₦airaland Forum

Team foreign wife

[quote author=wwwkaycom post=99929851]I and my family moved to a new area in January. As a result of this, we started attending a new church, a gospel church. Barely two weeks after joining this church, a woman accosted me and narrated a terrible story of her lack and penury to me. She asked for an assistance of just N3k to meet some family needs. I wanted to do transfer to her immediately but she told me she didn't have bank account, I had to walk a distance of about 1km to withdraw from a POS while she waited for me beside my car. I gave her the money and pitied her so much. Two days ago, she came again with another story and asked for N5k, I promised to find her 5k by tomorrow Wednesday. I later told her story to the church secretary to see if people can join me to raise some money for her to start a small business. This man told me to stop assisting her because its just a bad habit which the church had warned her against several times. I got to know that her husband who she claimed is jobless is actually engaged as a bus driver and tries his best in providing for his family, I also learnt that the stories she told me are the same stories she always tell new comers who she think are comfortable enough to continue to siphon money from. I also learnt that the church have assisted her in starting business twice and she ran the businesses aground on the two occasions. I felt so bad after hearing these about the woman, the church secretary even called three families who this same woman have related to in like manner before now, they just shook their heads and told me to stop giving her money. They all said that's how she usually start small and build up the amount She'll ask for gradually. I was even told how she wrote to a particular family that have relocated abroad and told lies about herself and got up to 250k before the church's pastor could get to know. What manner of a woman could this be? Unfortunately I've promised to give her 5k tomorrow, should I go ahead to fulfill my promise or tell her all I've heard about her? Should I allow the church secretary to call her and warn her as he suggested he'll do? I'm confused![/quote].

Op not every giving is of God or will be rewarded especially when you know you are not giving to a fertile ground. The church has already told you how she has been scamming members of money and you still want to reward her.

Please give to who really needs it not a leaking basket. These kind of people are common in churches. They will pass a note when it's offering time to beg for offering money. Yet if you give them, they won't drop it as offering.

pozehnani:
Why is the church who is suppose to give her discouraging you from giving her?

Give her the one you promised her. If it's within your power to give or help her establish a small biz like you suggested, go ahead.

Did you read the post? The church has given her twice to start businesses but she ran them to the ground.

They have already told op her Mode of Operation and you people are still saying he should waste his money

1Sharon:
Will you let them be if they refuse to go to church one day?

If we get to that bridge, we will cross over it.

descarado:
I know a family of Muslim husband and Christian wife.
They agreed not to indoctrinate their kids until they are of age to reason. Any one they chose is their choice and the parents will be ok with it.
So many of them.
Let children be free and make up their mind as adult if they actually want to do religion.
My parents gave me that choice.

It worked out for the Muslim and Christian couple to let their children be nowhere till they were of age.

But for me, my husband and I are Christians, are we to leave our kids at home while we go to church? No. We bring them up in our faith and they learn from there.

That's how my parents did and it worked out for all 6 of us.

descarado:
I and my husband don't do religion. Our kids are perfectly fine even in foreign country. Very well behaved.
Parenting values are not coded in any religious books. That was what you were deceived to believe. Before middle East religions, there are ethics that govern where you came from. Have they been replaced by foreign dogmas?
Your parents and culture handed that to u, make use of that.

You and your husband are one in the no-religion lifestyle, so you are in agreement. But if the op being a Christian wants Christian values taught to his children, an atheist wife cannot do that.

It's better he finds someone of the same belief with him.

One unfortunate lady will go and marry this one and be praying every night for God to make him faithful; not knowing that he has destroyed his life with brothels.

Don't give it to her. You are encouraging her scamming attitude by doing so even after the church has told you how she had done the same to new families.

Wives need to be interesting and adventurous too. They should make those intimate times special.

But then, those side chicks are just trying to keep their spot. Marry them and the story changes.

Incognito403:
Sorry ma, which house chores do modern wives do? Better still, which house chores are they capable of doing?

