Since it is looking like your mother will never accept your choice of wife, you have only two options.
You either marry Hauwa, or your mother’s choice.

If you go ahead and marry hauwa, be ready to grow some balls and protect your wife. It is obvious your mother will try to frustrate the girl. You have to be ready to stand up to your mother and put her in her place when the need arises. In-laws can really destroy peaceful marriages and should not be underrated.


Hauwa, if you are reading. Please seriously reconsider if this is the family you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am a firm believer in wives loving their husbands family as their own and vice versa. Even with families that love and accept you, problems will arise talk less of families that are obviously against you. Think very well before you enter oh, marriage is hard enough without all this other stress.

Has your family done anything to try and claim the child. Since they don’t have money, have they at least visited the girl? Have they been in contact with the girl’s family?

I’m sorry to hear that. May he Rest In Peace.

My condolences. May he Rest In Peace.

abbey621:


Sorry you made a few good points in the beginning but some of your other points are just plain wrong! Everyone knows that the parent with the most custody of the child has the most influence on the child. A father's primary responsibility is survival, making sure they have shelter, food and other basic ammenities. If in the path of providing these things he's forced to work 80 to 100 hours per week, he's forced to do some hustle on the side. Tell me how would he have time to be soap opera dad you clearly stated above? Before calling someone a bad parent, let's try to understand their circumstance, especially in Nigeria where the lack of money is more shameful than being an alcoholic. If attention without money equaled being a great parent then deadbeat dads would always have hope

If he is unable to be an active participant in the child’s life then he should leave her with her mum. I said what I said because he is clearly not present, yet he is trying to yank the child from her mother and dump her with a relative. He clearly thinks his only responsibility as parent is providing, but you are both wrong in believing that. If he is going to take the kid from her mother, he should be ready to fill her shoes.
By the way, there are many parents (both mums and dads) that provide and parent at the same time, both of which is their responsibility.

MYDEBBY:



I planned taking my little girl of 4yrs to her grandmother to look after her.if I live her with that evil woman,she may influence her negatively and use her to siphon money from me.

If you follow through with this you will be the evil one. There is no reason why a child should be raised by a relative when both parents are alive and kicking. You are not even interested in raising you own child, yet you claim her mum, who is raising her, is evil. You need to take a good look at yourself and realize that you are a parent and it is your responsibility to raise your child!

In your current arrangement, how actively involved are you in raising her? how often does she come to live with you at your place? Do you take her on weekends? How many weekends a month? How involved are you in your child’s life?

If you are being a father to your child it will be difficult for someone to siphon money off you because you would already know what your child needs. Even the grandmother can still use your child to siphon money off you, the only way to avoid this is to be an active parent.

Maybe you should try buying her the kind of clothes you want her to wear

modernWays:


But why are you people keep rehashing the same melody over and over again.

Where in my first post did i justified cheating from men?

The sentence says "men are not saint, though they could cheat and still love their wives or be responsible at home" Women cheat by emotion in which all of you know. The moment a women starts having sex with another man other than her husband, things will never be the same again in that house with the real husband.

Why cant you people simply give a suggestion on how to catch a cheating wife instead of all this defensive claims.

Go and meet the person that told you the bolded and ask them for approaches that are specific to women

In all the replies you got for your topic, I have not seen any approach that can only be used on women. They have all pointed out methods that are used to catch cheats in general. Shouldn’t that tell you that both genders cheat the same way?

Yet, You have chosen to continue deceiving yourself that women’s cheating is different is different from men’s. That is how you men will be playing father to kids that are not yours because your wife will cheat and still ‘love’ you while you keep holding on to groundless fallacies.

genq:
So I guess cheating has now become a competition

The purpose of this thread was to discuss "how to catch a cheating wife" NOT "whether or not women are justified to cheat".

Foolishness in the family section is at an all time high.

Look at pot calling kettle black.

Show me where in this thread you answered the question posed by OP.

How are you different from the people you call foolish?

Don’t search her phone or monitor her movement. You will just find what will make you angry.
If you find out she is cheating then what?
Even if you leave, how are you sure your next wife won’t still cheat on you.
Oga just face your work and your children.
Or do you want to break up your happy home? Also, watch War Room and pray for your wife instead of all this detective work. Shallom.

