₦airaland Forum

oluafam:
Thanks dear, I'm not fighting again I've already started focusing on my self-development. Just that hubby needs me around and will need me even more when she is gone.

Then be smart and make the most of the free childcare while she's around so you can focus on the other things I mentioned.

cococandy:
Netflix dey na.

Lol - Good! Now you're talking...

cococandy:
Well I don't know sha.
Maybe uk is easier.
Here it cost a ton except you have awesome health insurance (and that costs too) . But is the saving grace of most people. And you're sure of superb healthcare.

Lol@gloves. SMH. I've even heard some ridiculous stories about expecting mothers in some hospitals in Nigeria being told to pay for electricity and stuff like that.

I did find the PVC gloves thing strange too.

Would you believe me if I told you that I bought 2 years worth of Huggies disposable nappies for my baby when I was 6 months pregnant? And this was on the assumption that the baby would use no less then 5 nappies a day.

NORAD:
My wife just handed me this list. It's a list of what she wants to get for our soon-to-be-born daughter.

My only problem here is that she won't tell me how much each of those items cost, so I don't really know how much to give her.

Can an experienced lady/father in the house please tell me how much to give her for this long list of items? Thank you in advance.

This is such an embarrassing read.

Didn't either of you make any plans before deciding to embark on having kids? Or did you bow in to pressure from family and friends to start having them, (with the mantra, "God will provide" ) knowing fully well you were / are ill prepared for the costs?

You wife's list is very basic. She asked for nothing but the essentials. She hasn't even added sanitary pads to that list - and yet you've got issues with it? Rather than coming on here to make her look bad, why not start by going to the hospital / antenatal clinic and ask them for a list of essential items? Then, armed with your list, go into the market yourself and price them. Or is there anything stopping you from doing that?

I pity your wife and any other woman in such a situation - being at the receiving end, going cap-in-hand begging, and having to account for every ^1/2 Kobo spent to her man. Cringe worthy stuff.

cococandy:
You're both very welcome.

Chilli is chasing paper. I can assure you that if you fall from her bank statement right now, it will result in a compound fracture.

Lol! Chillisauce haff suffa

ifyalways:
Now that's whatsup!
Did I add " netflix" to my omugwo to-do list? Coco, take note.

Edwife, Glad to see you around.

Lol! How could we miss that one?

Coco knows I can't do without my epic Nollywood movies. I must be transcended back in time to over 300 years ago! Infact, Ify - your head dey dia wella

The Ealing property is definitely more beautiful, more "eye-catching" no doubt about that but I think I'll go with the Nigerian property.

For starters, the latter has got over double number of rooms compared to the former, and the increasing value of any property is directly proportional to the number of rooms it's got. Then when you throw in the prime location of the Nigerian property, you've got a no brainer in your hands in terms of it's potential to generate more money.

Look at it this way: Nigerians are big time consumers of anything branded "foreign" from the West. The cosmetic changes needed to make the Abuja property sparkle or become equally eye-catching can be easily resolved by shipping in a container or two jam packed with stuff from Argos/Currys/B&Q. The cost of doing that is nothing compared to the massive structural changes needed to further increase the value of the Ealing property - for which you may or may not even get planning permission (another bureaucratic, red tape, time-wasting but unavoidable evil).

Secondly, although the value of properties in both locations appreciates over time, the value of the U.K property is subject the constantly evolving "Boom and Burst" cycles - but then again, it depends on what you intended to use it for.

Like I mentioned earlier, dangle a few Western sparkles coated in glitter before the eyes of Nigerians and watch them dance to your tune - meaning you'll recoup the costs of your initial investment and more within the first year or two if you rent the modified Abuja property to high paying government officials / expatriates. Let it serve as a top notch guest house with all the bells and whistles, or covert it to an off campus student accommodation for wealthy parent with Ajebutter kids.

Saga go for the Abuja property and watch your account swell. You'll be smiling all the way to the bank.

ifyalways:
Thank you.

I want come "omugwo" for your house. Modernised omugwo I mean sha. It's a situation whereby I eat, sleep, watch movies, eat and sleep again. You get to cook for me( no biggie, you cook a lot) , take care of me, baby, and yourself.

Nne nye m postcode gi. I'm vely leady. . Jisie ike, mama ejima.

