₦airaland Forum

Buddha3:
Lol.

Forget the impression Nigerians create that Lagos is wild and if you haven't lived there, you never see life. Growing up in Calabar South during the Donald Duke years, you'll have experiences that will make an average Lagosian wet himself. Abi na Bayelsa creeks during the same period? Or even Eleme in PH that year?

It's not possible to grow on the South South streets during those years and come out as a complete adult today, except you were extra tough or had parents who shielded you from reality. Do you have any idea how many University students Donald Duke had sentenced to death by firing squad over cultism, manslaughter, assassinations? Even Donald Duke himself was once attacked at Anantigha while he drove with his convoy. The entire motorcade was sprayed with bullets. It took extra efforts and his own personal juju for him to have survived that incident.

Turns out there's a reason Donald Duke is called "the walking Indian Shrine of the South South".

You're not far from the truth...

These riverine areas were infamous, no doubt.

But you still be Rambo.

Buddha3:
Lol.

Where I wan even start?

2011, I was doing my first year in Unical. Was hosting lunch at the back of the library with three other course mates. Three cultists walk up, slap us around some, take away my two android phones, wallet full of cash and my watch. They just sat two tables away afterwards, drinking with their girls from the content of my wallet. I was so enraged. Got a cab from the main gate to Eburutu army barracks close to Federal housing. A cultist friend with ties to the military lived there. Told him my ordeal, he drove me back to the school, gave me a revolver pistol and gave me a firm order to shoot the leader of the pack anywhere I pleased, once we saw them. Sure enough, these dudes were still on that table drinking with my money. I just stretched out, let one bullet loose to his left knee and the rest scattered. Took back my belongings from his pockets and we left him there, screaming and crying. Of course I was pretty shaken, but that experience left me with a lifelong memory. And I'm glad I had my flesh pound, there and then.

2013, I was out between 10pm and midnight, running my taxi services, since it was one of my sources of income then. This dude charters me to drop him at Nasarawa village around 8miles, Calabar. I always knew that place to be a rough slum with daredevil criminals, just didn't imagine I was ever going to encounter one. We get there, dude pulls a knife and tells me to kill the engine. First thought in my head was having to face the reality of losing my car to a robber. I turn it off, but as he makes to step out through his door, I quickly got my self-defence pistol from under my seat, and since it was quite dark, he didn't exactly get a detailed view of my movements. He walks over and I let one fly at close range. He got it at the shoulder and I quickly reversed and made out of that cesspit. Again, I was glad I learnt my lesson from that 2011 incident. I never went to uncomfortable places or drove at nights without my self-defence gadget I got from that my frat dude.

Got tons of these experiences, but meh! Welcome to Nigeria!

Rambo!

id4sho:
Poor pig , na you b di first to kill pig. Am in Jos, we dey fear pig here. I was gisting with some guys about pigs accident this morning, that the animal will screaming and running to a water pond to cool off after impact... There was a time I was going to Abuja inside VW Sharan, direct Belgium. Driver ran into the pig around bade on 100km/hr. Speed was around 130 B4 slowing down, useless animal just stopped on the road. Naso radiator and condenser burst, I pity the driver

Kai that animal just get as e be on all ramifications.. and to think say the animal dey closest to human anatomy for animal kingdom.. Dem dey use am as test subject for Human medicine... Sharan driver don buy gbese re oo

id4sho:
Ask around, it won't die. After impact, it runs away

🙆 Ewoo.

Okay I did ask already.

2020 I was in Kaduna state. I dey go see one female for Sabo from Ungwan Rimi.. cool evening. Coronavirus just dey start so restrictions of movement never dey in full force with that area.

There's a place called kamazoe after Janrua.. there's a slight bend on the stretch of road that leads to and away from that settlement.

Omo that place get human concentration so I dey always slow down for that bend except na midnight. I dey do maybe 50 or 60 km/h.. imagine how slow I was going to still have caused that much mayhem.

Na so pig enter from nowhere, no reaction time, less than one second no cap.

I smash am, bumper scatter, fog light sope oti lo, people help me gather things dem fit help me gather, say thankGod I no try dodge the animal say I for somersault or hit human being, say I be expert driver, many many talk... Remember corona wahala just start fresh fresh.. with gara gara I enter the car market after Airforce base (I don forget the name). No follow come bumper say na Dubai dey, I buy am and buy fog light too, price with labour and body work for the bumper no be here at all. Motor na ES350.

