₦airaland Forum

ogaju007: Dont be naive.... theres a big difference between love and lust... sex is not the same as love.... I love my partner and would take a bullet for her but wouldn't diminish her by comparing me having nsex with some girl to what i feel for her..... Its complex but its the simple truth.

Dont be naive.... theres a big difference between love and lust... sex is not the same as love.... I love my partner and would take a bullet for him but wouldn't diminish him by comparing me having sex with some guy to what i feel for him..... Its complex but its the simple truth.

I which i could say the above too but that's not my kind of person. I won't descend so low to make a mess of myself and still have some nonsense excuses to defend myself. When you are guilty, just plead guilty and hope that you will be pardoned.

@OP- is that you on your profile?

rapmike: You forgot the chest. Anyway, as i said, mutual respect and understanding solves a lot of this issues.

I get you. you are right.

cococandy: If all this is tru just take care you don't grow old over night.
Imagine asking u for money u used to treat your child.
Did you ask him for the money u borrowed in paying the rent?

i can only smile. He pushed me to the wall o. in fact, he suggested i get the money from my parents and because i was just too ashamed of myself, i could not ask my parents (i have borrowed from them in the past and they didn't collect it back from me plus he is owing my mum some money he hasn't paid back), that was why i had to ask my sisters.

I have once opened a thread on NL concerning my case o but when i saw that some people were already resulting to insults and name calling, i asked for it to be deleted.

pickabeau1: BC may be necessary.

The reason why i ask about parents is because the family burden is being borne dispropotionately by you and as with any material, there is a breaking point

The reality is expenses can only increase like playgroup/creche costs, feeding and transportation which may make paying costs like rent etc become burdensome

Lets hope by the next cycle, everything is sorted or else you may need to siddon look as he may not learn the lesson

People have been known to move back to their parents home until things clear up.

Your child is your no 1 priority

Which certifications are u lookin at

Godmystrength: I can't do that because i have to go to work and won't be able to go from my parents' house to work o. thats quite a distance.

ACCA.

hispinkolo: . If we were evicted, where will i go to with my baby?[/quote]

[b]To your parents till he rents a house.[/b]That would have been a wake up call for him but I guess you aren't prepared to make that sort of ultimatum. I hope things get sorted for you soon...sorryyy

I can't do that because i have to go to work and won't be able to go from my parents' house to work o. thats quite a distance.

Blessedwhite: Can you change this situation and behaviour

who will change it? the woman or the man?

mtscheeeeeeew. shouldn't be here.

pickabeau1: Hmm... then this matter is more complicated than initially thought

The only pointer i can give now is ensure you have something aside for the kids education

Also start thinking of developing yourself - certifications wise so you can get better jobs

which field are u in

If possible, you may need to consider firmer forms of BC - injection or skin patch

What are your folks saying?are they aware?
What are his folks saying? are they aware?


Maybe next time you should not have paid for the house rent

certification wise, i am seriously working on that.

thinking about the BC.

My folks are aware (or how do i explain to them the reason i am always borrowing from them)they just know and encourage me. My mum has called us both at one time to advise us on how to be prudent and plan well. She was even suggesting that instead of paying that much for rent, we should be thinking of starting to plan for building our own house even if it is just a small place. The way he lambasted me thay day when we got back home, i will never forget in my life.

His folks are aware. To them nothing wrong with what is happening. it is a normal thing. As i am encouraging him to get a job doing, they are discouraging him that business is his calling.

I had to pay the rent because the old rent has been long due and rent has been increase by a 100k and we had to move out asap. NEPA bills was already piling up plus the unpaid rent. And we heard from reliable source that building will soon be sold. We weren't the one given the quit notice, it was given to other tenants. If we were evicted, where will i go to with my baby?

eighTHREAD: you don't get it do you? It starts from somewhere till everyone now wants some form of liberty just as the devil and the rebellious angels did. Right now, what we are dealing with is them suppressing the submission order which if consented to would lead to further confusion like the case of the kids I mentioned which is already taken place in america where kids disobey their parents in terribly shocking ways that will make a stubborn african kid see his insolence as child's play.

