₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:
She didn't want to work at all, not even when her husband was struggling financially. If my husband was struggling financially, I would even clean toilets to help him out if I had no other option.

And who told you this? The woman or the man? Be honest.

You do know there are two sides to every story. How can you make a balanced / fair judgement when you only take into consideration the opinion of just one party?

Mindfulness:
Efe, there are millions of options and opportunities in life if you are willing. I have no understanding for people who are not willing to work. There is always something one can do. My great-grandmother had six kids and was working. All women in my family have been working. No woman said that she is unable to work because she has kids to look after. Women have always been working, even back in the day helping out on farms. I don't even know when the notion developed that a woman's life begins and ends with children. It has not even been like this back in the day. My grandmothers were working on farms, picking what they planted, feeding the animals, my grandma was even killing them

You're talking about communal living in the old days. Chances are, your great-grand mother wasn't an only wife. It was practical and made common sense to have more than one wife (and therefore more kids) to help out with the very manual way of life. Many hands make light work. Your great-grandmother would also have had a lot of help from her mates (co-wives), sisters, aunts, cousins, nieces, mother, grandmother, and other female members of the family to help out with the kids. It wasn't uncommon in those days for decisive division of roles. Very young (prepubescent girls) would most likely have been in charge of looking after the little ones while the mothers and older female family members were off to the farms / markets, etc. Those are two completely different worlds in different settings and therefore not comparable. They bear no resemblance to the nuclear family unit existing in the western environment / practicing the western way of life. Up until the 60's it wasn't uncommon even in the west to have one sole financial provider in the home front. That didn't mean those women's lives started and ended with a man's as you so eloquently put it.

Mindfulness:
This is one of the arguments some people here use on threads which justify the hilarious amounts of money women take after divorce. No, she has no hand in his business. His business is his business. He would have it with or without her. The children are theirs and they take care of them together in different ways.

No. His business is not his business. They entered into a union. His becomes her and hers becomes his. Everything generated from that union is theirs. They aren't bathroom towels to be categorized as his 'n hers.

Actually, I find it amazing you utter this. This mindset is the reason so many Nigerian women in Nigeria suffer at the hands of their men because of such mentality. The man owns everything. The stay-at-home-mum did nothing to support him, so in the case of a split, she deserves nothing. And that is exactly what happens right there, right now. And you wonder why many women tolerate domestic violence metted out to them? Knowing fully well that a woman who's dedicated her life to her marriage for 30 years could lose it all in a twinkle of an eye and deserves to be thrown onto the scrap heap because she's outlived her usefulness?

Seriously?

Sorry mindfulness, this comment of yours buttresses the point @OP made against Nigerian men married to Caucasian women, living in diaspora. They cannot misbehave because the laws are there to protect the women in such situations.

Mindfulness:
This is a flawed premise. You make it look like the husband was out doing business for himself while she was taking care of their kids for the benefit of all.

But that's exactly what you said in the post here. Abi?

Mindfulness:
In fact, he was working for the financial security of them all and she was taking care of the home front. Besides, he was dedicating time to his kids after work was done. The difference is that when things go sour, she is left with almost nothing and is at his mercy whereas his life goes on. Moreover, once the kids grow, of what use are you then?

You need to make a stand on what exactly it is you're arguing for.

Mindfulness:
I would never recommend any woman that she stays at home without a Plan B for now and for her future.

There is no one size fits all. A woman can have plans A-Z and work all the hours in a day. Doesn't mean she can't lose it all either.

Question for you: would you hold the same opinion if this woman had decided after 30 odd years of marriage to leave this man for a younger, more virile man to live out her dreams?

Mindfulness:
She was supporting him by cooking and cleaning for 30 years. What a life.

A paid maid / house help could have done all of that. Try harder.

What did he need a wife for?

Mindfulness:
He was troubled when his business began to crumble. By the way, his new woman is loaded so really not looking after his money as she was the one who helped him re-create his business.

And his crumbling business was her fault? Meaning a spouse's business goes bust, the next thing to do is blame the other half and go look for comfort outside?

