₦airaland Forum

Both your interests and life goals don’t align and neither is willing to compromise. Your wife lost interest in sex and eventually you followed suit.

Did you guys talk about your long term goals before marriage? Did you know she wanted to create her own fashion label? Did she know you wanted her to work a traditional job?

It appears your wife had put her own dreams on the back burner to enable you continue with your academic pursuit, but she couldn’t hold out for long. And when you started cheating, she decided the marriage was not worth sacrificing her dreams.

Since you guys fight all the time, this separation appears to be a good thing. You guys can now take time off to think about what you really want. I feel so sorry for you guys and the kids, but don’t worry it is not the end of the world. The both of you will be fine.

This is how we ought to be paying tithe

Damn,
People are wicked oh

Oga, what are you waiting for?
Why do you want to give quit notice? Did you guys sign a lease agreement? Are they paying rent? Now is the best time to remove their things from the house since they are in the village, then send the husband a text message with info on where to find their things. Don’t fall for any crocodile tears again oh!

tugar:
I wonder how people think these days, your brother inlaw for that matter, in African settings he's your husband also, accommodating him for a short while won't do you any harm, this is marriage not friendship, you will definitely need their assistance one day, no body is an Island.

At bolded, how do you know it is for a short while?
My parent thought my dad’s cousin was going to live with us for a short while too until she stayed for 11 years! Last last, Na my papa use him own hand chase am. To get her settled, my dad paid the rent for one year lease and there was still some bad blood because my dad asked her to leave his house after accommodating her for 11 years.

I just feel bad for the ‘not-pregnant’ girlfriend that (probably) thought she was in a committed relationship. She is about to learn some harsh lessons of life.

Acidosis:
Is getting a job with a Master's degree better than running a firm of your own with the knowledge gotten from a Master's programme?

Just asking..

I have no idea. I’ve never been on both sides of the divide.
I asked because his certificate was not absolutely required for him to run his business, So he does not mind his wife having none.

He is a masters degree holder but he runs supermarket and bakery. Does your friend use his degrees? Does he have another job which he got with his scholarly credentials?
Your friend is probably satisfied with any lady that is into business since he is running businesses as well.

So he spotted himself?

eyinjuege:
She said she has her own money or intends to. She talked about working hard in one's youth to afford life's luxuries
She didn't talk about a ready made man anywhere, you just naturally assumed getting married equates elevation out of poverty.

Abi oh.
I had to scroll back up to read the original post.
The post explicitly states that she (original poster) is "striving to achieve her goals" to make life easy for "her, hubby and children" and nowhere does she(original poster) mention a man's contribution talk less of a "ready-made man", but because professor of inference studies has never seen a woman work to finance their own comfort, it is obviously an impossible feat. And thus she decided to "scratch beneath the surface" and "infer" that a ready-made man will be financing all these luxuries.

The lady is an absolute shameless old hag!
What the heck is wrong with some people sef?
Also, why is your friend still hell bent on marrying someone with such an evil character? He need to receive sense.

Frustrated Rat

LMAO

Has your wife ever had an orgasm?
Is her sexual satisfaction an important focus in your sex life?

I’m speaking for myself here. I love an orgasm. I also love the journey to an orgasm. I am reluctant to engage in any sexual activities that do not have an orgasm as the goal, even if I enjoy it.

GetMeRight:
DHL does business with people not animals and they do it in city not in the bush or forest. The question has become useless with the image attached to it, no need to answer it.
They got their concept wrong. Animals and bush shouldn't be the face of Africa in the 21st century.

Point Taken

QueenOfNepal:
Now this is sincere ignorance. Always remember that the Whites will always try to see you from the prism of Bushland and Wild animals so give them hard knocks when they makes such weird impressions

Hence the question! “What is the best thing about Africa?” They did not say “Safaris are the best thing about Africa”.
Did they imply by that image that safaris are all you can find in Africa? That was not the impression I got.
If that was the impression you got, good for you.
That same DHLAfrica account has posted numerous pictures depicting big African cities on other occasions.
You can carry on with your ignorance.

But wetin dey wrong for that zebra picture now? Safaris are one of Africa’s attractions, so why are they vexing?
Ordinary question: what is the best thing about Africa?
See as dem dey para, some of them no even bother to answer sef.