Lol...i work and I also do chores at home cos I don't have a help. Thankfully, hubby does chores too without being told; bath the kid, sweep, etc. Doing dishes is not his strong point though.

And my money is not just mine...we plan finances together.

Reex12:
pls lets remove sentiment and answer this question, IS IT A MANS JOB TO DO CHORES?
how selfish can u be, so a man will work morning-evening(mosttimes late in the night) and still come bck and do the chores so what is your work in the house then? to sit dwn and wtch zeeworld from morning till night and open ur legs like a lovepeddler

I think he's talking about a woman that also esrns money (works morning till evening too) but still comes back to do all the chores.

crackhaus:
That comment was sarcasm through & through...

At the end of the day, OP's sister isn't an angel either.

I see.

Not an angel but smart enough to know that move would have been a wrong one.

It's just sad that she had a mummy's boy as a fiance

SweetCunt97:
my dear one baby consumes almost 20k per month not to talk of 3. She cant breaetfeed them all na. Baby food is now expensive sef

Babies are not cheap to maintain; feeding and grooming. When you have of same age, it's a big task, no passing down clothes from one to the other because they are same age.

Plus that 25k is also meant to care for the needs in the house for husband and wife.

Babe it's a lot. Op has a tall task.

Duru9:
Tomorrow this child will be this (Dangote)
Tomorrow this child will be that (Bill gate)
Y'all forgot that the child can still be (bandits, boko haram, ritualist, kidnapper, cultist)

Make una no de bring the idea of tomorrow child fit be this jare



At OP if she wants to leave you with the kids let her go
Get a sister to take care of your kids for you
Atleast you've got kids already no need to marry again just hustle and make sure you provide for them

Unless you too wan dey useless like their mama

You guys are hilarious on this thread. Which sister will leave her life to come and take care of 3 children? Is it that easy? And if he is to get a help, she won't collect small money.

If there's still love between him and his wife, let them put heads together to find a way to make more money because money is the problem. Feeling frustrated and engaging in fights daily will not help them.

Kriss216:
A woman you're giving almost 50% of your monthly income and she's still not satisfied is not the right one for you, bro.



Channel your energy, time, finances on your kids. That woman will never give you happiness.

For triplets, it's like you don't know what you are saying. Not when that 50% is 25k. If you have had one baby, you will know that 3 at once is a heavy load.

Draslo:
I curse like pure water. Sorry for that. Reason being that since they're building, they wouldn't have to worry about also paying for rent. When my dad was growing up, his parents weren't super rich but they had a huge home and all his step brothers and sisters had a room each. Except for the women, all of them started their families in their respective rooms before moving out at some point. I was four when my folks moved out and rented their first ever flat at Adeniyi Jones. I guess the world isn't the same anymore

I understand you. It was convenient and the couples obviously agreed, not like your grandma insisted that it is a must when they had another choice.

When my brother got married, his wife stayed with us in our family house till they were able to afford a flat and move out. It was not because my mother said they must stay there first like it's mandatory.

Some mothers still want to control their son's lives when they get married and it is very wrong. I learnt from my mum. She knew how to mind her business and let everyone live their lives as adults. So I don't get it when a mum is forcing herself into a space.

Draslo:
They're not staying there forever ooooo!

It is not a good place to start from.

Draslo:
For good reason. Good fuckingg reason

What reason? And please if you're going to curse, don't respond.

Draslo:
You're being ridiculous. What's a sacrifice of living in your mother's house with your wife for a while when you're sure of a reward of a brand new house? You people have shallow thought processes. Are all MILs evil? Maybe their relationship will even get better for it.

I know living with folks is weird but if it's for good reason, then it's worth it.

This is not about MILs being evil. A newly wedded couple need their space to be able to bond well without interference. This kind of arrangement rarely ends well.

It breeds contempt, bitterness, hatred. When you fight, your mother is aware and is likely to take sides. You need to fight and settle on your own. Get to know each other on your own without someone hovering over.

God that said that a man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife is not foolish. Is the promise of a new house tied to living with her first? Why?