Re the bolded: you're missing the point. Does this new woman of his have kids and if so, does she have the same number of kids as he? And are they of the same age? If not, why not?

searchingmom:
Thanks.
I contacted one of my dad's close friend and begged him to plead my case with my parent but it yielded no positive result, he just kept on posting me till he finally showed me where he stood on the matter. Even the other time I said I went back, I went with my aunt but still I didn't even near the door.
It has been four years but they are still hammering on why I got pregnant in the first instance. It happened and I cannot explain my action then anymore than I can do now. But I am truly sorry and I know that I have changed and become more responsible. But time seem to have frozen at that period for me in their sight and I feel that the only way to get it to move is to erase that event then probably things would go smoothly again. I am really tired of approaching them but I would still continue...

I can't say why I stayed with him and even went on to have another child for him but what I feel is that since that event, I faced a lot of rejection and since his family acceped me (as in they didn't judge me outrightly) and called me 'their wife', I got deluded into thinking that truly I was a part of them and I stayed. But there is only so much one can take and I have really had it. That is the reason why I am searching for a way out...

My dear, I fully empathise with you. But I want you to realise that any help you get from Nairaland will be temporary and definitely not sustainable. How long will you continue begging strangers for money to help feed yourself and your kids? I'm sure you know this isn't sustainable.

You need something consistent and a long-term plan in place, and that's why I'll insist on you going back to your parents however hard it may be. If you have any relatives older than your parents, approach them to help plead your cause. Despite how angry they (your parents) are, I doubt they'll refuse to let an elderly relative access to their home to come see them. If any of your grandparents are alive and able to do this, they should be your first port of call.

You might also want to approach your mother first. When going to see her, take your babies along with you. They are her grandkids and she shouldn't have anything against them. Once you're able to win your mother over to your side, you're half way there. In the meantime, you just have to persevere and keep begging them.

You need a lot of support right now, and your parents should be best placed to offer this to you.

Mindfulness:
I do know it. When the husband set up a shop, the woman didn't feel like working there even though the kids were grown. What the hell was she doing all day long?

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to work in a shop. Whose idea was it that she work in a shop? And more importantly was that the only option available to her? Have you considered that she might have wanted something completely different but the man was probably against it as per wanting her to operate close to the homefront? Not everyone is cut to sit at at a shop all day selling goods / services to customers. I for one particularly detest it - but this isn't about me.

Mindfulness:
There is nothing wrong with that for a limited period of time but kids grow and become more self-reliant so what do you do when they grow up?
And why is it not possible for a mother to at least work for a few hours a week or part time once the kids go to school?

Doing what exactly? Something "small" here and there? Again it's about choice and interest. But let's look at this from a different angle: Assuming this woman went to Uni and bagged a degree in a field that is dynamic to change - e.g Computer Science. How realistic would it be for her to get back in there after being away from the working environment for so long? Assuming she had 3 or 4 kids over a period of 10 - 12 years, What would her chances be of getting a job in her field compared to her younger, fresher-faced counterparts just out of Uni?

Mindfulness:
The husband didn't want something for the sake of having it. He was deeply troubled and had no support from the person who was supposed to be there for him.

That doesn't address the question I asked you...which was: does being a stay-at-home parent (or mum) equate to having no hand in a spouse's success? Her being at home was utterly useless? Have you considered that in order to do well, one needs to be of a sound, and peaceful mindset? Who in their right minds will feel settled coming home to an unkempt house with kids not looked after properly? Can such a person think sanely in such an environment?

Mindfulness:
Of course a mother can die too but the difference is that the husband will still be able to feed his kids whereas many widows won't.

If the man hadn't married, he would have still been able to run a business.

The question wasn't about whether he would be able to feed his kids or not in the absence of his wife. The question was how well he'd have progressed with building up the business if she wasn't around to help play her part - and yes, the stay-at-home mum played an important part towards the success of that business. It wasn't her fault that an economic downturn occurred.

****MODIFIED****

Mindfulness:
The husband didn't want something for the sake of having it. He was deeply troubled and had no support from the person who was supposed to be there for him.

Really?

So for the 30 odd years they were married what was she doing then if not supporting him?

He suddenly discovered he was "deeply" troubled after his kids had grown, flown the nest, and madam was no longer fresh-faced but suddenly an old woman? Do you for one second think his alternative woman would have successfully combined looking after his kids and run her business to the standard he met? Talk about wanting a ready-made setting.

Sagamite:
I don't think it has anything to do with Caucasian women getting anything right.

I think it just has to do with the Nigerian men knowing that that is not the expectations/traditions of the non-Nigerian women and adapting to these and not having typical expectations themselves that they would have with a Nigerian woman.

