₦airaland Forum

Op, you come across incredibly selfish and childish. Your family is broke and instead of supporting your husband your talking about phones and hair. You are a family of 4 living on less than 170k and all you could think about is your selfish needs.

You need to do better and stop stressing your husband. Look for ways to bring more money to the table instead of fighting for the little money needed to run your home. Grow up because you sound like a teenager disturbing her dad! Be a wife and a help mate.

Flamemignon1:
So full of hate and ignorance

Oh my God! You're so woke! You're so cool

Fantastic fantasy of a

Skyview01:
Hope your brother nobe Thegidredpiller?

So many jokers on this thread

This wasn't a laughing matter and I'm here rolling

Op, you need to bring in your uncles, cousins, any men in your family to knock the demons out of your brother.

EdwardRandy:
Because na she go pay the groom price when she 'finds' a man who is 70 abi? How many men would agree to marry her at that age?

It has always been in a man's place to choose who to marry and when to marry, it doesn't apply to women. I'll say the woman here in question is lucky to see a man who's willing to marry her at that age.

Blah blah blah... argue with your keyboard

You better put a stop to this now before you run around looking for DNA test centres... I would lose my shi over something like this. Don't be afraid to protect your home and your boundaries. I'd say send her packing immediately and let her think about her decisions.

I'm surprised that the woman wants to be with a man that old because 60 is young... She should find herself a 70 year old

I'm guess I be socialite then but you see that 17... hmmm. I must talk and tell you what to do whether you ask or not

RichGal:
Double0h7, thank you very much.

I never imagined you were female. this is one of the biases they talked about on international women's day.

Coming on here made me step aside and look at my situation wholistically.

Truthfully, my husband has a lot of great qualities and this one thing seems to be his only weakness which is why I married him cos I thought it wasn't going to be a big deal but with the children came more responsibilities and I just felt he should adapt to these changes.

Truthfully, I can't say no to helping him sort his personal needs. I wouldn't be able to.

So here's what I've resolved to do. I had a talk with him and told him I wanted to take my side business seriously and since my full time job wouldn't give me the time to do that, I'd really appreciate it if he could step in and he seemed excited. I'll just ensure to keep getting the jobs and asking for his help.

Hopefully, he'd start taking the lead somehow but I'll try to focus on the positives cos like you rightly said, this is the hand I've been dealt and I'm going to learn to focus on my blessings.

Lol. Sis, this made me so happy . Yes, count and focus on your blessings and keep feeding him job ideas that you need help with. You're each others blessing.

I wish you guys peace and joy

RichGal, I've been thinking about your situation and I feel really conflicted. Your husband sounds loving, and you don't face abuse or neglect (hopefully). His only shortcomings seems to be lack of direction and focus. You on the other hand have been blessed with direction and focus.

I believe God gives us people who need us and who we need. In an ideal world you'd be a kept woman and you could save your money and treat your family to special trips and nice clothes etc. But it's not an ideal world and this is the hand you were dealt.

There's some lessons in this experience that you need to learn. Those lessons could be on boundary setting, leadership, and patience or maybe others. I really don't think you have grounds for divorce though.

Is your husband under 30 years old? I ask this because men take longer to reach their self actualisation phase and when they do they blow!

I think communicating your fears and struggles (even though you think he'll only follow up for a week) and praying for guidance are important steps. And sadly patience might be the key here.

We live in the 21st century and gender roles have changed so you can't say you didn't sign up to be the breadwinner because that's just the hand life dealt you. However, I think you should stop babying him, stop covering his personal needs, and tell him you are done financially supporting him, but continue funding for the home (rent, food, school fees). Do this assertively rather than aggressively.

Have a meeting and state your reasons and going forward ignore his requests for personal support and continue to tell him not to ask you. Deal with those feelings and impulses that you will feel by saying no and stay true to your convictions. Maybe saying no is the lesson this situation is teaching you.

When I complained about my husband's personality to my mother she gave me this advice that God puts two different people together for a reason and we are suppose to think, negotiate, compromise, submit, and everything else it's here to teach us in order to get our blessings and resolve.

RichGal:
Good afternoon.

Actually, I'm feeling great. It's kind of you to ask, thank you.

Good to 'hear'

Best wishes

RichGal, how are you feeling today?

azraeljaheel:
In a nutshell shut down the economy? Don't you think that will make matters worst ?





