₦airaland Forum

eyinjuege:
Nowhere do I justify infidelity amongst couples please.

What you underlined in my previous post is what happens in even those relationships that we assume the respectable men are the best thing to happen since the creation of ice cream. How many well respected men including pastors are discovered to have other wives and children during their burials?

For the record, I don't consider pastors (especially Nigerian "pastors" ) respectable men

And not only men cheat.

Women learnt the art of guile and manipulations from infancy while the men are still trying to learn how to kick a ball.
Women that cheat go to the grave with their indiscretions. Many men feeling like the real MVPs with their various mistresses don't know that only two out of their four children is theirs.
It doesn't make cheating by women right either..
I won't deceive myself that the world is such a perfect place and people don't cheat.
When you see a woman truly keeping to her vows, its because she wants to. A man also breaking is vows is because he also wants to. We still have some decent men who keep their vows because it means something to them.

You're going off tangent here.

While I don't dispute what you've just typed, I still maintain my stance about the bolded, underlined bits in red of your previous post.

The assumptions you made there rankle. To the core. No self-respecting woman should be made to feel such despicable actions from a man are acceptable because cheating exists from time immemorial, neither should she be made to believe such men feel their wives are "important" because they're "discreet".

HARDDON:
Take a deep breath B.

U hurting.

There something we shld know?

Why would I be hurting? Over what?

Only cheating men would find my advice to women at the receiving end (on how about to hit back where it hurts the most), uncomfortable.

So do you fall into that category??

HARDDON:
Splitng hairs n wars r eternally @ a tangent .... so worry not.


I pray they get tru this but do know that she cant get more than has been stipulated by law shld d roof cave

As long as she gets a big payout, enough to put a big dent in his pocket and financially set him back for a good number of years (better still if he has to start all over again from scratch), then all's fair & square.

HARDDON:
God save your sons from karashikas inform of ladies.

@ op, total smack down from side chick! Ouch!

Imagine njoying ur thing n still go mockng u!

The wife stands no chance.

The war @ home wit husby over this chat, can only be imagined!

No need to have a war over this.

A smart wife will meticulously play her cards close, get herself a good lawyer and take the bàstàrdo to the dry cleaners and fleece him properly.

After which it remains to be seen if his numerous side chics will find the homeless, penniless bloke half as appealing.

Arrant nonsense.

PaperLace:
It's not sick o.
Y'know men are always thinking 'bout sex, their TESTETORONE is shooting through the roof. If they don't have sex they experience physical pain ,become irritable and tensed (no be me talk o, na for here I read_ from a man).

With the frequent threads I see, wives are obviously not meeting up. Let's not forget they're polygamous in nature.

Right now, the best we can do is come with ways every party can coexist in peace. I have some feasible guidelines on how to manage madam and side-chick.

Sarcasm at its finest.

I can almost picture you smirking while typing that.

eyinjuege:
Yes, sick.
It doesn't make it right. That's why I never said -men that "love" their wives.
Oblivion is bliss...

It makes no difference love or no love.

You're indirectly justifying such indiscretions from the menfolk with your write-up and it's opinions like these from fellow women I find really sick.

A marriage is meant to be the sanctification of two hearts. A union between a man and a woman, to the exclusion of all others. Otherwise what's the point of taking those vows if there never was any intention of keeping them in the first place? (I'm referring to monogamous marriages).

Sleeping around whether it's done discreetly or not is beside the point. If the man wishes to become the local public toilet, and storage unit for countless STIs and other sexually transmitted nasties, it's his prerogative but he really shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.

What a joke.

Chaiomsy:
This topic is something I really want to talk about, because it is something I see every day, in public places, some homes I visited and so on. It is becoming a norm in today’s marriages where you see a man, a grown man, husband of the house, doing dishes in the kitchen, while the wife goes to make her hair or something!

We tend to like to copy everything the ‘white man’ does wrongly, because not everything that applies to them (over there) that applies here.