I like this.

Ify, I follow you for back do the modern Omugwo. Coco - you've now got two visitors.

Eddy merry xmas to you too. Lyndaroyce& Byvan I see you both.

Now where is Chillisauce?

I'm sooo tired!! I just wanna sleep! Or hibernate even - until the new year.

May this cup called Christmas preparation pass me by...

Anyway, seasons greetings mums, dads & everyone else in the house.

Happy "sixteenth" birthday Lady Salsera.

Eddy, welcome back and one step at a time, yeah? It will get easier with time, I promise you - but don't rush it.

@ Kimoni, lol!

ifyalways:
Thank you Cocoa. Compliments of the season to you and yours.

EfemenaXY, hello to you lady and compliments of the season.

Daalu, Ify

Merry Christmas to you you and the family. Kedu?

cococandy:
This room just silent.

Chillisauce where are you? Gathering all the money abi? Softly softly o.

Edwife pls hang in there. I know nothing anyone can say will be adequate.

Moca (Xoxom) you too.

Madam Ifyalways. I salute

Efemenaxy

Wishing everyone the very very best.

I'm good dear. How're you though?

Merry Christmas Coco baby.

oluafam:
Please my people I recently had a fight with my sister in-law on whom to sit at the drawal at the shop when the brother(my husband) is not around. She insisted that she must sit there that the shop belongs to her brother. I on the other hand tried to let her know that whatever belongs to my husband belongs to me also and that I am not supposed to drag it with her. After what seemed like an endless fight I picked my children and left the place and never went back except to drop my children anytime I'm going out.
Now one of my husband's apprentice just left and there's need for another hand. He asked me to come and assist and that I can sit anyway I like and i refused to go. (he has made this promise before, and when we had that fight, I neither saw nor heard him scold his sister).
Before now I begged him to be giving me some allowance no matter how little but he refused though he has never queried me anytime I take money. But I don't feel comfortable taking it without his knowing and this has always left my purse empty.
I've decided to go and assist. But I want to do that on one condition, which is- either he gives me a daily or weekly allowance or I look for job no matter how little.(I've B.Sc and a good handiwork).
So my people will it be out of place(too greedy) to ask for an allowance?Your comments urgently needed.
Meanwhile sister in-law is still around and waiting for nysc.
cc. EfemenaXY and others

I think you need to decide what your priorities are and start from there. i.e. Looking after your kids or getting a job. The reason I say this is because going by what you've posted so far in here, I get the impression you're indecisive.

How old are your babies and how many have you got? Do you have adequate childcare in place? Who will be looking after them while you're away and for how long? If you were to place them in a creche, who'll be paying for this? And if you will, will the earnings from your potential job cover this expense with enough "spare change" for your other needs?

Which brings me to an all important question: what sort of jobs have you considered so far? Or if you're intending to start up a business, where do you intend to source capital from? Yes I get the bit about you being quite handy (bead making) but you'll need money to buy the materials at the very least. So how will you achieve this?

Someone asked an important question about your husband's business which you haven't responded to yet. i.e. How was this funded? Does this belong 100% to him or is it an extended family run business - which might explain his sister's stance - and I quite understand where she's coming from (not that I agree with her though).

And finally what's the situation now? You helping out there now and has you husband agreed / conceeded with your request to grant you an allowance for upkeep? You mentioned you were thinking of asking him. Have you asked him yet? And if not, then how are you coping with even the basics such as purchasing toiletries (sanitary pads, etc) for yourself / hygiene?

Your response to these questions will determine the sort of advice I can offer you.

njokusboy:
Lol, flog me...
You wish..

I don't wish. I know.

njokusboy:
Lol, you don vex already?

Vex ke? You should know me better than that.

njokusboy:
No be only emotional tirade, na emotional parade..
Why dem no dey collect the stolen good come leave the thief if dem catch am, why dem dey flog am join?
Just say e no too sweet you as the guy punish the girl like that ,
You don't need to publicly announce it, just whisper to my ear, make people no hear
Dat girl would think twice before cheating on someone else next time.

Na wa o! How e take concern me? Wetin concern agbero with overload?

Biko stop making a mountain out of a molehill. See as you carry dem matter for your head. At the end of the day,the end result has been achieved. Doesn't mean she's "learnt her lesson". How do you know she hasn't gone back to the guy she cheated on him with? Or is there a part two to this?

