₦airaland Forum

ifyalways:
I told oga, he said I'm OYO .

Maybe its the recession playing with my hormones and emotions.

Lol!

You're running to. Me, I'm running away.

naijababe:
I follow you join, I nor wan carry any virus abeg

That is eh...

To catch that "virus", I'll just cry

Acidosis:


Thanks my sister. You don't celebrate Christmas; do you? I still have those scary scenes in my head.

Lol!

What scary images??

Acidosis:


Na wao, any issue with my point?


Okay, RIP to Musa

You weren't focusing.

Anyway, happy cold wintery Monday.

shrekandfiona:
This case is not a social media con o. Neither of them is on social media. The woman is a busy bee always working. Sponsors all 6 kids to school, feeds the household and all. Your regular Naija wifey.

The more your average Naija wife (married to a small-minded, jealous, shîtty Naija husband" ) stands on her feet independently, the more it kills such men & their dîcks shrink in size.

Imagine going to such despicable lengths just to get back at the woman. For what purpose??

Evil thing.

Acidosis:
I'm aware sis. That woman got married over 15 years ago (before Facebook and other social media) yet she failed.

With social media, we should expect more disastrous and devastating events in the coming years.

Try and stick to the point na.

realmindz:
Ugly people, poor people...

But happy people.

It's all about communication and compromises.

Cc: Mindfulness. Cococandy.

eyinjuege:
Mama Aliko,here's your answer above.

I'm sure you purposely skipped this part of her narrative, mama aliko. Do you expect them to go and steal? Or move into her own family's home or friends place? Until they do that before they understand staying in Baba's house is a luxury.
Pls give a practical solution to what's on ground. They cannot afford a place right now. How do you know if she even earns up to 20k monthly? What if her husband even earns less?
And trying to put more financial pressure on someone who's bothered by ordinary gossip will only worsen her mental state IMO.
Who likes living with in-laws if they can afford not to?

Even if she's asked to wash her FILs clothes, what's wrong with that? There's no free lunch in Freetown.
She washes his clothes and even does other house work to it sef in exchange for boarding, and mind you her husband to is not exempt from waging his father's clothes. At least the old man could have rented out the place and be getting money out of it.
If she lived with her own parents too, she would probably do more housework there sef for them, and her husband too will see pepper in his in-laws house

I totally agree with this.

I also think @op needs to improve her people skills. This isn't the time for her to claim being an introvert. She needs to mix with the family - especially the women such as going to the market with SIL & MIL, washing clothes with them, fetching water from the stream or communal tap together, relaxing with them, and even helping to fix their hair (i.e. Plait / weaving, etc). That's the only way. Once she makes herself indispensable to them, they'll accept her with open arms and treat her like one of them. Once she's got the women on her side, the men will follow suit. Hopefully.

Nic3:
I am writing in pains, I stay in a family house with my inlaws. I got married the same day with my husband's younger brother who also leave with us. The problem here is that they find fault in everything i do and get jealous. I am the only one that does things in the kitchen while the rest cook with firewood. I stopped giving my fiL(father in-law) food (by my husband's order)since the day he asked some1 to throw the food away or give it to dog in my presence . The same food I served my husband and his friends which they ate. Ever since then he spoilt my image by telling people I can't cook with the help of my Bil. I have lost confident in myself Although my husband never complains. He credit my Bil wife simply because both my Bil
and his wife are jobless and they feed with the help of my Mil and the wife has been the one cooking with them. I do my things privately,I am an introvert, I teach in a school, my husband is into little business. But I am above him in all ramifications. but it didn't get into head. We can't leave the house cos we can't afford to rent a place. Now what will i do to gain back my reputation. I see people running away for my food just because of Fil. With the wide Gossip that I can only make snacks and noodles. I can stand anything as a woman but not someone telling me I can't cook. Please I need your advice?

Hmm...odd, but fascinating story.

This is what happens when people bow to societal pressure and rush to get married even when they're obviously ill-prepared for it.

Madam, you've walked straight into poverty and the sooner you accept your reality, the better for you. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being poor, but you need to learn how to sit up and cope with your situation.

I don't know what your culture is (not that it matters here), but it does sound very traditional, very communal and you need to adjust. There is a saying, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

You knew the situation before walking into that marriage. You knew your husband was a low earner and couldn't afford his own place. You knew you'd both be living with your inlaws and you certainly knew your inlaws cooked with firewood etc.

What you need to do is come down to their level. As a new wife, this is your opportunity to learn from the older ones. At this stage, you'll be forgiven for making mistakes but expected to learn. From day 1, you ought to be very observant. So papa doesn't like your food - what do you do then? I'll tell you: when mama (MIL) wants to cook, take off your high heels, tie wrapper, and follow her to the backyard and learn how to cook with firewood. Find out what he likes and ask mama to teach you. Learn how to go down on your knees and work that grinding stone. See, there's a way to cook soup and there are ways to cook that same soup.