Marriage is hard enough, to now have to stay in another person's house straight after tying the knot is not advisable. To you, it is your mother so you feel at home. But to her, she is stranger, a guest in that house. It can't be her matrimonial home.

Draslo:
There's nothing behind it. Go and rad the initial thread

I followed the initial thread last year.

Imagine my MIL insisting that we must come and live in her house first after getting married, I would have cancelled the wedding too. In which culture is that done or what verse in the bible supports it?

I blame the guy for not having the wisdom to make sure his wife and mother understand each other. He too was leaning towards staying with mummy. I don't think he was ready for marriage.

cococandy:
Why does she want to live with them so badly?
Where is she staying now?

She wanted the DIL under her so that she can still be controlling tins with her son. When the DIL is in her own house, mama cannot just come and call the shots

[quote author=Draslo post=99830169][/quote]Mummy's boy

viceddy95:
Your sister will one day become a mother-in-law and she will reap the seed she sowed.....

I blame the guy for allowing a woman rubbish his mother by deciding if the woman is free to stay with them or not...

What seed? By insisting they must stay with her? Where is that done? We must be able to decipher when a mother is being unreasonable and stubborn. Not every act of a mother is out of love. Some is out of selfishness. Know this and be free.

That's why some children are under the manipulation of their mother and are calling it love.

crackhaus:
Your sister is the best woman in the world. Blessed is she amongst women.

Hmmm...i would have expected you to be against her. Isn't this crackhaus? Or you been hacked?

Draslo:
Your sister will likely birth sons and if she's lucky to be alive when they marry, she'll be paid back in her own coin, just maybe not the same circumstances. If na Dangote pikin she marry and the son wants his mother to live with them, I can bet she'll have absolutely no problems with it.

Why must she insist that they come and stay with her first? Like there's something behind it.

There's no karma here. MIL just being stubborn and adamant. She will relax soon.

nrexzy:
How sure are you he committed a crime?
Lots of innocent peeps are in jail...

True that there are innocent ones, but it doesn't rule out the fact that there are also guilty ones.

Mariangeles:
Today, the world over is celebrating mothers.

Being a mother is such a blessing, but it also comes with so much pressure, and it takes grace to be able to keep up with the never ending demands of children.

This thread is to appreciate nairalanders who are good mothers (hopefully) to their children. Mamas, even if nobody tells you, you're doing well. It is not easy, but you were made for this.

So, in no particular order, I'm wishing these nairalanders a happy mothers' day. (Pardon me if I don't remember to mention you)

Imalma1 (My conversation with you the other day about pregnancy inspired this thread)
Cutiereborn
Loveymom
Cococandy
Bukatyne
Ujujoan
Breadplanet
Armyofone ( Are you a mum? Because I no sure whether you be man or woman again o )
Descarado (Your monicker always always cracks me up )
Bjprodint ( You're one strong woman)

If I no remember you, no vex o...

I go modify when I remember.

Thank so much . I am thrilled

crackhaus:
Pray to God to bless you and your husband with plenty money before you start giving birth to children.

Improvements in technology and medicine have made childbirth more easy and painless, with little or no complications.

These days, you may even feel more stress carrying a baby to full term than in the actual labour itself.

True. But some factors still get in the way. I was in the hospital 2 weeks back; admitted into the same room with a woman who just put to bed.

After 9 yrs of waiting to conceive, she did. She carried the baby to full term and had the baby. But the baby died the next day.

I was just so shaken that I couldn't just imagine what she was going through.

The wife is a scammer. But that is good for the husband. Now he can get more involved with his kids. Some men don't even want to be bothered about such things.

It could be sweet now but how will it be in the future if it leads to marriage. What values will she teach your kids?

Don't bank on her changing afterwards. What if she doesn't? This is how I used to project like 5yrs down the line before making decisions especially on relationships.

Unless you have the means to pay your school fees. If not, endure till you graduate. When on holidays, be scarce; going on holidays with different relatives or get a holiday job.

The less he sees, you, the less he can frustrate you.

What kind of issues do you guys have anyway?