Oyinbo people don’t seem to see anything wrong with sleepovers. They even send their kids to non relatives for sleepover so I am not surprised that grandma wants a sleepover.
You said she can bond with your baby all through the day but not over the night, what do you feel grandma will do overnight that she can’t do during the day?

In a country where a certain governor has prioritized the erection of statues over the payment of salaries, do you really expect mallam to use tape to measure 100m from a school before he set up his kiosk? Regulations like this are difficult to enforce in Nigeria.

jaksmillioniar:
if u think I will insult u I wont cos am matured than that.dont mention me in ur life again

Do your worst.

jaksmillioniar:
dat I drink panadol

Have you considered investing the time you spend on nairaland in education yourself?

jaksmillioniar:
u better shut up ur mouth efore I get mad at u can u be matured. make ur point witout insult. I put birthday blogs because I care for my friends not a wedding pix were nobody knw u yet u show urself to d world

Kindly point out the insult in my post.

Why do you open threads to wish someone happy birthday? Can't you DM them? Must you make it a public announcement?
You no see the one way you dey do, you dey chuck eye for other people own. Abeg, to each his/her own. If you don't want to see the picture shut your eyes. You just dey drink panadol for non existent headache.

You could explain what happened to your friend and show him the messages you archived. He can relay the info to your ex's wife.

You could send the messages you archived to your ex's wife yourself.

You could ignore them altogether and continue living your life.

I wouldn't stick with anyone who treats me like that while I am ill. You did the right thing, now move on

LMAO, honestly some of the offenses you listed are hilarious.

"Leaves home before husband"
is this really offensive to you? Why is order in which you guys leave the house so important?

"Rides past husband"
I would really like to know what exactly the offense is here. She did not stop on the road to say hi? Or you are angry she got home before you?

She was wrong to have kept up the picture you didn't like.
If she has to leave the house at 5am, expecting her to do the chores is unrealistic
The both of you need to work on yourselves, you are both selfish and not willing to compromise.

BTW, I have NEVER heard of a wife's family going to beg a man after he physically abused their daughter, it's usually the other way around.

Why are you frowning at it? Does it hurt the kids to say thank you after every meal? If the parent wants to be thanked then let them train their kids to say thank you. It does not hurt anyone.

I think the point is to train the kids to say thank you especially when the food is not offered by the parents. If they are not trained to say thank you to their parents, they may not know they should say thank you to other people.

Some husbands say thank you to their wives for preparing the food, wife responds by thanking him for bringing money to buy ingredients. Nothing spoil

Everybody in my village grows fruits and rear animals.

Khonifer:
Your mum has been too nice, too kind, too submissive, too soft.

I blame her really. She wasn't penniless or dependent, yet she allowed herself go through such emotional and physical trauma. She took in everything he gave her without uttering a word. You sure say no be your mama born Jesus?

The truth is, if you give menpeople leg, they will be looking for ways to collect leggings. If you no open eye dem go wan chook hand for inside your nose. The only reason your father brought those children to her house is because he knew she would let him. And she did didn't she? Your father has fed that woman śhit and she has eaten every last bit of it.

Mtchhew. Na wen day don break she wan begin open eye. She will not divorce him joor. She will feed and cloth and educate those children and they will grow up and still feel she owes them something. Their mother will never utter a word of thanks and your father will blame her for their existence. And he will be backed up by men like that person up there. They will call her names, degrade her for being the breadwinner, say that she was too rude, not virtuous enough, and let's not forget their favourite term. She wasn't submissive enough.

You, op will not be left out either. You also are to be blamed for your father's mistakes because, how dare you not take his side? You must be a woman, ruled by emotions, brainwashed by your mother, who is also ruled by emotions. Yes. Your mother probably never suffered all the things you want to make us believe she did. And even if she did, it must have been her being the breadwinner that caused it. Oh.. You're a man? Then you are a young naive man that doesn't know his left from his right. Don't you know your mother should be submissive and be virtuous and christlike and accept the children? Don't you know she should feed and clothe and care for the reminders of your father's numerous fuckings with his side chic?

