₦airaland Forum

Being taken for granted.

larryjonze:
ALOL !! how !! just becos i didnt write "Madam" in full CAPS
I can't help not to notice how you've shown respect in our convo, and i must say i love your personality hence why i find it hard to disrespect you ... sho get now

Yimu. I smelt sarcasm.

No reason to be disrespectful especially to someone who isn't disrespectful. Not the average NL guy that is quick to talk nasty to ladies. My responses to insultive comments are double doze. But this is my default mode.

mariahAngel:
Well, I pray they stay happy and grow old together, with their children and grandchildren.

Harry deserves to be happy, Meghan too deserves to be happy.
I hope they make each other happy.

Amen o.

I hope for the best for them. We don't want to read ugly stories on the tabloids later.

larryjonze:
Every ones deserves respect but i just called you "Madam" and from your outburst i can tell it didnt go down well with you
Pick two random pictures of a male and a female on SM, from how they pose you will see one is seeking for respect while the other is appealing for love.
men get respect by showing love while women get love by showing respect eitherways we get respect. women understand love better men understand respect better ...are we communicating

Even a slow person will deduce that you didn't refer to me as madam out of respect .


No we are not communicating o. Men and women love respect and love. See Yoruba culture, it is the ladies that fight more to be called aunty by younger ones and inlaws than men.

larryjonze:
Madam, i am not surprise you took it the wrong way, but don't get me wrong everyone (male/female) deserves respect, but we feed in different forms.
lets just say one feed in liquid form while the other feed in solid form.

Ephesians 5:33, KJV
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Men are receptive to respect just as women are receptive to love, if a man truly loves a woman he will respecf her and if a woman truly respect a man she tends to love him. giving one another what we understand is called communication, communication they say is key in every marriage. sho get.

Oga, I took it as you said it that respect is for males. Weren't those your words? You wrote something and now turn around to say I am taking it the wrong way.

You are quoting a verse about husband and wife. What about generally?

1Peter 2:17

"Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor"

Everyone is receptive to respect and love. Will a child kneel down and greet her mother and stand and greet the mother because only men are receptive to respect? Respect is for everyone o

BRATISLAVA:
His mother was also irrational and temperamental. Just because she was beautiful didn't make her perfect, as the media never puts her deplorable acts out there. Most of her choices were never well thought out. His brother who doesn't take after her is more balanced.

He might have taken that trait from his mum, whether it worked out well for her or not.

My.point is that it might not all be Meghan's idea to cut ties with the royal family. At least he's not a zombie.

larryjonze:
Respect they say is reciprocal, in yoruba tribe women are training to respect the inlaws irrespective age, the focus is on the wife because the husband people feels the woman is an outsider, so the wife is expected to earn respect by respecting her inlaw first.
what a woman need is love & likeness not respect, all it takez for your inlaw to respect you is likeness so women should know what to fight. respect is for males.

Respect is for males? That is the "wrongest" thing I have heard. Women are not to be respected? Where did you even get that from?

I know about then Yoruba culture. My brother's wife is Yoruba and we don't feel she's an outsider. She's part of the family.

Respect is for males

mariahAngel:
Why wait till he got married then?

Cutting off ties with his family after getting married was and is selfish of him. He only used them for emotional support for as long as he needed them. Now, he wants "freedom"?

Let's hope it doesn't backfire on him.

Probably marriage made it more glaring that he needed privacy and freedom.

How long do we think the marriage will even last? If it backfires, he will face the consequences himself

mariahAngel:
Why wait till he got married then?

Cutting off ties with his family after getting married was and is selfish of him. He only used them for emotional support for as long as he needed them. Now, he wants "freedom"?

Let's hope it doesn't backfire on him.

Probably marriage made it more glaring that he needed privacy and freedom.

How long do we think the marriage will even last? If it backfires, he will face the consequences himself.

larryjonze:
There is a difference between staying and visiting, when you visit your brother its norm you act like a visitor and seek permission even before you sit down BUT the moment you start living with them, all that visitor charade stops ... you can't be possibly waking up everyday to ask for permission to enter the kitchen or go to the toilet in a house you live, with time familiarity kills formalty
As far as i am concern, there matrimonial bedroom marks the only reasonable boundary.

When I stayed with them for a holiday, I wasn't asking permission to do everything, but only where necessary. You have to respect the woman of the house. And if I was going to have a guest, she would have been aware of my plans.

