₦airaland Forum

One day, Baba Iyabo visited a primary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''

"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Skippy, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, my dear. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No, boy. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and the 1st Lady were in a fighter jet and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

, "a man watched helplessly, his 6 children being killed yesterday in the demonstration by d rioters".

sum1 tell me wat could b worse dan dat situation?

i must really thank nairaland 4 creatin such a forum where nigerians all over d world can meet, interact n share views with one another. a member's topic jus gave me an idea of my situation as well.

durin d bank merger thingy in 2004/2005, i got a share offer 4rm ASSURANCE BANK PLC where they offered shares at 80k per share. i bought sum shares in january 2005 n still havn't received a share certificate til dis very date.

can sum1 tell me what step to take n how 2 go about it!

1 luv!!

it makes no sense takin d lives of innocent people that had nuttin to the wit d drawings in d 1st place. similar cartoons hav been made bout our LORD JESUS CHRIST (sum still even go on till this day) and yet, how many xtians hav u heard started an unnecessary disturbance for that cause.

d muslims do not have d same belief we hav n that's y they react over lil things. to them, life means nuttin. they believe when u die fytin in a jihad, u'r on your way 2 heaven. personally, i don't kno how things look lyk on d uda syd because i havn't died before n people i kno that hav died, hav not brought forth any news about d land beyond.

NIGERIA needs serious prayers. d year is jus 2 early 4 too many things to b goin wrong. imagine NIGERIA 2 b d 1st African nation 2 b hit wit bird flu (1st attack to the northern part), n now it's cartoon riots (northern part again).

this is not d tym 2 segregate. we need a solution. where 2 or 3 r gathered, the LORD is in their midst. we r in d number of millions. let us cry out 2 GOD in 1 voice n it would not take long before d BLOOD OF JESUS washes away all d dirt from d nation.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

NB: i sympathise with d families who hav lost loved ones in this cartoon riot.

Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says: "When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."

The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bulls**t. I gotta go home and f**k the cat."

since a girl raised this issue, i wldnt b so sure of what to say to her. SINCERELY, i can tell whether or not i am in love wit a girl after we'v made love. my signs after d 1st tym;

i think about her often
i always want 2 see her
i miss her 2 much when we r apart
when we'r 2geda, i always want her close to me
i make it a point of duty 2 call / sms her everyday weda or not there's airtym on my econet / glo lyn
afta everytym we do it, i always want her more
i say "I LOVE U" 2 her wyl lukin directly in2 her eyes

i shldnt b judged cz no1 on nairaland is innocent or do i say, a 'V'.

1 love!!

a student who was running late to school for a lecture had to find a way to get to school. he had no money so he couldnt board a bus. suddenly, a plan came to his head. he stopped a bike and asked him to carry him to the campus. the charge was N350. very close to the school, the guy told the bike man that he wanted to pee by the big bush close to the school. he was greatly pressed. he got off the bike and shouted in whispers

BOY: Skidoo! Capone! i don carry am come o! and the Okada dey new!

the bikeman quickly sped off and the boy laughed his way to the lecture.

hey tya girl, wat's poppin? u dropped dis topic on d day u registered n u neva came back 4 solutions. maka y na?

neway, i believe there r 2 instances in dis case of d fella. he's either flirtin wit u cz he jus wants in n out @ ur call lyk me "now" or he's jus 2 shy 2 let u kno how he feels lyk me "then". if u think u'r smarta dan him, try 2 get words out of his mouth 2 b able 2 check his intentions.

1 luv!!

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off
his
clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by
him
and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his
erection,
comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob
replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me

explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you

called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays
down
on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way
with
her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down,
and
farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a

firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says:
"Sir,
did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man:

"You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you
called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him
over
the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked

receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key.
You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only
been
here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our
facilities, "Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a
hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

my dear tinuke, no matta how good or how bad we look there's definitely someone out there that sees us as perfect. if it disturbs u too much bout how u look, den u should lemme b ur mirror n i'll tell u xactly what u want 2 hear.

1 luv!!

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

hey liz, i mus say u'r d prettiest girl i'v come across on nairaland. but i still want to be sure if that's you on your profile. i mean, with all that body on you, you've got to be more than 17. on the other hand, we have pps of these days growing faster than speeding bullets. why don't we talk more here b4 we go in2 pvt issues later. or what say u?

1 luv!!

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

A chinese student was involved in a fight and got beaten. He then ran to his master;

Student: Master, Master, dem beat me
Master: Dem beat you?
Student: Yes, Master
Master: Take me to the people wen beat you

The student took the master to the people who beat him and there they were, some GIGANTIC fellows.

Student: Master, see the people wen beat me
Master: This people beat you?
Student: Yes, Master
Master: Osallobua no go let you put me for wahala!

A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that his wife has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter. She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet he tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually a name of a horse that he bet on that day and won £40. She seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to work. When he got home that night, his wife had the hump with him again. asing her what the matter was now, she replied "Your horse phoned."

A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.

"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.

So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.

At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the f**king pots!"

@GL hey girl, i love your naija jokes. baby, you too mush. holla @ your boi sumtym.

1 love!!

i don learn sumn 2day 4rm dis story, esp. me wey lyk 2 dey put my "ID Card" insyd pocket. jus imagine how my guy 4 rush d owola had it been say dem giv am shance. i luv dis joke, man!!

A girl sucks a man's D**K 4 N500 per inch. If she got N8,000 including N1,250 for a job well done, how long was the D**K?
Send in your answers before the entry closes to qualify for the raffle draw!!

A man was making love to his wife after returning from a journey when he said "Mama Junior, dis ur thin don dey sweet o". She replied "na so people dey talk since u travel".

The yoruba guy in a fight keeps dancin n shoutin "I go slap u o! I go slap u o!" and doesn't do anythin.

The warri guy in a fight slaps u many times and finally warns u "I go slap u o!".

disney, u 2 mush. i 4 jus lyk kno weda osakwe na stunnin beauty. i hail d whole of BENDEL 2 NIGER-DELTA, lands of action ppl.

1 luv!!

all dis shildrenses r murder english without pities. no wondering onyiocha is run commot 4 niggeria 46 years away.

MR. POWERED, u wan kill person wit laugh? y'all peeps is crazy in ere, man. i'll rate dat as my "Joke of d quarter". let's c if it makes it as joke of d year december 2006.