No i don't

cococandy: Do you hoard the child or what?
I want to understand why he thinks the baby is your sole responsibility.

hoard the child as how?
my sole responsibly is not even only the baby. Long story jare.

pickabeau1: Hmm... I pray God blesses too but he has to know there are pressing needs at the moment which need to be met
Try and talk to him again using the method in the earlier thread

Outline expenses, income, potential expenses andshortfalls and let him suggest how it will be met

Dont collect atm

Also open a second account where you have a standing order to cater for your kids

Do what you have to do

Your sis helped u in time of need.. Dont betray her

i have done all that but no head way (his response were still based on my salary), hence my silence because i am just tired of gong back and front. You won't believe that immediately we moved to the new house, he told me that we need to start planning for another baby and that was when i knew there IS A BIG problem. I told him i wasn't ready and when he wanted to turn it to argument, i left him alone. I know within me that it not gonna happen now.

eighTHREAD: You go to work where you submit to your boss cos you
know the consequence of not but at home you don't to your husband cos
you believe you can do what he does or for some other reasons best
known to you. How would you feel when your kids with reasons best
known to them decide to stop being submissive to you? Don't you
think it will turn the world into a place crazier than it is already,
where kids too young to make judgement are left to themselves? Are you
going to get angry at their request or accept it with a smile?

I have no problem with submission but please i don't get you points
here.
Are you comparing wives to children now? so hubby is the father and wife
is the kid?
Are you also saying that wives are to young to make judgement and not to
be left to themselves?

Husband/wife relationship is SO different from Parent/children
relationship. I can't understand the comparison

I DON'T THINK SO.

torchwave: Fact is, a man is the head of the family.

However, a woman is the neck that turns the head wherever she pleases. Without the neck the head is useless. Fact.

God has given greater honour to the weaker parts of the body.

So now, who is the real boss?

If the neck is cast in POP, there will be no turning any where o. meanwhile, some men act head + neck together and maybe they leave the bombom for the wife.

hispinkolo: @Godismystrength

Please pay off your sister,the money is for her rent.Am I missing something here or doesn't the kid belong to your husband?
do you both have an agreement where only you has to take care of the baby?
The husband should take care of his brother,while you pay off your sis ASAP cos you may be needing her next time.
Pele OOO my sister

you are not missing anything. The baby is OUR baby o. in fact, OUR first child.
and we have no such agreement.

pickabeau1: Pay off your sister as she had your back and she needs it for house rent

The child is not yours but belongs to both of you.. so any money used by your hubby is not for YOUR single purpose only

If you have any other money.. do a part payment for your BIL and pay the rest later


Has Hubby gotten a job now


@Godmystrength:

I don't have any other money o. in fact, if you remember how much my salary is, you will know what i mean.
Gotten a job ke? what can i say? He got one and my hopes were high and he just dashed the hopes before he even resumed the job. he said he is praying to God to bless his business (he hasn't done any in recent time).

We even had a little quarrel this morning before i left for office because he said i refuse to collect atm for my salary account (because he said it would have been easy for him to go and withdraw money to pay his brother). Since i have tried my best and i don't want to result to nagging, i have decided to just be silent for the now. I can't kill myself from too much of thinking.

Nobleval: sex ni money ko. I don't what you women think you are.

Why did you quote me? was i talking to you or are you the kind of man in my post?

You can NEVER know what women think they are.

torchwave: Jeez. Marital union is a contract to love and never abandon your partner in sickness and in health, in good and bad times. It is not a business contract as you make it out to be.

Any marriage built on any other foundation but selflessness is bound to expire in a short time. My opinion because selfless love is the greatest glue that holds couples together. Any other kind of glue like sex, beauty, money, position, etc will wear off in time but love will not.

Lol. My sermon is over. Apologies if I bored you to death there.

who talked about business contract here. Please point out where i make it out to be.

It is no longer selfless when one party is slaving away and trying to make marriage work and the other party is lazing away and frustrating your effort. or are you saying the wife should be the only one selfless? what kind of marriage is it. one selfless spouse and the other selfish spouse is just a disaster waiting to happen.

Sophyrocks:

*Abi. Me too o. I like different varieties of fruits. I hope i can cheat too.Or do these men think its easy eating only one kind of fruit?

What a lame excuse to cheat!! Woe unto anybody who believes such lie!

Abi now. How can i have only one fruit when i can have fruit salad at the same cost...............

God will just save us o. After they will now bring some yamayama disease home to there spouse. I don't even know how one can escape all theses nonsense when you have a cheating spouse abi who will hear you out when you start telling your partner to use a condom when you want to have sex because you don't want to catch anything?

GOOD DREAM

marriage is a serious business sha.

