funmisticqueen:
You were making sense until you said women should cut their cloth according to their size, forgetting that women are hypergamous in nature and will always want to marry men that are better than their fathers. please ladies,go for men above your class.

It is mindsets like this that makes the feminist movement look like a joke in Nigeria. Men are not your personal poverty alleviation scheme and should not be seen as your ticket to switching social class.
Having said that, men often marry below their class so they can exert full control over their wives. If a woman does not have a problem with that kind of arrangement then follow the above advice.

Metooreal:


Note: preferred age of the counsellor should be between 50 - 60, must be married with his wife, ready to travel down to my parent state of residence. Must own a car with a driver. Respected and vocal.

Thanks

Why don’t you get a car and driver for your parents? You are likely to pass up a good counselor due to your highly specific conditions

You are going to need to post more than just words.

Good call.
It’s a pity women in Nigeria do not have the courts to count on in instances such as this.
That is why being a stay at home mom is risky AF. Sometimes it costs more to send kids to crèche/kindergarten while mom works but I will still pick that over having no career.

Acidosis:


Most of the qualities women want in their ideal man are the same qualities of a cheat.

LMAO. You people are funny oh.

eni4real:
That is a resourceful wife.. with good visions..

A feminist will use the whole money to buy phones, designer clothes and still accuse the man of being useless!!!

A Feminist is selfish and not homely like this young lady!!!

LMAO. This is the funniest definition of a feminist I have ever seen. You people are just making sh.t up at the point.

Theyoungmatron:
I think this is tpia.

A lone-ranger rocking her thoughts alone

Chai! I haven't heard that name in a long time. I think say una don bully am out of nairaland

nwanneni:
thank you!!
Logic over sentiments

Will you have the same ideas if the woman was the one bringing in the money? I ask because you lot are quick to change it up and ask her to 'submit' her money to her husband, since he is the 'head' he gets to decide how the money is spent.

Excesslove222:


Its to be done in Nigeria... Thank you for the advice
I guess moving forward, ill have to start looking out for myself and my kids "selfishly".

Trusting him too much may just be why I'm so hurt.

It hurts to plan with someone and have them break your trust repeatedly. Like someone said, it is his money and so don't have much say on how he spends it. When you depend on someone for something, you don't really have a choice on what they give you, you take whatever you get.
To gain the kind of financial freedom that you want, you need to pull your weight as far as bringing income to the home is concerned. This may not be the way marriage is supposed to work, but unfortunately this is the reality of your situation.

Guy, you go kill yourself on top nairaland woman matter. If you channel all this energy into investing in yourself you will be better off. There are so many free courses on the internet, try doing some and before you know it, you can differentiate between a thread and a blog.

Time
I just need time to cool off

My his family find strength in whatever they hold dear.

BRETHA:
This is for the ladies who are looking to settle down.

When it comes to dating, the saying goes there’s no one way rule to go about it but I believe they’re ways to help yourself if things are not going to plan. But I really want to speak on something extremely important, something that has changed my life. When I entered the dating world, I would meet loads of guys. I was so focused on the external aspect of my life, my looks, my clothes my hair, my body and all these shallow things that had no substance. I thought these things will give me the man I wanted. I gave up my body freely to men within only months of dating, and I began to see a pattern. I was attracting the same kind of men and I was seeing the same results, men who would come in and out of my life and nothing else. I decided to make a change. This generation encourages casual sex, vanity and nonsensical things. There’s a reason why so many women are single in this generation, searching for husbands when some of the problems lie deep within yourself,something that men will never reveal to you.

Women please stop giving out your body so freely, it devalues and cheapens you. Stop having sex with a man within the first second third etc month. I 100 percent advise against pre marital sex but if you must, build a solid friendship based on trust and understanding before unraveling that side of you. A man might stay with you, he will love you, but he will never take you seriously if you share such an intimate side of you so quickly. Men are very smart when choosing a wife, a man of value is not going to marry a lady who doesn’t carry her body like a pure temple. If you are a virgin, please keep it and NEVER give it up to a man who is not your husband. Your husband will cherish you so much as virginity is one of the best gifts you can give to each other in marriage. If you are getting the same results from men, this is probably the number one reason why. They’re good men out there, you just need to value yourself more. Sex will not keep him no matter how good you think you are in bed.

I also need ladies to have more substance. Your fine sexy body with perfect makeup and wigs will not get you the desired man you dream of. Showing off your body might get you attention, but not the one you truly desire for a long lasting relationship. Sometimes you might see a couple, a very fine man with a plain looking woman, and then you ask yourself why? why her and not me, im beautiful yet no man takes me seriously, whyy?Darling, its because there’s something about the plain woman that makes her outstanding from the rest. She has internal substance which has longevity. Your inner beauty shines brighter than the one outside. Work on your character ladies. This is not to say you can go around looking unpresentable, but try not to fix your whole life on looks and shallow things which fade. Have substance, wisdom, a career, kindness, homely attributes, something tangible that can attract a man equal to your kind.

