₦airaland Forum

Chicken meat I hate anything that falls within the categories of birds. Such as turkey, ducks, guinea fowl etc....

^^^^^^^
Oboyyeh

You want her to boil her pvssy till e cook like cooked meat?

Stephenfowoyo:
i really thank God you decided to stop.

yeah bro, i was very lucky and i will forever be grateful to God for sparring my life

DeadRat:
THANK YOU FOR THIS I DO LEARN

you are welcome

Joislim:
I read the story to the end, you are lucky to be alive and mentally sound.



Thanks for entertaining us with your life story.

Learnt some things and equally laughed so hard.

you are welcome. Glad you were able to learn some things cos that was the essence of the story.

Elnino4ladies:
MI abaga



Mode 9


Ruggedman

Terry tha rapman

Eldee tha Don.

guy, you really have a good taste for music. I respect tuface but he is no legend to me. My opinion though

BigSarah:
Is it your momma

no be you say you don't have hands??


By the way, keep my mother out of this

BigSarah:
I will use my mind to do it, mind sex

so you are not the lady in your dp?

BigSarah:
Wow that's a tough one I can't hold things

so your arms are amputated. If you want to have cex doggie style, what will you use to support your weight?

Rokia2:
The poster needs to be flogged for the misleading title.

yeah, the guy deserve this....

Stanley1155:
Am donating my ears cos I have heard it all.

The gasket of her top cylinder brain don burn o

@ OP, Upload a photo of you holding a piece of paper on which is written NAIRALAND

nnamdiosu:
OP I love your write up. But I'm noticing something. Forgive me if I'm wrong but....I'm detecting a change in your style of writing. Your story doesn't seem original or genuine. The earlier accounts....esp going to the babalawo looks real...but the story you're writing after the death of gab looks more fabricated. P

Please don't be angry o....criticism makes one better. Thanks bro

everything i will i wrote here was the actual truth. Nothing more, nothing less God knows I'm not lieing

Walking on, i began to hear a whisper in my ears telling me i was going to die by 6pm. Chai! So this is it? The voice told me to eat as much food as i can because after i died, it is a very long way to heaven or hell, and the journey is by foot with no where to buy food or water. So i told my guys that i wanted to eat and they also said they are very hungry. So we went for look for a place to eat.
We soon found a restaurant and went in to eat.

Mat: hello, who dey here?

Girl: (coming from an inner room) na me.
Food don finish o, na only semovita and egusi dey.

Me: give us 3, 3 plate

Girl: ok sir.

She went in and return with 3 plate of food in a tray and set it on the table and went to sit down. By now my friends were beginning to think that my senses are back.

Me: you brought only 3 plate and you go sit down, where are the rest?

Girl: (looking confused) it is 3 plates i bring sir.

Me: i said bring 3, 3 plate for each of us.

They all looked at me, surprise and confused at the same time.

Taw: there is no way each of us can be able to eat 3 plates of food.

Me: better look for a way to finish it because we are going to die but 6pm and the Journey to heaven or hell is very long and there is no place to buy anything on the way.

On hearing that, they began laughing. Even the the girl joined them in laughing but my face was stern because i don't see anything funny there.

They both ate a single plate each but I ate 2 plates and soon we were ready to leave. On our way, that voice came back to telling me to ask for forgiveness from anybody i saw and know so that i will die without any sin and go to heaven. ....the first person i met was an elder brother to one of my friends. I walked up to him and greeted him before i asked him to forgive me if there was any way i must have offended. But he looked at me without saying anything.

Me: please i beg you if there is any way i must have offended you forgive me.
He just stood there still looking at me

Me: please say you have forgiven me, so that i can go to heaven. I will die today by 6pm

Yet he said nothing. I noticed he was struggling to stand straight but he was just staggering. I looked at my watch and saw the time was 05:45pm. So i left the drunk guy alone and hurried away because there was no enough time and i need to ask for forgiveness from as many people as i will meet on the way.

Soon we arrived at the place i was to die. It was an express way and so vehicles plying that road are always driving at high speed. I looked at my watch and it was about a minute to 6pm so i refused to cross but mat and Taw crossed. They stood on the other side waiting for me to cross but i just kept staring at my watch. So Taw began to cross over to my side in other to help me.