That said, considering the antecedent of Nigerian women and the experiences of these guys with them, I suspect many Nigerian men would think a Nigerian woman would abuse the privilege of reception of similar behaviours given to non-Nigerian women. We already see how they feel they need to drag a man on the floor for wooing them, abuse of power you will hardly ever see with white women.

Personally, despite being a strong advocate of encouraging Nigerian men to date non-Nigerian women, I can confidently say I NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER treat non-Nigerian women I date differently from Nigerian women I date.

I treat them all the same as I am not one of those people that do senseless culture, traditions or whatever.

I do things like I personally feel and which I find sensible. I understand what I want and like and don't need the approval of society (who are mainly fcktards) to validate what I want.

Whether you are white or black, I will never be caught dead having a schedule or roster of sharing housework.

Not in this life or the next!

I prefer a woman to do it but it is not by force, if you don't want to, then leave it. I wouldn't disturb you.

I do my housework ad hoc-ly, when I am in the mood. My house is never that of a neat freak and I am happy with it.

I let any woman I date have her own rights to do whatever she wants to do. I only play an advisory role, if she does not want to listen, that is her business. It is her life.

I am not romantic! I will never be romantic. That is not my calling in this life or the next. You will never see me buying roses or putting up red candles.

Any girl, black or white, that does not like it is free to find a man that is romantic.

Also, I would never marry a girl, black or white, who family (including extended) does not matter to. She must see family, as far as second cousins, as important.

Lol @ the bolded.

You do have some hardline stance - but at least you're open and upfront about it. Yep - it's all about choices at the end of the day.

SAMBARRY:
Vivala if you are expecting rational answers you're on a long thing

Lol! You're wrong.

Mindfulness:
I totally agree with you. She should not only go into marriage with something to show anyone that she is capable and industrious but also to protect herself and her family no matter what.

As you have said, times change and so do circumstances.

I just need to think of one couple that I know. They were married for almost 30 years with the husband providing everything. At some time, due to the economic crisis, the husband's business started to crumble. Coupled with an aging parent and high hospital bills and children in university, the husband became unbearable due to the stress he was facing and all the responsibilities he had to manage all by himself because madam thought that cooking and cleaning is all she needs to do.

At some time the man met a woman who offered him a business opportunity. It appeared to be a blessing at this time and the man accepted the offer. They started doing business together and the man realized how nice it is to have a woman by his side who is capable and industrious. Attraction kicked in and they fell in love. He left his wife for not only a younger lady but also a lady who has his back in case things go wrong.

The man's business is thriving and his first wife (he has not divorced her) is still at home waiting till he comes back but he won't. All he does is still provide for her and his kids but totally unwilling to return as he has something he never had and which he learned to value.

This is a man who has been brought up to believe that he has to provide for everyone and everything but who discovered that a strong, capable and industrious woman can save lives in times of a crisis.

Now look at the situation of the first wife. She is extremely unhappy and even unable to take care of herself. One can say that she is lucky enough that he didn't abandon her completely but is still providing for her.


Let us not forget that men are human too. He may not only need help every now and then but also die prematurely.
Independence and foresight should be taught to everyone.

Even for you, this analogy is one-sided.

The mere fact that they were married for 30 years should in itself portray something about that union. Where marriage is concerned, there is no one size fits all. You don't know whether it was the man's idea or a joint decision that the wife should be at home to look after the kids while he goes out to get the bacon.

There is nothing unusual about that sort of arrangement - an arrangement which has worked well for many couples. Do not underestimate the contribution of a stay-at-home mum or parent. Not everyone is built or even wants to be a high-flying career go-getter. Many couples choose this option because they want well-balanced kids. Kids who'll come home from school to a clean house, hot meals, etc. Or for the younger ones, having a parent waiting for them at the school gates after school to take them home, as opposed to a nanny / househelp. No woman or parent should be berated for making their kids priority over everything else / work.

Human beings will always want more and will always want to experience the "other" aspect of life which is different to what they currently have / live. And that's no different to what happened in this example you've given. Now let's be realistic. Death / ill-health is no respector of gender. Just as you say anything could have happened to the man, anything could likewise have happened to his wife too. She too could have met her demise early on in life or struck down by ill health. Secondly, prior to the man's business crumbling (due to the economic crises you mention), would he have attained that height without the woman's input - or better still, are you saying the woman looking after the homefront had no contribution to his success?