Use your youth wisely and Invest your time meaningful. Because once it’s gone, you’ll only have your self to blame. Do not allow the nasty things of this generation to waste your time.

Nobody give a sh*t about what you need. If you were so focused on all the advise you are dishing here you will not have time "need" anything from other women.

My own is, when are men going to start giving women their virginity for christ’s f*cking sake? I need virginity to cherish the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

bukatyne:


There would always be reasons why a spouse doesn't want sex. There are times when both parties are not in the mood.

However, the concept of consent makes each party realize that this is my duty and I am not doing my spouse a favor and it is wrong to hoard or use sex as a bargaining/reward tool.

Instance A, a sane spouse would join in the race for achievement

B: Seperation & Divorce is allowed for adultery. The faithful spouse can report to a respected figure. STD is no joke.

C: The party who doesn't want kids should get family planning

If you are forced to the point of injury, seek redress.

Like I said the concept of marriage vows as consent for all sexual activities at all times in the marriage is open to interpretation.

I just pointed out a handful of scenarios as an example of legitimate reasons for avoiding sex in a marriage, I wasn't really asking for a response to those, just trying to show that you are using one blanket judgement for a subject with many nuances.

But based on your proffered solutions to the stated scenarios, I think you are intentionally refusing to consider that this subject has too many grey areas and should not be treated as black and white as you have done, and it is clouding your judgement.

For instance, solution for A - "join in the race for achievement"? LMAO. So if your spouse to too stressed to think about sex, get yourself stressed too so both of you are too stressed to consider sex? Do you really think this is what a "sane" spouse would do? A sane spouse will wait! Ph.D dissertation writing take ~6months of long hours and hard work and sane partners have and can wait it out.

For the other solutions you proffered, there are so many what ifs, so i'll leave it alone.

Again, how is it better for the society that there is "nothing like marital rape"?

What are the goodies?

bukatyne:


Interesting.

Outwitted by other posters you say?

I do not create thread to battle wits. If you go through my threads, you would notice they are for educational and discussion purposes.

No amount of discomfort would change the fact that there is nothing like marital rape.

And the earlier intending wives know this, the better for them and the society as a whole.

If they have issues in the marriage that would prevent the wife from joyfully making love to her husband, they should sort it out.

I am not surprised that posters only seem concerned with the wives.

Should we assume that husbands are never 'raped'?

The problem I have with your stance is that you are using one blanket statement for a topic that has so many nuances.

There is nothing like marital rape in Nigeria. Since you claim that the marital vows are a one time consent given for all sexual activities to follow. What about countries where spousal rape is prosecutable? Are their marital vows different? No. The issue of consent being covered by marital vows is subject to different interpretations. Why? Because marital vows do not include "I hereby give you consent for all sexual relations after this wedding". To insist that your own interpretation is the correct one is a bit myopic.

There are so many issues that would prevent a spouse from agreeing to make love to their partners. You make it sound as if people do not have legitimate/logical reasons to refuse sexual intercourse even in a marriage.

Husband/wive is wrapping up Ph.D dissertation, is constantly stressed and tired, has no sex drive and explained the situation to spouse.
Spouse is having extramarital affairs, faithful spouse is unable to stomach having sex with a cheating partner and told spouse just that.
Spouse does not want to have sex without protection, partner insist on unprotected sex or no sex at all.
One partner wants more kids, other one is not ready.
Should I go on?
If these issues are not resolved in a timely manner the willing partner should have not qualms forcing their way because there is no such thing as marital rape. And if your spouse forces themselves on you, don’t feel hurt or angry because they can’t be prosecuted. Smile and be happy.

How is it better for the society that there is "nothing like marital rape"?

bukatyne:


Interesting.

Outwitted by other posters you say?

I do not create thread to battle wits. If you go through my threads, you would notice they are for educational and discussion purposes.

No amount of discomfort would change the fact that there is nothing like marital rape.

And the earlier intending wives know this, the better for them and the society as a whole.

If they have issues in the marriage that would prevent the wife from joyfully making love to her husband, they should sort it out.

I am not surprised that posters only seem concerned with the wives.

Should we assume that husbands are never 'raped'?

Maybe if you were not hammering on wives alone. The discussion would broaden out. Or maybe replace wife with spouse?

Young03:
What your husband is doing is not bad but he's over doing it

new genration wifes baffles me

my mom will leave house by 6am comes back at 8pm n will still cook akpu

and before she leaves in the morning. she sweeps the compound


Reduce your working hours


Do u even support the family with 40% of your earnings?

