₦airaland Forum

aisha2: Sent oh, I dont know how these things work, I think you are supposed to accept it or something then we will be able to speak privately

okay. lemme check.

edited

aisha2: I understand, pay your sister first and then his brother next month, after the rent no more loans.
10% of what you earn should be deducted via standing order to a savings account. Do a budget for food, and the necessities and leave the rest.
I will send you a private mail if you dont mind

Okay

aisha2: Please pay your sister. Its your family that seems to always there for you dont burn your cables with them

You need to stop borrowing and start better planning, you were given great advice on the other thread, stop acting so helpless and lamenting without taking action, pay your sister and NO MORE LOANS. Have small savings for emergencies and live within your means. NO ATM. Heavens will not fall, stop trying to form "good wife" by giving him the money when you know he is not financially prudent and then be left looking for loans up and down and be left looking for how to pay up loans

It seems you didn't get the reason for the loan. Where did i say i gave him money. I said his brother gave him money to run an errand for him and we spent the money in treating my baby when he was sick. I had earlier borrowed money from my sister to pay for our rent. The brother wants his money back and sister wants his money back. SO i was asking who should i pay first. I didn't see any trying to form good wife here. I just want to be sure it will be the right thing if i pay my sister first before someone will say i am selfish and only thinking of my own side. I am not looking for any loans up and down.

aisha2: Please pay your sister. Its your family that seems to always there for you dont burn your cables with them

You need to stop borrowing and start better planning, you were given great advice on the other thread, stop acting so helpless and lamenting without taking action, pay your sister and NO MORE LOANS. Have small savings for emergencies and live within your means. NO ATM.

I am not lamenting. I only asked for an advice on who to pay first. And i stated what the loan was for. For the RENT. I won't want to be thrown out of the house. I am no longer helpless just that at times you need to just let out somethings instead of bottling it all up. This is a faceless forum. I'll rather type away my heart here than bottle it all up to the point of breaking. Questions were asked and i was only responding. So sorry if i appear to be lamenting and helpless on NL.

Advices are just theories until applied. And you will never know the outcome until you have applied them. Sometimes, the results we envisage are not what we actually get in the real life scenario. I am the only one that knows how it is with me. Don't be conclusive that i am acting helpless and lamenting without taking action.

UjSizzle: I think the woman in question must have some kind of problem to have experienced ALL what is listed. OR the men in whatever country she's stuck in are knuckleheads

No 10 and the Maternity leave points are so true though. Since I don't have a child yet, I have a problem with the sexual advances even from clients. Don't know why there are so many men without moral scruples today.

I don't think its the same woman in all the cases. Just different scenarios with different women. It looks like an article copied from somewhere. Doesn't look like the OP is the original writer.

MzMariah: I did.

aisha2: He said she works in a bank.

bennyrazz: he said wife works in a bank

Okay. I didn't see that. But how can she work in the bank and still be able to watch movies from morning till night? Maybe on weekends sha. No problem.

I think the sisters have no regards for their sister's husband and that is where the major problem is. Why are the sisters living in their house in the first place when they have their own parents.

I am the first child in my house and i have SISTERS yet they don't live with me. They only come to visit ONCE in a WHILE. They have only visited me once this year and it was during my baby's birthday. No sleeping over because i know my hubby and i know my sisters and i know myself. I don't have time for husband/sisters wahala that will now end in stuffs like choose between me or your sisters etc.

Let the sisters go back to their parent's house.

pickabeau1: gillz
What exactly are the sisters doing ... living in the house

I think so. And the wifey is a full time house wife.

eighTHREAD: obey and trust the right decisions of her husband. Duty goes with gender roles and also supporting the family. Her rights are to be loved by her husband, not to be cheated and abused etc. As for liberty, I don't think she needs any as the word liberty can be misunderstood unless you want to give me an instance. I think she should conform to the kind of liberty marriage brings and that which it restricts.

So what happens to the wrong decisions? disobey them?

cococandy: If the sisters won't listen just put a password on your laptop jare.
Which kind robish be that?

The wife uses the laptop too now

gillz: Do I hav to dialogue with my wife on what food I hav to eat and hw I want it prepared, do I hav to dialogue wit how on when and hw her sisters shld put my 2 yre boy to sleep? Or do I hav to dialogue wit her on cleanliness and orderliness in d house?