Chidoks:
Wow,1 he-goat =3-4 she-goats
Then 1 man =3-4 women
What then is the difference bearing in mind that we humans are higher animals.I no fit shout...
The goat analogy is even a good arrangement,it's for commercial purposes.

Lmao!

Mindfulness:
I don't know any Nigerian man who behaves like a puppet around white ladies but like a beast around Nigerian ladies.

I don't think the @OP used those very words in describing Nigerian men - but okay. You don't know.

Mindfulness:
I find it extremely silly, degrading and racist. It is an exaggeration at its peak and the reality is different.

What the OP does not mention as well are all the Nigerian men who after an experience with one or two white women learn to appreciate Nigerian women the more because they realize that they cannot and will not adapt to a culture too foreign to their own. But even here people should learn to be more careful, the Western world is diverse just like Africa is so painting white women like who,res and Nigerian men like their puppets or some sort of s.ex slaves is narrow-minded.

So you're saying she's 100% wrong? There are absolutely no Nigerian men who fall into that category?

Mindfulness:
The write-up is degrading to white women and Nigerian men and racist too and I stand by it. I was surprised you called it "insightful".

I found her perspective insightful. Doesn't mean I agree with everything she said - but I know people who fit the canvass she painted to a 'T'.

bukatyne:
In our society, the marriage roles are well defined.... Husband provides, wife takes care of the home front.

Why should a husband 'disrespect' his wife because he is doing his duty? That is akin to a wife 'disrespecting' her husband because she cleans and cooks for him.

We also have cases of husbands who insist their wives don't work and still 'disrespect' them.

There are also cases where the wives earn more and the husbands still disrespect them.

Morning Bukky.

Your first and last comments are contradictory

Re the point you made earlier about the sort of advice (a.k.a grin and bear) given to distressed married women on here - majority of those are dished out by secondary school & underaged kids on here. I don't think anyone takes those seriously.

Nice one.

Mindfulness:
This write-up is so wrong in so many ways. It is full of prejudice and full of stereotypes that do not do any justice to the full diversity of people in the Nigerian as well as Western settings.
Welcome to the global village.
I don't agree that Nigerian men are more controlling than their Western counterparts and - except for a few Western countries - plenty of them still have a paternalistic family system at heart.
Every human being has been socialized in the context of a particular culture and relatively few human beings do not succumb to the influence of their own upbringing and socialization. And this is where the contradiction of this write-up sets in. Since the cultural influence is so strong and since it is observable why would the author omit the fact that numerous Nigerian men, despite being in a relationship with a white lady, will still consider it the utmost priority to take care of their families back in Nigeria? From the write-up it seems like Nigerian men have no free will once they get together with a white lady and this is simply not true.
The author of this write-up forgot all the Nigerians married to white women who go home to marry a Nigerian girl even though polygamy is strongly frowned upon in the Western setting. This goes to prove that Nigerian men do not succumb to a foreign culture in a way that the author suggests.
Many Nigerian men take their women out for dinner. Many Nigerians shower their girlfriends with gifts (I prefer nice lingerie to flowers BTW ).
And millions of Westerners hate romantic walks by the lake or a park. Like I said, a write-up full of stereotypes.
It is a relatively new phenomenon in the Western world for parents to tell their kids that they love them but a poorly researched article, which is rather emotional than factual, will not mention it.
This is the first time the author restricts his or her observations to the USA because clearly the author has very wrong notions about family life and dating preferences in the rest of the Western world. And clearly the author has no idea how paternalistic and how "macho-like" men in some Western countries are.
First of all, like I have already said, Nigerian men do not change entirely in a foreign setting.
Secondly, if they do, then maybe just because people do not mock them with words like "their balls shrink."
Thirdly, many Nigerian men living with white women maintain a "traditional" type of relationship, which many Western women are used to as their parents used to maintain traditional gender roles in their home too.
The author of this write-up suggests that Western and African family structures are the complete opposites with each of them being at the other end of the spectrum. This further shows how misinformed this write-up is.
I am yet to see a family who schedules household chores. And I am yet to see a Nigerian man who lives by this schedule.
The author must be blind and deaf. Numerous interracial marriages fail due to cultural differences. Plenty of Nigerian men complain about white women and vice versa. And I would like to ask the author how he / she knows what ALL Western and Nigerian women are like in bed? This passage is not only an insult to ALL white ladies but also to Nigerian men who have no other standard than having a wh.ore in bed and whose inferiority complex is so bad that they forget where they came from.
Maybe because they will tell them that their balls have shrunk? You get what you ask for.
Western women demand for more than is earthly possible by asking their husbands to help in the house.
More crap. I am yet to see a white woman who doesn't consider it important to stand by her husband when his parents pass away and who will stay away from the burial ceremony.
Racist remarks not worth responding to possibly from a frustrated woman who needed to write some sh.it to feel better because a man left her for a white woman. What other motivation could there be for writing such a derogatory comment which puts one group of women against another? And what other motivation is behind someone's desire to insult all Nigerian men?