There are more important topics for you and I to lock horns over with. More substantial arguments elsewhere for me to flog you with. Properly.

aveiro:
i was like.what wrong with the mother

What makes you think there anything wrong with her?

Kimoni:
Loooool...you and chilli have killed my love for shicken and ships o can't remember the last time I had it

Everytime I see cucumber I remember you; pleaseeeee tell me why?

Dunno oh. Why do you?

njokusboy:
No mind that woman, no be today I don sabi her.

Abegi. Lemme hear word jare.

njokusboy:
And there you go again, the efe I know, one assumption following the other, no be only he dint sleep for 3 week . Next, you go say he almost commit suicide...
A simple "it's over" won't have achieved the same effect which was to actually shame her... next time she won't attempt to mess with people and keep a straight face..,
This is the kinda justice you'd normally applaud, isn't it, you didn't see anything psychotic about a woman deliberately infecting a wandering man with HIV some time ago... just because a woman got bitten this time, ur shouting foul play
In Vic 0's voice? WHY SO HYPOCRITE?
Why? why? why?

Oh pls! I can't have a sensible discussion with you when you go on an emotional tirade. Calm down jor.

I never supported her actions. All I'm saying is that he didn't gave to resort to such drastic measures. The same effect would have been achieved - i.e terminating the relationship.

Besides, he won't be the first or last person to be cheated on. Life still goes on, with or without the drama.

thelish:
Madam if u pamper this ur husband join this laziness, na be say u go quick old ooo.
I was once In ur shoe. The problem is, they feel too big n proud to do some certain jobs irrespective of d cash in flow. U can report him to anybody he respects.

So how did you turn your situation around?

njokusboy:
Nd what is so psychotic about dumping a cheat in such a spectacular way to teach her a lesson if you can afford it.. from which logical angle is the girl better off
Abi u just pissed she got served being a sentimental woman yourself?

Nah. I'm not the sentimental one. You are.

And no, I'm not pisséd. Question is, why go through so much detail? He probably didn't sleep a wink for those 3 weeks.

A simple "it's over because xyz", would have sufficied. Achieved the same effect too.

Mindfulness:


I was thinking the same but I guess he feels cool and funky now.

Lol! Just watched the video.

Funny stuff and yes, that definitely was one funky English man. Cunning even - to make sure his back was covered too.

At least he's not of the primitive mindset we've got hovering around like monitoring spirits, wanting to pour acid on her, rip off her earlobes with pliers, or beat her náked on the streets.

njokusboy:
Dat she got dumped for cheating abi
Iranu...
He should have even done it in a public place, so everyone can know she's a cheat.. make we see how lucky she dey

What difference does it make where he dumped her?

I said going by the man's psychotic tendencies (i.e. him going through the very elaborate rigmarole of dumping her) she is better off without him.

Mindfulness:


I was thinking the same but I guess he feels cool and funky now.

Lol! I guess so. She should count herself lucky though.

Mindfulness:
I have just added to it since this thread is a nice opportunity to find ways to protect our children.

Ok, I didn't read carefully enough. I agree then.

Ok

Have you ever heard of naturist beaches where people, entire families, swim and sunbath naked? I am sure you have. It is natural for these people to grow up seeing all sorts of na.ked bodies. I didn't grow up like this so it is strange for me but I can see many advantages in practicing this lifestyle such as seeing nudity as something natural and not offending or dirty.

Of course I have, but that's completely different. You're referring to a setting specifically "designed" to meet the beliefs of a particular "cult" or set of people who share a common ideology. That's hardly the case for the public pool which caters for everyone hence the demarcations. Those with nudíst ideologies can, and are free to use the group unisex changing rooms, while the more conservative group of people should be allowed to change in the gender only rooms. Nudïsts should respect the perceptions of others and not force their ideologies on non-nudïsts / conversationalists.

The boy ogled because he is not used to seeing a na.ked girl. It is a sensation since it is new and since he is used to people covering their bodies in shame.

And how would you feel if you were the girl's mother, or better still, the little girl? You don't think her privacy was being invaded upon by his unblinking stare?

At what point does decorum kick in, if at all, since you're of the opinion that people "cover their bodies in shame"?

Didn't you say he peed there?