What is more baffling is how some men like yourself like to point to the back breaking work their own mothers had to endure.
Imagine your own mother working for 14 hours and still coming home to pound akpu.
Is this something to brag about?
Can you yourself work those same hours outside and still come home to do all that your mother did? Can you do it?
Shouldn’t it inspire you to change the system so that your daughters don’t have the run the home all by themselves?

cuterichbigdick:
A rich father that does not help his children simply doesn’t want them to be successful like him only shows how selfish and unreasonable he is and it is dangerous for him in the nearest future.

Please I want to know, why is it dangerous for him?

Can you answer these questions too?
Do you (and your brothers) contribute to your father's upkeep regularly, no matter how little?
Do you guys buy gifts for him?
Have you guys recognized a significant need that he had and took care of it (even though you know he can afford it?)
Does your Father demand money from you guys? Does he tell you how to spend your money?

I think you are being incredibly selfish. You have refused to consider your father side of things.
Your Father is getting old, he cannot work as he used to in the past.
He needs to save for his own upkeep. Old people need to survive too, they often have chronic illnesses that require recurrent spending.
You guys are young and you can hustle. Allow that man to live the remainder of his life on his own terms. He has worked, let his reap the fruit of his labour.

I consider my sister in law my sister. I think of her as part of my family and my parents treat her as their own kid. I have zero issues with my mum sharing things about me with my sister in law. If I can share it with my mum, I have no problem with my sister in law knowing it. I find it interesting that you consider your sister in law a ‘stranger’.
You could either change your mindset or stop sharing sensitive info with your mum.

I don't know why you are referring your version as the true story, this is the exact story your wife told us.

Now let's be honest with each other, I know you know that the document should not be changed to your name ONLY.
She put in 100% of her part of the profit into that house. You split yours into three, contributed a lot less than she did. Why do you feel you deserve to have your name ONLY on the document? Why aren't you asking for both your names on the document?

You are planning to take away something very precious to your wife (her kids) because you want to cheat her out of the house.
You know your wife will probably choose her kids over the house, aren't you being wicked?
So this is how your wife will entirely lose out of that business that she worked so hard for?
Once she changes the document to your name, you will own both your parent's house and the house your wife built. And she will have nothing to show for her sweat

You claim you did not mean it when you asked her to leave the house. I don't believe it, because if you can cheat her entirely out of her efforts like this then you likely meant what you said

ExtraExtra:
Women are the backbone of the family, they make or mar the home, since they help bring life to the world suffice it to say they sum up what we call family, 99% of successful, longlasting home or family is the ability of the woman to hold the "forte".

Oga, you are funny oh.
So the woman is 99% responsible for the success of an institution in which the man is the head.
If you have a traditional marriage, then the MAN as the head, is responsible for the success of the home.
If you have more of a partnership in your marriage, then both the man AND woman are responsible for the home.
Do not shift your responsibility to your wife when it is convenient.

Another thread about feminism, una no dey tire?

MissCokie:


Please you should understand that she's putting the girl child in danger. Especially the African girl child.

I'm expressing my truthful opinion about what I'm seeing and witnessing. You shouldn't be offended by my article.

What danger?
I am very curious, how has Chimamanda put anyone in danger?

Una never marry and all these wahala already.

comtem2011:
Nawa for you o .

In-laws and their wahala. I remember when my MIL came for omugwo, whenever someone came to visit with gift, she will ask what is inside. I answered her like 2 occassions, and she didn't stop to know everything brought for the baby, na so I stopped answering her anytime she asked. That was the end to those questions.

What is wrong with knowing what was brought for the baby?

selfemployed:


Why are they looking for him to mediate if he has nothing to offer.

The adults involved in marriage are fully responsible for the outcome. But if they ask you for help in any form, don't deny them for any reason if it's in your power to do so.

He absolutely has the right to turn down their request given the circumstances. He can oblige to their request out of the goodness of his heart, but he is not required to do so.
As someone has mentioned, people can’t just be doing anyhow and not expect consequences, he was not party to the marriage and he will not be party to the reconciliation.

selfemployed:


So what will he gain if the sister's marriage crashes just because he refused to mediate?

If his sister’s marriage crashes, it is his sister and her husband’s fault for not working on their marriage. You now want to put the sister’s marriage crash on top of OP’s head, manipulation at its finest.

So sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family find solace in this difficult time. The pain will always be there, but I pray that God will give you the strength to carry on.

Why are doctor’s writing always illegible?

Iseoluwani:
What an elder sees while sitting, even if you climb cocoa tree, una no go see am... They warned you, you said their mouth is smelling.... Broda, carry your cross..

Divorce isn't an option


Your problem started when your parents never blessed your union.. But toto won't make u think well


Oyo is your case.

Madridguy, that place isn't for you, you stole it continue ooo



Op...

Are you saying that getting parental blessings mean you won’t have marital problems?
Even marriages where both families give their full blessing have issues like this so...