Too emotional. This is unlike you. Calm down dear and compose yourself.

Sagamite:
1/2 a million Naira?
That is like £2K.
I doubt anyone would buy a flat in Lekki for N500m. If these peoples paid that amount for those flats/semi detached houses, then I would agitate they are all lined up and shot like it was done in Srebrenica.
For that, I would gladly say "fck their human rights"!
The 1/2 a million Naira was payment to obtain his CofO/Deed of Assignment. Basically documents to prove he owns the place.
The payment for the house is different.
Imagine these people would also be paying "Service Charges" that would exceed £500 per year to live in this junk and open sewers o.

Hang on, this doesn't make much sense to me. Why would obtaining the Deed of Assignment cost more than the property itself? That means nothing less than N600K was spent - excluding the additional costs they've been forced to shell out for.

And for 100K, abeg I think they got a good deal. I'm not very conversant with Lagos environs, but isn't Lekki a high brow area? And if it is, then the landlords must have spent well over 100k per unit. The iron rods alone used must have cost a bob or two.

Electricity: the lady in that video claims they spend nearly N50K (monthly?). So in two months they've paid the equivalent of the unit itself...

^^ No, not 100k. 500k more like. One of the guys in that video said he paid ^1/2 a million Naira for his property there.

The problem with our people at the receiving end of injustice is that they're reluctant to speak out even when oppressed. Probably because they either don't know their rights or the justice system is broken. I mean how can one pay so much money to purchase a piece of property, and the deal made at the point of sale was for the buyer to receive the deeds in 4 weeks time - yet 6 to 9 months later, no sign of it and the buyer questions whether or not to take the matter to the EFCC? What's the hesitation for? Or them wondering if the "delay" is due to some credit agreement the landlord(s) entered into with a third party? How / why should that be of any concern to them?

Smh.

SAMBARRY:
compliments of the season o.

And merry Xmas in advance

Matter for the day as iyale concerned

Your osband abi na boyfriend wey you want make I friend no drop money for Christmas .e no do Xmas hair for me OR carry wura go fantasy island and e wan marry wife

Lol! Nor vex.

Just carry your mat & raffia sponge come, make you manage am like dat.

Compliments of the season to you to, my dear.

Oh! Oh!! Oh!!!

Just watched the first video - utterly disgusting how the workers were half submerged in the drains, combing through it without gloves or protective clothing.

I found the ending bit of the first video hard to follow with all that shouting and yelling. Who did the angry man in the white gown represent? The peeved tenants? Or the incompetent landlord(s)?

What a sad story.

How come despite all you saw and went through, you stayed behind to have another kid with him?

What you need to do is approach a couple of elderly relatives whom your parents hold in high regard, and beg them to help you plead your case to your parents. When you get to your parents' park you pride aside, get down on both knees and earnestly grovel for forgiveness. Your parents are (understandably) very upset & disappointed in you. They invested a lot of time, effort, and money in trying to educate and bring you up properly - but you threw it all back in their faces by not only hitching up with a guy whilst unmarried, you even took it further to go ahead and birth not one, but two kids? What were you thinking?? Were you trying to prove a point to them by being rebellious? And in such a destructive way?

Anyway, the deed is done and you've got to forge ahead. It's no longer just about you, but about the two innocent boys you've brought into the world.

Once you've got your parents on your side, start rebuilding your life. Go back to school even if it's night / part-time, and look for a job to do while schooling. It won't be easy but with perseverance, you'll pull through.

Best of luck.

Nice, insightful piece @op.

It would be equally interesting to read about the Nigerian woman married to a non-Nigerian man.

Do you have a similar analysis to share on here?

Sagamite: what's your perspective on this? Do you think there's something the Caucasian women do & get right that their Nigerian counterparts are missing / not doing?

Sagamite:


Unfortunately sweetheart, that is not how it works.