Lol. Nairaland has shown me madness in high places.

Ah, you didn't know that a woman's virtue and submissiveness is directly proportional to how much cra.p she can take from her husband?
She remained in an abusive marriage... not virtuous enough
Worked her ass off to build a home for the family... not submissive enough
Attended naming ceremony of husband's love child... not virtuous enough
Refused to allow husband's kids into her home... Ah! but this is the only way she can become virtuous. The only way she can receive her plaque of virtuousness and submissiveness in heaven is by accepting, loving and raising those kids. Anything less would result in no award and to punish her 'unsubmissiveness' God himself will shorten her ration of blessings and favour.

pato405:
But Christ "suffered for your own sins and was the one who suffered emotional, psychological and physical abuse" for you.(Isaiah 53 v 5; II Corinth 5 v 21).

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corin 5 v 21)


If you are a true christian, I'm sure you'll be ashamed of what you typed up there after reading those verses.

You Sir, are an evil person. It is absolutely evil to use the bible as a tool of oppression.
It is when it relates to women that you will start quoting bible to suit your evil purposes.

You should be faithful to your wife, just as you take water from your own well and don't be like a stream from which just any woman may take a drink.
Save yourself for your wife and don't have sex with other women. Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She is beautiful and graceful just like a deer; you should be attracted to her and stay deeply in love.
Don't go crazy over a woman who is unfaithful to her husband! The Lord sees everything and he watches us closely. Sinners are trapped and caught by their own evil deeds. They get lost and die because of their foolishness and lack of self control.
Proverbs 5:15-23.

Didn't you see the above scripture in your bible reading?
You have evaded multiple monikers asking you if you will accept illegitimate kids from your wife. Why? Because you cannot swallow the pill you are prescribing. If you cannot do what you are suggesting, why are you trying to oppress someone into doing it? When your wife brings home someone else's kids, use your bible qoute to help you accept and train them.
This woman has suffered all kinds of abuse and oppression, and now that she has mustered the strength to liberate herself, evil people like you are insisting she must remain in that oppressive state in the name of virtuousness. You even had the nerve to tie hers and her children's blessings to her helping the illegitimate kids.
I hope God has a special place in hell for people like you.

pato405:
With OP's mums resentment and hatred for those children, I'm afraid she'll starve them silly.

But you know what? starving them will not kill them. It could make them stronger, wiser, and galvanise them to chase avenues for survival. It's just plain human instinct - the will power for survival. They might suffer now o! but with time, they'll have learnt enough survival skills and have more street sense to adapt with difficult times than the other aje butter side.

And ofcourse you know that whosoever have street sense, will cope and make it in lyf. They'll be fine when they eventually grow - I'm sure. I just pity the poor kids.

Wait oh. Is it the OP mum's responsibility to feed the children? Their father and mother are still alive, why are you insisting that the OP's mum should feed them?
Yes, she resents and probably hates the kids. Is it not justified? How would you feel waking up every morning to kids from your wife's side d!ck in YOUR house? House that you built with your sweat! You will be happy abi?
She does not want anything to do with the kids, is it by force? Why must she accept them in HER house? Yes, they are free to grow on the street and become fvcking Bill Gates, just leave mama out of it. It is not by force!
This is the kind of sh!t that men like you will never accept but will be shoving it down women's throats.
You think women are robots with no feelings? WTF!

OP, your mum has tried, their is no reason for her to be develop high blood pressure over someone else's kids. She should stand her ground and send those kids back to their mother, their father can follow them too. Good riddance.

Sebastine1606:
What I meant is on occasion of weakness in sex and bedmathics ,if she can't continue, which is understandable,she may quit, God supports it "divorce on occasion of adultery..... .but I mean helper, coz when he falls on cases like ds, you may forgive him, pray for him, show him love and win him forever

Wow, is that what helper means nowadays? I must have been gone for too long. I hope the leader will be able to do the same to the helper when she falls too

Sebastine1606:
That's why you are the helper, help mate, not contestant mate

I know I am a helper. What is your point?

You have not answered my question! Did God give leadership of the home entirely to the man? Or did he give man leadership in other aspects and gave woman leadership in faithfulness and sex?