I am not sure but i don't think there should be a dialogue about the things you mentioned up here. What i don't understand is that,
1. Is it that your wife doesn't know how to cook that you now have to give instructions on what food you want to eat and how you want it prepared? are you guys just married? Is it like you ask for beans and stew and she gives you jollof beans or maybe you want fried eggs and she gives you boiled eggs?
2. I expect that she should know how to take proper care of your boy as regards putting him to sleep with or without your instruction. Is it that she is lacking in that aspect that you now have to be the one to give instructions about that?
3. As per the cleanliness and orderliness, i don't know about dialogue in that one o.

gillz: Tnx bennyrazz, I said for d washing machine to last dey shld avoid washing jeans wit it and wen d machine started having fault I discovered dey were washing jeans wit it wen I asked her she said she can't stop dem since I'm not d producer. They wil use my laptop to watch movie(her n d sisters) frm morning to night witout evening seeking my permission wen I called. Her. Privately n tried to stop dem she said its nt possible for her to tell her sisters nt to use d laptop.so many odas

...
As per the washing machine, i don't think you have done any wrong afterall wifey should know that if machine spoils, everybody will be affected, her especially.
On the laptop issue, is it that you are having a problem with them watching film on it from morning to night, or because they do so without your permission. As for me, no big deal in using a laptop but the problem here is that since you have told your wife that you don't like it, then maybe she should respect that.
OR is it that she is afraid of her sisters?

What you can do? Call her and talk to her. Ask her why she has changed since you said she wasn't like that before?

eighTHREAD: you keep saying young OP...young OP...even after I clearified myself on a post which you prefer rather to ignore cos it stinks of truth. Well, madam old mama youngie, I wonder why an old woman would have as her profile picture, a man with muscles and six-packs, showing she still has childish fantasies. Perhaps you are still young but claiming matured. Well, keep it up...keep losting after a man that has nothing else to with his time but how to build six-packs just to make himself sexually appealing to ladies. When he ends up getting snatched from the marriage with, don't come here crying fowl. For one last time, am not young...might even be older than you. Are you married?

Are you an OLD man? How old are you? Like 90 years? If yes, then truly you are not a young OP.

one thing i can pick from this your post is that you don't have a ''six-packs''. In fact you don't have any pack. No wonder the hating of and obsession with cococandy's profile picture.

Stop arguing about how old you are. if truly you are what you say you are, then you don't need all the paparazzi. fowl ko, turkey ni

nekaa: panadol inside the oil you want to use to fry fish or chicken; this is to stop it from splashing oil around.

kendraloops: if you are on your period and you fry akara, it never comes out well. (happened to me o)

if you perceive any sweet cooking aroma at night, you just perceived a witch's cooking.

dont eat pounded yam without soup, you will become deaf.

gillz: Pls I need sincere help. My wife argues with every instruction I give to her [/b]and her sisters staying with us. She [b]coontest and quarrel over any decision I make. When I give her instruction on tins I don't want in d hauz she doesn't pass it to her sister leaving me wit no option than to talk directly to d sister. I try as much as possible to avoid confrontations wit her cos of my little son. She never use to be so until recently dat tins are not too ok wit me financially, bt God knows I hv alwz done my best whenever I have money. Dis valentine I even got her a camry 2.7. I assist her family even more than I do for my family,I paid some of her sisters through school. I am so confused I don't know wat to do to put her back in line, pls where hv I gone wrong. Wat do I do?

What kind of instructions do you give to her? What kind of decisions do you make? How come she argues with EVERY instruction and ANY decision?

I am not saying the MAN is not the HEAD. Of course he is the HEAD. But i just want to ask a simple question. Please, those of you here quoting bible here and there, are you Christians?

Sophyrocks: Of course he is that kind of man. See the way he jumped at your comment to attack you. You perfectly described who he really is. Actions say a lot about people o. I take actions very seriously.

I wonder o. Because from the way he attacked my comment, one would have thought i MENTIONED his name.

the only thing i can pick here is that life remains same for a man after marriage but everything changes for the woman. No problem. continue.

Ademat7: My extended family is a body that possess all this characteristics just name it,what have I not seen or heard that they did with my father? a lot. One that has his land beside my popsy house decide to use all his land to build house with step for his 2storey building but no road to pass;my father hv to gv him about 2feet to gv road that they can pass to get to d stairs,he did it because we r relatives.

pickabeau1: Errmm.. not the same

The prositute is a receptacle collecting from every... ewwww

Whatever. Which one is my own there. Anyway since i don't plan to be a cheat just to prove a point, there is nothing for me to gain here. Make i park to one side.

charleszzn: Men and Women are wired differently. Men can go to bed with a woman they have no iota of feelings for; just Sex. For women most often than not a woman would at least like a guy to consider going to bed with him. If you see a married woman cheat, the guy would have being scoping (wooing) her for up to six months breaking down her resolves and defensive walls. And ofcourse her man most times too would have gone complacent. A man can sex-up different girls every night and it will have no effect on how he feels about his woman/wife. But each time a woman cheats with a another man, her love for her real man dies gradually. You can easily notice this when every thing you do irritates your woman. The easiest person your woman can cheat with is her Ex. About 68% of cheating married woman do so with their Ex, while 24% do it with their colleague/boss in the office. Women kind off expect men to cheat and they are easily caught. Most often that not, you can't catch a cheating woman (because men really do not expect that their woman would cheat on them).