For example, the fact that the Zimbabwean Dollar devalued by 102% from $1 = Z$750 in year 2003 to $1 = Z$77,965 in year 2005 does not mean a property you bought in Harare for £1m in 2003 would be worth £102m in 2005.

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/africa/2007/03/200852519429760702.html

If that was the case, I would sell all my bags of garri in Sagamu and invest all the earnings in properties in Zimbabwe, Somalia, Yemen and Syria and become the world's first Trillionaire.

Abeg stop laughing jare. I was tired when I typed all that.

Kia! I'm embarrassed!

Sounds interesting - but this product of yours only works when there's light.

What happens when there's no electricity? Is this rechargeable or not? Otherwise it's not very good value for money.

Lol!

Why do the characters look like Edet, Ekeatte, and Ubong to me?

Funny story though. Nice one, @ op.

SarahGee:
I wish I knew a better way to rephrase this question. You have seen many married people slowly cut ties with their single friends. Is it just natural that they instantly cease to have things in common or is it a society expectation? It is common among ladies. Some friends even cut ties with their friends once they have a boyfriend! Common b o y f r i e n d !!!
Some own’t even invite their single friends to their weddings or when they do, the single ones are made to wear a different type of asoebi as though they are wild animals that the wedding guests should be cautious of
I guess single people are really wild animals.
I wouldn’t be asking if I haven’t been a victim. A friend of mine got engaged 7 months ago and I was busy turning up and down for her. Her wedding is this coming Saturday and I noticed last night that she’s no longer on my BBM. I feel I don’t deserve it cos I respect people’s space a lot. No matter how close we were before you got hitched, I would respect your privacy once you start a family. I have never ever gone to the house of a married friend on my own volition and I am also quick to turn down invites once I sense that you are inviting me because you feel obligated to. Phone calls or chats once in a blue moon will do for me but there are still friends that will avoid any form of communication with you but run for advice from you as a single person that knows nothing when things get a bit rocky in their marriages. Some even go as far as looking for married friends pen pals on blogs and social networks like they didn’t make their bed.
Since this is now the in-thing, my new motto is ,”Cut the engaged ones off before they cut you!”

SarahGee, the scenario you just described is so wrong and should never have happened. It just goes to prove that your "friendship" was never real to start with and you're better off without her.

Granted, friends with differing responsibilities can drift apart over time but on most occasions it happens slowly and naturally - not deliberately and certainly not the way you described what happened to you.

The important thing is having a common ground and great understanding between you both. Marriage isn't for everyone. Even I, as old as I am, have got different categories of friends. I've got some single friends, divorced friends, some going through separation, some newly wedded friends, and some who've been married for donkey years. The most important thing is having that understanding between you both.

Think of it this way: rather than lump your friends together, try and see which categories they fall under. Some of mine are absolute workaholics and career go-getters. These people are a great source of inspiration and knowledge base regarding sourcing career tips and advice. Others are stay at home mums / part-time working parents raising young families and have great ideas on how to combine / achieve that work-life/balance, etc.

So you see, there is no one size fits all. As long as there's understanding and a common ground to rub minds on, then there shouldn't be any problem. Only childish and insecure folks dump their single friends because they want to "avoid husband snatchers". That shows how much they undermine their partners (husbands) or perhaps are afraid of Karma getting even with them.

A man / woman who plans to cheat on their spouse will do so, irrespective of whether or not the single friends are dumped or not.

Thelish: help the @op with his predicament

Sagamite:
One national statistic agency actually exists. It is called Nigerian Bureau of Statistics.
It is full of products of a failed education system churning out mediocre statistics.

Abeg don't start that line again...

