₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:
This is my favorite topic.

Mediation is the magic word in this context. Learn to quiet your mind first. This will enable you to control your thoughts in the next step and it is important because your thoughts determine your mood. Once you have learned to quiet your mind and control your thoughts, you will think in a way that feels good to you and this will determine your mood.

I can't live without meditation. I do it every day for 15-30 minutes. It is very easy. Sit down comfortably, set an alarm clock and pay attention to your breathing. Your mind will wander off again and again. This is normal and ok, especially in the beginning. Each time you notice it has wandered off, bring your attention back to your breathing. You will notice that you relax when you quiet your mind and life will become much easier. Pay attention to the moments where thoughts are absent. It is sensational.

It is a beautiful journey and extremely empowering.

Mediation. Nice one.

But what if the source of one's disquiet is right before them?

Would mediation work? Or rather taking one's self away from the source of distraction?

fellis:


Extremely vindictive!

Lol!

Details?

Mindfulness:
I thought I was notorious for being brazen.

Just do it! I have been missing you a lot.

I am sitting at my writing desk and will be sitting here for more hours than necessary just because I like the distraction that NL is.

Shocked, in quotes.

Miss you too, but can't.

Been meaning to ask you, how do you grow (not sure "emotionally" is the right word to use), to the point where you're physically able to exert enough power over your mind to control your levels of happiness? i.e. The determination not to let external factors / people get you down by adopting the concept: I / you are in in full control of my / your happiness?

Aside from always remembering / constantly reminding yourself to do so?

Mindfulness:
Why are you so shocked?

I was "shocked" at your brazenness.

(Sigh) wish I could join you lot in this conversation. Just got way too much to do.

I need me some "me time"...

Mindfulness:
I wouldn't call it queer behavior.

Maybe you should stay true to yourself and re-consider whether a monogamous relationship is your preference instead of beating up on yourself to fit into societal conventions, which do not do yourself and they way you are any justice.

We have been brainwashed into believing that we can only love and desire one person and we should be doing so for the rest of our lives when in fact our natural inclination is a different one.

Mindfulness!!

Mindfulness:
Good morning

Morning dear. Happy Sunday!

Valeree:
Dated a dude 2years ago who got so offended with everything the he complained about his job not paying enough (he's a staff in fed govt parastatal)
Hardly picks my call but gets pissed off anytime he called and i missed his calls.
Swears and shouts sometimes smashes his phone anytime his team looses (he's an arsenal fan)
Hates when other drivers over take him on the road, (he's a slow driver)
Hisses at me when I make a joke (he has little sense of humour)
Grumbles anytime he had to spend money on anything that is not him, I asked him for my gift and he told me its over ON my birthday.
And Yes, some of them are that way intentionally.

Such an unhealthy relationship.

You stayed with him for too long.

Shiningmama:
Happy New year

Happy New Year to you too.

Tried responding to your PM but got a "Message Delicery Failure" notification.

fellis:
I really hope my spouse doesn't cheat on me because hmmm, the way I take revenge so serious I doubt we will ever be able to coexist peacefully after I am done with my extremely vindictive payback. He would hate me too much.
I really hope he doesn't cheat sha.
Or if he cheats that he hides it from me very well so that I never find out.

How vindictive can your payback be?

SAMBARRY:
Kanwuliajara
Efemena
edwife
Cococandy and so on please come o

Is this girl actually a graduate

Like She seriously went to study law?


The law profession is in trouble if the Nigerian law school is churning out this type of products

Sorry babes.

New breed artists and dodgy lawyers aren't really my thing. I'm too old school.

Burntpalace:
Happy new year ladies!! Wishing peace and blessings to all.

Keep up the good work in 2016!

Happy New Year sweet Ile.

armyofone:
Efe, lunch at work can be expensive.
I have a coworker whose meals at work are fancy eats. For me, I just take a salad bowl and an avocado to work. Some days I go with my own cooked meals. I have 30 minutes for lunch so that's a good excuse not to go with them to get lunch outside.
My breakfast is an avocado...quite filling for Breakfast. Mid morning snacking is one organic brown egg and some nuts...I thank God for not adding any blobs this year
***Teamworkingout***

Lol! I have repented totally. No more fancy work lunches. The only deviation I had last week was to indulge in a double shot of wheat grass drink.