SmartPolician:
That woman is deceiving that guy

Well, I am not surprised because she is older than him. When elders tell guys make dem no marry slay queens, dem no go hear word. Now see am!

How can I even imagine losing my influence around the world as the Duke of Sussex? For what, exactly? Now, Harry will start getting used to living like a commoner.

I just hope they don't divorce someday. Then him mumu eye go clear. For now, the love is still intoxicating him.

Nigerian ladies should go and consult the babalawo that prepared this strong charm for Meghan because it's extremely potent.

It might not be just Meghan. He has his mother's blood running in his veins. She also wanted freedom from the rigid life.

zealousayo:
No matter the issue, the wife went too far by sending him out. If my wife tries such with my family, she's also a goner.

I already pointed out that she was irrational and should have waited to report whatever problem to her husband.

If your wife is the type that will act that way, that is who you married. You married her with that flaw. You will most likely try to manage the situation

Godoverevery:
So we that have younger one still looking up to us should kill them or disown them because we are married.

At this point I can see you just irrational......how does me having my younger one visiting me means they are putting mouth in my business.

Abeg use your brain a lil now.

You want to kill your younger ones? Why would you have such thoughts?

It seems you have comprehension problems or you are just set in your thinking.

Does having younger ones mean they must cause problems in their elder ones marriages? No sir!

I am a younger one that lived with an older one and I didn't have entitlement mentality or cause any issues in my older one's marriage.

Abeg read to understand and discuss like an intelligent human. You are just talking with so much bitterness and narrow minded mindset, that has blinded and clouded your judgement.

READ TO UNDERSTAND AND THINK IT THROUGH AND REASON..DON'T BE A ONE WAY TRAFFIC.

JONNYSPUTE:
....And this is why most of the time I bash men who can't take control of things in their homes.

If you re my relative and you visit my house,I will immediately put you on the know and remind you that no matter what,you shouldn't exceed nor cross your boundaries. Same way I will put my wife on the know.

Nice!

That's the way to go. You create the balance and everyone maintains their lanes.

JONNYSPUTE:
....I concur. Like I used to say. If we all know and understand our boundaries,there wouldn't be problems in the family.

Keyword...boundaries.

It is not easy for man's family to accept boundaries because of someone they feel has come to reap where she didn't sow.

This is always the issue with some men's families. And some wifes come with the intention of alienating their husband from his family.

God help us all o.

Godoverevery:
I hope you do same to your own brother if he makes life difficult for you...lol

wicked people will never do such to there own even he/she did worst.

Hahahaha...for one, I don't have any younger ones. My husband even talks more with my brothers than I do.

All my siblings even if they are older than my husband respect him and they hardly visit.

Everyone is busy with their lives to have time to chook nose in another person's business. They only know what we want them to know.

May God provide for us all and keep us busy so that we don't have time to trouble another person.

JONNYSPUTE:
...And do you think it was right for to throw his things out without atleast discussing with her husband?

Don't you think it shows a sign of disregard and disrespect towards her husband?

I hope you remembered I said my wife attempted being wicked to my younger brother that came to stay with us before he traveled abroad and when I noticed,I barred all her relatives from coming to my house? Until they all came begging.

I blame the man of the house for such because he is not a man if his wife can do such in his absence.

She was irrational and should have discussed whatever issues with her husband and allow him react.

Living in peace is important. There was a time I stayed with my sister to help out and her husband's sister was also staying. You won't know who was who. Whatever she did for me, she did for her too.

My sister didn't enter their family with wahala and they too treated her like an extra sister. The problem is where a wife is not warm and hospitable or the husband's family has animosity towards her. There will be issues.

As for me, I just do my part and leave what I can't handle to God. And God always exposes any injustice against me. One day we will all come to relate together like one family.

OkuFaba:
truth is bitter

Don't be a robot. Think!!!

This what endsars was fighting...labels like this.

Godoverevery:
Whatever choice you want to make that you and your man business.....As for me whatever reason that makes my family not to have free access to my house yours too can't come period.

You can't tolerate mine ....I can't tolerate yours.

in between only a wicked woman will support a wife throwing is husband brother out....no matter what she has no right to do that.....she only trying to bring hatred btw them.

If only we had the full story. Only a wicked inlaw will make life difficult for a wife in her own home.