The same soup cooked the traditional way (grinding stone, fire wood, etc) would taste different from one cooked the modern way (blender, gas cooker, etc). I even heard / read somewhere that the smoke from the firewood gives its own special flavour. Find out what ingredients MIL uses for cooking his food too. Maybe she's not into Maggi but prefers traditional spices.

Let me ask you something: how come your "jobless sister in law" seems to be getting on well with the family but you aren't? Or you think she doesn't get tongue lashed by her in-laws too? I bet she does. The only difference between her and you is that she was smart, and quick to learn. You need to do the same too.

I think I kind of get where they're coming from too. Right now they probably feel you aren't even frugal with money. Rather than spend a fortune paying for kerosine/ gas and modern amenities, go for the cheaper traditional options and save that money towards getting your own place.

In the meantime, better start practicing family planning and go on contraceptives. Hold off on having kids until you both are financially stable.

uboma:
I guess you are not a Nigerian then. Tell me, what country are you from?

It is not in our culture to give out our children up for adoption.
Nigerians have a close knit family system.
What happened to the grandparents of this child?
How about other extended family members to this child?
Have these ones declined to take custody of the child like the parents too?

But it's in our culture to abandon new borns on refuse dumps, gutters, and public toilets, yes?

There is nothing wrong with adopting!

If this story is real and @op and his girl can't afford to keep the baby, then it's better it's given up for adoption in the hope that the baby will be taken by a couple who'll give it a better chance and future.

No child asks to be born, and certainly not into a life of acute poverty and hardship. Adoption should be done with the child's best interests at heart.

bibiani:
Hi everyone, l'm new here and this is my first time l am posting a topic. l know it is going to be lengthy.There is something bothering me and l need your thought on it. My story goes like this, l served in Enugu state in 2012 and I passed out on July 2013. Before I passed out, l enrolled in a project management course which took place at the state capital. l met this guy there, we kind of clicked and became friends. After the examination, we all went back to our destination, Fortunately he lives around the community I was serving. l thought he was a corps member like me. We got attracted to each other, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted, He also introduced me to his Mother, she welcomed me. Cos l visited him at his family house.everything happened so fast. I then asked where his PPA was that was when he told me that he is not a corper. l was disappointed. I then asked him how come he wrote the examination with us; He said it was through one of the agents that came to give us orientation in our fellowship. He told me he had issues with his results, because he attends Futo. All these happened in 2013. I told him I am not one that do long term relationship. He pleaded that I should give him 2years which I agreed. l encouraged him to get something doing even if it is little and still find a way to resolved the issue he is having in school. l don't ask him for money, l teach in a private school since there are no jobs but he does his best to make me happy, buys things and all that. But those things are not my problem. To me l feel he is forcing it.l want to ask him where the relationship is heading to when next we see eventually because I am not happy. For now he is doing nothing. He hasn't served, he has no skills. He is 33 while l'm 28. This was not what I envisaged. l have loosed interest in the whole thing and it is a distance relationship. I don't believe love is enough. I don't want to be in a relationship based on Pity. Advice, counseling and insults are welcomed, Thanks.

There is a saying: Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-closed after marriage.

Your eyes are wide open right now and they aren't deceiving you where this man is concerned. One of the biggest mistakes people make with choosing their life partner is the assumption he/she will change after marriage. Don't make the same mistake hoping he'll change because he won't. What you're seeing right now is what you'll get times 10 in the future if you decide to walk down the aisle with him.

Any serious minded man wanting to settle down and start a family should be able (at the very least) to provide the basic necessities - Food, Clothing, Shelter - for his family. Your man hasn't done that yet, isn't doing it now, and doesn't appear to want it bad enough. At 33 no head, no tail and he seems quite comfortable with how things are.

If you were to marry him today, where will you live? How will you feed? Will you join him in squatting with the family housing him? The family he doesn't pay rent to? Will this same family feed you both when you're broke? What happens when the kids start arriving? Where will the money come from to look after them? 100% from your pocket?

From what you written on here, this man of yours sounds like a LOT of work. Are you prepared to shoulder everything including finance? Is this how you plan on starting married life?

Don't allow anyone guilt-trip you into accepting the unacceptable. What you find totally unacceptable now will be magnified several times over post marriage.

My sister be wise.

ifyalways:
Yelz please.

Brooding mood activated

Empiree:
Had a war with this last night

How were you able to stand up after eating all that??

Mindfulness:

Night-night love.

Lady M: Done (sorry I got carried away)

Sir RR: Thanks

Mindfulness:

Pots, pans, sticks & stones flying everywhere on that thread.