Chillisauce:
Thanks.
I use it mainly for spaghetti cabonara. .noodles, cream sauce and draw soup.

Are you still running?
I stopped almost a month now. The morning cold no be am at all.

Ahhh...cabonara - one of my favourite dishes.

Yep I still run too. But only on weekends now. Sun rise doesn't occur till 8:00 a.m

Chillisauce:
We went to search for mushrooms in the forest wit MIL and her friends (mushroom party)
See the quantity we got.

After then, nice wine, fois gras and baguette .
Very healthy . Mushrooms

How can you tell the edible ones from the poisonous ones?

Sagamite:
You are sexist!

You are a misogynist!

Fmartin:
she doesn't hv any reason what soever to commit abortion. Why dint she have family planning secretely instead?? Must she kill?

Why are you so heavily involved in someone else's marriage? What's in it for you?

Here we go again. Another Saint-and-Devilish spouse relationship.

Another poorly spun super story created by another bored teenager aimed at generating another gender war.

"Lady", if you must lie, then at least do it convincingly.

luxanne:
EfemenaXY,

Kindly check your mail ma'am.

Thanks

Your email address isn't valid. Delivery failure message generated.

What's this about anyway? If it's to participate / sponsor this event, not interested dear.

Sorry.

KDK:
It's been a while. Happy new year!

Lol! Same to you bro.

sheis:
@EfemenaXY, I have some savings that is running out. I am sure I will get a job soon.
As for relationships, I just don't want to bother anymore. If it comes, fine. If it doesn't, Fine.

I'll get a job. I am sure about that. Thanks all.

No worries.

But I never mentioned anything about relationships. I was referring to your family.

I'd like to read from the "fast, pray, and endure" crew. Where are they? With their juvenile comments of if you leave, another woman will take your place / reap where they never sowed etc?

Or that divorce is never the way? Or who will "look" after her, after she's left him?

These are the sort of topics that deserve front page coverage - for awareness sake. For all we know, that battered wife might be the end product of listening to silly advices churned out by the 14 - 18 year olds flooding this section of recent.

Anyway sha, I don't blame the man. She knew what he was capable of and chose to endure the abuse.

She should count herself lucky to still be alive. Mtcheew.

sheis:
Happy New Year everyone.
I thank you all for your advice.
@Cutehector, I am not a male.
These are my siblings. I have complained and explained. I am just out of Job right now and it is pretty tough.

@Kentzz, you are right. It does affect relationships. I was so concerned about fending for my family, I lost sight of what I would consider the right mate.
Now I am so angry that all my efforts have never been enough. I feel like running away.

Awww....Families eh? I get you completely.

It's okay love. Something will turn up soon - be positive.

Re: your original question - no. You aren't asking for too much. It's always good practice to keep something aside (no matter how little) for a rainy day.

Question for you though: Now you're inbetween jobs (I prefer using that phrase to "out of work" ), who is looking after your family & siblings? Financially I mean?

Keep this in mind, especially if they aren't starving or knocking on death's door - so when next you get a job, you won't be swayed to spend it all on them (again).

New Year, New Beginnings sister.

The comments on this thread

Lol, nice one.

Do her up so she looks like a movie star even while birthing.

lilmax:
Do you know the meaning of labour?

So?

What's that got to do with trying to look good through it? Would applying make up prevent the baby from coming out?

Fmartin:
i can see a Thomas in you. Tinz dat ar happening these daysu cnt just condemned this thread frm ur myopic point....... Of view

It's myopic of you to jump to conclusions without first hearing from both sides, then asking relevant questions before arriving at one-sided conclusions.

~ Have you spoken to his wife to find out the reasons behind her actions?

~ What is / was the gap between the pregnancies? Were they in quick succession of each other?

~ What is their financial situation like? Can they afford the additional costs? Or are you of the simplistic school of thought: Have as many as you possibly can because "God and well meaning Nigerians will provide"?

I have an issue with the word "consent". The favourite word of a very controlling person.