Anyway moral of the story be say.. after I repair motor, I go back about a week later to that same area wey the accident sup and asked the very same question wey you say make I ask because I was curious; pig sef no die as I dey there... The guys I met there say; Kai say I for wait small as the accident happen, say the animal die about an hour later and say them for let me carry am go at least to mitigate cost of repairs for my motor.. them come dey hail me as i don repair the car and the accident no show.. actually the Dubai bumper fit baje baje like stock and the paint work sat well. Well, as the animal die that night, Dem later use am do better buffet, you know Kaduna people with pigs and dog meat.

Well maybe the one wey I hit fit don dey sick already, who knows! 😎

id4sho:
Pigs stiffnen its body tight before impact. It rarely dies from car accidents. Na ur motor go spoil. Just slow down to zero if you sight a pig

Lol rarely at the scene ehn.. e go still die inside bush, no compromise.

18wheeler:
A pig in April 2010. Dat creature na bast**d. I was returning to Jos from the village, doing about 140km/hr and I saw it walking across the road casually. I dropped speed but by my calculation I would avoid it by swerving a little. All of a sudden the maniac increased speed in order to outrun my approach and …. I practically ran over it at about 90-100km/hr. I nearly went off road but luckily no car was approaching and I managed to stay on the road though I found myself on the other lane. My bumper peeled off the car, fog lamps shattered and one of the beams in front bent. The shocking thing is that before I managed to park, this animal just rolled on the tar, got up and sped into the bush. How did that animal not die? I wondered. Even the villagers were surprised. I just managed to tie my bumper with a copper wire and continued my journey.
My car was a 1999 Honda Accord ex

It'll have died later of internal injuries. 100 kph.

Youngsage:
Haha exactly! That line killed me too 😹😹 I had already seen the guy's picture beforehand, so seeing that comment took me out instantly 😹😹😹

Oh no.. evil evil!

zed7:
There was a time blacks took pride in their culture and heritage like the Asians, Indians and the Arabs, whilst immorality was the forte of the whites.

Today, blacks have thrown their culture and decency away to foolishly follow their white masters whilst the Asians, Indians and Arabs still strive to preserve their culture and dignity. What a shame.

Which Asians, arabs and Indians. Which culture and dignity are they preserving?

Asians that are the greatest perverts with their affection for sneaking up and touching women inappropriately.. how about the historical rape of Nanking? Or is it this new showing of homosexuality or their mad crave for getting under the knife?

Arabs? Arabs and potty potty abi what is it called? With other vices too vast to mention.

Indians?? Haaa... Indians the rape masters..

Oga everybody sins differently. Everybody cast oo

advanceDNA:
Omo..this marriage thing nor be by big yansh, big brezz, and fine face oooooo....... she must have a very great personality...


Baba you try oooo

She has a great personality only because she's disabled.

You can't give what you don't have, she only has the great personality to give. Make no mistakes, people are ruthless.. nobody is that nice 🙂

iTroll:
She's should take lots of folic acid to prevent her child from having Amelia/phocomeilia too

Go and tell her on Instagram.. how she wan take hear am from here abi na us get the Belle? I too sabi housewife

ConfidentialDoc:
Yeah , theyre just anagrams of each other..

😊

ConfidentialDoc:
Low key Ijebu ode

If you switch places with the "j" and the "b"... You get the point, don't you?

Maysdevices:
Sylvester?

Lol!

Don't mind the yeye person.

I legit went to Google to see if I'll find some new surprises this evening on the word 'sylvester' but came up short and instead found myself reading up about a flamboyant-gay black singer called Sylvester who died of AIDS in the last millennium.

Youngsage:

Use fat tie wan choke yourself

It's funny as a passing statement but pocohantas meant that literally 😂

Look the guyman profile picture 😜

.

Maysdevices:
Yep. The contempt is just crazy.

The island is also nothing special as you have said. However I prefer it to most parts of the mainland.

Yes. Agree.

ravensckar:
Sure she does. But I'm suspecting that her source of information is mere 'hearsay' and not borne out of first hand experience. Seeing how she hastily generalized, one can sense the contempt in her undertone from miles away.