No. I said he tried to have a little peep. As in "peeping Tom". I.e. commit lookery.

It is not about your daughter. It is more about the thin line between being careful and panicking. I don't want mylife to be guided by fear but I see the necessity of being careful.

Okay.

But in a morally decadent society, one can never be too careful.

babygirlfl:
Like Onegai rightly said, just how much can we watch our kids? At 17, most of us were already in University. How is the mum going to watch a girl at university. At what age are we going to stop watching them? Even the mum mum watching someone might not be safe. Who will watch that old lady that was raped?

We need teach society to see rape for what it is. We need to not only create awareness, but purnish severely those who perpetuate this crimes. We need to shame this perpetuators and make them lose their jobs, position and freedom. Only a few example is enough to reduce this menace.

No one is disputing that awareness should take front seat, or that perpetuators of rape shouldn't face the law and be punished. That goes without saying.

And of course no one is claiming that a girl child be policed for the rest of her life either. The point I'm making, hard as it may be to accept is that this girl sugarbelly or whatever obviously lacked that parental guidance during her formative years. Seventeen obviously wasn't the first time she'd had sex was it? But let's keep that aside for a moment.

Those sexual acts she described in such detail in his car - does that sound normal to you? I still remember how I was at seventeen and I certainly hadn't tasted that minefield / partaken in the very adult game called sex.

Bottomline here is this: if she had been closely monitored by her parents from childhood, she wouldn't have had that emotional void which she wrongly assumed could be filled by a man.

She had both daddy & mummy issues.

Mindfulness:
Awareness, sensitivity to your child's moods and trust between parents and kids is the key. I remember my parents telling me that I should never follow any strangers, that nobody is allowed to touch me or kiss me, that I should be careful in such and such situation and it went a long way. I am happy to say that nothing has ever happened to me because my parents prepared me very well.

But of course. I believe I touched on the awareness bit. You're simply buttressing my point.

What do you want a mother of a 3-year-old boy to do? Like you said, there are male only and female only changing rooms.

I said there are male only, female only, and general (i.e. unisex / group) changing rooms. There are also a lot private cubicles in the general section also. Nothing stopped her from using any of those. I don't have issues with under 3's but I do have issues with over 3 year old boys in women's only rooms.

Would you in the same vein advocate that a dad bring his 3-6 year old daughter to the men's only changing room? Where she can see the full nudïty of a fully grown man?

Really, Mindfulness??

I have a different attitude when it comes to nudity. Children are very innocent in this respect. We adults have dirty minds surrounding this topic.

Sorry, I disagree with you on this.

I have witnessed instances where a mother asked another if she could change her 3 year old son in the same cubicle as her daughter (same age).

The girl's mother regretted it almost as soon as she'd agreed. Why? Because according to her, this 3 year old boy ogléd at the náked girl so much, even his mother was embarrassed and had to scold him for it. And yes, they're both Nigerians.

The behavior is not unusual but I would have taught him a lesson too.

Oh? Why would you?

I agree but I don't want my kids to grow up in fear. I want them to be careful and I want to be careful too but I don't want to panic.

What do you mean by "fear". I don't think I ever alluded anywhere in my post to my daughter being afraid. If anything, she is the opposite of what you've described.

Onegai:
Her parents gave her the money to pay for the lesson and left. Would you think Ikoyi club was a dangerous place? Would you think a swimming lesson in the afternoon was a dangerous place? The whole thing happened in the pool, who could see what her abuser was doing? Plus add to the fact that Nigerian society usually shames a woman (do you know one guy even asked her why she was taking swimming lessons, that "is it godly, what benefit was swimming lessons to her, she was not doing the right thing at the right time, all these ajebutter kids" blah blah), she was scared.
We cannot say "where was the mother?" Haven't you heard of pastors raping teenagers during prayer meeting, would you think a church was an unsafe place? Didn't someone here say a 3 year old got molested at creche, would a creche be somewhere you would panic about leaving your kid?
We cannot keep policing our children, how many eyes do you have? Won't you blink? If you're at work, if you're in the kitchen no? We must change society's perception of abuse and rape, so that if it happens, a couple of moronic university boys would not. laugh about it when they hear later on. They will be furious.
We have to change our mindset. Churches, creche and pools exist everywhere, it's the people inside that make it dangerous.