JONNYSPUTE:
.... Nonsense and ingredients.
First them never born that woman that will come between me and my family.

You ve narrated this incident before and I remember telling you that such can only happen where the husband is weak.
I also remembered telling you that in Omugwo,it's the wife's mother or siblings that usually comes to help out and take care of the breastfeeding mum.
No matter who comes for Omugwo, that person is there to work . Blame the man of the house.
As for the thread. If my wife tries such rubbish without waiting for me to come back first,then she also will have to leave. If she can be quick to anger,I also can be quick to anger.
When everybodies head is cleared,then we all can come together and discuss.

And I remember telling you that my husband wasn't always home and I was not the reporting type or try to cause division.The times he was around, he scolded them; something I would not dare.

And in a case where the wife's mum is late and mum inlaw is alive, it's common sense to want her around especially when there were initial issues.

Obviously, the op who said he was chased out only narrated the part that favoured him.

Godoverevery:
abi ooo.....is only the husband that are wicked, the wife family are always nice.

Like the wife family don't put there burden on the man too.....you are just biased.

Men tolerate there in law alot that why we hardly complain.

For things like omugwo especially where the wife will needs care, her family is preferable. My pastor once pointed this out in church because it seemed to be an issue in marriages.

There are definitely good inlaws and my eldest sister and many others I know are blessed to have them.

But husbands should be truthful when they know they have troublesome family members and protect their wives from them.

My husband knows his family and tries to shield me from them thankfully. All I have to do is be silent.

Right now you are still speaking from an aggrieved brother's point of view. When you have your own wife, you will understand better. Shalom.

budaatum:
I think you are far too intelligent for this thread. Some want to think the wife was insane and acted without provocation when the brother-in-law who opened the thread was obviously economical with the truth.

Op, please, don't marry so you are your siblings can enjoy your house and pot of soup in peace.

They just want to believe that she hates her husband's family just like they believe most wives do. They don't care to find out the root of the matter. How these wives are treated by their husband's family.

Someone on this thread was already planning how he will make life difficult for his brother's future wife. That is someone that plans to be jobless in future to have time to make another human's life difficult.

Godoverevery:
Like this isn't an intelligent question at all.

What is the meaning of omugwoif you no the meaning then you have your answer
.
She needs there help that why they came.

Sweetheart relax. Stop getting worked up. Whether you think it is an intelligent question or not, it happened.

And it happened that the wife who just had a cesarean was the one climbing bikes to the market and cooking for her husband's mother and younger sisters till they left.

When the wife now has her second child and insists that she wants her own family, someone that doesn't have sense will say she doesn't like her husband's family.

I am not someone who is partial or does eye service. I will pick who makes my life easier over who makes it harder. And I will have my strong reasons and evidence before doing so in such a way that even the dumbest person will understand and agree.

NoToPile:
It is well .

And someone will expect me to allow that kind brother inlaw stay in my home because he is my husband's family. I would rather carry our child and leave and come back when he is gone.

NoToPile:
But why not talk to the person sending the money? Why do In-laws always blame the wife.

If he had done that he would have found out that money was sent.

He was talking to my husband and sending him threats and insults and my husband blocked him. When money is involved, not everyone can think straight.

So when he couldn't reach my husband, he vented on my own WhatsApp.

My husband was so upset that he told me to block him but I did not.

Godoverevery:
I don't have any issh with her mother coming to take care of her sofar she doesn't try to impose her family in my house
if she tells me my mum can't come her mother can't come aswell.

You don't seem to read to understand. I did not mention her mother. Read my question again:

When you get married and your wife puts to bed especially through cesarean section that need care and lots of healing. YOUR mum and YOUR sister are the ones who come to do the omugwo. Who do you think should be doing the cooking for everyone to eat at that time?

Chii59:
I gave you a comprehensive breakdown from a Christian standpoint, even put it in bold, that the lady went to the extreme. But that's not enough for you. I'll tell you why. You have a preconceived notion about women, and that alone blinds your eyes and beclouds your reasoning. And the only thing that'd appease you is if I join you to bash a woman who's side of the story we haven't heard.
When you marry, if you do, do whatsoever pleases you.

If you don't join and bash, he doesn't understand anything you say. I said that in my previous comment. He blocks his mind to every other thing.