Is his wife a child? Or a piece of property to him??

budusky05:
I just got to know form my friend that his wife left with his kids since on the 26/12/15 to see her dad who resides in the same city, and she told him its just a nite and she will be back the next day, he said OK. After 4 days his wife's father called him and told him that he needed to get gifts for the kids thats why they were still with him. Its now 7 days past not even a word from his wife to explain why they still out there, not to mention asking him how he is coping with life, even after he sent her money just in case they might need more cash, she could not call him back to say thank you. That got him worried so he decides to visit the in-laws house only to find out they traveled to her dads village for over 6 days now.

Day 1...day 4...day 7...in this day and age. Hasn't your friend heard of a device called mobile phone? A quick call to find out what's going on wouldn't kill him. If he really was that concerned about their whereabout, he would have picked up that phone - rather than stewing, and steaming or doing "first to call".

He is threatening to quit the marriage,

Mtcheew.

Of course, divorce - the solution to everything. The substitute to plain old communication. This is what you get when little boys dabble in men's games.

@op: is your friend a violent person? Because going by what you've posted, your friend is throwing a hissy fit for not getting his way.

he complained lot of things that's been going on in his home to , I hv tried to calm him down ever since. Even asked him to call his wife and find out if all is well with her,

Good advice.

Re: the bolded - that should have been the first and natural thing to do, rather than threatening divorce at the drop of a hat. Why did you have to spell it out to him?

his planing on going to see his parents nd I know that will worsen things cus his parents will flame up things too, in as much as I don't support his wife action I told him heating up things won't be helpful at this stage . dont know if any one has a better suggestion

I'm sorry but it's either you aren't giving us the full picture, or your friend is incredibly childish.

First of all, I'll advice you to tread carefully because whether you like it or not, you're already an interfering third party to that union. You mention they already have issues and your friend seems to be looking to exit it anyway. Be mindful of the advice you give him so it doesn't come back to haunt you if the marriage breaks up. If you really are a true friend, you'll remain neutral and not take sides. Remember there are always two (or more) sides to any story. Until you "hear" from his wife, you certainly don't have the full story.

Secondly, I agree with you that getting his parents and family involved without even communicating with his wife is going over the top. This is just making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Let him start by picking up the phone to speak with his wife. Then after, if need be, let him go visit them and use that opportunity to mend any broken bridges with his inlaws this festive season. It is a time for forgiveness and good will anyway.

New year and new beginnings.

Fake thread with no substance.

He looks like death anyway.

hector:
My bro there are no hard n fast rules to anything in life. We all have exceptions to ideas n things.. which doesnt negate the truth.

If you work for someone and all you can do is feed then there is no much difference between u and a beggar.

If you wanna make money early enough then fly your nest early. Most late starters always end up wishing they had started earlier.

Working for someone does not equate to being a beggar! How did you work that one out?

flokii:
Ok sire


I get ur point... sorry for my mistakes

buh with what I read about him being a low income earner and d wife going into business painted a typical Nigerian couple to me

No worries bro. Apology accepted.

A man earning less than his wife isn't the exclusive to Nigerians only. It can happen to anyone, any couple around the world.

byvan03:
Efe's boys will be long married by the time the chic turns 18 .

babygirlfl:
Lol. Now I know why Efe want me and Byvan to keep fighting. We go they there they fight when she don take the queen. Ok Byvan, no more fighting. Chilli, I always trust you to tell me the truth.

Chillisauce:
I have told you o. Don't day I didn't warn. You see as she design coco nursery for her? Etc.

***giggles uncontrollably***...

byvan03:
Trust Chilli and you can trust anyone . Thanks for letting go without a fight .

cococandy:
Efe named the baby too
Kinda

Judas no. 2!!

byvan03:
Don't let Coco con you, she loves yam a lot and loves tradition even more. You mean you never gave her any yam and you dey form suitor? Babygirl come collect bed sleep jare .

Choi! All this upon pikin & yam matter

byvan03:
You sure sey no be boy? This your "am enjoying this "doesn't seem genuine . Coco have you been misleading us ?

ROTFLMAO!!!

Nna, ladies how Efe matter come enter this gist sef? Carry on abeg!

Seasons greetings to you all - and warmest hugs from Efe!