@Onegai : I've taken all of my kids for swimming lessons every term for the past seventeen years and not once have I seen a swimming instructor have the brazeness to gröpe and fínger a child the way you described, in BROAD DAYLIGHT in full view of EVERYONE in a very, very, public swimming pool.

Yes, I get your point of rapé happening in the most unexpected places as you described, but until people are fully aware, what do you do in the meantime? Continue placing a kid at risk (I.e. lone "prayer" sessions between your teenage daughter and dubious "pastors" )? Don't even get me started on the pastor ish.

So because I can't watch her 24 /7 means I'll put her in a compromising situation? I don't think so. Yes, I can't be there every day/ hour / second, but I can very well cut down on the possibility of such despicable acts occurring in the first place, and will therefore stick to the mantra that prevention indeed better than cure.

In the grand scheme of things, she's better off without him.

Only a certified psycho would go into that level of detail to exact revenge.

Mindfulness:
I read somewhere that the mother wasn't what we would call caring. The girl has been neglected by both her parents.

We shouldn't panic either. Millions of young girls spend a year abroad as exchange students and live with host families far away from home and nothing happens.

One word for parents, mothers: awareness.

To read about the level of depravity in Naija where séxuàl abuse of minors seems to be the norm is extremely disturbing. I have a happy-go-lucky three year old daughter. Very self assured, confident little madam. I would be watching over her even more closely than before. Victorian style. I am very old-school anyway though.

Do you know, I find it extremely distasteful when mothers bring their inquisitive 3-6 year old sons into female only changing rooms at our local swimming / sports leisure centre? There are male only, female only, and general changing rooms. Why bring boys in female rooms where the women of all ages strip nàkéd??

Took my daughter for her swim class yesterday and after that, to the female shower rooms. I always subconsciously go for the cubicle at the extreme left, furtherst away from the entrance corridor. Anyway, while shampooing my daughter, this little South American (Cuban?) tout arrives with his mother to use the next cubicle. No wahala. But after showering, was trying to come over for a little peep? One look at my fierce expression plus me pointing him back to his mother quickly wiped the smile off his face as he made a quick U-turn. Nearly kicked his little behind too. What nonsense.

Anyway, even though it's a female only changing room, I NEVER change her in the open. T'is always in the little private cubicles.

Call me old fashioned. My mantra? Prevention is always better than cure. Thank goodness her dad is just as old fashioned as I am, if not more sef...

Re: the bolded bit of your post. I will never allow such. Why take such risks in the first place? I'd rather go with her and book a hotel for us both. No way will I let her live with a strange family I know nothing off. I'd have to be crazy in the first place to even consider such.

Pls, you lot are scaring me.

Where was her mother when all of this was happening?

Abeg o! Still reading through this thread - but if there's one thing I'm quickly learning, we as parents - mothers especially - can't take our eyes off our girl child. Not even for half a second!

Onegai:
Don't say it's not that bad. I know someone who at 14 took swimming lessons at Ikoyi club. She was the smallest child ever, in thick glasses and certainly no Boobs or curves. The entire lesson, the older male instructor kept sliding his fingers under her bathing suit into her crotch. This terrified child would remove his hand and he would chill for a few. minutes, then fingers would. head back in. All this happened in broad daylight and since she was an inexperienced child, she began to. shiver and go even more quiet (that is the behaviour of most women when attacked, they retreat into. themselves). Finally. she. couldn't take. it anymore and whispered that her stomach was paining her so class should. end. Her fear and anguish reduced her to whispers.

Years later, when she was telling some guys the story, half of them blamed her for not shouting and acting like a combo of Voltron and Super Girl and beating him up, the rest half of those guys laughed and said she must have been enjoying it that was why she was quiet.

Even when. it's wrong, their minds instinctively go on the defense to the male accuser. Until that mindset changes, every man is a potential rapist in my eyes. Yes, family included (na dem worss pass sef). We need to stop defending the inexcusable.

There are good guys out there, but how am I to know which one is good until I'm in a compromising situation? It's upto them to defend their manhood and reclaim the honor that should be theirs by telling their peers to stop. After all, they keep. writing us women lists for How to keep a man, Ladies maintain your shape, Submission in Marriage etc so let them start weeding out the bad apples.