Immediately the time struck 6pm, i walked into the middle of the road and stood there. Were it not for Taw that came back for me, I'm sure i would have been hit by cars because where i stood was around a sharp corner so vehicles coming can't see me unless they passed that corner and by then it will be too late to stop the car. But Taw grabbed my hand and quickly pulled me. That was how the accident was averted. On seeing that we were on the other side, i became happy and began dancing. Mat and Taw held my hands and dragged me.

We got to my house and i saw my younger brother and some of our tenant's children playing ludo. That voice came back and told me to ask for their forgiveness because i will die in my sleep. So i went to them and began to ask them for forgiveness.

At first, they were confused about what was wrong but mat told them that they saw me on the way i was drunk and they found a wrap of weed in my pocket. On hearing that, all of them playing ludo realised i was high and so they began laughing at me and that attracted people around so they came to find out what was going on.

On hearing what happened, they also joined in the laughing at me. Mat and Taw took me inside and lay me on the bed and asked me to sleep. I begged them to make sure they tell my grandmother what happened but they said no. I closed my eyes and began sleeping so they left.

Immediately they left, i called my sister (last born) and told her to make sure that she told our grandmother that i smoked weed.

Now, there was this guy in my hood name Gutty. Everybody calls him pastor Gutty due to the way he lives his life- a very good Christian who is always quoting bible verses to anybody who happens to be in conversation with him.

..... As soon as Gutty heard about my weed incident, he rushed to my room and started praying and casting out the demons in me that was making me to misbehave.
Not to long, i heard my sister yelling at the top of her voice

: Mumsy, Gofwane has smoked weed

As soon as i heard that, my mind immediately calmed down.

Mumsy: shut up. Who told you that?

Sister: he told me that!

.... On hearing that, my granny rushed to my room to confirm what my sister said. When she came and saw it was true, she began scolding me, telling me of how I've disgraced myself and our family in the hood. All i could do was just looking at her. After the rants, she sent my sister to buy peak milk for me. I drank the milk and slept off.

That incident Taught me many lessons but the most painful one was nobody wanted to associate with me. Anytime was with a friend, his mother will or send his sister to call him away from me so that i will not influence them.

I became depressed and lonely. I hated myself.

The only person that stood by me was my grandmother and one of our tenant's son, Jacob. Despite the warnings from his mum, he kept hanging around with me. We will go to a viewing centre to watch football or movies when there is no match. That was how i was able to overcome the depression.

....to Jacob, wherever you are, may God bless you.



Guys, this was my experience with weed and i'm sure non of you would want to have similar experience.

DON'T DO DRUGS!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading.

...............THE END ..............

Contd....

After successfully stopping my life from not leaving my body, we walked on till we got to a bridge. Mat and Taw crossed over but i refused to cross. They turned back and saw me standing on the other side

Mat: what is it again na? Shey you will not cross?

Me: no. Until that woman leaves that place.

They turned around to see the woman but there was no one on sight.

Taw: there is nobody here, let's go

Anytime i made an attempt to cross, the old woman will raise her cutlass high in the sky and begin to wave it violently waiting for me to come.
There was nothing those guys didn't say to convince me to come over but i refused. To make matters worse, people were accumulating behind me waiting to cross but i neither crossed nor allowed them to cross.
Suddenly, mat and Taw came back and tried to force me to cross but i was stronger than the both of them, so they started pleading with people to help them. Within a few seconds, I was up in the sky struggling to come down but i couldn't. And that was how i was forcefully moved across. But i didn't see that old woman when i looked around.

Guy: what is wrong with your friend?

Mat: we don't know. We just met him like this.

Guy: na wa o. What could have happened to him na. Such a fine guy and well dressed.

Just then i dipped my hand into my pocket and brought out a wrap of weed and a box of matches. On seeing that, all the people around began laughing while some market women rain curses on me

Hi guys, i wanna begin by apologising to you all for my sudden disappearance. What happened was a guy borrowed my phone to transfer some files not knowing that it was a lie. He removed my phone's screen to test another phone with it but was not able to couple it properly, and that was how the phone got damaged.