Island wey dey give us joy and small semblance of peace and prosperity for Nigeria. Cost of living is expensive, it is always flooded and all the yen yen yen. We love it that way. My sister, only person wey don stay mainland before go understand the difference.

The first part of your message is agreeable. There's contempt in her submissions and she's not doing anything to hide it.

But chief, the rest of your message portrays you as self-absorbed and egotistical. I no lie give you, some of us don see that Island upside down, inside out but we no carry am for head like gala.

VeryWickedMan:
Your brain is really shallow.
The buttons on the dashboard you are used to are all in that screen. Whether na AC or volume control.


Wetin be the point of adding buttons again?
For decoration?!

Nothing can replicate a PHYSICAL music volume control and climate control button! Those two functions can be integrated into the screen but they MUST still be accessible with a physical dial or button, no compromise and you must know why this is... you don't want to be fiddling about in a screen for those functions removing your eyes from the road when you're driving a car as fast as a Tesla. Or are you supposed to stop and park everytime you need to turn up the heater or increase the Aircon in the car? It's a shame if the Tesla do not have those physically buttons. Goddammit niggar, you fall my hand with your reasoning, maybe you were high when you wrote those up there.

VeryWickedMan:
Simple question:
If you love plenty button dashboard, why are you here in an EV thread?

Stop the cap. Teslas are about the only EVs with dashboards that I hate. Audi and Porsche EVs have excellent dashboards. Not to mention Mercs EQS and the rest. You sounded really smart in the other thread with that Samantha lady about bantu and Igbo.. but you're so dumb here, nobody really knows it all.

Average9jaman:
No one knows it all. If we keep an open mind, it will help us learn. Almost every serious minded car maker has jumped on the EV train. It is the future of the automotive industry

Checkout this audi EV dashboard, it beats the tesla hands down, don't u think so?

Beats the Tesla? Tesla dash is out of the question. I've Always hated all Tesla dashs... Too stupid looking for it's price point.

VeryWickedMan:
Typical Nigerian without brain that's why plastic Corolla is worshipped here.

What is the point of a dashboard when there is voice control to talk to your car like its human? That screen alone has more functions than any car you have ever seen with your eyes. No jokes.

That car is solid metal and it will take a trailer or your empty skull to put a dent in it. It is 100% safe in a crash, its technology is unrivalled by any car in the world - Benz, Ferraris, Rolls Royce included.

Do you think everything is about being flashy?

Why you nor go buy box TV put for house as flat screen no get any button 4 body?

Pure cap.

Everything you said is cap!

To begin with, Tesla's are known to be handicapped in the trim and fittings department. So which one be this yeye talk of Tesla's being metallic and indestructible? And which car is indestructible for goodness sake? Not even the almighty G63 6x6 or some other Russian civilian tanks like that.

Secondly, preference is preference and the man wants a fully hands-on dash and that's exactly what I want in a car... I freaking hate the minimalist and timeless ideas car manufacturers adopted in the later years.. irritates me! That's why I'll always be a fan of the Porsche Panamera and the Bentleys and Rolls, true luxury! I love me a car with a plane cockpit and that's how advanceDNA simply is, a car that I can never fully understand so I don't get bored within a week, discover something new once in a while.. you already said he's brainless and e get empty skull because of wetin him want?

Thirdly, the Tesla is intuitive and intelligent and has excellent driver ergonomics but it's not perfect. You said it has more functions than.. than what? What other EVs do you know this man? Have you heard of Lucid Air, Rivian or Rimac? Forget those ones, there are BMW and Volkswagen EVs that are harrasing Elon these days and he's not top of the food chain anymore. Stop the wasteful hype Oga.

Lastly you said, it's 100% safe and all that cap.. dey play oo, with all the battery implosion and explosion on small impact. Those cars are as safe as dynamite. The self driving is nowhere perfect. What's so safe? Crash score?

I welcome the idea of alternative propulsion away from Fuel and other natural derivatives but all you said is CRAP wicked man.

Samantha124:
So all you care about is sex?

You wouldn't have been able to write that up there if it wasn't for sex!

There'd be no space, time, matter or energy associated with you. You quite simply wouldn't exist!

Samantha124:
I don't know why nairaland is giving me a tough time each time I have to post these God damn pictures...🤦🤦🤦

But anyways, here's proof... I didn't even have to go through each article because the evidence is clear.