They like that word eh... Sacrilegious

Look at what I am looking for in my life, someone is rejecting.

I go just relax, enjoy free delicious food.

My mom and mother-in-law will work for me oh. I want them to cook us food, watch the kids, e.t.c. They are always happy to help.

I plan to have child-free summer holidays as long as our parents are able to watch the kids. Ship them off to grand-parents and enjoy my life.

AntiMCU:

Start drinking!

Lol, Don’t listen to this guy. Drinking as a coping mechanism no be am. It costs money and is unhealthy. Better you find a hobby that could be profitable.

You are just living life, everyone is thinking about their life. Even Bill Gates is worried about how to spend his money.

I realized this when my boss who was CEO got fired! At 55, after climbing to the pinnacle of his career, the man said he is still thinking of how to navigate the job market.

So thinking and making decisions never ends, even the people wey you think say don make am are thinking and worrying about something.

Just take it in stride and keep moving forward.

But are they lying? Are there no same sex parents? Are there no trans relationships?
What is wrong with telling children the truth?

lagosminded:
Are you really trying to reason with people who think your gender thinks and operate like children? Good luck with that.

Na my fault oh.

Imagine someone up there crying that women have the option to abort and men do not.
Na man dey talk this one oh, man with peni.s no be bobrisky type.
I told him to go and have abortion na, he is telling me the choice to abort lies on women. Well, duh � Only the person with womb can abort!

Then they be bringing up MGTOW every chance they can. Men have the choice to go their own goddamn way! Person hold them? When women were agitating for certain rights, they were laughing. They turn feminist to insult. Now that eye has tear them they are screaming MGTOW at every turn. Hahahahaha. Dem never see anything. They want to hold on to Abrahamic family structure in 2019. God will help them.

Regiomontanus:
I read your links. Your links did not address the questions posed by HopefulLandlord and myself. We were not discussing about child custody instead we were discussing child support and rape. I don't have your time. A rapist should be punished but nothing should deny a rapist his child as long as he is not harming the child. That is justice and it's not in any way against the mother.

You have still have not answer HopefulLandlord's questions. I don't just have your point.

Lol. SMH. I am not a woman.

I assume you meant woman. Of course it is her choice. Is that what I have been saying? Any woman that keeps a child that results from rape did it because she made the choice to keep the child.

THIS IS A LIE.

You are fooling yourself. You are cunningly switching the argument from "rape and child support" to "rape and child custody" when ever it suits you. You are a liar and a manipulative person.

Of course, you always tell lies hence I can never agree with you. Good day. I have given you enough attention for today.

LMAO
I said let’s agree to disagree, you quote me insisting you want the discussion to continue. Discussion continues, you are now agreeing we can never agree. Confused people every where.

Regiomontanus:
I didn't say fathers never had rights but women have "more" rights and privileges even when men are at the receiving end. Check the replies to HopefulLandlord by Martinez39 and tell me if those injustices don't exist. And you are yet to show me where fathers are favoured more than mothers? Also, show me where men are favoured more than women? Daughter of lies, manipulation and deception.

A woman can decide to have an abortion if raped. She can decide to keep the baby and the man will pay child support. Whether the child is aborted or not rests solely on the woman's choice. You are deliberately avoiding the fact that women have the option to safely travel to any of the many states that legalised abortion to get an abortion.

A raped man cannot escape child support if his female rapist decides to keep the child.

Nothing is balanced. Prove me wrong with specific evidence. Keep helping Martinez39 prove his point.

LOL, did you even bother to read the links? You are just blindly arguing for argument sake. Sure, the man should go and abort whatever kid is in his belly. A raped man can get out of child support! He needs to proof he was raped and relinquish rights! Same as women, even in the case that the man was CONVICTED RAPIST, it did not stop the courts from ordering joint custody in favor of man. TF is wrong with you insisting people are lying.
I know there is nothing I will say that will make you agree that the courts DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR SEX, THEY RULE IN FAVOR OF CHILD!

I just want to add for people on here that think I am "lying and manipulative" against men. I am not.

I want fathers to know and enforce their rights.

I welcome the MGTOW movement. I like that men are beginning to see that the traditional family set up (especially in the current economy) is unfair to either sex. It is unfair to expect men to be 100% responsible for financial burden of the family, it is also unfair to expect women to be 100% responsible for the chores and raising children.

