

Understand the need to l.o.v.e your mamma, but please love the wife too.
Its all about creating a balance to things.
Put in the boundaries and make sure they are respected by all concerned.

As there exists immature, self-centered gf or wifeys, needy and meddlesome mothers also abound.

Its your role to create a harmonious balance.

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@ op:

There is a need to define the type of love you are describing here.

Is it Eros love? self-explanatory.

Love between 2 friends... David + Jonathan in the bible

Love between a parent and child or ward

Love from a Supreme Being to his followers i.e. Jehovah

They have different rules of engagement, midear!!

Best not to confuse them!!

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What r they doing in separate cars??


?Rate them....... as in



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Lack of tolerance and maturity, short-sightedness on the part of the wife
and a meddlesome set of in-laws.

Overall encroaching into poorly-defined boundaries always result in
conflict.

The above-mentioned are commonly exhibited by women not men:
explaining why men seem to have less trouble with in-laws.

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Seems like a fwb scenario to me.
Walk in and Walk out as suits either person.

Definitely not co-habitation or contract marriage.

Out of ur fugue state?

@ jp phillips.. kudos to your parents "and supporting staff" on a job well done.

I believe the intention of the original post was not to simply identify these distractions
but to also place emphasis on the lack of balance being observed.

Different reasons have been postulated here: from lack of good upbringing, poor
parental supervision and decaying societal moral fibre.

You attested to the fact that these games or privileges were given as
presents not as a way of life as seen in some parts,....for academic
brilliance.
So you all, had to apply yourselves.

But that attitude is slowly being eroded by a " work little or not at all but achieve great things" mentality.

As identified in an earlier post, the hard skills are being thrown out with the bath water
whilst the soft skills are over-celebrated.

I read some comments made by the youth with awe.....
Why work hard if I can get a rich man to pay for my needs and possibly my entire village!! at that.

Focus is on the superficial, not on developing the innerman..

Getting latest designer clothes and Brazilian hair ... not acquiring life skills to improve employment or entrepreneurial opportunities!!

Of course, I concur not everyone falls into this remit.


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