I have been to a neighbour’s house in the past (they just moved in), so I decided to say hello properly as a Nigerian, before they will say I didn’t welcome them well or don’t like their presence. so I rang the door bell, and the man, the husband of the house answered the door, he smiled and ushered me in.

I made myself comfortable in their sitting room, while he disappeared into one of the rooms, I sat there thinking he went to inform his wife of my presence, but he came back to the sitting room alone, obviously dressed more appropriate, as I met him in work clothes.
When I didn’t see his wife, who looked almost his age, I asked him; what of madam? he said she had gone to the salon to have her hair done.

I also asked after their 2 year old son, he said he was sleeping. I took a deep breath and smiled, he felt a bit uncomfortable with the look on his face. He offered me a drink which I declined because, as madam nor dey, I nor fit shout!

After a bit of conversation about work, Lagos traffic and all that, he excused himself and said he needed to get back to work, (he still had laundry to do and the bathroom to clean!), I almost froze with shock!

How can a woman leave all the house chores to her man to do? Is it normal for a good marriage? Was it an agreement? These were all the questions running through my mind as I called out to him that I was leaving because I had a meeting to attend.

Leaving your husband/man to do the house chores automatically makes you the boss, yes! and if there is anything that wrecks marriages, it is the woman playing the man while the man plays the woman.

You might think the man loves you so much to want to do all the dirty jobs, no, he is only trying so hard to please you because you are obviously calling the shots!

I know some women hate men who do house chores, I am one of them. A survey reveals that most men who do house chores are lazy men, they would rather do house chores than go out there and fend for their families! it is appalling, unacceptable.

I am not saying a woman should work her ass off because she is a wife, but it shouldn’t be a daily occurrence, something we watch in movies. For my neighbors, it was normal because, he goes as far as washing her underpants as well, yuck!

I don’t understand why some men enjoy being called the ‘nice’ guy? when at the end of the day they end up hurting themselves and the ones they’re trying to please.

know your place as a man, and know your place as a woman, it is a 2 way traffic thingy.

like I always say, I am not a relationship expert, but these are little things I see every day that makes me want to talk about them.

I have seen a husband, shopping in the open market while the wife sits in the car with the kids, not that she is pregnant or something. I don’t know their reason for that but I thought it was kind of weird.

At this point, I remember my maternal uncle, who wanted to play ‘oyinbo’ husband by going straight to the kitchen as soon as he jumps out of the car from work, lol

Then I always wondered if he would maintain it, but no, he didn’t because it wasn’t quite long before his friends started ‘yabbing’ him, he then stopped even his wife didn’t find it funny.

You confine your husband to the kitchen because he doesn’t complain, tomorrow he gets a babe who he goes to her house to 'chillax', and gets pampered and served and bleeped well! shame on you!

For more interesting topics read @ http://www.chichiuncensored.com

Words of a home wrecker.

eyinjuege:
Interesting.
So if the she-dog has the upper hand and beats the life out of the pregnant wife, and also causes her to lose her pregnancy, what would you say?
The wife would have started the assault by going to meet the girlfriend and also starting the fight. Starting a physical fight doesn't always mean you'll have a upper hand btw.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me"
Verbal insults can never justify physical abuse/assault. So if your husband's mistress insults you, that's not enough reason to hit her with a stone. If you start the fight, and she has the upper hand you are still to blame.
Is it not better you go and discuss with your husband and resolve your marital issues?
This particular convo seems to have happened on the man's phone, so the mistress never sent a message to the wife.
How can a man be telling his mistress his wife stinks, is fat and all sorts of nonsense? Why won't the mistress have the guts to say rubbish to the wife?
If its not this particular mistress, it will be another for such men that have no respect for their families.
There are men that have mistresses outside marriage, but they've always created boundaries for their mistresses never to cross. Its always been understood that their wives are important to them, and they would never want to hurt their wives by her finding out about their indiscretions.The mistresses have always known that once the wife finds out, that's the end of the amourous relationship with the man. So they behave themselves.
So for any man's mistress to have to guts to confront the wife and say rubbish, the fault is with the man abeg. The wives need to go and sort it out with their husbands who's pledged his allegiance to them.