The sooner you guys accept that Igbos are not Bantu people, the better.

Jagermeister and HeartlessMan, come and see.

Lol you're quite simply too playful for me to show any seriousness towards.

Would've been sweet to toil this soil with you but it's the weekend and I'll be too busy in bed with someone else who's physically present 😜

Dybala11:
Benue is not a territory of Igbo indigenous people, don't mind the dude jor. Benue is in North Central of Nigeria.

Did you read with any modicum of understanding my brother? Benue is not north central bla bla bla.

Is Benue not next to Enugu in modern day Nigeria geopolitically? Is Enugu not Igbo? Can you not sense Igboid in some Kogi and Benue lingua when they speak. The relationship between these groups go skin deep and it's not limited to Nigeria in exclusivity.

The languages we speak in Nigeria share DNA with language all over Africa and even the world like Brazil, Cuba, Israel, Barbados etcetera... Our forefathers emigrated a lot more than we're doing now.. they were mostly hippies and cared less about physical possession(s).

So they moved about like cattle spreading and mixing ancestry in the process. I don't need to tell you about Yoruba ancestry in other nations in Africa, do I?

Samantha124:
But that picture that you posted doesn't prove anything and if you were a historian like you claim, you'd have known all these things that I just told you.

Clearly you're a historian by a mistake..

To nod your eyes dey hungry me.. your gossip partner gave off too much patience racketeering back and forth with you than I'm willing to give in 85 years! He didn't even know when to stop.

Procashtips:
He's the type that say whatever that comes to their mind without thinking it through.

💯

Procashtips:
Please stop joking around.

No lioness can fight off a male lion except that male lion is a juvenile.

That the lionesses are the main hunters for food doesn't make them stronger than the male.

The job of providing food in the lion kingdom is that of the lionesses unless the prey is too tough for the lionesses to handle, that's when the male steps in.

Watch when the male comes around feeding ground, the whole female leave the table for him to feed.

If the female are stronger, how come the male chases them off the kill?

You need to expand your knowledge of the animal kingdom.

Almost like you spoke through me.. he contradicted himself with his last comment about males chasing off everyone else at the buffett.

manoflove22:
.

mr cork, daddyck, mechanic mike, what do you gain in trolling with senseless topics(no offfennse)

That madman has given me so much joy, I can't explain it but I just like every post of his even before I read it.. there's happiness in madness, this dude is proof.

LeftAlone:
Leave that one make him dey yarn opata

😃

brain54:
Use me for experiment how…

Don’t you have family?

Besides who is arguing with you about the supernatural? I only said your first story smells like rotten fish.

How can someone call you to meet him somewhere… then you turn up and wait at the lobby for 4 good hrs without letting him know you are around?

Sounds absurd!

Now, I know the supernatural exists… no doubt. I know some people also cook up stories just to buttress it’s existence.

That your story I am not buying.

I can also pick more holes in it… but I am not going waste my time doing that!

Bro c'mon haba!

Read with understanding and assimilation naw!

Whether the story is real or fictitious, it was well-written and more than made up for even if it was written for a movie.

Now read carefully; he came into hotel, he spotted bros leaving to a room with dark skin booty, he knew what was up and knew not to disturb bros (don't forget that one can wait for a senior man he looks up to for even 10 hours), he chose to chill downstairs and submitted to a plate of peppersoup and live match on TV.. wetin he wan call bros for again when bros know say him dey downstairs already since na bros call am come hotel in the first place.. bros himself say he dey rush to finish with snake lady so he can join him at the bar implying that he knows someone awaits him at the bar.

From the time bros D went upstairs with big yansh snake woman to when bros D was discovered unconscious naim be 4 hours, abi you wan dispute that one again? Could've been overnight if 'Oga left alone' was not around and there was nobody to be worried about him and to discover him in the room haba. Hence why long-throat-peppersoup-chumping man at the bar downstairs go find bros D (wey go pay for him peppersoup) for room..

You go school, try dey use your school fees.. there's no hole to pick here and no absurdity to be seen..

Guinness records go soon tire for Nigerians..

Them go send circular now say Nigerians na family member with Guinness, say we no qualify for the records again. Dem for chill like one year make dust settle but no! We carry fire for body.

You use tape with plum and calculator measure this percentage? 45% first body clap for ya self ogbeni..