Thank God you said BY CHOICE!

when you don't have what to eat that is when you tend to get hungry almost all the time, but when you got what to eat hunger won't be an issue. So you could eat once in a day and you won't be bothered because you know for sure whenever you want to eat the foods are readily available

Are you on whatsapp?

I eat 1 big meal a day and just stay hydrated for the rest of the day. This is by choice though because if I eat 3 times a day I will gain a lot of weight because my energy output is very low.

Congratulations

WoundedLamb:
Lol... I don't even know where to start. Sorry bro, I'm not a lady. Hopefully, you get to find a female programmer some day.

_{Hehe... this was so funny.}

This interacrion really warmed my heart

I think you are a lady and you're just being your polite and wise self by turning him down gently and permanently

Oyindamolah:
MARTIAL BED.

My wife says no sex until her mother leaves our house.
FROM A MY COUSIN:

I'm happily married with two young kids ages 2 and 4. We stay in a 2-bedroom apartment and usually leave the connecting door ajar so that if the kids wake up during the night they may have access to our room to seek comfort, which is very frequent especially during these noisy thunder storms.

My problem started with the arrival of my mother-in-law, less than a week ago to spend 2 months. Of course, she sleeps with her grand kids in their room.

This doesn’t stop them from frequenting our room during the night, so the door is still left ajar. Much to my amazement, my wife has now told me that she will no longer allow us to copulate during the time her mother is with us. She said her mum scolded her and feels we are rude to engage in lovemaking knowing fully well that she is in the adjoining room.

My wife has always feared her mum so it is impossible for me to convince her that this is her house, not her mum’s. I don’t see myself going one week without sex, talk less of 2 months! Is it my fault that the bed creaks or that my wife has to make noise at her height of ecstasy?

I feel that my mother-in-law is being very intrusive and insensitive and I’m prepared to talk to her and ask her to leave if she insists on tormenting my wife, but I know that my wife won’t find it funny at all.

What should I do?

Make do with the situation it's not worth fighting over. You guys now have a live in babysitter so take advantage and go out with your wife. Go somewhere isolated and do the do, book a hotel room for a weekend and do it nonstop. You're an adult and you have to make some sacrifices for your marriage and family. This hill isn't worth dying on so be creative and settle for blowjobs and hand jobs if you have to...

I stopped reading at *it will last 6 weeks* what cooked food lasts 6 weeks? A fridge or freezer isn't some magical portal

Bacteria grows in low and freezing temperatures too

I identify as a billionaire

Let me go and explain this to my bank manager

Jeon:
OK to u
I feel for common heat rashes on skin..
so you see two human heart can't be the same based on same situation.

Hmmm. We'll agree to disagree

sagitariusbaby:
what st*pid clean joke? Here is a man protecting his wife from a microphone bully in the name of comedian

Na, what he did to Chris Rock was bang out of order. It was a joke and nobody was bullying anyone. It was a clean short joke and the response was wrong! He didn't need to go down like that...

Jeon:
Pls educate them about what made him angry...

I can see some ppl with stone heart are making rubbish post about him..

Look if she had cancer I could understand but alopecia isn't that bad. He really messed up doing that

I don't know what's happening to Will Smith... We seem to be watching the downfall of a good man. I honestly can't believe he did that over a clean joke. Which one is keep my wife's name out of your mouth? He needs to tell those other niggas to keep their dick out of his wife

What are we celebrating here, 3loafs of bread?

He thinks he found a good thing

Richgal, clear this up for us...

is he a stay at home husband?

Does he take care of the home front and the kids while you bring in the money?

Does he cook you a hot meal ready for when you come home from work?

Are you doing both fronts or is he supporting you by running the home?

Could you not accept that this is her personality and love her regardless? My mum is an African woman and when I mess up I won't hear the last of it but if I'm doing well then she remains quiet, it's in her silence that I know she is impressed. I know her journey and she has given me a better life than she ever had so I can't ask for friendship and kind words on top because she really tried not to do to me what was done to her.

I thought we just felt this innate love and connection with our mothers without them doing anything extra other than not abandoning us and keeping us away from harm.