This is so sick.

I'm confused.

Aren't the high schools you mention, the same as government funded secondary schools?

If I remember clearly, there used to be two types of government funded secondary schools:

1. Federal Government Colleges: Higher standards for which applicants were required to take Common Entrance Examinations in Maths, English, Quantitative, and (verbal reasoning?) papers, and if successful, to undergo an interview with the principal and a couple of senior teachers

2. Community secondary schools: Lower standards / entry requirements for applicants.

Question: is this still the case? And do these schools still offer free education?

Cc: Blank. Thorpido. Ifyalways. Bellong. Onegai. Justwise. Kimoni.

nysot:
@ EfemenaXY, thanks for your comment. My number is on nairaland because I do my businesses here. Normally,when I'm extending helps here I don't even comment on the thread,I just do my thing and go. I only requested that the op contacts and state last 4digits of his number here.
I have learnt my lessons though.
Thanks a bunch

Ah! I see from your profile you aren't new here.

Okay, no worries but be more careful in future. It is well.

Nice write-up. Apart from a couple of repetitions, that is.

This (blog) really should be in the Literature Section. That aside, the lady in question should accept her fate as her religion permits the man to marry up to 4 wives. At least she'll be the first and most senior wife, so that should count for something.

In the meantime she should seek to improve herself either by completing her education and getting a job / starting up a business. With her husband's permission though.

Cc: Ishilove

Good stuff.

nysot:
@ blackbolt/timonski and only God knows your other monikers, I have stated clearly on this thread that I'm withdrawing my help so I don't understand why you are still bombarding my phone with messages. Go and get a job,I work hard for my money.

His messages:
1.
Ma, you said you have been duped several times this xmas period.
I think this may affect the decisions you would make in future. But I want to know that In between the scams and shams there are genuine people asking for help.
Please don't close your heart from giving to the needy, as your reward will directly come from God.

2.
Good evening ma.
You did send the money again ma? Please is there any problem? My savers account has a maximum single deposit of 20k.

Why are you informing me of your maximum single deposit,you don go wash face for babalawo know how much I wan send give you wey e no go?

I wanted to help op and not you,you wanted to play a fast one that was why you were hurrying me on phone to do the transfer that day or next very early. Besides,you keep telling sob stories on nairaland and swindle people of their hard earned money, so even if I want to have a change of mind and help,I cannot help a fraudulent person. Get help somewhere else and please stop disturbing my phone

Surely you knew this would happen, didn't you?

This is exactly what happens when one gets carried away with emotions and acts too eager to "help" without undertaking due diligence.

You don't know who the other person(s) is/are and you should - especially as a female - be extra cautious before handing out any personal information. Right now your mobile number is out there with total strangers and as a result you're receiving unsolicited texts and calls from these criminals.

I hope you haven't given out any further information about yourself (e.g home address, bank details, your real name, etc)?? And I hope you haven't been careless to go meet this / these fellow(s) in person??

As a girl/woman, your safety should be your uttermost concern. Don't do things that'll put you in compromising situations. There are desperate people out there who'll think nothing of committing crimes just to get what they want from you. Even rápé / murder.

Let this be a lesson to you. Next time you feel an uncontrollable urge to help a faceless stranger out there on this forum, do it through TEHN.

Cc: Ifyalways. Jaybee. Blank.

Points 1 and 5 are contradictory. Same thing with points 4 and 6.

That aside, speak for yourself and stop generalising.

Not cool.

Lol @ akara and wine

bennyrazz:
there is really no need going back and forth with you on this issue. Your position has been stated clearly for everyone to see so there is really no need replying your queries. Have a wonderful day

Ditto.

Mindfulness:
I had a lot of fun. It is good to have your loved ones around.

Am I the only person who misses work a little? I think it is weird but I do somehow in the first days of my holidays and at the end I do not want to return again.

Lol!!