Regiomontanus:
You are not going in any circle. You are choosing to go in circles. HopefulLandlord asked very questions. Will you answer or keep playing dumb?

"...There are cases where the courts are unfair to fathers, there are cases where the courts are unfair to mothers."
Please, list these cases and I will deactivate my account. You cannot win against HopefulLandlord in the realm of logic and being specific hence you rain back to ambiguity.

https://nypost.com/2017/10/09/convicted-rapist-gets-joint-custody-of-victims-child/

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/alabama-abortion-ban-rape-victims-rapists-parental-rights-a8951751.html

Fathers have rights in the courts too. I don't know why you people are angry about fathers having rights. The courts have ruled that a mother share custody with her CONVICTED RAPIST. The courts are not actively trying to screw men over. The courts do not care about either parent, they rule in favor of the child.

hopefulLandlord:


A pregnant female regardless of being a victim of rape or not can abort the child Yes/No?

A male rape victim who impregnated unintentionally his rapist needs to go to court to ask for permission to relinquish his parental rights. which may be denied if he doesn't have enough evidence to prove he was raped

you still think it goes both ways?

I feel like we are going around in circles now. There are cases where the courts are unfair to fathers, there are cases where the courts are unfair to mothers. The courts are not actively looking to screw only men over. The courts do not care about either parent, they rule in favor of the kid. Let's agree to disagree.

hopefulLandlord:

a female rape victim that got pregnant in a state where abortion is not allowed even for rape can simply travel to states where it's allowed, do the deed and come back to her base!!!! the man's child support has no such workaround so No! it's not both ways

LOL, I understand where you are coming from but I am talking about the FAMILY COURTS SYSTEM. As long as the child gets born, the courts will rule for what is best for the child, regardless of whether it is fair to either parent.

Now, both parents have the responsibility to enforce their rights. If the female rape victim does not want the child, it is their responsibility to get an abortion or get the baby adopted. If the make victim does not want the child, it is their responsibility to go to the court and relinquish parental rights. Both parents have rights and options. I am not trying to argue against men, I just want MEN to know that they have RIGHTS TOO! And even though the court may seem to be against men, they are actually for the child and could care less about either parent.

hopefulLandlord:


Both ways? you then added a clause as "in some states"; both ways indeed

https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/09/02/statutory-rape-victim-child-support/14953965/

I say in some states because abortions are not accessible in some states. Some states only have one center that carries out abortions in the entire state. If a raped woman is unable to abort the fetus or give the child up for adoption, THE COURTS WILL ALSO RULE THAT SHE TAKES RESPONSIBILITY OF SAID CHILD.

Like I said, the courts will ALWAYS rule in favor of what is best for the CHILD. They don't care if it is fair to either parent!

In the article you cited, the man can give up parental rights to avoid paying child support. Since he was raped it is understandable that he will want nothing to do with the child. He said in the article that "He wants to be in his daughter's life and is willing to pay child support going forward". If he wants to be in the child's life he will be required to pay child support because THE COURTS ARE NOT FAIR TO PARENTS!

hopefulLandlord:


Let me shock you. if a woman rapes a man and the woman gets pregnant from the rape she perpetrated on the man. the man would still have to pay child support to the woman as though the rape was consensual

Nobody is shocked here. It goes both ways. If a man rapes a woman and she gets pregnant, in some states she is required to go through with the pregnancy. Family courts always advocates for what is BEST FOR THE CHILD. They are not in the business of gender wars.

Martinez39:
Keep spreading lies and misrepresentating facts. Those that live in the US know better, I don't have your time. Ever wondered why the MGTOW movement started in western developed countries not Islamic or African countries? What is saving Nigerian men is that 99.99% of our top politicians are men and they are tenaciously holding on to power. Also our police force and judicial system are not too rapid and effective. If not, all the beta boys in Nigeria who are still putting girls on the pedestal will see red.

Where is the lie? Point out the lie in my post with facts.
But no... you are suddenly bringing up MGTOW. And women are the emotional ones.. Okay
You can choose to continue blaming women for your inability to play your role as a father or you can educate yourself on your rights.
In the US you have rights as a father! And it is your responsibility to get them enforced!
He didn’t even bother to ask where I live.