Have you tried to understand her struggles or have you created a narrative and you only focus on what you think she is or isn't. Have you thought that maybe she's bitter and unhappy about life or she has some emotional issues which she can't control? Try and make excuses for her, don't take what she says to heart and just let it be talk rather than some personal attack.

This is your test and challenge and also you get to understand the importance of what she lacks so you could change it with your children. Please look for the silver linings and just continue to love and appreciation her.

Spoil her when you get your break through and just run your own race when it comes to her. Love without needing love back from her and give without expecting appreciation from her. She is the only person worth playing a fool for! In time I believe you will be vindicated and at the very least you could take pride in the fact that you were a good daughter if she wasn't a great mum.

I think peace of mind and total control is the biggest advantage. You could place something somewhere and it will grow dust where you left it. You'll never look for things (apart from phone, keys, and remote control because demons like these things) or ask anyone where xyandz is! You're food and change won't "disappear" but there are cons too such as mental health issues and the tendency to become isolated.

I don't feel comfortable that you exposed her body like that outside. It feels like sexual indecency or something along those lines.

Op, I think you violated her body and as a woman I don't know what you were trying to teach her. How would you feel if someone else had pulled her skirt of her body?

That's abuse to me and not discipline because I don't understand the message you were passing to her: Your skirt is small so I can expose you to the world. I don't get it. I'm not in your shoes so you could ignore me but I had to share my thoughts on your discipline tactics.

RichGal:
Double0h7, first I'd like to say thank you for your meaningful contribution.

Before I decided to join this forum and cry out to strangers, I'm totally at my wits end. I cannot talk to family cos I feel ashamed. Once my older brother gave my husband a lumpsum to start a laundry business within our estate cos he came up with this grand plan.

My husband only purchased two pressing irons and I don't know how that went.

I have had to retrieve my card and turn a blind eye to an empty pantry but I couldn't sustain it. Trust me when I say my husband has sold his pride like Esau sold his birthright.

I can't mention some of the things he's asked me to pay for that he ought to feel a little ashamed about.

I started thinking that maybe he was depressed and I tried to talk to him and it wasn't the case.

I Don Taya abeg.

The other time, he came and told me he was learning one course that's a required skill for a job he applied for. It's almost 2 months, when I brought it up he started with the excuses but he can stay up watching DC movies.

I suggested a skill for him to learn and he said he isn't really interested and I said, honey, do you really think I love my job that much? But I have to do it cos we need the money.

I got so frustrated last year, I started talking to some guy I met on Reddit. But I ended things after one month. That was the first time I ever did anything close to cheating and even though it wasn't physical, it made me realize for the first time that there were serious issues in my marriage that needed to be addressed.

Damn, I'm lost for words. You need to figure out what it is that you love about this man, what did you think would happen if you single handedly raised an adult. Did you think he would celebrate you and worship the ground you walk on or did you think he'd change?.
Something about you seems to think a relationship with a man is a mother and child situation rather than two adults living together and growing together.

I think it's time you spoke up and told someone in a position of power over him. If you have a relationship with his family then start there, followed by his church leader, and if none of these work then you have to tell your family. You might be better off alone since you're already alone in terms of responsibilities.

I really don't want to tell you to divorce him but you might have to separate, and ask him to leave if he isn't willing to pay his way, let alone sponsor his family. You have to put an end to this because he won't, he has too much to gain, he won't volunteer to change so you have to push him out of the nest.

You've done the first step and ranted to strangers on the internet, and now the next step is to rant to people he respects, and then finally your family if worst comes to worst.

Women are not built to provide, you're going against your nature and it's taking its toll. I would say you tell him this and let him know that you are not providing for him anymore.

For now, cover the bills such as rent, school fees and do 1 monthly food shop. Take back your card and put an end to his free ride.

Once he has to ask and beg for some money then he'll feel the shame and look for his own money then you can slowly transfer more responsibility on him.

Try to stop enabling his behaviour first, and it won't be easy for you too so be gentle on yourself. Open a savings account and deposit a nice sum of money in there and live off what is left. Show him the pain of living on a low budget so he could appreciate the money.

You've enabled this behaviour and only you can put an end to it. Let him see the cupboards empty, his pockets empty and nobody will tell him to go and look for money. If he tries to fight you instead of looking for money then you might have to think about separation. Kicking him out and making him feel the consequences of his actions is the only solution.