Slynation:
I can imagine the embarrassment...I have been in that scenario before when I travelled Enugu but my own case was that I already made arrangements to sleep in a hotel....I only wanted to visit my Uncle's wife so I can give her children the goodies I bought for them,but to my greatest surprise this woman kept on telling me stories of how they went to church since 10am I said no probs, I would check back later, when I was done with what brought me to abakpa, I called her, she said they are still at the church and the program is ending soon (that kinda silent church) Then I noticed it was a game and decided to play along just for fun, At 7pm...I stopped by her gate, it wasn't locked, I called her again, this time around she said the program ain't ending soon that they are likely to sleep over but I picked the feint voice of her most stubborn son at the background saying "but mummy we didn't go to any church naw" My only annoyance was that this was someone I gave a week notice before my visit, someone I normally gist with in the villa during the yuletide period, I was very fund of her son's, one was even my namesake, she deprived me of seeing them, perhaps she thought I was coming over to stay or what, me that cherish my privacy....The last time we met at the villa, I shun her like bad habit, I don't promote nonsensical behaviour

Everlasting church.

Slynation:
This I perfectly understood, but in this case, OP was staying with his bro in a very comfortable house before they married that lady, and now her agenda is to create enemity between both brothers for reasons best known to her, if the young man doesn't have anywhere else to stay, do you expect him to sleep on the streets when his brothers home is enough to go round?? or you think he doesn't have plans of having his own house and Family?? make una dey calm down oO.... because "uwa ne me ntuwari"

That is why I said we don't know the real truth. The op is only telling us his side. What has he done in that house to his brother's wife to warrant such hostility.

Soneone who feels entitled to all his brother owns. You sef calm down. Inlaws had lived in peace with their brother's wives and moved on. What are the factors involved here?

Godoverevery:
Only a foolish man will allow such.....no woman can pick her siblings over mine in my house.

if can't tolerate mine ,non of hers will step a foot in my house.

I see that you still didn't understand. But I will let that go. But let me ask you a question.

When you get married and your wife puts to bed especially through cesarean section that needs care and lots of healing. Your mum and sister are the ones who come to do the omugwo. Who do you think should be doing the cooking for everyone to eat at that time?

Richy4:
Oh!!! You got good news and you were hiding it.. Congratulations on the baby... How are you and the baby doing?.. What's the gender?...I am happy for you

You are right that living in peace should not be hard. believe me I love peace alot and anything that will not give me peace... I just avoid that with all my heart. I also love my space too.. in fact, a lot of it...

But what I do not usually understand is... when a man is living say 2bedrooms flat peacefully with his elder brother no issues whatsoever.. Then the elder brother starts catching feelings towards a lady.. The lady saw the situation of things... how they were living... knowing that the young man was a student or was doing a job that can hardly pay the rent.... The lady entered into the house in the name of legally married and wants the young man out of the house.. Starts putting restrictions here and there, acting alfa in the kitchen... She now wants to create a situation where she wants the husband to choose between his siblings and herself.. and u know how dangerous that situation is for any man...

What I do not understand is...she saw the situation of things before she agreed to marry the man right?.. is she not supposed to have brought the issues up before tying the knots so that the man can decide to find an alternative living arrangement for the siblings or call the relationship off.. I bet that's just what may have transpired between OP and the sister inlaw...

Oh thanks...lol. she is 3yrs plus already.

I think the problem is how she is received and how the brother sees her. From his post, he sees her as an intruder who came to reap from what he and his brother sowed.

I have a sister who got married and moved in with her husband who had his 6 siblings living with him in a 3 bedroom flat. He's the first child and he was like their dad.

My sister stayed there till she and her husband moved out when they had their baby. In that little space, they made her feel welcomed and respected her space. No issues about someone taking their brother from them.

Till today, you won't know her real siblings from her inlaws. All just mixed up like 1 big family.

Godoverevery:
But as the husband am expected to understand and accept you picking your siblings over mine

you aiin't sentimental but really selfish....so your siblings won't offend your husband, can he scold your siblings??
am expected to tolerate your siblings but you can't tolerate mine??

You already have your own mindset and you can't even open your mind to what I am saying. You filter what you want and capitalize on it.

I guess your mind refused to read and accept my last paragraph. Let me highlight it for you:

If my husband has a sibling that is agreeable and I relate with better than with mine, I will readily pick that one. I don't need my life harder but easier.


Whatever the case, the house is more of the wife's own than thw siblings whether it goes down well with you or not.