Sagamite:
As for the vacancy figures, they are not the respective reporter's opinions. Most of them actually got that figures from Bismarck Riwane firm's (Financial Derivatives Company Limited) reports and Broll Property Services reports without bothering to reference it. I know because I have seen the reports myself and was tracking it for a while because of something I was doing.
Yep, you are right but the issue there is that there is already over supply in the high end pricing (not quality) range.
The supply for those limited numbers of upper customers already exist, but it is just not value for money.
Most of the flats (not houses) on the Island and Lekki axis, in a sane environment, should be priced and catering for those in earning in the N6-8m a year earning range. But when the rents are going for N2-8m a year, more than the annual salaries of these people, then it is gross price inflation; hence why they are empty.
And more and more are still being built in Lekki.
There is currently a strong mismatch between the quality levels of houses and the occupants earnings especially at the upper-end.
What people are paying is not matching the quality they are getting relative to sane worlds.
Neither do I.
I am looking at the far longer term, circa 10-20 years.
There is already a metro system being built in Lagos. From Alaba area to VI.
The Chinese are looking at the rail from Lagos to Kano, which should open up the north of Lagos to the CBD.
If all these kick in, then Lagos would open up.
One of the things causing the price inflation is because of the concentration in Lagos due to lack of infrastructure. Have you noticed anytime you have people from Nigeria visit you in the UK, when you take them out, they are always complaining that the journey is too far?
That is because 70% of people living in Lagos, live in 30% of Lagos. Unlike in London where we are well spread out.
If you want to transform it into halls of residence, then no shaking but after you pay £4m, I doubt you would make your money back in your lifetime.
Let me do some quick calculations for you:
It has 8 bedrooms, so lets say you somehow shockingly find some wealthy students with parents willing to pay to rent a room for N1m par annum per room, that is N8m per annum.
£4m = N1.2bn
N1.2bn/N8m should give you 150 years to recoup your investment (ignoring inflation and increases).
You go still get teeth then?
Not to forget, your extra money to refurbish, your maintenance costs and the fact you will not find students paying N1m to rent a room and be going to University of Abuja.
As for guest houses and top-end hotels, they do it because they are the only options for a small pool.
The volume of Nigerians in those class of 'living it up' is very low.
They are, according to a survey, less than 10,000 Nigerians in that dollar millionaires bracket. And most of them burn it in London, Atlanta and Dubai. Some of them burn it building houses in highbrow areas in Lagos and FCT which they leave empty because they see it as a stable long-term investment.
Even less than 2% of Nigerian households (i.e. about 660K households) earn more than N10m a year. Household income o (i.e. combining husband and wife earnings where it applies), not just individual incomes.
So you can conveniently assume less than 1m local Nigerians live a very well-off life.
I agree, but I can guarantee you it would be new housing stock they would buy, not the rubbish like the one above.
Poor quality builds would not attract them.
The supply at the moment at the high-end, if the prices are surprisingly maintained are enough to satisfy any forecasted influx.
Not to talk about more coming from the construction of Eko Atlantic City.

Re: the bolded - you haven't taken into consideration the alarming rate at which the Naira devalues against the £ Sterling.

Okay, I tried to do a search of the historical exchange rate trend of NGN / GBP from 1960 but the best I could find was a 10 year historical trend provided by XE.com - an online foreign exchange currency converter tool which uses highly accurate, live mid market rates.

http://www.xe.com/currencycharts/?from=GBP&to=NGN&view=10Y

So let's play with some numbers here:

Exchange rate as at 2^nd Jan 2006 by COB (Close of Business) was roughly 224pts (i.e: £1 = N224)
Exchange rate as at COB 20^th Dec 2015 was roughly 296pts
% increase over the 10 year period: ((296 - 224)/296)*100 = 24.32% or let's say 25%

Or better still if we calculate the percentage increase between the highest (315pts) and the lowest (175pts) within that 10 year span = 80% (I like to be optimistic)

So if my £4 Abuja property increases by 80% in 10 years, I'll be looking at an increase of £3.2 which brings the new value of my Naija pad to £7.2m ==> almost double the value in 10 years time. Not 150 years as you postulated... and yes, I think I should have all my dentures intact 10 years from now.

And going by the real life example provided by Phoenix480, I think it's safe to assume the figures I've provided are a moderate - conservative even, increase.

isaaci:
He has met my parents but i did not tell them i was going to stay in his house i think that was my biggest mistake. But like i said earlier i now know better

So basically you shut your parents off your private life. Completely. The question here is why?

isaaci:
The company i work with paid me well and i felt that in a relationship when one person is down the other should lend a hand within his or her ability. My parents are in the same town where i school. They are both retired from the civil service

Did you ever confide in them about this relationship of yours?

Did they ever get to see this man?

VintageCocktail:
Please, kindly allow me to have a conversation with a fellow man. Not in the mode for female emotional tirades. Thanks.

But,

Does it mean that those are what you picked up from my post?
Well..
Yeah..men= he goat ( myself, brothers, father, uncle)
Women= she goat ( my mother, sisters, aunts). Happy now
I do not have the luxury of explaining in details and I wish you don't have to see the analogue as offensive.