I had a little peek at my work phone (email) and wish I didn't. Fancy your boss and boss's boss awaiting your return

Now I know what's being thrown my direction (and more). Argghh! Not complaining though, ''tis good to add value to the team.

baby124:
So many judgmental people here. I never have time for essays and dissecting words as I am really busy in real life. But even if OP keeps making the same mistakes in future, it is not your place to judge her. After all she didn't come here asking for money, only guidance. If she begged for money then by all means have a go. But this is a responsible young lady we are talking about here.

Thank you!

Those judging her don't see the positive steps she's taken to turn her life around. All they see is sex.

The mere mention of the word gets them all heated up.

Abegi.

bennyrazz:
I did not comprehend any part of her story at all. She took precautions in the first relationship and she got pregnant, she took in the second and still got pregnant. She should have raised her precautions a little higher by going for female surgical sterilization but she didn't. But let me ask you a simple question, if the op was your daughter, what will you do?

Then go back and read her story again. Slowly this time.

Re: your question, don't get personal with me. Having said that, I certainly won't dish out your toxic advice to an enemy let alone family.

I'm not that insensitive.

Mindfulness:
Thanks!

I had the family here for Christmas. You know how much work that is to have so many people in your house but today we are leaving to visit friends and will stay there for one night so I will be the guest and relax while they will be serving some delicious food. My friend is a very good cook, like Cococandy, so I cannot wait to get there. I need to pack a few things now and we are ready to go. Yay!

Lol!! Sounds like someone had fun.

Same thing here (run up to Christmas) but visited family on Boxing Day - so no cooking on that day.

I must say the hols are whizzing past though.

bennyrazz:
I seriously don't know why you are changing the narrative.

The narrative isn't being changed.

You're uncomfortable with being forced to see your ideology isn't realistic.

She got pregnant the first-time. Oh okay, its fine.

What was fine about it?

it was a mistake but the second wasn't a mistake. she knows exactly what she is doing.

How so? She got pregnant deliberately? Is that what you read? Despite everything she got going for her?

Why would you say she did it deliberately when she's been as clear as day about not wanting to tell the father so he doesn't assume she's trying to rope him into marriage??

Sorry I don't get what you're driving at here. If she did it deliberately, then she's got something to gain. So please, do tell us what she'll be gaining here as you seem to know so much about her.

The op had very easy labor and she had it easy when raising that one kid all by herself. So why not the second and why not the third?

What do you know about pregnancy and child rearing?? Have you ever been pregnant to assume labour was easy? Have you got any kids of your own??

so many posters are encouraging her to keep on getting pregnant and raising children with no father figure, so @op, keep having sex, keep raising babies. it's the life you choose to live

Pls furnish us with the quotations of these many posters "encouraging her to keep getting pregnant and raising kids without a father figure"

And it's not your place to dictate whether or not she should have sex. How is that any concern of yours??

bennyrazz:
I can be over insensitive to nonsensical issues especially to people who will always repeat the same mistake. All what i have typed will help her not to get the third pregnancy before marriage. Its a lesson. If people around her had come hard on her when she had the first, she probably wouldnt have had this.

Oh really??

Trying to kick a horse when it's down with vile, degrading words is meant to be corrective action??

Oya clap for yourself.

bennyrazz:
kudos for getting pregnant @op. At least you have so many people encouraging you to keep on spreading your legs and keep on getting pregnant. Kudos o @troubleheart

...Kudos for getting pregnant and to keep spreading your legs open he says.

Did you comprehend any part of her write-up at all? Did you or did you not understand she was in a relationship and had taken precautions??

Why do you think she took precautions?

Do you understand the difference between being in a relationship vs having a fling??

Do you?

Mindfulness:
I would say that you better ignore all the emotionally disconnected folks on here but it gives me too much satisfaction when you call them to order.

Happy New Year to you my darling and your family as well. May you continue to eloquently speak words of wisdom in 2017 like you always do.

Love you lots!

Love you more dear!