Please i need advise here o. but not MIL related.

Just paid for a new apartment using loans from my sisters. One of them actually gave loaned me a 100k (in mid July) which i promised to pay back by month end in one piece because it was part of the money for her rent as well. (she gave me the money because she won't be needing it till month end(July) and my own need is urgent. Now the issue is that last week, hubby's brother sent him some money to help pay to someone's account on his behalf. Money was still with hubby and our baby fell sick. I had no money on me and hubby had to use his brother's money to settle the hospital bills which was about 40k.

now hubby's brother wants his money back (he is not aware that money has been spent) and would not even hear of it. My sister has called me to remind me of her money because she will be paying this Friday. Hubby's mum has called hubby and told him that i have to pay back her son's money that after all if the brother didn't send money, i would have taken care of my baby. Hubby is saying i should bring the money to repay his brother and tell my sister to wait till next month ending when i collect another salary. In fact i don't even know who to pay now as i am confused and at the same time i don't want to be bias. and both have to be paid today. Thinking about it all day o.

sorry if it is not something to bring to NL, just need to cool off.

He is the HEAD. And must behave like one all the time. Don't come and start preaching headship to me only when you want sex, money or when you are cheating on me.

bennyrazz: It is very possible to cheat and still love your partner. Let me put it like this, you like vegetable soup very much and you eat it everyday, some days will definitely come where you want to do away with vegetables for probably a day or two but you still love vegetables and you rate it ahead of any other soup. After tasting other soups, you will be like hun hun vegetable is better than this now, vegetables doesn't purge me now, vegetables doesn't make my tongue bitter now. That is when you realise you can't do away with vegetables and vegetable is better than ogbono, ewudo, okro soup, edika ikong , white soup, egusi, banga, gbegiri e.tc and when you are caught by your wife eating another soup that is when you begin to explain and make her realise that the other soup you tasted isn't as sweet as her own vegetables

i hope the wife to can explain to hubby all these when she is caught eating other fruits. Shebi i like banana, so i can also go and test pawpaw, cucumber, water lemon, grapes, oranges etc and say that they are not as sweet as banana, banana doesn't purge me, doesn't give me constipation, doesn't give me heart burns etc. Abi how can i be eating only bananas all my life?

Nobody should $h!t on me and talk about love later o. If i hear........

torchwave: I can only call that one super wife and super mother. I really respect and admire women for their inbuilt reservoir of strength, courage, hardwork and sacrifice. They are unique and we know it.

The only problem is when such woman becomes prey to pride. Then things fall apart.

You can only be proud if you think you are doing something that is out of the ordinary. But when couples are in partnership and you have already agreed on your roles and responsibility and you all are committed to it, there wont be need to be proud. Haven't you seen proud men, just because the wife is a stay at home mummy and the husband provides 100% financially?

And most times, what i see is not even pride but anger and frustration especially when the wife is doing all the above and the hubby is doing absolutely NOTHING (there are men like that)

cococandy: What will you say for all the women who are doing all those and still go to work and maybe even earn and contribute more to the home than the husband?

Well, what i have noticed is that whether a wife contributes financially or not, the care of the house is still her sole responsibility. When a wife is working and earning money, the husband expect that she ought to contribute without been told (any deviation from this makes her a selfish woman.)

I think it will also be nice if this same man would apply this same logic and know that when a wife is working and earning and supporting(financially) the home substantially, he ought to contribute/help with the house care so that the woman will not wear out in her prime. When a man wants to tell his wife to contribute financially, no need for rehearsals, he says it as it is but a woman is expected to thread with caution else she will be seen as disrespectful.

As for me, i will rather you keep your appreciation and just do the needful as agreed rather than you taking me for granted and thinking you can bribe me with appreciation and understanding.

no be small something o.

Let him understand and appreciate me from yesterday till Jesus comes, I NO DEY DO HOUSEWIFE.

Of course. Shebi he is my daddy ni

shizzleStar: Ok suit yourself and i refuse to pick offense, now back to thread.

good of you.

shizzleStar: you just called me a name even when my comment didn't refer to you, oh well ill take it n good faith

on d contrary, i can't see where she called you out and gave you a name except you are telling us that slowpoke is your other name.

5minsmadness: Winche as in witchcraft?

I was innocently going to give a batch out when someone said I should sprinkle holy water on it first

Holy what!!!!!!!!!

5minsmadness: Can they use it to do winche?

What is the meaning of winche?