₦airaland Forum

boldx:
My Passionate appeal to the HUSBANDS OF NIGERIA

I woke up with a serious burden and trust me my sleep was short as well because i spent time thinking through all my counseling sessions during the week.

Consistently married women are showing up in our office who are tired of their marriage and want out not because the man is not a performer in the bedroom but simply because they have borne the burden of domestic bills and are tired and worn out. What is most intriguing is that most of these women have lost their self esteem and so tired of life with a number of them battling with depression no thanks to threats from the same man who has refused to lend a helping hand in providing support for the family?

...

If you must know some of our wives are upset and tired and to cap it all many of us feel too big to seek for paid employment yet every investment in the direction of 'I want to do business' has been squandered with nothing to show.

I am aware that times are tough for a lot of men and trust me I sympathize with us and earnestly praying to God to turn things around for our men but can we also help ourselves by doing something and crying out for help?

Can we turn down positions that requires you to make donations by simply telling those who offer you that you have no job at the moment and need help?

Can we be humane enough to at least show respect and honour for the one who has made provision possible over the years and go all out to do anything that is ethical, legal and right to earn something no matter how small.

...

In the last 1 week i have spoken with over 13 women who are ready to move out of their marriage with their kids because

'I can't continue to work so hard and feed the entire family without nothing to show for myself'

...

There is no way a human being can be comfortable feeding another able body for the rest of her life when life can be better if the two of them bring in something.

The economy we live in right now is not one that affords anyone to sit at home and do nothing? If after 8years of claiming you want to do business nothing has worked please be humble enough to dust your certificate and go and work for someone else?

...

Our women are tired & now many want out but I believe we can remedy the situation because once the home breaks the family breaks.

I am appealing to all our men to please seek counsel because often times a counsel is just what you need to redirect your life and bounce back.

Feeling too big to check in for counseling is arrogance when you are stuck. We must maximize professionals who are willing to help.

There is no glory in reading the Bible and praying daily for the last 5years doing nothing. By now you should have caught the revelation that sets you free.

...

And for those of us in the religious space may I appeal that we begin to do our due diligence before we appoint people into positions. Can we check if the person is gainfully employed and domestically responsible?

We must know that a family is a nation and every able bodied adult must contribute to the internally generated revenue of the family.

This also goes to wives who sit down and do nothing in the name of 'I am chopping my husband's money' kindly take yourself away from the welfare list of the family and do something to add value to the family economy.

If you have read this and have not contributed a dime financially in the last 5years please something must change as a matter of urgency.

May God turn things around and may God give us the wisdom to do things differently.

Our wives are tired and burdened and we must relieve them of this burden.

I honour us all.

...

A good read and the embolden is just so true.

Couldn't fault this write up.

Mindfulness:
I am in support of you getting professional help.

babaolowo1000:
Is her behaviour good

Is yours better?

Adrenaline junkies tired of living.

Normal stuff.

It's just her hormones.

byvan03:
Honestly Sis, I only know the clay pot for water that I see in my grand mum's house. Can you post a pic of the type used as flower pots?

That was sooo long ago na. Over 3 decades

Re: marriage being overrated? I don't think so. Spouses should learn to manage their expectations of each other.

Will I ever consider getting married for a second time? Definitely not. Me start all over again? No way. I'd rather be on my own. I've come toooooo far.

thorpido:
You are not far from the truth but I don't agree with the bolded though.It isn't that bad.
My wife is simple and we had quarrels early in the marriage with me often being the reason.I matured over time and now there are weeks we go without even quarrelling.
Marriage is not over-rated.............yet.

Now this, I can relate to.

Year 0 - 5: Honeymoon stage. You made the absolute right choice. Hardly any arguments. You can't seem to get enough of each other.
Sex drive: "abnormally" high (depending on the number of kids you already have).

Year 5 - 15: "Scales" have fallen (a few years and a couple of kids later) arguments do erupt. Heated ones. You almost even dislike your spouse for not seeing things YOUR WAY. You're almost always at loggerheads because of your very different outlook, approach to handling certain situations, etc. You think you start seeing things crystal clear and even start wondering why you ever got hitched in the first place especially as your background / upbringing seem poles apart. At this stage all you seem to see are differences, Differences, and more DIFFERENCES between you both. Stretched finances. Never enough money. Careers sacrificed or kept on hold to raise kids. Frustration and feeling "I'm better than this!"
Sex drive: very cool. Almost cold.

Year 15 - 20: Arguments are few and far between. Kids are grown and start heading off to uni. (yay!) A bit more spare Finance in the family pot. Done having kids. Previously dormant careers kick-started. Less pressure (apart from dealing with stroppy teenagers). You understand each other sooooooo much better. You're much more mature, you look back at yester years and understand how you could have done things differently. You see now (well almost), that what seemed such a big deal back THEN isn't really NOW.