So many angry folks. I'll stay here least I get hit by a flying missle.

Mindfulness:
[img]http://www.ml.duke.edu/projects/hippos/Newsletter/UhOh1.gif[/img]

[size=3pt]For a good purpose ... for peace, friendship, fun and harmony to reign. [/size]

Screams wiff lafter!!!

Now that's what I call a hippo-on-a-mission!

Thanks for lightening up my mood bae

Mindfulness:
Be a hippo.

It's good to be a hippo.

They are very cute.

[size=1pt]I think we're derailing, don't you?[/size]

I'm sorry I don't get this.

Are you saying the man is overseas and your sister is in Naija? And the baby with inlaws in Naija?

What stops your sister from going right in there to take her baby? And they aren't even married.

Is this thread a joke??

Mindfulness:
Same here!


I herewith command you to stop talking and even thinking about work and deadlines, in all prophets' name, shalom, habibi, abracadabra.


*sprinkles holy water*

*crosses herself*


Now let me pray for more energy for us to survive another week, which we will not think about now.

Lol! Classic!!

Ill need to get some red candles and a baker's cap then.

No...what I need is to be a hippo again. Oh the mindless freedom and utter peace. Sigh...Now where's that hippo thread??

I've got some time off for Christmas but that seems aeons away. I just wish this was next Sunday, by which time all will be done and dusted and I'll only have the office Christmas dinner(s) to contend with

Link??

Mindfulness:
I concur. Life is beautiful.

It is. It really is.

Mindfulness:
I follow you like a puppy to have a piece of your eloquence and you accuse me of avoidance?

Not possible.

I know.

Oh, I feel grouchy. Got another deadline looming and I spent the weekend recharging.

Was totally burnt out.

Mindfulness:
Another control freak!

[size=3pt]Just like me.[/size]

Haha!

Guilty as charged ma'am.

Life's just too beautiful to let it pass by without being able to fully partake in it.

Losing my mind to a debilitating disease like Alzheimer's.

I need to stay firmly in control. Always.

ifyalways:
Hello babes.

Miss y'all. I am not yet feeling this Christmas, instead I feel like to make babies thinking of how to convince Oga, that for me would be the perfect Xmass gift.

Lol! Seriously??

Mindfulness:
Awww

Missed you.

Why do I feel you're avoiding me??

Or am I just being clingy tonight?

Mindfulness:
The thread has outlived its purpose. It should be closed.

Mindfulness

dangotesmummy:
na loff

Bet if you're emotional and take movies personal don't watch it because its a very tragic movie

Not love. Acute desperation.

The movie should be renamed Desperate Moves.

Lol @ smashing his life

dangotesmummy:
In Nigeria it affects women however if a woman is emotionally financially socially ,parentally and legally empowered it'll Just be a slight injury FOR her but if she doesn't know her left from her right she will be reduced to nothing OR even go gaga. The movie ohun oko somida by shola sobiwale comes to my mind

This woman made her husband sacrificed her education while she was using her school fees her father gave her to pay her boyfriend now husband school fees .the husband studied law in school and she even paid and gave him support throughout his law school. The guy graduated and married her

Midlife crisis came.he started dating his sexy Secretary. Wife was an uneducated housewife because she invested her all in the man's life.all her inherited properties she gave to the man and put it in the man's name

When she discovered her husband was daring her Secretary her mistake was going to the mistress house to confront her

She requested for a divorce since he wanted to cheat.the man obliged.guess what

The man used all his resources the woman empowered him with his law skills expertise and his friends who are judges as well as financial power to displace the woman.

The woman left the marriage with nothing. Not even her kids money or her properties

Of which one of the houses she inherited from her rich father was where her husband camped his mistress

The woman lost big time and was admitted into rehab because she wasn't normal again. She became psychotic

She had nothing she could fight with

The women ngos she ran to were already at the man's side because they collected bribe

Bottonline of the movie is don't let your life be revolved around a marriage because there's no guarantee in marriage and so that if things don't work out as planned you won't be rendered to nothing

What kind of depressing story / movie is this na??

What woman in this day and age will be this stûpîd?? To hand over her school fees future over to a man? Money wey her papa give her for that matter?

Come, Sambarry take your time oh!

edwife:
efemenaxy i forgot, thanks babes for your congratulation message last time we talk. Trying to follow your lead.

No worries. You're welcome babes

edwife:
My ladies miss you guys.

efemenaxy
chillis
cococandy
byvan
kimoni
ifyalways
damiso
naijababe

How are you doing? I smell Christmas and you know me, i get agitated like a 3 years old.

Miss you too dear.

So busy can hardly hear myself think at times.

Not started on Christmas shopping but I did buy two 25kg abi 30kg turkeys 3 weeks ago.