Regiomontanus:
In the US, look at what their men are facing because they couldn't put their women in their place. Divorce laws, Alimony laws, too much money than necessary in child support, believing women without evidence and convicting men of rape, women serve lower times in jail, and other gynocentric laws and privileges, feminism, #metoo etc.

Do you know that in divorce courts in the US, you wife has automatic custody of the kids? Women are believed without evidence during divorce proceedings if they claim you are an abusive father and husband and you sexually molested your kid? As I have said, the greatest mistake men made was thinking that women are their equals in intellect, morality and virtues. Many men are still making that mistake hence they are surprised when their "perfect" wife and girlfriends misbehaves during hard times. For this same reason, many men are deeply surprised when that girl, girlfriend or female friend accuses them of rape.

In the US, when they compared women's vote to men's votes, they found out that if women's vote determined the results, the US will be in trouble. Most women want the welfare state (the very thing that has destroyed black Americans), socialism, abortion (even killing a baby at 9 months. Talk about nurturing), open borders, reparations etc.

It is also known in the US that an all female company will collapse. Show me one all female top company headed by women from CEO to staff that is standing. If men can't be strong, they will suffer.

LOL, it is paining you so much that women have rights in the US, that you refuse to educate yourself on the rights of fathers.

Fathers have rights in the US courts too. A father has enforceable visitation and custody rights to his child. A woman can go to prison for keeping a child away from their father.

But a judge is not going to come to your house to help you get your rights. It is up to the father to make out time to visit his kids and plan activities with them. It is up to the father to go to court to apply for joint custody. It is your responsibility as a father to participate in your children’s life.

apotek:
It happened to me too. My wife's sister came to live with us and I banged her like a boss, recorded it and showed the video to my wife. She sent her packing

People that talk like this have never seen vagin.a before in their life

roaringlamb01:



When I heard her parents' say "so, because my people are coming, their children should leave ...", I was shocked to my pants. I am a person who loves my peace and quiet, 9 people around me all the time will literally make be cranky and eventually kill me.

Unbelievable
That is unacceptable behavior from your wife's people.
I don't even understand why your wife had to use your people coming as the reason for them to leave. I would have asked my brothers to leave after the initial stipulated time and my reason would be that IT IS NOT THEIR GODDAMN HOUSE.

jarmy:
Why should a wife be thinking of the aftermath of her husband's death. She is the next of kin to all our properties. Woman and their thinking pattern!

The way things are going many single men will prefer to remain single and have baby mamas here and there.

Why shouldn’t she? You yourself should be thinking of the aftermath of your own death. I don’t understand why a lot of Nigerian men act like they are immortal. Oga whether you think of it or not, you will die! And you don’t know when it’s going to happen.
Anyone (both men and women) with young kids should give some thought to what’s going to happen to their family when they die. And if they can, they should have some plan (save money, invest, build house e.t.c) to cushion the suffering of their offspring when they die.
This is common sense, but you see Nigerian man, the moment wife starts talking about will, he will say she is trying to kill him. Mtchew.

Antinatalist:

You have no logical and/or intellectual argument to defend your view. I only pity the children you're going to drag into this world to suffer because of your selfish desire to be a mother.

Lol.
Pray tell, what is my view?
Look through your thread and tell me where I stayed my view on having children.

Antinatalist:


Even at the risk of being thought mad, we must not be afraid to say that our parents, like theirs before them, were guilty of the crime of procreation, which means the crime of creating unhappiness, of conspiring with others to increase the unhappiness of an increasingly unhappy world.

Thomas Bernhard, Gathering Evidence: A Memoir,

Okay, go an arrest them.

Akious2k2:

Now, listen... Don't mind all the trash those ladies are saying up there
The answer to your question is YES... You went way too forward by leaving "your" home... I guess it's paying off since it's making you realize the importance of your husband, your children's father, in their lives
Now, do these:
Swallow your "pride" and go back home
Apologize for moving out with your children without his knowledge
Discuss whatever makes him angry with you with him and shift grounds, not because of you're weak, but for the sake of your children
After all these, if he persists, which I doubt anyway, you may have to opt for another option

Pray tell, what other option should she opt for?