Amen and happy new year to you and your loved ones too. You've been missed though. A lot.

troubledheart:
Can't tell them. I run my own business and currently about to start my masters. I'm doing OK for myself and I'm turning 26 soon. Giving birth isn't an issue like I said before, but giving the child a quality life. I have too many things on my plate right now to actually do that.

Girl, I like the fact you've taken responsibility for your actions, despite the hard knocks life's given you. Not only are you focused, you know exactly what direction you want your life to take and most importantly have taken bold steps to steer it in that direction. This is called stepping up and taking control.

Yes, I totally get it that this pregnancy came as a shock despite the precautions you took, and appears to be veering you off course, but that's life.

I don't need to know you personally to see that you're a strong and intelligent woman. I see also a woman who puts the well-being and comfort of her child above everything else. And yes, I totally get why you don't want to get married just because you got pregnant. This proves you do have self-esteem and self-worth. You don't need anyone reeling off example cases of women in miserable marriages who married solely due to pregnancy.

Do have that deep conversation with the baby's dad, but never lose sight of what you want in life, your end goals.

Keep calm and remain focused. Weigh every possibility thoroughly. Don't make any rash decisions. And most importantly, don't let what people think hold you back. People will always talk, whatever your situation.

You may not see it now, but you've actually achieved a whole lot more than your detractors. Less than 26, doing her masters and running a business while single-handedly raising a child. How many married folks out there can boast of achieving half of what you've achieved so far?

Abeg, chin up and kudos to you dear.

bennyrazz:
what have i said that is wrong? did you receive your ex-boyfriend spèrm via Bluetooth or flashshare? No be leg you open? you open leg for an irresponsible man for that matter all cuz the thing dey scratch you! o wa l'on se big girl (u kan dey do big girl) u kan dey do skin to skin bcuz u Don get money buy Contraceptives SMH you no see say na thief you be? skin to skin for unmarried couple. You fu•k up all the fu•k! your fu•k up break cup, break bucket. A regular member on NL for that matter, u no dey read wetin dey happen for family section ni? why u go read when romance section na your cabab! The way you are angering me now eeeeeeeen hin be like say make I catch you beat out that evil spirit wey dey make u open leg anyhow comot for ur body! u no get shame at all. Husband u no marry, na to dey carry belle up and down. You kan dey speak grammar say I can't understand! u no get class, u no get sense. I dey sure say na 20naira cabin biscuit and 50 yoghurt make u open leg like that. if you dare try abort that belle, hin don be for You

Oh just be quiet will you!

How much more insensitive can you be? And more importantly, how is what you've typed going to help her situation?

People make mistakes. Notice the plural word "MISTAKES" not "mistake". Sometimes if you've got nothing productive to say, then say nothing at all.

Have you ever been pregnant??

justwise:
This family section has been turned to hub of scammers sadly. They don't seem to give up.

Though I blame the 'willing givers' and those who are too quick to attack anybody that dare question such thread.

And some people are just begging to be scammed. Big time.

What a gloomy thread.

Pidgin2:
Without the best medical facilities she still lived till this age and there are many like her in our villages, it seems rural life holds the secret to longevity

It does.

Came:
I was told by a prophet to stay off my mother-in-law, that she is a witch in sheep's clothing because she is a mother in Catholic Church.. How do i avoid her since i will have to stay in my husband's house where she stays as well when we travel for the festive season... I thought it was a joke, but i heard the same thing from 3 different places.... A man preaching on the street told me the same thing very early morning on my way to work too.... Am yet to believe them because this woman doesn't treat me bad. I was told she is the cause of all other people's misfortune in the family, because she vow that no other person in that family will be grater than her son, and whoever wants to be too close to her son more than her will be doomed as well.... My children are eager to meet their grandma this festive period, but this warning of staying off her baffles me... Could mama be a witch really? How do i avoid her and avoid trouble or give myself out.... I need help pls. Has anyone experience such or been told that a family member is a witch before?? Hmmmmmmm....

Gullible people are the most dangerous as they can be easily misled.

I fear for your MIL's life.

Awww...this is lovely

But why was she being forced to stand? Abeg they should let mama be.