Year 20+: You've grown into the marriage and each other. Once again you suddenly look forward to doing simple things together again every evening. Watching tv, having meals out, etc. Basically spending more family time together. You can't wait for all your kids to fly the nest.

SAMBARRY:
I still prefer the regular pots.all those clay pots always looks creepy to me as if the clay sand will mix with the food I'm eating moreover if I put it on gas to cook food people Will think I'm doing juju.

Those pots are now for babalawos them. I'm ok with the silver pots

Bush "geh"!

You're too funny abeg.

KanwuliaExtra:
On Point PLUS PLUS!
This na the KOKO of the MATA.

Different ideologies that cause FRICTION.
Petty squabbles. . . .Then you drift apart.
GBAM!

The hardest part. . . .


MARRIAGE IS SUPER OVER-RATED.
But if you don't try it, you feel you are missing something.

FINE. You are not missing anything TILL YOU LEAVE THAT MARRIAGE.
Marriage protects WOMEN from the YAMA-YAMA men out there.

It is easier for a MAN to get a second and third good wife, than for a woman to get a second good husband.
Remarriage for women? O DI KWA VELLLY LISKY!
I nor go try am LAI-LAI!

Interesting stuff

Mindfulness and Kanwulia, you sure about this?

There must be some second happy marriage not borne from escaping domestic violence in Naija... though I've never heard of any

Mindfulness:


How are you my dear?

I'm good dear. You?

We had orange skies and a nearly red sun just after noon yesterday.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/orange-sky-storm-ophelia-sahara-13767164.amp

Freaky but awesome

homewoxng:
Now, you remind me of the Aroma that takes over the whole house when Grandmothers cooks.

Here Below, I think they will fall under Ceramic Pots

Ceramic Pots
Ceramic Pots are made of Titanium diboride, Tungsten carbide, Aluminate, glass and so on. Given the high-temperature stability of these components and general biocompatibility, ceramic pots are quite safe.

As stated above they last far longer than coated pots.

https://www.homewox.ng/cookware

Lol! Thanks for this.

But, I'm thinking the traditional west African cooking pots were made from clay as opposed to ceramics?

Was reading up the difference between both and it seems ceramic/porcelain are made using higher temperatures while clay pots are made using much lower temperatures.

Growing up as a child, we used those clay pots as flower pots but I'm keen to experiment cooking with them even though I've never tried it. I wonder if they can be used with a gas cooker or if it's strictly firewood?

Cc: Mindfulness. Sambarry. Byvan03. Help a sister out.

Meanwhile, there's no mention of the father.

Where is he? Papa 8 still looking for another heir to his "throne".

ElsonMorali:
Probably. But it could also be that the woman who is innocent of that charge has a very jealous husband who descends Oh her beating her blue black and then sends her packing.

I don't understand

Which of the women are you referring to? The reporter? Or the neighbor's wife?

Remember the reporter did mention that after returning the underwear to her neighbor's husband, he was very calm about it. She expected to hear slaps and shouting next door, but heard nothing.

ElsonMorali:
So Because the pant was found in his pocket, therefore he is sleeping with his neighbor's wife? That's not logical.

Perhaps not.

But then again we don't know what happened next behind the neighbor's closed doors. What if the woman admitted to her husband that she DID have an affair with the pant collector?

That most likely would have sealed the man's fate, hence the beating he received from the incensed husband.

The child's great grandmother has still got her own granny. And the granny has got her great grandmother.

Awesome.

What kind of cooking pots would I rather buy?

I kinda like the traditional/earthenware native pots.

Do an assessment of those if you can pls.

2dice01:
Baby would be like..


Me chilling with my ancestors

Lol @ chilling with my ancestors!

The great-great-great grandmother looks like she's s halfway there anyway.

Lovely pic @ op.

Proudgorgeousga:
Amen

Amen and amen! I want to be the next okonjo or. alakija

Love the Afro

mrphysics:
Sorry to ask, how old are you? If you are below 25, then it's the reason why such a thought came to your mind. If you are above 25, then you need to examine how you came to this point in life. If you are 25, the you need to start associating with reasonable people who will offer you meaningful things in this life.

michaeltrendz:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k32CKzQMP0

interview with just 3 month infant baby

Now this was just too funny!

Lol @ man servant

Kayode
Aisha
Nneka

DarkRebel69:
That guy you quoted is probably the dumbest person on this section. He's so dumb that it hurts. (I'm almost forced to sympathize with Francis Galton's eugenics campaign). He must have an IQ of 20 digits. The way he processes the world around him is similar to the way a primitive animal in the wild would. I'm surprised he hasn't yet quoted a bible passage (which is no different from quoting a page from Harry Potter) to justify the archaic and utter nonsense he's wont to write.

I'm sorry I don't agree with your approach. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, it's a free forum and that doesn't give you the right to resort to insults to get your point across.

I don't have and never have had issues with acidosis. Sometimes we agree on certain points and sometimes we don't.