So i won't be wrong to compare the MEN who cheat to FEMALE PROSTITUTES because a prostitute can have sex with different men(customers) every night and it will have no effect on how she feels about her man/husband.

ogaju007: This is the problem with people. I dont know where you're from but my yoruba culture allows me to have multiple partners.... if the oyibos have come to sell 1 man 1 woman to you because their economy can't sustain more then that is your problem.

why are you attacking me personally? I am not your wife. And i didn't point you out personally in my comment

Godmystrength: Dont be naive.... theres a big difference between love and lust... sex is not the same as love.... I love my partner and would take a bullet for him but wouldn't diminish him by comparing me having sex with some guy to what i feel for him..... Its complex but its the simple truth.
I which i could say the above too but that's not my kind of person. I won't descend so low to make a mess of myself and still have some nonsense excuses to defend myself. When you are guilty, just plead guilty and hope that you will be pardoned.

My reference here is to people who feel they have offended their partners by cheating on them and are using some excuses like vegetable to plead there case. It is not meant for those who think it is their right to have multiple partners. So please your yoruba culture plus their oyibos culture is not my problem.

and talking about ''my yoruba culture allows me to have multiple partners'', why not just marry them all and let them live with you as your wife instead of keeping them as mistresses?

If cheating is so good and desirable, why do cheaters hide it until they are caught? You won't see me going to hide to eat my lunch in the closet. I take it to the table for everyone/anyone to see............

....

5minsmadness: Marriage is an institution.
The health sector is an institution.
The church or mosque is an institution.
Even in a Democratic country you have the President.

For ALL institutions to function there must be law and order. For all institutions to work there must be a Head, a leader, someone to make the tough decisions and lead the way. Its is the prayer of every institution to have a good leader but good or bad there must be a leader or else everybody will be waiting for somebody to do what nobody has been assigned to do. This is a recipe for chaos.

There must be a HEAD of the family and there must be a follower or followers or else the family WILL break down.

Fine. I agree with you. But please lemme ask this question. Is being the HEAD in marriage just by nomenclature?

pickabeau1: by all means ..continue

ACCA is an international certification and very important for someone in the accounting field


I just stated it is tasking so you keep your focus.
Is all

okay.

ogaju007: Pardoned by who?

by whoever is offended by your cheating act.

pickabeau1: This is a very intensive one both time wise (about 3t years) and financially

You need to be strong

I wish you all the best

God wiill really be your strength

I got some exception. What can i do? or is there any other kind of certifications that is quick and yield result asap

hispinkolo: @Godismystrength

It must be hard for you..Dunno what to say again except that I hope somehow things turn round for you both.
One fact is that if things keep on being this way,you will get frustrated and start resenting him due to frustration.
The worst part is that his family is supporting him so there's really not much you can do.
You will have to consider not paying the rent again though and wait it out.If you keep coming to the rescue,he won't have any motivation to change the status quo.
Lemme ask you,if moving to your parents and suffering maybe a couple of extra miles to work for a while would reset his brain would you do it?

I really don't want you to get to a point where you will be so frustrated that you start insulting him,you are human and such a scenario could happen when you can't take the burden again.

Does he feel any shame using up all the money you make or does he think it's his right?Is he like a house husband? Is he making efforts to remedy the situation? If he is,then you can go on helping out till he gets a job.
If not,tough love is the answer or you will end up looking like his grandma while he's a fresh young man.
Im sooo sorry my sister ooooo.God is really your strength

Moving to my parents' house is no option. We are not in the same state.
He feels no shame. I am the one that even feels the shame for him when i hear him talk about issues like this. He thinks it is normal and a right.
House husband ke? na God forbid things o. I am on my own in that area.
No effort to remedy anything. He is even on the look out for a more paying job for me. According to him, even if the stress of the work is plenty, as long as pay is good for me, i should be glad to take it up. He doesn't seem to want a paying job yet he is so not serious with the business he claims he is doing(this is the part that hurts most)

torchwave: This gives the impression that you view marriage as a 50-50 contract...
note the bolded. It suggests do-your-own-I-do-mine attitude that characterizes business agreements.

In response to your post, it is sad to say but that is the ugly reality of life that one has to be the column of support in a marriage where one has collapsed if the marriage is to continue standing.

Where both columns collapse the marriage ends and the children become homeless in the sense that the shelter of affection and care they once enjoyed under their parents will disappear exposing them to the dangers of life. In other words, they bear the brunt of a broken home.

Yes, the woman or man has to sacrifice all to save the marriage for the sake of the children BUT they are not to put up with an abusive partner. In that case, they should seek separation, not divorce o.

i don't have the zeal to argue front and back. i understand my own point of view. stop putting words in my mouth. You can't know me MORE than myself.

eighTHREAD: I look too young to be making so much meaningful contributions? Looks can be decieving. The next line you'll pull will be about me not yet married.

Simple YES or NO (or maybe asking me why i asked the question)was what i was expecting from you not this long composition. Forming mind reader abi? continue.