I'm back online now and i spent the day typing the concluding part of my story. So, I will conclude my story today.
Update dropping right now..........

Stephenfowoyo:
Gofwane wee you nor continue thee story again?

I'm back

kayjay007:
Following....thumbs up Gofwane

I'm back

mikefem58:
Gofwane we are patiently waiting...

I'm back!

mhisbliss:
bad belle is allowed

I'm very guilty of this

PureWaterNylon:
Hahahahahahaha... See As I Just De Laugh Since... Guy You Be chronic Street Guy

pu7pl3:
Gofwane you and real madrid made my night

that's great!

Contd....

I got tired of squatting and crawling and began pleading with them to slow down their pace. They turned and saw me on the ground they were surprised for a moment and then they started laughing. But none of what was happening appeared funny to me.

Mat: why are you still squatting down?

Me: so that i can pass through the hole

Taw: but we have already passed through the hole nah

They helped me up and i began to walk normal though i was still limping. We approached a group of ladies and in my mumuness, i devised a plan to catwalk pass them so that they won't notice that i was limping.
I began to cat walk in front of them, i even tried to be shake my ass. The girls burst out laughing and then cheering me to further encourage me. Mat and Taw were also laughing very hard. After we passed those girls, my madness changed to gear two!

I saw my life leaving my body I ran fast and grabbed the life and put it back into my body. But the life still escaped again. I chased it and caught it and fixed it back, but this time i i made sure i held it tightly by crossing my both hands across my chest in order to block the way if my life decided to leave my body again.......


To be contd...........

Contd.......

Me that was always forming baddest immediately humble before Don gee. My voice was trembling

Me: we want to buy dope

Don: who send you?

Me: nobody sent us

Don: if i find out that you were working for the police, i will personally visit you one after the other at your house and chop off your heads with this sword.

Mat: i swear no body send us. We came on our own.

Don: how many wraps una want?

Taw: 6 wraps so that we go share 2, 2

He picked up the bag and brought out 6 wraps of weed. We paid him and left for another mountain that is closer to our school.

We got there and had to walk around to find the entrance to the place because it was fenced and a building is being erected inside, but no sign of the people doing the building work. I think they must have closed for the day because it was evening already.

We all sat down and began to roll 1 wrap each. Now the truth is that i was scared of weed due to experience before but i wasn't gonna jonze in front of this small boys that have been looking at me as their role model.

Within few seconds, they were done rolling and lit their's but i was still struggling with mine. Mat sensing that i was a novice (not everyone that smokes weed know how to roll it) handed me his own and collected mine. We continued smoking, gisting, and laughing that i got carried away and began to drag it deeply and exhaling the very thick smoke. Mehn, i was really enjoying myself. Kai! Anybody that says weed is not sweet is a big lier! Oh God, is this what I've been missing all these while?

Suddenly i felt like someone used a hammer to hit me in the middle of my head to the extent the weed i was holding fell down.

Taw: why you just dey throw your smoke on the ground?

Mat: this is the third time he is doing that

But they noticed i wasn't paying any attention to what they were saying. Rather, I'm staring far into the bush ahead.

Mat: what are looking at?

Me: i know that old woman that is cat walking over there

Taw: but there is nobody over there nah.

Me: look very carefully she's over there...

Mat: this guy don high o

Me: (tapping both of them to pay attention) look, look, she is pulling off her clothes and waving at us!

They burst out laughing again and then mat said we should be leaving now because the place is getting darker. I managed to climb down from the rock not without falling down twice and twisting my ankle in the process. I began limping as i walk.

At the bottom of the rock, we decided not to use the gate because it was far and there was a hole on the fence close to us. we can pass through it but we will have to squat down before we can be able to pass through it.
Mat went first, followed by Taw, i was the last one. I squatted and crawl out to the other side. But instead of me to stand up after coming out on the other side of the fence, i continue squatting and crawling behind mat and Taw who were busy talking not knowing what was going on behind them

To be contd.......

Typing.....

Oyindidi:
what about the guy the nurse gave injection. Tell me

you mean dach? Well, after the death of Gan, everyone of went into hiding and leaving on a low key. That was how i became a church goer until i met mat and Taw