Or are you deliberately trying to cause a stir here?

cc: RoyalRoy

@op.

Stop sending your mother money. Yes, stop it.

You aren't the only child she's got. Your siblings send her money AND your mother has got a job, so she certainly isn't destitute. Your mother is obviously living well above her means, and you sending her money you can't afford is enabling her spending spree.

Yes, we get it that you love your mother and don't wish to see her suffer (which child would?) but you can't keep attempting to fund her lifestyle to the detriment of yours and your immediate family.

I would have suggested you stop sending her cash but instead send her foodstuff as her main complaint is that she's hungry/starving - but you can't even afford that can you? Not with your salary hardly lasting you till the 20th?

So how do you & your family survive from the 20th to payday?? How do you feed?? Use that 30k you send your mother to sustain you and your family to month end.

In the meantime let your mother know that you too are struggling and can barely make ends meet. Ask her if she wants you to resort to begging or borrowing from money lenders. Ask her what she does with the money she receives from you, your siblings, and her teaching job.

Suggest to her that if she's really that hard up, she should consider selling off one of her properties (houses).

Acidosis:
Will this stop single ladies from running after loaded guys with cars?

That's not my opinion, but the opinion of your fellows.


I seriously don't care whether my spouse earn higher.. but I have to speak the truth, let's trace the root of a man's insecurity. Almost all the women I have ever met or read about want a better man in all aspect. Some of you cannot hold a 10 minute prayer but you want a god fearing man.. some of you are less than 4 feet, but you want a 10 feet guy.

Don't blame a man for being insecure at some point when all that got you attracted in the first place was those things he had in better quality and quantity!

It's good to state at the onset of the relationship what your expectations are. If as a lady your criteria for your life partner is that he must be tall, dark, handsome, kind-hearted, and have a calm disposition, then by all means go for it.

If on the other hand you care less about his physical attributes but more about the depth of his pockets, then by all means let him know it from the start.

And vice versa for the male folk.

If both parties are okay with the expectations from each other, fine. If not negotiate and come to an agreeable compromise. Otherwise go your separate ways. Nothing is ever set in stone.

Re: the bolded, a lot of men are the cause of their own insecurities. If as a man, you start off by flashing the cash, believing it's the only way to get ladies interested in you, then don't complain if your cash-flashing-antics attract the wrong type of women. Start as you mean to go.

byvan03:
Doesn't matter who is richer, they are playing for the same team.

True words.

Acidosis:
...because NO woman wish/pray to earn more than her husband.

You will earn more money than your husband. Say Amen...

Lets see the number of women that will quote me and type amen.

Acid. That's a very childish thing to write.

A good marriage built on a solid foundation promotes "oneness" between husband and wife. That means working TOGETHER in partnerships for the benefit of the family unit.

It shouldn't matter who earns more or less as they aren't in competition with each other (over what?)

Yes, money does make life easier, but it isn't the be-all-and-end-all of the union. TRUST ranks higher than money. And genuine LOVE. Otherwise that union will forever be strife with problems and may not stand the test of time.

Mindfulness:
You were so ill and shivering and yet you found the strength to bring her belongings to her house in the night. LOL

Behave

Donjazzy12:
Op I will tell you what I will do if I was in your shoes.
1, I will not accept the car from my mum under such conditions, never.
2, I will refuse to talk to both of them and insist I will dismother and disfather them if they don't conduct themselves as adults. I will threaten to abandon the house for them.
3, Now that you have accepted the car from your mum, just return it and tell her that you can't afford to be driving a car while the your father is trekking. It is a curse!


Now I am done with the OP, my own observations.

This is why I have maintained my position that male children of nowadays are completely and totally worthless!

Oh really?

And does @op have a job or is he (like most entitled Naija youths) ENTIRELY dependent on his mother for income??

This is what is called cutting one's nose to spite his face.

What an interesting read.

dangotesmummy:
What's exactly the problem
The person calling your wife babe and madam interchangeably?
The time the message was sent
Or the fact that he said he misses her?
Which one?

By the way why do you men make marriage look like serving prison time? What the fok is the big deal if he called her babes or he misses her?so what?

So she cannot have Male friends again because she has bagged the Mrs title?

I miss you is it the same as I love you or I want to fok you?anybody can say I miss you without no motives or anything of such.I miss you is I miss you.nawa for you o op


Friend indeed

You get power sha.

ginikagreene:
My dear, people don't understand but it is well.
He has lost his respect in my sight, I don't really care about what he does with his life. I am just worried about the impact it will have on my children.

I was going to say I understand your plight, and offer you some words of advice until I saw this:

ginikagreene:
I'm a married lady but I'm lonely, I need a man and since my husband has neglected me I have decided to put myself out there.
If you're interested, send me a mail.

https://www.nairaland.com/3942879/married-lonely#58779806

Bunch of jokers everywhere.