I'm not the one losing my rag here, you are.

Re the bolded: Since you insist on baring your polygyny woes in the Family section and are adamant on sourcing contributions from only the male folk, why not go to the Boys Only Thread? I'm sure you'll get the testosterone fuelled advice you so desperately seek.

isaaci:
Tnx for your responses. Efe, we had been friends for two years before we started courtship and he had introduced me to all his relatives as the girl he wanted to marry. I used to work in the same town he lives before gaining admission to study for a masters programme in another state. My school was on strike and the GM of the company i used to worked for asked me to resume work pending when the strike will be called off. I took the offer because i did not want to stay idle besides i am sponsoring myself and was afraid the money i had saved for my education will be exhausted even before the strike will be over. The house i stayed before gaining admission expired and i had already moved out. I would have stayed with my friends but most of them are males i have very female friends because of a horrible experience i had in the past even when i metioned staying with a collegue my so called fiance sounded like i had ulterior motive and insisted i stayed in his house. I guess i was wrong now i know better.

I'm sorry, but I still don't get you.

If you were sponsoring yourself and worried about your rapidly depleting funds, why then would you (as a student on a very tight budget) still help him out financially? Your finances couldn't have been that bad if you were able to fund this man.

You still haven't answered my question. Where are your parents / relatives?

VintageCocktail:
A farmer needs only a he goat to match as much shegoats as possible to maximize profits from the many kids that will be produced. This is for profit bases,. In the olden days, our great grandfathers are encouraged to marry as much as they can take care of to help in farming and also to begat a good number of kids for the same farming.
Now a grown ass!! man in this modern era marrying more than one wife begs the question , what for?? Help for farmlands or ? If not for carnal urge, prevent ??"cheating" which will eventually happen anyway and the fantasy of having both in bed at the same time!!

So in your eyes, women are no better than she-goats?

Does that apply to the female members of your family, inclusive of your mother, aunts, and sisters?

mostyg:
If my intention is to have 'threes0me' or 'fours0me' as you have affirmed, I would not be worrying myself about a specially design house for my wives comfort. After all, it is cheaper with those thin legged side-chicks than to having someone as a wife.

Actually aren't you allowed to marry four wives and to have as many concubines as possible? So why stop at a mere two? You'll be doing yourself a disservice. Go for the maximum man, even if it kills you. What better way to die than to exit this world in the arms of several women? Sounds like total heaven.

mostyg:
I believe so much in family composition, where every child could trace his/her origin.

Nah, you believe in unbridled exchange of bodily fluids. Bed hopping things as per when you finish with Mrs A, you won't need to wipe her off you before jumping into Mrs B and releasing yourself in there. Then taking that mixture of A and B still on you and inserting it into the Mrs C, then doing the same to Mrs D

mostyg:
Why do you think it is the man that pays the bride price?

Does he? And what's the significance of the bride price? Or more importantly, what makes you think the woman can't pay the man's brideprice either? Afterall, it's not uncommon for women to woe men with money, foot the entire bill of all three weddings (traditional, court, and or church / mosque) abi? So how's that any different? I mean even on nland, the dating section is full of guys like you advertising their "wares" to sugar mummies.

mostyg:
If he could pay for one, what stops him for paying for two, three etc.

Likewise, nothing stops the woman from paying for, and marrying more than one man. Infact, come to think of it, for every extra woman you pay for to live under your roof, those women are entitled to bring in, and sire kids with younger men under that same roof. Besides, you can't satisfy them all. Someone younger, more virile, more energetic, and probably more handsome and fit would be needed to help you out with all those women you intend to purchase.

mostyg:
Why is it that it is the woman that changes her father's name to her husband name, thereby more or less loosing her identity.

Get real.

Not all women change their names completely. It's now the trend for younger girls to keep their maiden names even while married.

mostyg:
Why is it that the husband is the one responsible for the (financial) well being of the woman and that of her family.

So women don't go to school, acquire degrees, and work? Women can't do all of what you mentioned and more? Sorry, what part / region of Nigeria do you come from?

mostyg:
As long as all these are in place, a woman does not have the right to marry more than one husband unless she is divorced or widowed. Men and women are equal but different in their rights, obligations and duties.

My take..

You aren't in the Dark Ages. Women are free to be whoever, do whatever, go wherever they want to be - irrespective of what men like you think.

Welcome to the 21^st century.